Holding On To Love

by A. E. Neal

  "Oh-no. You did that all on your own, sweetie. And it was freaking hilarious."

  "Shut up," she snapped.

  "I love you, friend." I said.

  "Yeah, we'll see how much you love me after I kick your ass bowling tonight," she laughed.

  We made our way back to our bowling partners and I saw four glasses perched on the tabletop filled with golden liquid. Each glass had an accompanying shot glass that was filled to the brim with dark amber liquor.

  Oh, dear. This is gonna be a long night.

  "We got our shoes. Now we're ready to get this bitch going," Kennedy shouted, strolling up to the high-top table and wrapping her fingers around the overfilled shot glass.

  I smiled and followed, resting my elbows on the cool surface in front of my liquid courage.

  "We drink to Turkey's! May we bowl our best games ever," Bryan said, raising his shot glass in the air.

  "To Turkey's!" We all shouted in unison, clinking our glasses together.

  The liquor filled my throat with fire that spread down to my belly causing my eyes to water. I grabbed the beer in front of me and took a gulp hoping to extinguish the flames.

  "Ugh— What the hell was that?" I asked.

  "Jack. Good right?" Bryan asked, grinning wildly.

  "Ah- No." I replied, rubbing my throat and taking another manly swig of my beer.

  "She doesn't do shots," Kennedy intervened and I nodded.

  An amused look crossed Bryan's face, "This won't be your first or last shot tonight, young lady. I'll just get you something girly next time" He teased.

  "Nah. I'm good. I just don't think Jack and I are going to be friends anytime soon." I said finishing my beer. Seth and Bryan traded glances and chuckled.

  "Let's get this game started, shall we, Ladies?" Bryan asked, smacking Seth on the back in excitement.

  "You're first," Seth said tapping my shoulder.

  Our little bowling night turned out to be a huge success. I scored a 180 my first game, beating the guys. My second game was not as note worthy, only scoring a 100. I blame it on the "girly" shots Bryan continued to order. During the last game, Seth scored a turkey, meaning he got three strikes in a row. We cheered while Bryan did a victory dance which closely resembled a hurt chicken more than a turkey. As our third game came to an end, I felt my head buzzing from the alcohol. I knew I needed to call it a night, but of course Kennedy had other plans in store for us.

  "Wanna go to Shaker's after this?" She asked.

  I shrugged my shoulders, "Ew. No. I hate that place."

  Shaker's was a quintessential hole-in-the-wall dive bar in downtown. Friday and Saturday nights Shaker's offered $2 you-call-its and karaoke.

  Kennedy frowned, "Well, what would you suggest then?"

  I half smirked or maybe I smiled at her and replied, "Maybe I should call a cab."

  "It's only ten thirty, Ally. Let's go out." She pleaded.

  I felt the alcohol take over my inhibitions and replied, "OK. But we should still call a cab 'cause I'm way too buzzed to drive."

  "I'm okay to drive," Seth said.

  "Sorry Seth, but I don't think that's a good idea seeing as how you've had just as much as the rest of us." I said.

  "Well, that solves that." Kennedy said, nudging Bryan's arm with her own.

  "We better take a cab, Seth." Bryan said in agreement. "I'll bring you by in the morning to get your truck, okay man?" Seth nodded.

  I pulled my phone out from my back pocket and scrolled through my contact list.

  'Cabby Craig' appeared on the screen and I hit the green call button. I swayed lightly as I held the phone to my ear.

  "Hey gorgeous, what's up?" The familiar voice asked.

  "Heeey, Craig. We're at the bowling alley and need a ride." I said, slurring a little.

  "I've got another stop close by. I'll be there in twenty, cool?" He asked.

  "Perfect." I replied, hung up and slid the phone back into my pocket.

  "Twenty minutes, guys!" I shouted and the group 'high-fived' each other.

  A half our later, we were standing outside Shaker's and I could hear music blaring from inside the thick wooden doors. A few people were gathered outside smoking and talking. Bryan wrapped his arm around Kennedy and Seth held the door open for us. The long narrow bar was filled with people and a small crowd stood in front of a low stage at the end. Two girls faced each other with microphones in their hands as they belted out the lyrics to "Like A Virgin". Which I found rather amusing considering the length of their denim skirts, matching hot pink tank tops and the word "Bachelorette" written in silver glitter across the chest of the brunette wearing a tiara.

  "Holy shit! Someone needs to put them out of their misery," Kennedy shouted over the two off-key singers who had just begun the chorus. "My ears are literally bleeding!"

  I laughed, took Kennedy's arm and steered her towards the bar where Bryan and Seth had already ordered our drinks.

  "No more shots!" I shouted.

  "Don't worry—" Seth said handing me a beer. "Just beer from now on, promise."

  I nodded, tipping the bottle to my lips, "Thanks."

  The DJ introduced the next group of singers. I prayed inwardly they would be better than the last two girls. A tiny blonde girl towed her boyfriend onto the stage and reached for the microphone. "Hey everyone! We're gonna sing 'Summer Lovin'!" Cheers erupted from the front row. I rolled my eyes and followed Kennedy to an empty table in the corner.

  "Where'd Bryan and Seth go?" I asked, looking around the bar for the two.

  "Bryan said he wanted to do a song," She grinned wildly and tipped her beer back.

  "I hope he's better than these two," I said pointing at the spectacle taking place on the tiny stage.

  She nodded, "Actually, I think he was in a band once or something. I don't really know."

  I laughed and scanned the bar again for the guys. I spotted Seth towering over most everyone, standing beside him was Bryan. They were talking to one of the girls from the bachelorette party, her fluorescent pink tank was a dead give away. The girl was a good foot and a half shorter than Seth and he looked like he was struggling to bend over enough to hear her. In an instant, she reached up, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, deeply. What the hell?

  I just shrugged, finished what was left of my beer and slammed the empty bottle on the table, "Aw— Fuck it!"

  "Yeah. Fuck it!" She agreed, not knowing why I'd said it and handed me her beer. "I'm gonna go get us another one."

  I sat and watched the couple on stage as they finished their dramatic conclusion of the Grease song and the bar filled with claps and whistles.

  Why are you people clapping? Do you not have ears?

  "Hey, Ally—" Bryan said, shrugging into the chair next to me looking nervous. "Uh...Well...Shit, I don't know how to say this, but Seth just ran into his ex. They got in a fight, so he left." Liar.

  "Whatever, it's cool," I shrugged, palms in the air. Seriously, I'm fine. We obviously didn't hit it off, I'm not gonna lose sleep over it. Can we move on now?

  Kennedy bounced back from the bar, plopped down onto Bryan's lap and handed me a beer. "Where's Seth?" She asked, searching the bar before looking down at Bryan.

  I spoke up, irritation replacing my usual calm tone, "Apparently he ran into his ex, they got in a fight and he left."

  She sensed the falsity in my statement and shot me a wary glance.

  I'm okay, I mouthed silently.

  She popped up out of Bryan's lap and grabbed my wrist, "I've gotta pee. Come with me." Which meant 'girl time' in the bathroom and Bryan got the hint.

  "Don't go too far, my song's up next." He said tossing Kennedy a crooked smile.

  "Kay. We'll pee fast," she said, pulling me towards the hallway on the other side of the bar.

  No line for the bathroom, what a miracle.

  Kennedy swung the restroom door open, turned and slid the lock in place so we wouldn't have any unwanted visitors.

 
; "What the hell was that all about?" She asked, leaning against the porcelain sink.

  "I saw him with one of those girls from the bachelorette party- they were definitely not fighting. Making up, would be more like it. Not a big deal, Kennedy. It's not like we even really got to know each other anyway. I'm fine, promise" I said, looking up at her.

  She looked pissed off. "What a fucking douchebag!" she huffed.

  "Seriously, I'm fine." I said reassuringly. "Now, can we just go get drunk up? Please?" I begged, reaching in my purse for the tube of lip gloss I knew would be on the very bottom of the abyss.

  "That's my girl!" She smiled and unlocked the door.

  "I'll be out in a sec," I said. "I really do have to pee."

  "Kay— I'm gonna go watch Bryan. Find me." She said blowing a kiss, before bounding off down the hallway.

  I fastened the lock and leaned my back against the door. There really is something wrong with me. I can't even keep a guy interested in me for an entire night. I felt tears sting the corner of my eyes. I am not crying over this. She's right. He's a douche. If it wasn't him, it would have been another guy running for the hills.

  Suck it up, Ally. Get a grip.

  I wiped my eyes, washed my hands and slid the lock back before swinging the door open. I held my purse open with one hand, searching for the side pocket so I wouldn't lose my lip gloss this time. I turned the corner without looking up and hit a wall. I dropped my purse and somehow I managed not to fall flat on my ass. "Shit!" I bent down onto my knees to collect my purse and it's scattered contents, when I noticed two heavy black boots staring back at me. I hadn't hit a wall, I literally plowed into someone...someone who just happened to be male. My fuzzy gaze drifted from the floor and I realized I was staring directly at his giant western silver belt buckle that read "Cowboys Do It Rough". The alcohol buzzing in my head caused my slow reaction to the situation to become even slower.

  "Hey, you okay?" A deep, husky voice asked. His sexy voice shot electricity through my veins, igniting every last hair on my body and I felt my cheeks heat up.

  My body was a traitor.

  I was afraid to look up. Not wanting him to see how he just turned me into a puddle of melted Jell-O in two point two seconds with three words.

  God, I'm pathetic!

  He gripped my arms and pulled me to my feet. "Uh-huh," I breathed, the words barely leaving my lips, my eyes still fixated on the floor.

  "You sure you're okay?" He asked again in that melodic, deep voice, causing my heart to flutter.

  He placed his hand under my chin and lifted gently so I was now looking him in the eyes. Oh my god, they were gorgeous; he smelled like fresh rain mixed with expensive cologne and a hint of whiskey. Pools of viridian with flecks of warm honey stared back at me with a quizzical look.

  Oh, right. He asked me a question? What was it again?

  "Yeah. I'm fine. I'm so sorry." I exhaled, realizing I had been holding my breath.

  His hand dropped from my chin, tracing my arm lightly with his fingers, sending chills down my spine. I sighed when he retracted his hand, still feeling the heat lingering from where he had touched me.

  A sexy smirk spread across his perfectly chiseled jaw line. He cursed under his breath, running fingers through his messy, caramel hair, and I sensed a hint of worry in his eyes. "Uh...sorry. I thought you were someone else." He mumbled, quickly stepping to the side before retreating down the hallway behind me.

  What the hell just happened? Either I had way too much to drink or that was a dream.

  A few deep breaths later I spotted Kennedy in front of the stage. I weaved my way through the groups of people gathered there, keeping my composure long enough not to trip over my own feet as I made my way to her side.

  "Hey." She said, "What took you so long?"

  My heart and mind were racing in unison, replaying the last five minutes over and over in my head until I blurted out, "I ran into someone. Like literally." My cheeks flushing again.

  "Was this someone Channing Tatum or something?" She snickered, noting my red cheeks. "You're all flushed."

  "Gee, thanks. I hadn't noticed." I said, fanning my face with my hands. "No, not Channing Tatum. That probably would've gone over better than what just happened back there." I said pointing over my shoulder toward the restrooms.

  "Oh. My. God. Tell me!" She squeaked, pulling me to a vacant table next to the stage.

  I hesitated, "Nothing to tell really."

  "Bullshit! What happened? And I swear I'll beat it out of you later if you don't tell me now."

  "Fine. I ran into a guy in the hallway. Happy now?"

  "Bitch! Umm, hell no. Not even close, please continue." She said clasping her hands together on top of the table.

  I cleared my throat, leaned in closer and continued, "Well, for starters, his eyes— were ah-maze-ing. Tall, but maybe not as tall as Doucheth, but close. Oh, and Kennedy, his hair was even hot— what do you call it when it's all messed up?" I asked.

  "He had freshly fucked hair? No shit?" She asked grinning like the Cheshire cat.

  "Yeah, that's it. He looked like he could play football, he was really built; like a God— A country-boy-God, that is." I said dreamily.

  "Now—" she pointed at me. "I am officially jealous, even though cowboys aren't my thing."

  "Why? He said all of five words to me and I'll probably never see him again."

  She had a growing smirk, "Oh shut up. I'll bet you see him again."

  "Yeah right. And what the hell am I gonna say to him? Oh hey, Mr. Smoldering-hot-sex-god remember me? The girl who ran face first into your perfectly sculpted, rock hard chest?" I giggled.

  Kennedy burst out laughing. Her infectious laughter has us both hysterical within seconds.

  "Yeah— you're probably right, calling him 'Mr. Smoldering-hot-sex-god' probably wouldn't go over well," Kennedy choked out, while making air quotes around the name I'd given him and then wiping the tears from her eyes.

  We listened to Bryan's rendition of Johnny Cash's "Folsom Prison Blues" and he actually did surprisingly well. We stood once he finished and cheered for an encore, which he graciously declined with a dramatic bow so another one of the bachelorette party tramps could have her turn singing "Teenage Dream". Kennedy stuck her tongue out at him.

  We finished the last of our beers just as the bartender announced last call.

  "Time to go, kids!" I shouted, tapping my wrist where a watch would normally be.

  We walked arm in arm out of the bar, laughing and piled into a cab waiting outside.

  Chapter 2

  Ally

  This is the best night of my life! I thought as I climbed into the tiny car to escape the freezing cold air. I buckled my seat belt and glanced over at my fiancé smiling brightly. The car's engine purred silently as we drove forward down College Avenue. Andrew reached over and set his hand on my thigh. The champagne went straight to my head, I was giggling and bouncing up and down like a child in my seat.

  "I love you," he said taking my hand in his and bringing it to his lips.

  "I love you more," I replied, smiling brightly. "I'm going to be Mrs. Raleigh!"

  He tilted his head, peeking from the corner of his eye. "Hmm. I like the sound of that— Mrs. Raleigh."

  "Well, Mr. Raleigh, it's hard for a girl to say no with a look like that," I teased, reaching over, placing my hand between his thighs, letting my fingers graze his erection.

  He fidgeted in his seat, "Let's not get too carried away, future Mrs. Raleigh." He scoffed, before moving my hand down to rest on his thigh..

  "Aw— but I was just starting to have fun and I know you liked it too," I winked at him with my bottom lip outstretched.

  He held my wandering hand still on top of his thigh, so I couldn't distract him again.

  "I promise—" He said with that crooked smile adoring his face, "Once we get home— I'm yours for the taking."

  "Promise?" I asked batting my eyelashes as I gripped his thigh.

/>   "Promise." He reassured me with a light kiss to my knuckles.

  The traffic light went from red to green and the car moved forward through the intersection. Suddenly, I was thrown back into my seat by the impending airbag and I couldn't breathe. My body was completely numb. Something cold and wet began running down my face. I tried to reach up, but I couldn't move, I was frozen in place; paralyzed. The smell of gasoline stung my nose. I tried to scream for help, but my mouth wouldn't open. Help us! Please, someone help us! I screamed silently as I lay against the deflating airbag, motionless. Help!

  * * *

  My eyes flew open, I shot up, slamming my back against my headboard and panted. Sweat dripped from my forehead and my t-shirt clung to my damp skin.

  "Just a dream...it was only a dream," I whispered to myself as I tried to catch my breath.

  I lay my head back down on the pillow, closed my eyes and rubbed my temples, locking away the memory of my nightly reoccurring nightmare. I've never told anyone about my nightmares, not even Kennedy. I knew deep down that it was probably bad to keep them locked up in my head for so long, but I couldn't bring myself to talk about them.

  It seemed like just minutes later when my door flew open, causing the wall to rattle behind it and Kennedy's cheery voice filled the room. "Get up! Ally! Get up!" She shouted, smacking my bare legs sticking out from underneath the sheets.

  "I feel like shit. Go away." I mumbled into my pillow.

  "Up! Up! Up! Get UP!" She shouted, with both arms gripping my hips, shaking me.

  "Ugh— Why?" I asked in a daze.

  "Duh, it's almost four o'clock." She laughed, climbed over me and sat on my stomach.

  Already queasy, having her there didn't help, "I'm gonna puke, Ken! Get off me!" I yelled, pushing her off me with one arm.

  I slung my legs over the bed. I felt like I'd been hit by a Mack truck. I swore I'd never drink again. The room spun, but I found my feet and padded toward my bathroom, making it just in time to lose last night's dinner into the toilet.