by Quinn Ward
“So, let’s find a solution. If I can help I will, you know that.”
“Yeah, but I’m starting to feel like I’m relying on you too much, and you’re already doing me a favor by not saying anything to Mom.” I hated that he’d been put in the position where he had to lie to his wife to protect his son.
“It’s not my place to tell,” he pointed out, just as he had every time I’d worried about how Mom would react when she eventually found out he’d known however long before her. “And my stance on that hasn’t changed a bit. If she asks me outright, I won’t lie to her, but I understand why you haven’t said anything sooner. It’s going to be tough on both your Mom and Gwen at first, but eventually they’ll be happy for you.”
“I hope you’re right.” I let out a heavy sigh. Not for the first or hundredth time, I wished our circumstances were different so it wasn’t this huge potential scandal.
“Now, tell me what was so important that you called in the middle of the night.”
“I’m really sorry about that,” I apologized again.
“No more apologies,” Dad scolded. “But hurry up and spit it out so your mother doesn’t come home and worry something’s happened to you at school.”
Good point. Dad was chill, but if mom knew I’d called home so late, she’d likely be in her car headed down I-40 before we could convince her I wasn’t bleeding out in the emergency room.
“I was thinking about doing something for Gabe this weekend.” I picked lint off our blanket, wondering if Dad would think it was foolish of me to take a break so early in the spring semester. “He has a much lighter course load than I do, and I’m starting to worry he’s going to get sick of me being gone all the time. I want to prove to him that I’m not trying to backburner him.”
“I can respect that. Relationships are always work, and the two of you are still trying to get used to being adults out on your own. It can’t be easy for either of you.”
Hearing him explain everything that had been on my mind so succinctly reassured me that maybe I wasn’t blowing things out of proportion.
“Yeah, it’s definitely not as easy as we thought it would be,” I admitted. While I knew college would be harder than high school, I’d allowed myself to think some of the stress would be lifted when Gabe and I weren’t constantly trying to hide how we felt about one another from the world.
“No, I bet it’s not. What can I do to help?”
I hesitated, still worried he’d think I was taking advantage of his generosity. But I’d overheard him tell countless friends and family members to let him know if they needed a place to stay, so surely the same counted for his only son, right? “Well, I was thinking about heading down to Myrtle for the weekend, but none of the hotels will rent me a room because we’re too young.”
“Can’t say I blame them. With as many students as head down there for spring break, it’s probably the only way they can minimize their risk.”
“Yeah, I get why they do it, but it sucks for me,” I whined. “It’s not like we’re going down there to throw a keg party or anything. I just… I want to get away from campus, leave our textbooks and computers at home, and just….”
“Be with him? Hoping for some privacy?”
Ewww, gross. Thank God he hadn’t come out and mentioned what we’d get up to wherever we wound up staying, but knowing that Dad knew and felt comfortable enough to hint about it squicked me out.
“Yeah—um, yeah. Something like that,” I stammered.
“I’ll see if there’s availability this weekend and call you back in the morning.” Mom hadn’t been thrilled a few years back when Dad got roped into a timeshare deal, but since then, we’d all gotten used to being able to make a phone call and have a condo just about anywhere we might want to take a vacation. I’d never really thought about how convenient it would be until now, and I had a feeling Gabe and I would be making more calls like this until we were finally old enough to rent a damn hotel room on our own. The downside, of course, was Dad would know every time we ran off.
Dad and I talked a few more minutes before he begged off the call because Mom would be getting home soon. I thanked him again and said goodnight. After hanging up, I stared at the dark display of my phone, wondering if it’d be this easy for the rest of our families to accept that Gabe and I were so much more than friends.
At some point, I drifted off, the phone still in my hands and laptop across my legs. I woke to Gabe kissing my forehead as he closed the laptop and moved it onto the dresser. His voice was soft with an edge of concern when he spoke. “Everything okay? Sorry I was so late. Seth needed to talk, so when we got back to the dorm, we sat out front for a bit.”
“S’okay,” I slurred, wiping a string of drool away from the corner of my mouth. The benefit of dating someone I’d known my entire life was that I wasn’t mortified when he saw me in my less than attractive waking state. “Is he okay?”
“He will be,” Gabe said as he started stripping out of his clothes. That’s when I realized I was still fully dressed, so I dropped my feet to the floor and shuffled into the bathroom to get ready for bed. He followed after changing into his lounge pants and we stood shoulder to shoulder in front of the sink as we brushed our teeth. Little moments like these warmed my insides; we were the lucky ones who wouldn’t wander through our early adult years wondering if we’d ever find someone to spend our lives with. The universe had done us a solid and introduced us before we even knew there was a world around us. Being with Gabe was my normal, even if the evolution of our relationship was ongoing.
Gabe stopped with the toothbrush hanging out of his mouth and toothpaste framing his entire mouth. “What?”
“Huh?” I spit and rinsed. Gabe did the same, then took a swig of mouthwash before handing it to me.
“You were looking at me all weird.”
Busted. I couldn’t—wouldn’t—deny that I’d been staring at him. I couldn’t help myself. The time my classes demanded I be away from him made me cherish little stupid moments everyone else in the world took for granted.
I wiped the remaining toothpaste away from my mouth and tossed the washcloth into our hamper before pulling Gabe against my chest. I rested my head on his shoulder, allowing myself to breathe in the faint scent of his shampoo. “I was thinking about how lucky we are.”
“Not disagreeing, but how so?” Gabe slid his hands around my back and allowed his fingers to dip below the waistband of my jeans. The contact had my dick springing to life, but I needed more. Things had changed following our trip to New York. There, we hadn’t worried about anyone interrupting us, there was nothing holding me back when Gabe dragged me to the bedroom every chance he got. Now, I couldn’t get enough of feeling Gabe filling me. There were times I had to remind myself why I was busting my ass so hard in class, because staying in bed with him sounded like a much more enjoyable way to spend our mornings.
“We skipped right over all the getting to know you crap that goes along with relationships,” I told him, curling my hand around his fingers and pulling him back toward our room. Toward the bed. “We didn’t have to find each other and tiptoe around whether or not there was chemistry.”
“I don’t know about all that,” Gabe argued. “Sure, we knew one another forever, but I don’t think it was easy for either one of us to admit what we felt. And then, there’s all the other bullshit that never factors in for most couples. Hell, even now….”
Gabe trailed off, leaving his thought unfinished. The tense set of his shoulders warned me I didn’t want to know what was going through his mind.
He was a master at backing away when he thought whatever he was thinking might upset me, but we needed to get better at communicating with one another. If we didn’t, the minor annoyances would turn into frustrations, and eventually, they’d come out in explosive outbursts that’d threaten everything we’d worked on building.
I let go of Gabe’s hand long enough to flick open the button on my jeans and push th
em over my hips. As I stepped out of the denim, I sat back on the bed and pulled Gabe down with me. “Tell me what you were going to say.”
Gabe shook his head and pursed his lips. “Don’t mind me, I’m just… it was petty and bitchy and I don’t want you thinking I’m pissed off, because I’m really not.”
“Just frustrated?” It was a solid guess and Gabe nodded. “Then get it out, babe. Tell me so we can work through it together.”
Gabe shook his head, still stiff and silent.
“Please,” I begged, pressing my lips to his bare shoulder. “If I’m doing something wrong, I can’t fix it if you won’t tell me.”
“It’s not you,” he assured me. “Not really.”
“But sort of?” Gabe shrugged. “Then talk to me. Let me fix the part of it that is my fault.”
Gabe was silent long enough I was ready to give up. Tomorrow was another long day and I did need to get some sleep. I didn’t have all night to sit here and try to pry the thoughts out of his head. Finally, he let out an exasperated sigh.
“It’s hard sometimes,” he admitted, staring at the floor rather than meeting my eyes. “I had all these ideas of what school would be like, and nothing’s going according to plan.”
“With us?” A pit formed in my stomach. Maybe he was right to not want to open this can of worms, because I was sure I wasn’t going to like what he had to say.
“That too, but all of it, really.”
I felt like I was screwed no matter which way I tried turning the conversation. If I pushed him to admit he wasn’t happy with school, I knew myself well enough to know I’d tell him to quit until he figured out what he wanted to do with his life. That’d mean he’d have to move out and get a job and we’d never see one another. If we talked about what upset him when it came to our relationship, we’d reach a crossroads; one wrong turn and everything we’d finally held in our hands would be gone.
“See, this is why I didn’t want to talk about it,” Gabe whispered as he wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face against my chest. I rubbed circles along the length of his spine, wishing I could do more to help him relax. “Now you’re thinking of all the worst-case scenarios, and I won’t let any of those happen.”
“But if you don’t tell me, everything’s going to keep dragging you down,” I countered. “How about if, for tonight, you tell me one thing that’s bothering you and we’ll go from there.”
“Yeah, I can do that.” Gabe’s words were muffled because he didn’t seem in any hurry to move so he wasn’t speaking into my chest. Wanting to see him as we talked this out, I peeled his arms away from my body and slid back against the wall. He followed and we lay facing one another on top of the blanket.
Although I’d planned to let him choose which worry he confessed, there was one I had to know or else I was going to drive myself crazy right along with him. “What about us isn’t what you thought?”
While I waited for his answer, I traced my fingertips down his arm, memorizing every swell of muscle. How had I missed the fact that he’d been spending time in the workout room? A flash of jealousy had me wondering if he had a gym buddy he was getting all hot and sweaty with while my nose was buried in the books. I pushed that aside, giving my full attention to the man in front of me. I loved him. He loved me. And most importantly, I trusted him to never do anything to purposely hurt me. Finally, he was ready to talk.
“I used to think about how amazing it’d be to get down here, to get away from our families, so we could be a real couple. I hate hiding. I hate lying every time I call home and my mom asks if I’ve met someone. I want to tell her that I met the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with when we were still in diapers and I don’t even notice anyone else, but I can’t.”
“Because of me.”
“Sort of, yeah.” I flinched at how quickly he laid the blame at my feet, even if it was my fault we were both lying to most of the people we knew. “Logically, I know why you’re worried, but that doesn’t make it suck any less. Your mom loves you more than life itself. She’s not going to turn her back on you over this.”
“We don’t know that. And what about Gramma? Being gay is bad enough in her eyes, you know that firsthand. But this,” I motioned between us before resting my hand on his hip. “There’s no way in hell she’s going to accept us. If two boys together is an abomination, what are we?”
“Two boys who’ve loved one another since before they even knew what love was?” Damn him for being so romantic at the worst possible times. “Yeah, she might have a problem with it. So might the moms, but your dad already knows and he’s cool with it. He’ll help us make them all see that we’re not disgusting. Like you said earlier, we’re the luckiest bastards in the world.”
“I’m not ready to face all that yet,” I argued. “Maybe after this semester is over. Definitely then, because there’s no way I’m going to be able to stay away from you all summer, but until then, I need to pay attention in my classes. Can you give me that time?”
“I’m trying, babe, promise.” He leaned in and kissed me, putting every tender word he couldn’t say into the press of his lips against mine. “That’s why I wasn’t going to say anything. I don’t want you feeling like you have to come out or I’m gone. That’s not what I’m saying. Honestly, I’m not sure I could follow through with it even if that was what I meant. You’re the other half of me and I can’t think of any reason I’d ever let you go.”
“Same here.” I closed the distance between us, which wasn’t much since we were two grown men sharing a twin-size bed, and tossed my leg over the top of his. “And if you said coming out to them was a condition for us staying together, I’d find the balls to do it.”
“You’ll get there when the time is right,” he assured me. “And I won’t ever put that condition on us, because I don’t want you to resent me if shit does go south.”
I failed to hold back a yawn and Gabe laughed. He slid one hand around the back of my neck, pulling my head to rest on his chest. “Get some sleep. Love you.”
“Love you, too,” I mumbled. I was almost asleep when I remembered the talk with my dad. I lifted my head so quickly I caught Gabe’s chin with the back of my head as he bent over to kiss me. Both of us broke into a fit of laughter once I made sure Gabe was okay. When we finally calmed down, I pressed a kiss to his chest. “Sorry about that. I realized I forgot to tell you to not make plans for this weekend.”
Gabe groaned, probably thinking I’d been roped into heading home, which meant he’d have to go home too. And that would have to happen, because we’d spent every weekend since the start of the semester holed up in our room and the moms weren’t going to let that go much longer before they came down to check on us.
“It’s not that,” I promised, even though he hadn’t said what was running through his mind. “I called my dad and he’s going to see if we can get the condo in Myrtle Beach for the weekend.”
“Umm, that’s awesome, but isn’t it a bit cold for the beach?”
“Not if we stay in bed the entire weekend and enjoy the view from the window.”
“What about school work?” The way he so quickly came up with reasons we shouldn’t go out of town, I began second-guessing my surprise. Like always, Gabe sensed my panic and squeezed my arm. “I’m not saying no, but I know how much shit you’ve got to do.”
“Yeah, and one of those things is showing my boyfriend how much he means to me.”
“You don’t have to take me on a mini-vacation for that. You prove it every time you look at me or touch me.”
“Yeah, but I want to do this. I think we both need to make a point to keep our priorities in check. And by both of us, I mean me.”
Gabe laughed and kissed me again. This time harder, deeper, his tongue pressing at the seam of my lips until I opened for him. He rolled me onto my back, grinding against me as his fingers tangled through my hair. My back arched off the bed, my body addicted to the way he turned me on. Rather tha
n finishing what he’d started, Gabe broke the kiss, flopped next to me on the bed.
“In that case, I’d be more than happy to skip town with you.” He kissed my cheek before settling with his head resting on my shoulder. “Get some sleep.”
16
Gabe
Helping Seth had proven a weak diversion from everything that had been bothering me since we’d come back to Wilmington. I knew Trevor was buried in classwork, so I didn’t want to dump on him, but the truth was I was beginning to question what I was doing here. Not entirely true; I knew why I hadn’t already quit, and that came down to the man currently sitting in the passenger seat of his Jeep while I maneuvered my way towards the state line. I prayed we could get through this weekend without him asking me again to tell him what I’d been preoccupied thinking about because I doubted he’d be able to understand how close I was to walking away from school. The only thing keeping me in Wilmington was him.
I’d seen the way he glanced at his laptop as I finished throwing clothes into a duffel bag this afternoon. He had a huge paper due next week, making this a ridiculously bad time for us to leave town. He’d argued when I suggested he work on the drive, insisting he hadn’t wanted to bring any schoolwork with him. I knew it was his way of proving he could put me first, and while I appreciated the gesture, it wouldn’t do either of us any good for him to be obsessing about everything he’d have to do next week to catch up. As a compromise, we’d agreed that he would work on the drive down, then again in the mornings while I slept. Once my eyes were open, he would stow the laptop somewhere out of sight so we could focus on one another.
The GPS warned me to take the next left, and Trevor started packing up the mess of notes he had strewn all over the front seat.
“Make some headway?” I asked, reaching across the seat for his hand. He let out a sigh and tipped his head back as he closed his eyes.
“Yeah, thanks for understanding. Hopefully, I’ll be able to finish the first draft when we get back to Wilmington. Then I just have to get through the revisions and have the paper polished by Friday.”
