Finally Us

by Quinn Ward

  Sometime later, I leaped off the floor at the sound of the suite door opening. My face fell when I realized it was only Seth. He led me to the common area and flopped onto the couch next to me.

  “What’s going on, Gabe?” he asked, draping an arm over my shoulder. “Did you find him?”

  “Does it fucking look like I found him?” I spat out, instantly regretting the sharp tone of my words. Seth wasn’t the enemy; he was trying to be a friend. “Shit, I’m sorry. I’m sorta losing my mind here, trying to figure out where Trevor took off to and why. It doesn’t make sense. He knew I had stuff to do, but he didn’t even tell me he was leaving. He doesn’t do that shit.”

  “I… I think I might be part of why he spooked on you,” Seth admitted. My shoulders stiffened and I pulled away from him. There was fear in his eyes as he sucked his lower lip between his teeth. “I didn’t mean to push him, honest.”

  “What in the fuck did you do, Seth?”

  “Nothing, I swear.” Seth kept eyeing the door as if calculating how to get the fuck away from the rabid animal next to him. “He came over to chat while you were doing your thing and he was trying to convince me to talk to Jesse. We got talking about families and… well… I think I pushed him to tell me more than he was ready to.”

  “How so?” I needed to know every minute, meaningless detail. Somewhere in this conversation, I knew I’d find the key to where Trevor had gone.

  Seth told me everything he could remember about their conversation, including the fact that he knew why we were so guarded. Most people wouldn’t give a shit that we were only cousins on paper; as soon as they knew there was any sort of bond between our two families, they’d judge us. I’d been willing to risk that for Trevor, but I had often wondered if he’d ever deem me worth the hell we’d have to survive to find happiness again on the other side.

  “Fuck. I know where he went.” If the dam had broken and Trevor shared this much with Seth, it made sense that he’d feel compelled to tell his mom, too. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if strangers knew the truth but he was still hiding from her. But that didn’t answer the question of why he hadn’t come to find me before he left. Now, more than ever, we needed to be together. We needed to present a united front if there was any hope of the moms accepting that I hadn’t pressured Trevor into anything. “I need your keys.”

  “You’re not taking my car.”

  “Seth, I don’t have time for games right now. Please, I need to get home before he talks to his mom.” I checked the time, realizing he was probably about to pull onto our street. Fuck.

  “You’re freaking out and a bit scary on the road on a good day. Let me get a soda and I’ll run you up there.” Never before had I seen this take-charge version of Seth. It suited him well.

  “Dude, it’s already after nine. If we leave now, it’ll be pushing midnight by the time we get there,” I argued. While I appreciated his offer, I couldn’t put him out like that. But maybe…. “Okay, fine. I don’t have time to sit here arguing with you, so you can drive. But you’re going to crash in our spare room tonight. I’m too frazzled to have to worry about you falling asleep behind the wheel on top of everything else.”

  “Deal. Oh, and since neither of us ate dinner at the party, you’re buying food for the road.” That was the least I could do. When all this shit settled, I was going to buy Seth the biggest steak I could find.

  19

  Trevor

  In my desperation to get away from Gabe and make sense of the conversation I’d overheard, I hadn’t planned very well. I should’ve waited for a call or text back from Dad, confirming they were going to be around this weekend. It hadn’t dawned on me that he might be taking advantage of their new-found empty nest status to take my mom out on dates. Hopefully that’s all it was, because I wasn’t sure I could deal with the silence of my childhood home for the entire weekend but there was no way I was ready to go back and face Gabe yet. I couldn’t let him see how much it crushed me to know he was considering moving out and hadn’t mentioned anything. I wanted time to properly chastise myself for believing him when he said we’d grow⁠—together⁠—once we moved out of our parents’ homes. I’d allowed him to convince me it was unnecessary to worry about our paths diverging, and now I’d been left blindsided.

  I needed to eat, but the thought of dumping any food into my churning gut had me ready to dry heave in the downstairs bathroom. Besides, it seemed Mom had Dad on some sort of new diet, because there was no junk food to be found in the pantry. I opened the fridge on the off chance there was anything more appetizing in there, slamming the door when I realized I’d been staring blankly at the contents long enough for the open door alarm to start beeping at me.

  I snatched a banana out of the fruit bowl and sulked into the front room to scroll aimlessly through the cable listings. My brain, which had been buzzing non-stop on the drive up here, seemed to be completely empty now. There were no thoughts. No emotions. No desire to do a damn thing but hide under my blankets and go to sleep. That sounded like a damn good idea, so I turned off the TV, tossed the remote across the room, and stomped upstairs to my bedroom.

  Big mistake.

  To anyone but me, the room probably looked like a typical teen boy’s domain. What I saw were memories of days and nights spent with my best friend, love creeping into both of our hearts without either of us making a conscious effort. So many times, I’d tried figuring out how I fell in love with Gabe or what I could’ve done to stop it. I never figured out the answer to either. Maybe there were no answers. Maybe Gabe and I were put on this earth for one another. But if that was true, there wouldn’t be this gaping hole in my chest now, would there?

  A soft knock on my bedroom door startled me. I wiped away the tears threatening to fall from my eyes and smoothed my clothes. Hopefully, it’d be Dad on the other side of the door. He wasn’t the type to nurture and coddle me through an emotional breakdown, and I doubted he’d ask too many questions. I could make an excuse for why Gabe hadn’t come home with me and tell them I needed to get away from the chaos of dorm life. Not a total lie.

  I definitely didn’t expect to see hazel eyes so much like Gabe’s it hurt assessing me when I opened the door. Aunt Gwen’s eyes were soft and kind, and overflowing with worry. She didn’t ask if I was okay, probably because there was no way I could deny that I was anything but. She simply pulled me into her arms, rubbed my back, and told me it’d be okay eventually. I sniffled, wanting so badly to believe her.

  “What did my son do to upset you?” She asked. Some things never changed. Ever since we were little boys, both sets of parents assumed that if I was upset or if we got into trouble, Gabe was to blame. “Trevor, why don’t we head back to our house and I’ll make you some tea. I have a batch of cookies I was going to send down with Joel next week.”

  Did Gabe know his dad was planning on visiting us? Hell, he probably did, but we’d apparently lost the ability to communicate somewhere over the past few weeks.

  “How did you know I was here?” Stupid question since it was nearly impossible to hide the monstrous Jeep sitting in the driveway. But she knew I’d be alone.

  “Your parents had an awards gala to attend tonight. We both know your mom would’ve begged off had she known you were coming home for the weekend, so I decided to come to check on you.” She motioned for me to get my shoes on and sat next to me on the bed. “And since Gabe hadn’t mentioned anything about coming home, and he hasn’t been by to raid our fridge, it was a safe bet he wasn’t with you. So, what did he do?”

  “It’s a long story.” One I didn’t want to tell, but knew I’d have to. Otherwise, Gwen would be on the phone, yelling at Gabe to get his shit together. He’d know I was here and he’d find a way to get home even if he had to hitchhike.

  “Lucky for you, I have all night. Come on, let’s go get some tea and cookies.”

  Cookies were Gwen’s answer to everything. Someone picked on one of her boys at school? Milk and cookies
. Someone was in the hospital? Cookies. Someone had a baby. Cookies. She joked that there was nothing in life that couldn’t be resolved with sweets in your belly.

  I shivered as the winter wind picked up. I’d been so distraught about Gabe quitting school⁠—quitting us⁠—that I hadn’t bothered to grab my coat or even a sweatshirt on my way out of the dorm. I grabbed my backpack and keys and ran out before anyone saw me.

  Joel was nowhere to be seen when we entered the Brunner home, which meant he was likely out in his woodshop, working on whatever his latest dream project happened to be. Gwen instructed me to sit as she got to work filling the teakettle. We’d tried pointing out she could get hot water on demand out of her Keurig, but she was a purist when it came to her tea. She didn’t want it tainted by the remnants of coffee, or so she said. I’d learned at a young age that it was best to never question Gwen.

  “Now, tell me what’s wrong.”

  Rather than take a minute to think about how I could tell her why I was so upset, I came down with an explosive case of verbal diarrhea.

  “I thought everything was going good between us,” I sobbed. “He said school was going to be a new start and we could be together and wouldn’t have to worry about what anyone thought, because no one would have to know. And it worked for a while. But I know he’s pissed at me because I’m not willing to be honest with Mom, not willing to be open and out.

  “And it’s not that I don’t want to be those things. You have no clue how hard it is to be so completely in love, but battling this stupid voice in the back of your head telling you it’s sick and wrong.” Gwen looked like she wanted to interrupt and say something, but I plowed ahead. No point stopping now. “He said he’d wait until I decided I was ready, and I believed him. I really thought we could make this work, just until the end of the school year. Then, I was going to tell Mom because there’s no way I’d be able to go from living with him to being shoved back into the friend zone for the entire summer. But now, he’s talking about working full time and moving out, and I had no clue he was that tired of the way things are. I thought we were solid, but it turns out we’re no more secure than sand dunes when a hurricane rolls in. He’s leaving school, and he didn’t even bother to tell me.”

  This time, I didn’t bother trying to hold back my tears. I wept openly for the first love I was losing, the man I didn’t know how to live without. I laid my head on the table and purged all the emotions that’d come flooding back as soon as I saw Gwen. My stomach rumbled and I shoved back from the table quickly enough to topple my chair. Thank god for a bathroom right off the kitchen, otherwise I’m not sure I would’ve made it before my body decided to expel the little bit of sustenance I’d put in it.

  “Trevor, are you okay?” Gwen slowly opened the door and peeked around. It didn’t matter how many times she’d taken care of me when I was sick as a kid, her seeing me this distraught tonight humiliated me. I nodded weakly, regretting the subtle motion when it kicked off a second round of puking.

  Once I felt confident there was nothing else in my stomach, I stood, rinsed my mouth and washed my face, carefully avoiding the mirror. I knew I looked like death warmed over without any confirmation.

  There was a glass of water sitting in front of my seat, any evidence of my sudden departure cleaned up while I’d been gone. And there was Gwen, patiently waiting for me to decide if I was going to head home or sit down and finish explaining myself to her. I sat, unsure if or when I’d work up the courage to say these words again. She smiled softly and reached across the small table to pat my arm.

  “Feeling better?”

  “Not really,” I admitted. I wasn’t sure when I’d ever feel right again.

  “This will pass,” she promised me. “Now, what was this about Gabe dropping out of school and moving out of the dorms?”

  I gaped at her, unable to process her question. In between rounds of worshipping the porcelain gods, I’d come up with a list of questions I needed to prepare to answer. I wasn’t ready for this one.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” she scolded. “While I’m upset that Gabe’s hurt you, your relationship isn’t a surprise. I’ve been waiting for a while now to see when one of you would finally tell us the truth.”

  “I’m sorry, Aunt Gwen. We didn’t mean for this to happen. But it did, and we shouldn’t have lied about it.” Great, I was rambling again.

  “No, you shouldn’t have,” she agreed. “But I’m going to choose to think you were so careful because you didn’t want to hurt DeeDee, not because you didn’t trust the four of us to love both of you enough to get past this.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  Gwen laughed. “Honey, since the day I met her, everyone’s walked on eggshells around your mom. I think, back then, it was because she was still grieving the loss of your Grandma Bonnie. Over time, it became second nature to all of us and it seems we passed that trait along to you boys.”

  Gwen stood and pulled out a stool so she could reach the shelf above the refrigerator. It couldn’t be a good thing that she was bringing out the hard liquor. When she set down a glass in front of each of us, I opened my mouth to remind her I was still underage. “Trevor, if anyone needs a drink tonight, it’s you. And do you honestly mean to tell me you haven’t partied at all since moving out?”

  “Never.” Did that make me pathetic? Suddenly, I felt as though I was missing out on part of the college experience. Maybe that was part of why Gabe had grown bored with me. He spent so many nights waiting for me to get home from study groups, maybe he wanted to be out partying but felt guilty. He wanted all of it⁠—except, apparently, the school part. That, he was willing to throw away without even talking to me first.

  “In that case, I’ll take it easy on you. Am I going to have to ask you again to explain to me what that thick-headed son of mine is up to?”

  I didn’t want to betray Gabe’s trust, but at this point, I didn’t see much trust to worry about. He obviously hadn’t trusted me enough to⁠— No, continuing to run in this continuous loop was getting me nowhere. His mother asked me a direct question and I wasn’t going to lie to her anymore. Not to any of them.

  “I overheard him talking to his boss tonight,” I admitted. It was the first time I felt any guilt over eavesdropping. “It sounds like he’s going to withdraw from his classes and start working full time.”

  “But Gabe hasn’t said anything directly to you?”

  “No,” I confirmed. “He probably didn’t want me to panic until he had his safety net in place. In this case, that means renting a room from one of his new friends who graduated in December.”

  “I see.” Gwen walked over to the counter and tapped out a quick message. I wished she hadn’t done that, because whether she was talking to Gabe or my mom, nothing good could come for me.

  “Have you considered that maybe he hadn’t said anything to you because he hasn’t figured out what he wants to do yet?” Gwen’s explanation made sense. More sense than my own assumption. Hell, maybe I was the one who wasn’t thinking clearly. “If there’s one thing I know about my son, it’s that he’s been head over heels in love with you since he knew what those weird feelings were. He’d rather slit his own wrists than hurt you.”

  “You don’t really think⁠—⁠”

  “It’s a figure of speech, honey,” she assured me. “But the point is, he knows you better than anyone else on the planet, even better than your parents. He’s used to you trying to figure out all of the worst-case scenarios in any situation. If he’d mentioned he was even thinking about this, what would you have done?”

  “Assumed he didn’t want to be with me. Figured this was his way of making a clean⁠—⁠”

  “Uh-huh, go one.” She smirked, knowing she’d won. She motioned for me to continue, but suddenly, there didn’t seem to be much point.

  “I see your point. I should probably call him and let him know I’m here so he doesn’t worry when he gets back to the room, huh?”


  The front door opened and Gwen chuckled under her breath. “It seems both of you boys had the same thought tonight.”

  I couldn’t make myself move to greet him, no matter how badly I wanted to throw myself into his arms and beg him to forgive me for assuming the worst. How did he even get here?

  That’s when I heard him telling someone where to find the guest bedroom. I really freaking hoped he hadn’t brought Jayden or Levi with him. They didn’t need to see what a pathetic tool I was.

  I waited for Gwen to holler for Gabe to get his butt into the kitchen, but she sat quietly sipping her tea.

  Gabe’s footsteps grew louder, echoing off the walls. From where I was sitting, I knew he wouldn’t see me right away. I should be done with listening in on his conversations, but I wanted to hear what he had to say before he knew I was there.

  “Sorry, Mom. I was showing Seth to the guest room.” Okay, that wasn’t so bad. Seth at least had some experience with my brand of crazy.

  “I see, and will you still be friends with this Seth after you move out of the dorms? Is he one of your friends from the coffee shop?”

  “How in the hell do you know about that?” Gabe’s voice was louder now, harsher. “I haven’t even mentioned the offer to Trevor yet.”

  “That doesn’t mean Trevor didn’t hear about it,” I chimed in, no longer able to stay quiet. It hurt to hear him admit that he hadn’t told me about his plans.

  Gabe raced over to me, not giving a damn who was in the room or if his mom knew about us and threw his arms around me. He kissed my neck, demanding that I promise to never scare him like that again. “What are you doing here? I was getting ready to run down to your place but didn’t think you’d want Seth there when you explained to me how I’d fucked this all up.”