A Woman with Secrets

by Inglath Cooper

  “They’re amazing.”

  “Yes, they are.”

  “Scott said there are few adoptions,” she said, a note of sadness in her voice.

  “Unfortunately.”

  “Can the children be adopted out of the country?”

  “Actually, yes. It’s just rare for anyone to inquire.

  And, too, most of the kids are older.”

  “Which increases the difficulty of finding families for them?”

  He nodded.

  “They’re crazy about you,” she said.

  He lifted a shoulder. “That’s just it. I’m nobody special, just willing to give them some time, and that’s what they need.”

  She was quiet for a moment, and then said, “Have you ever thought about adopting?”

  The question caught him off guard. Before he could answer, she said, “Oh. Cole. I’m sorry. That was unbelievably callous of me. I didn’t mean to make it sound like you won’t get your daughter back—”

  “I know,” he said. “You don’t need to explain.”

  She leaned her head against the seat and sighed. “What I meant is that you obviously have what it takes to be a good father.”

  He managed a short laugh. “My ex-wife would have plenty to say about that assessment.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He considered how to answer, and then went on, “I wasn’t. A good father.”

  “I find that hard to believe based on what I saw today.”

  He kept his gaze on the road, seconds ticking by before he answered. “I would do it all differently now. That’s why hindsight’s such a valuable commodity.”

  “What would you do differently?” Kate asked, her voice gentle.

  “That’s the tricky part,” he said. “Maybe I’d have to be a different person to actually do anything different from what I did. At the time, I thought I was doing the best I could.”

  “So who were you then?”

  He ran a hand around the back of his neck. “I was one of six kids. Welfare mom. I think two of us had the same father. I grew up on Pop-Tarts and frozen pizza. That was at the beginning of the month. By the end of the month, we skipped a lot of meals. Our clothes came from biannual trips to the Salvation Army store. I remember Christmas as something to dread. Being the only kid in my class whose family didn’t have a tree. I got my first job when I was twelve, saved everything I could manage to save and went to college on grants and scholarships. I wanted out of that life more than I could ever begin to describe to you. Once I saw that I could work my way out, I couldn’t stop. It was like being given the golden key to another life. I put myself through college and then law school. Even after I got married, I took every case handed my way, worked all kinds of crazy hours. Basically, became an absentee husband and father.”

  He stopped there, unable to look at Kate, pretty sure of what he would see in her eyes if he did.

  They’d driven a mile or more before she spoke. “You could have been describing my father just now.”

  “Yeah,” he said. “I recognized myself when you told me about him.”

  They drove on for a while without speaking.

  “I always thought of our relationship in black and white,” Kate finally said. “He was wrong, and I was right. But I don’t think it’s possible for someone like me to know what it’s like to grow up with nothing. I think I judged my father harshly. I wish I’d been more willing to see our differences through his eyes.”

  He pulled the Jeep over to the side of the road. They could see the lights of the town below and, in the distance, the ocean.

  “Oh,” Kate said. “It’s incredible.”

  “It is,” he said.

  She leaned forward, elbows on her knees. “You completely changed your life, didn’t you?”

  “Too little, too late,” he said.

  “You’ll find your daughter,” Kate said softly, turning her head to look at him with intent eyes. “I know you will.”

  “I haven’t let myself give up hope yet.”

  “Don’t. She’ll need you. Girls need their fathers.”

  The words were heartfelt, and he could see the chink in her armor. This vulnerable spot she had clearly spent a good portion of her life declaring indifference to. Something in her voice threaded its way through the center of him, and he felt a kind of tenderness for her that he hadn’t felt for anyone in far too long.

  He reached out to put his hand to the side of her face. She closed her eyes and made a soft sound of longing. From there, they fell into one another, mouths seeking and finding, as if they’d both been waiting for the moment. By now, there was familiarity in their kiss. In the not so distant past, this would have sent Cole running. Now, it drew him in, and he was weak to its pull.

  They stopped for a second and looked at each other. Her eyes held questions that echoed his own. “I don’t have any answers for where this is headed, Kate.”

  “I know,” she said. “So maybe we ought to take it slow.”

  “Yeah,” he said. “Slow.”

  They studied each other a while longer, and this time when he kissed her, he took his time with it. He felt like he was in high school again, hoping that she wouldn’t find him somehow lacking on the comparison chart.

  He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when she pulled back, tucked her hair behind her ears and said, “Whew. If that’s slow, my head is spinning.”

  “I think I’ll take that as a positive,” he said, leaning back to look at her.

  “What?” she asked with a self-conscious laugh after he’d been staring for a few moments.

  “You’re a beautiful woman,” he said.

  She glanced down. “I’m sure you say that to all your vacation flings.”

  “Is that what this is?” he asked, attempting to keep the question light.

  She looked up then. “I’m not the fling type. Although at the moment, I’m a little sorry to say so.”

  They both sat staring out at the town lights below them. Cole tried to think of something flip to say. Harry would have encouraged flip at this point. Things felt too serious. But somehow he wasn’t feeling flip. He reached for her hand, entwining his fingers with hers. She squeezed. And he squeezed back.

  * * *

  THEY GOT BACK to the hotel around eight. Margo and her father were coming in from a walk on the beach when Kate and Cole pulled into the parking lot. Everyone was meeting for dinner at eight-thirty.

  “I think I’ll go take a quick shower first,” Kate said.

  “I’ll turn in the Jeep,” Cole said.

  “Okay then. Thanks for a great day.” She lifted a hand and took a step back, feeling awkward now.

  “See ya at dinner,” he said.

  Kate walked back with Margo and her father. The professor talked about the shells they’d collected on their tour around the island that afternoon. She glanced at Margo, noticing the faraway look in her eyes, and wondered if she was thinking about Harry. They left the professor at his room to change for dinner, then walked to their own rooms a short stretch farther down the stone path.

  “How was your day?” Margo asked.

  “Unusual,” she said.

  “How so?”

  “Can I tell you about it later?” she asked, suddenly aware that she wasn’t ready to talk about it. Everything that had happened since that morning felt like a big puzzle in her head, a hundred different pieces that she hadn’t yet figured out how to put together.

  “Sure,” Margo said.

  “How about you and Harry? Did you do something today?”

  Margo looked away. “We had a picnic earlier. Lyle and Lily said he left later to meet up with a friend.”

  “Really?” Kate asked, surprised.

  She nodded. “Peyton something or other. I saw them in the lobby a few minutes ago. I think they must have once been something more than friends.”

  “Oh.” Kate heard the disappointment in Margo’s voice and wasn’t sure what to say. I’m sorry,
seemed more than a little lame, but she really was.

  “It’s okay,” Margo said. “Let’s face it, Kate. Harry and I are as different as two people could possibly be. He’s this…rich playboy. And I’m, well…boring. I spent the afternoon listening to a dissertation from my father on why Harry is a horrible choice for me.”

  Kate put a hand on her shoulder. “First of all, Harry should be so lucky as to find a woman like you. And second of all, I think your father may not be able to be objective about anyone in your life.”

  Margo sighed. “I know. But I’m not the kind of woman who can be one in a lineup. And that’s the kind of man Harry is.”

  Kate couldn’t deny that she was right. Harry made little secret of his single-and-loving-it status. She gave this some consideration, then glanced at her watch. “So it would seem to me then that he just needs to have his eyes opened a little wider.”

  * * *

  AT FIRST, MARGO proved to be a less than cooperative participant, making it clear she didn’t want to try to be something she wasn’t.

  Kate assured her that wasn’t going to happen.

  They went to Kate’s room where she steered Margo into the shower. There, she handed her a trio of her favorite shampoo, conditioner and gloss cream.

  “They look expensive,” Margo said.

  “You deserve the pampering.”

  “There’s no way you’re ever going to make me look like her.”

  “That’s not our goal.”

  “You didn’t see her, Kate. She’s like super-model material.”

  “Ah, but you have something she doesn’t have.”

  “What?” Margo asked, skeptical.

  “Harry’s interest.”

  Once Margo was out of the shower and tucked into a fluffy white hotel robe, Kate placed her on a chair in front of a vanity mirror, squirting a dollop of thickening gel into the palm of her hand and then working it into her long hair. Next, she combed it out and reached for the blow dryer. Margo’s hair had some natural curl to it, and Kate used a round brush to straighten it section by section. When she’d finished, it hung in a silky dark curtain down her back. Margo stared at herself in the mirror, eyes wide.

  “Wow,” she said. “How did you do that?”

  “The magic of a good blow dry,” Kate said. “And I’m not done yet.”

  She pulled out her makeup kit, reaching for a container of moisturizer. She smoothed a quarter-size dollop across Margo’s forehead, cheeks and chin.

  Next came foundation. Kate kept this light since Margo had good, clear skin. Then a light dusting of powder and a pink blusher. With a dark pencil, she etched in some color around the rim of her eyelashes and added a touch of mascara.

  Again, Margo stared at herself in the mirror, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

  “You like?” Kate asked.

  “You’re a magician,” she said.

  “A magician creates something out of thin air. I’m just working with what’s already here.”

  Margo looked at her with appreciation in her eyes. “Thank you, Kate. You didn’t have to do this.”

  “I want to do this,” she said. “Come on. Now for clothes.”

  Fortunately, they were basically the same size. From her closet, Kate pulled a Donna Karan sleeveless wrap dress in light blue. She thought it would be perfect on Margo, and it was. They studied her reflection in the full length mirror, still the same Margo, only more chic and with an edge. She really was a lovely woman, and Kate wondered if she had subdued her beauty because of what happened to her when she was a child. It made sense that anyone who’d endured such a thing would be compelled to live unnoticed.

  Strappy white sandals completed the outfit. Kate retrieved her jewelry case from the bathroom and pulled out a pair of diamond pendant earrings.

  Margo held up a hand, refusing to take them. “I couldn’t possibly wear those.”

  “I won’t hear otherwise,” she said.

  “Really, Kate. It’s too much.”

  “They’re just earrings,” she said, realizing the truth of this in a way she never had before. Not so long ago, she would have thought twice about risking their loss. Now their value seemed defined by the pleasure of sharing them with Margo.

  She shook her head, and then said, “Thank you, Kate. I don’t know what to say.”

  Once Margo had put the earrings on, Kate spritzed her with Chanel No. 5. She stepped behind her then, putting her hands on Margo’s shoulders and turning her once more to the dressing mirror.

  “Peyton, bring it on,” Kate said.

  And they both smiled.

  * * *

  WHEN THEY ARRIVED at the restaurant, everyone was already seated at the table.

  Kate walked a step or two behind Margo, wanting her to have the floor. She immediately spotted Harry sitting at one end of the table, Cole on his right, a stunning blonde on his left. Kate and Margo took the two chairs at the opposite end, next to Lyle and Lily. She deliberately forged her way into the seat next to Dr. Sheldon. Margo didn’t need her father’s scrutiny just now.

  The entire group sat in complete silence, staring at the two of them as if they had stepped off some unidentifiable spacecraft. It was exactly the response Kate had hoped for.

  “My dear Margo,” Lily said, one hand to her throat. “Why, look at you. You’re positively stunning.”

  Margo placed her napkin on her lap, dropping her gaze. “Thank you, Lily. The credit—”

  “—is all Margo’s,” Kate finished for her.

  “Well, you look simply lovely tonight,” Lyle said.

  Margo returned the compliment. Lily waved a hand at her fuchsia tunic. “Pish. There’s not much you can do to rev up this old engine. The least I can do is send it out in hard-to-miss colors.”

  They all laughed, and Kate thought how nice it would be to arrive at Lyle and Lily’s age with their insistence on making the best of whatever hand they were dealt.

  She lifted her water glass to her lips, looking at Harry. He hadn’t taken his eyes off Margo since they’d arrived at the table. “Harry,” she said. “Aren’t you going to introduce us to your friend?”

  He cleared his throat, glancing at the girl-woman seated next to him, as if he’d forgotten all about her. “Oh. Yeah. This is—” He stopped there, blank for a moment.

  “Peyton,” Cole interjected with a grin.

  “Hamilton,” Harry said quickly, giving her a look of apology. “Peyton Hamilton.”

  “Hello, Peyton,” Kate said. “What brings you to the island?”

  “We’re doing a photo shoot at one of the other hotels,” she said, revealing a perfect white smile. “Just a short stay. Tomorrow, we’re off to St. Barts.”

  “You’re a model then?”

  She nodded. “That’s how Harry and I met. We used his boat for a Cosmo feature.”

  Kate could all but feel Margo wilting in her chair. “It must be taxing to combine modeling with school,” she said, unable to resist the jab at Harry.

  “Oh, I’m not in school,” Peyton said. “I gave that up at sixteen. It’s like who needs it, you know?”

  Kate glanced at Harry and smiled. “Of course.”

  Harry looked at Margo, and it wasn’t hard to see him making the comparisons. For a moment, Kate almost felt sorry for Peyton.

  * * *

  “YOU ARE WICKED.”

  Kate turned to find Cole standing a few feet away from her, hands in the pockets of his jeans. Looking the slightest bit uncertain of his welcome.

  “Hey, desperate measures,” she said.

  He walked across the sand and sat down beside her. “You definitely pulled out the big guns.”

  Several yards away, the ocean sent in another wave. It broke, dissipating in a swirl of foam. “Too much?” she asked.

  “The opposite, I’d say. The last I heard, Harry was taking Peyton back to her hotel.”

  “Really?” Kate couldn’t help smiling.

  “Really.�
� He hesitated for a moment, and then said, “I tried to catch up with you when you left the restaurant. What made you take off so fast?”

  She pushed a hand through her hair, setting her gaze on the ink-dark horizon. It was hard to explain, when she wasn’t sure of the answer herself. Sitting at the table with everyone telling stories and laughing, she’d felt drenched in loneliness. Why it had hit her there, surrounded by the people she had come to enjoy in the most unexpected ways, she didn’t know. But then maybe it was exactly that. Once the trip ended, she would return to her other life, and she couldn’t seem to find an ounce of joy in the prospect.

  “I was just thinking about everything that happened today.”

  “And?”

  She scooped a handful of sand, letting it sift through her fingers. “It’s like a switch has been flipped inside me.”

  “In what way?”

  She didn’t answer for a moment, not sure what to say. She found it impossible to be anything other than honest with him. “This isn’t easy to admit, but my life to date has pretty much been about me and very little else. Thinking about going back to that…I don’t think I want to.”

  He stared at her for a long time. It was hard to read his expression in the faint light from the hotel, but she thought she saw something almost like respect there. Gratitude flared inside her. And at the same time, guilt. There was so much she hadn’t told him. Somehow, she wanted to now. Part of her wanted to put it all out there and see if he still looked at her that way when she was done.

  She tried not to think about how it had felt to kiss him earlier, which had exactly the opposite effect and sent memory flooding through her. The touch of his hand on her face. His mouth against hers. Warm and seeking.

  She studied him now, his classically handsome face, his strong jaw and straight nose, the almost vulnerable tilt of his mouth.

  Her chest felt suddenly tight, her breathing constricted.

  He leaned in then and kissed her, and she realized he had been remembering as she had.

  The sound of the ocean played around them like music. She could taste the salt of the ocean breeze on his lips. He pulled back after a bit, looking at her with the kind of raw need that literally made her heart race.

  “I didn’t expect you,” he said.