Remember Me Always

by Jen Talty

  “Of course.” Gunner nodded, shocked at how at ease he felt with a kid on his knee, like it was an everyday occurrence. “So, do you promise?”

  Davidson nodded with more enthusiasm than a puppy lapping at a ball filled with peanut butter.

  “I can’t wait to hear this,” Arcadia said as she sat on the stoop.

  Immediately, Gunner tensed and shifted a few inches away.

  Arcadia’s smile faded, and Davidson cocked his head, giving Gunner a puzzled expression.

  “You can’t laugh.” Gunner did his best to relax. His son didn’t need to be dragged into a past that only brought pain and misery. “The name my parents gave me when I was born is David Donald Davidson. At one point I was called triple D.”

  Davidson burst out laughing. “That’s a bra size!”

  Out of the mouths of babes. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

  “Your real name is David?” Arcadia asked.

  “I haven’t been called that since I was ten.”

  “I’m almost ten.” Davidson puffed out his chest. “And we could shorten my name to David. It’s a good name, and David Davidson would sound better than Davidson Davidson, when we change my name.”

  The air in Gunner’s lungs escaped, and he couldn’t suck in a deep enough breath.

  “Will you all call me David from now on?” the boy said with excitement laced on every syllable.

  “Perhaps. But right now, you’re late for school. So go back inside, brush those teeth, and get your backpack.”

  “Mommmm,” David whined. “I’ve waited my whole life to meet my dad and—”

  “I think you should do as your told. I don’t live far from here, so we’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other.”

  “You mean it?” Davidson jumped to his feet.

  “Let me talk to your mom, and we can make some plans to go fishing this weekend or something.”

  “I love fishing!”

  “Me too. Now go do as your mother said.”

  “Yes, sir!” David raced up the steps, nearly tripping over his own feet.

  Gunner stood at the bottom of the porch with his hands on his hips, staring at the screen door as it slammed shut. “He missed the bus.”

  “I’ll drive him,” Arcadia said.

  “I want to do that,” he said behind a clenched jaw. “I want to pick him up tonight and take him to dinner. As a matter of fact, I want to spend as much time as I can with him. I’m off all week, and this weekend I have no plans.”

  “We don’t have much going on this weekend, so we can make some arrangements. He has soccer practice on Wednesday and a doctor appointment on Thursday.”

  “I can take him.” The longer he stood in her front yard, staring at her, the more his blood heated.

  “Let’s start with dinner tonight and go from there.” She took a hunk of her hair and pushed it behind her shoulder. “I won’t keep you from your son, but we do need to keep—”

  “You’ve kept him from me for almost ten years.”

  She opened her mouth and let out a gasp. “How dare you? I did no such thing.”

  “Really? Because in one of your letters you specifically stated you didn’t tell my brother, yet you spoke to him. Sent him the letters but chose NOT to tell him about David.”

  “I didn’t think—”

  “When I didn’t answer your letters, you could have told him about David. He would have delivered the message.”

  “His name is Davidson.” Arcadia’s blue eyes turned ice-cold. Much like the day he walked out of her life. “Because you didn’t answer my letters, I assumed you didn’t want anyone to know.”

  “Why wouldn’t I—”

  “Don’t interrupt me when I’m answering your question. I tried to tell your brother, but he said whatever was in the letters was between us. I assumed you didn’t…” she glanced over her shoulder, “…want him.”

  “You know what they say about making assumptions.”

  “All you had to do was open one damn letter. But you didn’t care enough about me to do that.” She shoved her hands into the pockets of her jean shorts. Her tanned, muscular thighs flexed as she shifted her stance. “He goes to School 18 on—”

  “I know where it is.”

  “As long as the bell hasn’t rung, you can just drop him off at the side door in the circle. You’ll see a line of cars. Do you want to pick him up?”

  “I would. Thank you.” He swallowed the shame that smacked his tonsils with a sour taste. She was right. He should have opened the letters. Had he taken his head out of his ass, he might not have lost ten years.

  But he was too stubborn and wanted to blame her a little while longer. It was easier to stay mad at her, since that’s the only emotion he allowed himself when it came to the woman he had once loved.

  Oh, fuck. He had always loved her, but admitting that didn’t change anything.

  “I’ll call the school. You’ll need to bring your ID and pickup is at four, right after the buses leave the loop.”

  “Does he have any allergies or anything I should know about?” He would have known that if he had been a better father.

  A better man.

  “Just don’t let him eat a ton of junk, and I’d like to know where you plan on taking him.”

  “I’ll text you the itinerary.”

  “I want him home by nine,” she said. “And we need to have a conversation about how visitation will go moving forward. We should probably put it in writing. Of course, you’d need to actually read the documents when we—”

  He raised his hand. “Okay. I deserved that. But I want to be in his life. I want to be his father.”

  “You are his father.”

  Chapter 4

  “David, this is my buddy, Declan.” Gunner pulled open the rear-driver side door to his pickup. Screw what his given name was; if the boy wanted to be called David, then so be it.

  “Are you in the military too?” David hopped up into the back seat with gusto, his little body bouncing up and down with excitement as he tugged at the seatbelt.

  Gunner’s breath stuck in his throat.

  He had a son. A concept he still couldn’t fathom, even though his son was the spitting image of him.

  “I’m a Fire Protection Specialist,” Declan said.

  “Wow. That’s so cool,” David said.

  Gunner laughed. “Not as cool as being a paramedic and a firefighter. Besides, I get to drive the ambulance. Declan here just rides in the back of the fire engine.”

  “That’s cool too,” David said. “Do you think I could get a ride in both someday?” David’s big, thick lashes fluttered over his bright-blue eyes like butterfly wings. So innocent and full of life.

  Gunner couldn’t believe that the boy acted like they’d been old friends who just hadn’t had the chance to talk in years, while he, on the other hand, had no idea how to act or even what to say. “I think we can arrange that.”

  “Oh. Oh. Oh. And we’re having a sort of show and tell about our parents and their jobs. Mom comes in every year, but maybe this year you could come talk to my friends at school?”

  “I’d be honored.” Gunner glanced toward the house.

  Arcadia stood on the front porch, leaning against the railing. She had one arm tucked across her mid-section while the other held a mug. She brought it to her pink lips and blew before taking a sip. She waved with a slight smile.

  You are his father.

  The words still splashed about in his brain. She’d said them with authority. It was as if she been waiting all these years for him to simply show up. He had to give Arcadia credit. It couldn’t be easy for her to let her son go off with a stranger—no, he wasn’t a stranger.

  He was a father.

  But still. She didn’t have to let him have all this time with David. She could have been a bitch and told him no. While the Arcadia he remembered might have had a tough exterior, her heart was as soft as a puffy, white cloud.

  “But le
t’s check with your mom first. She might have her heart set on coming to speak to your friends.”

  “Oh. Yeah. That’s a good idea,” David agreed as he raised his hand to his face, rubbing his chin. “Mom would be hurt since I already asked her to do it.”

  “We don’t want to hurt your mom, so maybe next year.” Gunner slammed the gearshift into reverse and eased out of the driveway, heading north. The school was only a ten-minute drive, but Gunner drove a few miles slower than usual, wanting to soak in every second he could with his son. He loved the way his little voice tickled his ears. In an instant, the boy made Gunner want to be a better man. A happier man.

  A whole man.

  The butterflies in his stomach turned to rocks dropping heavy in his gut. He walked through the last ten years without even experiencing a single thing. Sure, he’d accomplished a lot in his career, but that’s all he had.

  He thought it had been enough until he opened that first letter. Gripping the steering wheel, he pulled into the circle of the school, following the line of cars dropping off students.

  “I’ve got an idea,” Declan said. “We could set it up with the school for our entire team to come on a separate day.”

  “You could really do that?”

  “We sure could. We do it all the time,” Gunner said. “That way we won’t take anything away from your mom.”

  “With the fire engine and the ambulance?” David leaned over the center console. “Could we go for rides?”

  “We can’t take the entire school, but maybe we could take just your class,” Declan said. “We’ve done that before for other family members on our team.”

  “Do you have kids?” David asked with wide eyes.

  “I’ve got a little girl and a baby boy, but they are too young yet to be interested in firefighting,” Declan said.

  “This is going to be great, Dad! I can’t wait to see the expression on Blaine’s face when he doesn’t get to go for a ride.”

  “Who is Blaine?” Gunner asked. Who the hell named their kid Blaine?

  “He’s this jerk who thinks he’s better than everyone else. His dad flies a fighter jet, and his class always gets to go to the base and climb on the planes. He doesn’t believe my father is in the Air Force because he says his dad is so important, he knows everything. He thinks I’m lying.”

  “Well, you’re not. And you’ll get the chance to prove it.” Gunner’s heart expanded in his chest. He remembered being a little boy, about David’s age, when his own father came to school to talk about being a cop. He thought his dad had been the coolest dad there until stupid little Jimmy Reed’s dad showed up in his SWAT vehicle. And not just one. He brought the entire team. No one cared about what his father did anymore.

  Gunner had been devastated because Jimmy’s dad happened to pull into the school right in the middle of his father’s presentation. His father hadn’t cared at all. He said bravado would always be a man’s downfall.

  “Be humble, son. Knowing in your heart that what you do is important and matters more than what others might think. And showing off, well, that is a sure sign of a man who doesn’t understand his own worth.”

  His father’s words might be true, and they served him well as an adult.

  But the little boy needed to show off.

  “I better go before the bell rings.” David wrapped his arms around Gunner and kissed his cheek. “See you after school.”

  “Later, little man.” Gunner reached around to ruffle the boy’s hair, but instead, he gave him a long hug. “Be good.”

  “It was nice meeting you, Declan,” the boy said.

  “My pleasure, dude.” Declan gave David a fist bump.

  “Oh, no. That’s Blaine,” David said as he slipped from the cab of the truck.

  Gunner, well aware he had on his Air Force Fire Protection Specialist shirt, stepped from his pickup and rounded the hood. A young boy, dressed like he should be a mannequin in the front of some hipster store, stood on the sidewalk with his hands looped into his backpack straps. His blond hair was perfectly styled like the male models you see on billboards.

  He stood next to David, resting his hand on the boy’s shoulder.

  David glanced up and covered his mouth with his hand. “I should probably tell you that Blaine’s parents are divorced, and his father has been trying to get Mom to go out to dinner ever since we moved here.”

  Gunner tried not to clench his fist, but it proved impossible.

  “Hey. You’re holding up the line,” a man yelled from the shiny BMW that Blaine had stepped from. One more car was parked behind the BMW.

  “Sorry. I haven’t seen my son in a while, and I just wanted to give him a proper goodbye. I’ll be out of your way in a second.” He took David by the shoulders and smiled. “That should take care of what Blaine thinks.”

  “You’re Davidson’s father?” the same man asked as he made his way across the pavement. “We thought he was missing in action.”

  No. Just missing in his son’s life, something he wouldn’t ever let happen again. “I’m alive and well, thank you. And my son wants to be called David from now on.”

  “I’ll try to remember that. I’m Wendel Lawrence.”

  Of all the people in the world, he had to come face to face with this asshole. “I’ve heard of you.” Gunner glanced at David, who stuck out his chest proudly.

  “Most people have when you fly state of the art machines like I do,” Wendel said as if he were the most important person in the world.

  Only, he was under investigation for rape and murder of three women, and it was only a matter of days before Ace could prove that Wendel set fire to his own house.

  Not his angry, bitter ex-wife, who had every right to be pissed off considering her ex-husband didn’t know how to keep his dick in his pants when they’d been married, or so Gunner had been told.

  “No. That’s not where I know the name from.” He tapped his chest. “I’m a paramedic with the Air Force Fire Protection Unit. I was at your house six months ago when—”

  “I’d rather not discuss that in front of the children.”

  David stared at him with wide eyes and a beaming smile.

  “You best be on your way in, son,” Gunner said, much like his own father would have. “I’ll see you after school.” He gave David’s hair a good ruffle.

  “Bye, Dad!” David took off running for the front door.

  “How’s Arcadia?” Wendel asked. “Fine piece of ass, that one.” He brought his index finger and thumb to his lips and made a smacking noise.

  Gunner clenched his hands into tight balls. If he wasn’t in a school parking lot, he’d not think twice about punching this guy right between the eyes. “Stay the fuck away from my son and Arcadia.”

  “Or what?” Wendel asked. “Last I looked, Arcadia was single and free to be with any man she wanted, including me.”

  “Fuck off,” Gunner said. “I’d watch your back if I were you.”

  “Is that a threat?” Wendel asked. “Because if it is, I’ll have you—”

  “No threat.” Gunner shook his head. “But I will warn you that if you go anywhere near Arcadia, or my son, it won’t be Harper and her investigation you have to worry about.”

  Wendel inched closer, their noses only a few inches from each other. “Harper needs to resign. She’s botched up many investigations. No woman, especially a pregnant woman with another child at home, should be doing that job.”

  Harper and Becca took a lot of shit as working mothers and even more because they were in the Air Force. They were both more qualified than most.

  “And you tell that boss of yours that I want the arson report filed. I’ve waited too long.” Wendel poked Gunner in the shoulder.

  He glanced down, taking in a deep breath. “Touch me again and I’ll deck you.”

  “Go ahead. I dare you.” Wendel had the nerve to give him a little shove.

  “Asshole,” Gunner muttered, cocking his fist.

 
“Don’t do it,” Declan called from the truck. “He’s not worth it.”

  Gunner shook out his hand. He had a tendency to use his fists instead of his mouth, and it got him in trouble more than once.

  “You’re a pussy,” Wendel said. “Not man enough for a woman like Arcadia.”

  “That’s it.” Gunner drew back his right arm and punched Wendel in the gut.

  He doubled over laughing.

  “Get in the truck,” Declan yelled.

  “You’re lucky my buddy was here to stop me.” Gunner jogged around the car, climbed in, and punched the gas.

  “Harper’s not going to like you getting in his face like that. This case is hot enough as it is,” Declan said.

  “And if that man had hit on Becca, or his kid was giving yours a hard time, what would you do?”

  “I wouldn’t have listened to the likes of me,” Declan said with a smile. “I’ve always known you were weird, but I never expected to experience your weirdness firsthand,” Declan said. “Either you’ve been keeping a secret family, or that boy bonds way too easily with strange men.”

  “I’m not totally sure about everything, but I think she’s been telling him I didn’t know about him, and she was searching for me all these years.”

  “That’s either the cruelest thing anyone has ever done, or the most genius, because that kid already idolizes you. Now, if I could just get my little girl to feel the same way about me. It’s all, mommy this, and mommy that. Mommy’s the best. And mommy doesn’t even fight fires anymore, but she’s sooooo much better than daddy.”

  Gunner burst out laughing. “You’ve got an infant boy at home to make into a little mini Declan.”

  “He’s only eight weeks old, but he’s already showing signs he prefers mommy.”

  “You’re pathetic. Besides, isn’t your daughter the one who can’t go to sleep unless she says goodnight to daddy?”

  Declan shrugged. “I do give the best butterfly kisses.”

  “This is a conversation I never thought I’d have.”

  Declan’s hand came down on Gunner’s shoulder. “You’re taking all this quite well. Maybe a little too well?”

  “I don’t think any of it has sunk in. It’s like I’m living in some crazy alternate universe. I’m waiting for someone to unplug me and tell me it’s all fake.” Gunner spent a lot of time with the men on his team. The ones that were married, he met their wives and all their children. While he avoided close emotional contact, this had been the first assignment in the military where he could see himself staying for more than a year.