She shut her receipt ledger and sighed. “I haven’t seen or heard from him in months, but I plan to call him eventually—when I’m ready.”
“You know he’d do anything for you, Chloe.”
She wasn’t so sure. Before, when they were dating, maybe. But now… All she could offer him was a minimal paycheck and a space to teach self-defense if he was interested.
“We’ll see. I’m sure Jeremy could recommend someone else if he’s not interested.”
“You can say his name.”
She frowned. “I know.” Of course, she could say his name. It just seemed healthier not to. “When I’m ready, I’ll call. This is about BASE, nothing else.”
His gaze dropped and he offered a sad smile. “I know, sweet. I didn’t mean to push.” He glanced at his watch. “You better go. Trick or treating starts soon.”
She looked at the clock. “Crap.” Gathering her things, she said, “You know how to enter those last receipts?”
“I’m on it. Go. And do me a favor and make sure Adam isn’t handing out toothbrushes or apples. I bought good candy and I expect him to use it.”
“You got it.”
That evening, after a long night of knocking on doors, the boys dragged their pillowcases full of candy through the door and the phone rang. Another milestone.
Jade finally gave birth to the twins, Jason and Julia. Mom and babies were healthy and doing well. Dad was still recovering.
She was happy for her friend and promised to pay a visit tomorrow. Another sign that time was moving on. Another reminder, aside from the changes at BASE, she was still broken and still the same.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
“They’re beautiful.” Trent brushed a delicate finger down the velvet cheek. “Which one is this?”
Jade laughed. “That’s Julia.”
“Julia,” he repeated, a vicarious sort of pride mixing with his envy. Her little face was so small and perfect. “Can I hold her?”
“Of course.” Jade carefully passed him the precious bundle and he smiled, cradling the baby’s slight weight in his arms.
Jeremy stepped to his side, holding Jason. “They’re perfect, aren’t they?”
He smiled at his friend. “Absolutely perfect.”
The door creaked and Trent’s heart punched hard against the wall of his chest. Chloe looked at him, expression blank, arms holding a basket of flowers attached to two large balloons, one announcing a boy, the other announcing a girl. She took his breath away.
“Chloe,” Jade said, interrupting their eye contact and leaving Trent’s heart racing.
“Congratulations.” She placed the basket on the table and kissed Jade’s cheek.
He silently watched as she congratulated their friends. Her hair was longer and lighter as if she were trying to get back to her natural blonde. She looked so … different and still so beautiful.
Jeremy passed Chloe the baby and her face lit with an expression he’d never seen before. Her smile lit the room and he added little Jason to list of those he envied most in this world when she pressed a kiss on the baby’s head.
Her gaze lifted and collided with his. He shouldn’t stare, but he couldn’t pull his gaze away. Her chest lifted as she stared back, an invisible thread seeming to anchor them in that special moment.
“Since you’re both here,” Jeremy said and glanced at Jade. His wife nodded. “We have a question for you two.”
Chloe’s focus turned to Jade and Trent’s gaze followed. Jade smiled. “We were hoping you two would be godparents.”
Chloe gasped. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“We love you guys. Of course, it’s what we want.”
Trent beamed. Not only was it an incredible honor, it somehow made him feel closer to Chloe. “Yes. Definitely. I’m honored.”
Jeremy clapped a hand on his back. “Thanks.”
“Thank you. I don’t know what to say.”
They all turned to Chloe and she quickly nodded. “I’d be honored.”
He and Jeremy broke into conversation, his ears catching on every other word Chloe said as she quietly chatted with Jade. After a while, Chloe announced she had to go. His chest knotted at the unbearable thought of watching her walk away.
“I should get going too.” He passed Jeremy the baby and stood.
Chloe was already through her goodbyes and slipping out the door. He rushed into the hall just as she turned the far corner. He raced after her.
“Chloe, wait…” Coming around the bend, she turned and looked up at him. He caught his breath. “How’ve you been?”
“I’ve been … good. You?”
He was happy she considered herself doing good, but part of him regretted she’d gotten to that good place without him. It had been months and he’d not heard from her. Every time he picked up the phone to call, he told himself not to push. Each day without her was more excruciating than the last.
He wasn’t just lonely. He was incomplete without her. “I’ve been … okay. I miss you.”
Her gaze darted to the ground as her cheeks flushed. “I’ve been meaning to call.”
His heart soared. “Why didn’t you?”
“I…” She glanced up at him, biting down on her lip. “I don’t know.”
“I wanted to call you a thousand times. How are the boys?”
“They’re doing wonderfully.”
“And you? Jeremy and Ty tell me you have quite the operation running in Upper New Castle.”
Her smile radiated with pride. “It’s pretty amazing what you can do when you finally have money.”
Money wasn’t responsible for what she’d created. Her good heart was the culprit. “I’d say it’s more passion than finances. From what I hear, you’ve created a one of a kind facility.”
“A necessary facility,” she corrected. “It’s not finished yet, but it’s getting there.”
“Can I come see it?”
“I… I actually wanted to talk to you about what we would need to turn one room into a gym for self-defense classes.”
His eyes lit, a full smile curling his lips. “Anything you need. I’m your man.” How badly he wished that was true.
“We’re non-profit, so the pay isn’t much, but I’d love to have you teach classes if you’re—”
“Yes. I’ll do it.”
She laughed. “What about your other job.”
He shook his head. He’d saw off his leg for an excuse to be close to her again. His other job could wait. “It’ll all work out.”
“Well … thank you. I’m usually there between nine and two. You can stop by whenever—”
“I’m free now.”
“Oh … okay. That works, too.”
Relieved he wouldn’t have to say goodbye just yet, he waved a hand toward the elevators. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
* * * *
When they arrived at BASE, Chloe gave Trent a tour of the space, her heart beating a mile a minute as her belly flipped every time he looked at her. It seemed as impossible to hold his stare as it would be to hold her hand over a flame, so she kept her gaze mostly focused on their surroundings.
He appeared impressed with everything she’d showed him so far. When she took him through the back room, he pulled out a small notepad and made a list of equipment they would need.
“I can price out all this stuff and work out all the installation details with Ty for you. It’ll only take me a few days to get you an estimate.”
“That would be great. Whatever you need. I have money put aside for the improvements. I want it equipped with anything that’ll help our residents.”
He smiled and a shiver raced up her spine, her focus falling to his shoes.
“This is amazing, what you’ve done here, doll. I’ve been in security for almost fifteen years and I’ve never seen a facility this thought out for the purpose you’re serving. You should be incredibly proud of yourself.”
Heat rushed up the back of her neck. F
or some reason, his praise was more valuable than others’. “I am.”
“What’s new with the boys?” His tone was cautious.
Discussing her sons was always easier than discussing herself. “Dayton’s making straight A’s and Mattie finally started piano lessons. He’s a natural. I don’t know where he gets his talent.”
His eyes softened, creasing at the corners as his smile gentled. “I miss you.”
It was the second time he said so and twice as impactful. She missed him too, painfully so. But her situation was still the same. No matter how badly she wished she could go back to the way things were, she couldn’t get past the thought of sharing herself intimately with someone else. It was a painful realization no matter how many times the thought occurred to her.
“I’ve missed you, too. But…” And it was even more painful to admit out loud.
“Hey.” He gently touched her cheek and her breath held. “No tears.”
She blinked, mentally demanding she not do this in front of him. “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. If you cry, I cry.”
She nodded tightly, stuffing down her emotions. “I wish things could be different.”
“They are different, Chloe. I see that.”
But he didn’t fully understand. “I don’t want to lead you on.”
“I’m a big boy. Why don’t you let me take you out to dinner this week? We can discuss everything that needs to be done for the gym and classes. I can help you set up a schedule and write an ad description so the girls know what to expect.”
“Trenton…”
“Just dinner, Chloe. Think of it as business.”
His words relieved and worried her. “Okay. A business dinner.”
When he smiled she wondered if she was making a mistake. Those sapphire eyes were her undoing. She couldn’t mess this up. If they could somehow figure a way to be friends, if that could somehow be enough for him, she’d be the luckiest woman in the world.
No… Her mind objected. The luckiest woman would be able to have all of him.
Chapter Forty
She met Trenton at a restaurant called The Honey Pot. It wasn’t a date, but it still filled her with the same jitters—maybe even some new ones. When she parked her car he was waiting at the front of the establishment. The sight of sunflowers in his handmade her second guess his words from the other day.
Her gaze remained nailed to the flowers as she approached. “I thought this wasn’t a date.”
“It’s not. It’s business.” Pulling open the door, he handed her the bouquet. “Congratulations on opening your new business.”
She pursed her lips and hid a smile. Sunflowers were her favorite and these were especially beautiful in shades of burgundy and orange. “Thank you. They’re lovely.”
“So are you.” He turned and addressed the hostess, giving her no chance to reply. Once they were seated, he flipped his menu open and scanned the options. “What are you in the mood for, doll?”
Her hand trembled as she opened her own menu. “Probably just a salad.”
He scoffed. “Get more than that. It’s my treat. Look, they have cannoli.”
Her mind instantly flew to the morning he fed her at her kitchen table, the way he kissed her and touched her. “I’m trying to lose weight.”
“You don’t need to lose weight. Indulge a little.”
The waitress took their orders and Chloe fiddled with the silverware, her eyes on the table. Not a date. “So, what have you been up to for the past few months?”
“This, that, and the other thing. You lightened your hair.”
Her fingers nervously touched a strand. “I… Yes, I’m trying to get it back to my natural color. Although, by the time I get there it might be gray.”
“You don’t have gray hair.”
“After this year, who knows? I’m lucky I’m not bald.” She surprised herself with her attempt at humor, but Trenton didn’t laugh so she shut up.
“Is that a new ring?”
She glanced at her fingers and touched the stone. “Yes. Adam and Tommy got it for me for my birthday.”
“I missed your birthday?” He frowned, drawing back in his seat a little. “I’m sorry, doll. I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t miss anything. We just stayed home and ordered pizza. At my age, it’s no big deal.”
“What’s this new obsession with your age?”
“I don’t know. I’m almost forty. I just feel … done.”
“So am I. I’d hate to think I shouldn’t live anymore. I still feel fairly young.”
“Milestones seem bigger now. Maybe it’s just me.”
“Trust me. Your life’s far from over. You just opened a business, you’re financially secure, you don’t have to watch your back anymore, and your kids are doing great... The world’s your oyster.”
She laughed nervously. For a business dinner, things were getting awfully personal. He touched her hand, stilling it from playing with the silverware. She should probably bring up the gym.
“Seriously, Chloe, you can do anything you want. Don’t fool yourself into thinking time’s passed you by. You're young. You’re beautiful. Make as many wishes as you want. I think you’re owed a few.”
She slid her hand out from under his and placed it on her lap. “A wish?” When was the last time anyone acted like wishes changed anything? “I’m not sure I believe in wishes anymore. All I have are memories I wish I could forget, but no amount of wishing takes them away.”
“I’m sorry.” His gaze shifted away as if she’d just stabbed all his generous optimism right in the heart.
They hadn’t even eaten yet and she was already spoiling the night. “Please don’t apologize.”
“I could have—”
This time she was the one to take his hand. “No. A lot of bad has happened to me, but you were only responsible for the good. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
His blue eyes stared at her, tight at the corners with worry and regret. “No, we can talk about it. Or we don’t have to. I’m just glad we’re talking.”
Her lips pressed tight. “I wish I could forgive everything that happened to me.” Trenton had saved her not once, but twice. She owed him some level of truth. “I hate him. He’s dead, but my hatred for him is still very much alive. Even with my education and background, I can’t make sense of how anyone can be so evil. He left this anger inside of me…” She sighed. “I’ve made a dozen appointments to talk to someone and canceled every single one. How can I sell a sort of healing I won’t buy?”
“I think you need this gym more than you realize.”
Of all the things he could have said… “Why do you say that?”
“You need to bang something around, get the anger out. You’d be amazed how much it can help.”
Her laugh was silent and her smile unconvinced. “Sometimes I question if violence is the only way to stop violence. It’s a bit hypocritical, isn’t it?”
“Are you sorry he’s dead?”
She met his gaze. “No.”
If he only knew the demented thoughts she had, that she wished Marcus had suffered more. Her hatred was a systemic, sometimes crippling weight she never put down.
“I think you’re handling it well.”
She broke eye contact. “I’ve had years of practice hiding the pain on the inside.”
“You’ve never been able to hide that much from me, Chloe. I’m trained to sniff out the truth. You think I’d judge you for wanting him to suffer more than he did? Never. You’re human and he was an animal that needed to be put down. My biggest regret is that I didn’t kill him years ago when I had the chance.”
Her head lifted and she saw something dark and unforgiving flash in his eyes. “You’re a good guy. Killing isn’t your style.”
He leaned closer, lowering his voice. “He hurt you. Good guy or not, it would have been my fucking pleasure to make him suffer.”
His words should have terrifi
ed her, but they brought a twisted sense of satisfaction. Her lips quivered as she fought the urge to cry. What kind of woman thought like that? “Don’t let the ugliness from my life change the sort of man you are, Trenton.”
“What sort of man am I?”
She shut her eyes, her lashes growing damp. “You’re the sort who never deserved the things I said to you that morning I found your gun. I realize that now and I should have realized it then. You could never be the bad guy because you’re too good at being the hero. You’re strong yet gentle. You’re always there for the people you care about.”
She shut her eyes, a hollow ache forming in her chest. “You deserve a girlfriend who isn’t … broken. I know we had a lot of fun before everything got messed up, but the truth is everything did get messed up. You need to find someone who can give you everything you deserve and want.”
“What I want is you.”
She dashed away a tear. “Trenton—”
“Chloe, I know what happened changed you. I’d think something was wrong with you if it didn’t. There’s nothing you could say to me that would change my mind. You’re who I want. Because without you, I’m just as broken.”
“He haunts me. I can’t talk about it because I don’t want to remember any of it. I just want to forget and I’m afraid if I let myself … get close to someone else, it’ll make me remember the worst parts. I…”
He pressed a napkin into her hand and she blotted her eyes. “It’s killing me not to be able to hold you right now, Chloe. But I get it and that’s why I’m sitting over here and not over there. Yes, I want to touch you and hold you, but I also don’t want to scare you. I know what you’re afraid of. I’m not asking for that. I’m just asking for a chance at your heart.”
She sniffled and a nervous chuckle slipped out. “This was supposed to be a business dinner.”
He smiled. “I’ll always make it my business to be sure you’re all right. These last few months have been torture. I ask about you and the boys all the time. I can’t think. I can’t sleep. I love you.”
Such sweet words shouldn’t cause so much pain, but their situation was heartbreaking. Marcus stole her last chance at a normal life and she hated him for it. He destroyed what had taken her years to find and left her confidence more damaged than ever.
Something Borrowed (New Castle Book 3) Page 30
