Holding On To Love

by A. E. Neal

  "The Fern's— like the hotel chain?" She asked excitedly.

  "Yeah, they're throwing their daughter, Seraphine, a party— A masquerade gala to be exact— And I'm accompanying Corey, one of the other writers, so he can do an interview with Mr. Fern," I said.

  "No fucking way! You're going to Sera's exclusive invite only, private birthday gala? I'm so jealous right now," she squealed.

  "That reminds me, I have no idea what the hell to wear to a masquerade party. Can you help me find a dress?"

  "Duh, like I'd ever pass up that opportunity," she joked.

  "Maybe we can find something in Denver if we have time."

  "Absolutely! Oh my God, Ally. This is so exciting. I can't believe you're going to be rubbing elbows with celebs," she said in a sing-song voice.

  "Yeah, it'll be great," I muttered.

  "What's wrong? I thought you'd be excited," she asked calmly.

  "It's nothing," I said.

  "Bullshit. Why aren't you jumping up and down right now? I'm practically doing cart-wheels for you, I'm so damn excited."

  I stopped walking and turned to her. "I saw a picture of him with Seraphine at some charity event in the newspaper."

  "Him?" She asked, suddenly confused.

  "Brody. The caption said something about the couple getting caught making out—" I paused.

  "Do you think he's going to be there?" She asked.

  "I don't know," I said, unsure of how I would feel seeing the two together.

  "It was probably a publicity thing, I'll bet he won't be there," she said trying to reassure me.

  "Yeah, you're probably right. But I don't know what I'd do if I saw him there...with her."

  "Well, my dear Ally, you were the one who blew him off in the first place—"

  "I know, Ken. Please don't remind me," I interrupted.

  "Sorry, friend. I didn't know you still felt that way about him."

  I shook my head. "I don't know how I feel about him. I'm still trying to figure that out myself."

  "Well, lets not think about it right now. 'Cause we have a plane to catch!" She shouted and began walking again.

  I smiled and followed her up the ramp into the terminal. She began singing 'Leaving on a Jet Plane' as soon as we reached the doors and I shook my head and laughed.

  We found an open ticket kiosk and printed our boarding passes. We had a little over and hour to kill, so we made our way through the security line, which wasn't as long as I'd thought it would be. Once we'd been x-rayed and given the green light, we made our way through the busy terminal. Travelers from all over the world were either visiting, on a layover, or leaving for their favorite vacation destinations, like Paris or Hawaii. A sudden pang of jealousy hit me and I realized I hadn't taken a real vacation since I was in college. And I didn't really think spring break in Cancun counted as one. It was more like a week long binge drinking session, with very little memory of what actually took place.

  "This place looks good," Kennedy said, pointing at a sign that read "Blanco".

  "Looks good to me," I agreed and we wheeled our bags up to the hostess' podium.

  "Hi! Table for two?" The perky blonde asked.

  "Yes, please."

  "Right this way, please," she said and motioned us to follow.

  We reached our table and the hostess placed our menus on the table, thanked us and walked back to her podium.

  "I'm starving," Kennedy said.

  "I ate a huge sandwich for lunch, but I think I should grab something, just so I don't vomit on the plane."

  "Maybe I should get us shots," she said, peering over her menu.

  "No. No shots, please."

  "Hey there ladies, my name is Marcus. Did I hear someone mention shots?"

  "No," I said sternly.

  "Well, ok. Would you like a margarita instead?" He asked.

  "Yes please. On the rocks, no salt," I said.

  "And same for me, but with salt," Kennedy said.

  "No problem, ladies, Would you like some chips and salsa to start with?" He asked.

  We both nodded.

  "Great, I'll be right back with those," he winked and walked away.

  "Can we go anywhere without some guy pawning all over you?" I teased.

  "Whatever, he was totally checking you out, not me," she said.

  "I doubt that," I laughed.

  "You're the hottest chick I know, Al. Don't pretend like you don't know that."

  "Yeah, right."

  "I'm serious. You don't even know how hot you are, do you?"

  "Uh-huh— Hot as in sweaty maybe," I laughed and fanned my face.

  "You're tall, your blonde hair is actually natural and you have a smokin' hot body, just sayin'"

  I laughed. "Oh, stop. I don't think my ego can handle anymore compliments from you, missy."

  We laughed and watched as people made their way through the airport. A woman carrying her baby, pushing a double wide stroller passed and looked exhausted.

  "Did you see how tired she looked?" I asked. "I'm never having kids, if that's what I'm gonna look like."

  "Shut up, you know someday, you'll change your mind. I know for a fact, you want a little boy and a girl eventually."

  "Yeah. Eventually," I agreed. But I couldn't see myself as a mother, not now and not anytime in the near future. Andrew and I had talked about kids once, but we were always so busy, it seemed like the idea of them came and went just as quickly.

  Marcus returned a few minutes later with our drinks and a huge basket of tortilla chips and a bowl of salsa.

  "So, whatever happened to you and Bryan?" I asked.

  "We broke up. He was clingy," she said with a mouth full of salsa.

  "Oh, I didn't know. Sorry."

  "Please. He was a good fuck-buddy, that's all. Don't be sorry," she said, "Plus, I'm sorta seeing this other guy anyway."

  "Who?" I asked curiously.

  "Just a guy I met at the shop?"

  "Uh-oh," I said.

  "This guy came in to have one of his tats touched up by Gage and we started talking. He's really sweet, Ally."

  I about choked on my chip, "Sweet? You've never called a guy 'sweet' before, ever."

  "Yeah, well, I'm trying to change that," she said.

  "Uh-huh. So, when did you guys go out?" I asked.

  "We haven't gone out yet, we just hung out and talked at the shop for a couple of hours. He wants to take me out when we get back from Colorado."

  I smiled. "You— Taking it slow— I'm shocked."

  "He seems like a nice guy, I thought I'd give him a first date before trying to get into his pants," she joked.

  "Right, like that ever works." I rolled my eyes.

  "Shut up," she said and flicked a chip at me. It hit me in the forehead and bounced off the edge of the table.

  We both laughed and finished our drinks. Kennedy ordered the fish tacos and another round of margaritas, while I continued to devour the never ending basket of chips. Once we'd finished our drinks and food, we giggled our way down the terminal towards our gate.

  "Ken," I whispered, "we have to be good or they won't let us on the plane."

  She laughed, "Why are you whispering?"

  "Oh, I didn't know I was," I giggled.

  We were buzzed from the tequila and our inhibitions quickly went downhill as we laughed and joked about what you can and cannot say on a plane. We found a row of empty seats at our gate and waited for the pre-boarding announcement.

  "Sooo, you can say bum, but you can't say bomb," she giggled.

  "Oh my God, we are so getting kicked off the plane before we even get on it. We should stop."

  "But this is fun," she whined.

  We were interrupted by the announcement over the PA, "Monroe, Miss Allyson Monroe, please make your way to the nearest gate agent." And it repeated a moment later in the same monotone voice.

  "Oh shit, Ally. We're busted," Kennedy said.

  "No we aren't. We're not even drunk," I said as I glan
ced at her. Her eyes were glossy and I panicked.

  "Oh my God," I said as I stood up and smoothed my dress. "Do I look as wasted as you?" I asked her.

  She stared at me carefully for a few moments, before leaning back into her chair, "Nope. You look fab. Now go see what that robotic hooker wants."

  "Shh," I scolded, holding my finger to my lips. I grabbed our boarding passes and headed to the desk next to the gate.

  An older woman with her hair pulled back into a tight bun kept her gaze concentrated on the screen in front of her when I approached. So, I stood and patiently waited.

  She looked up and waved me over. "Hi, how can I help you?" She asked.

  "My name is Allyson Monroe...um...someone just paged me," I stammered.

  Shit, Ally. Keep it together. Think sobering thoughts.

  "Yes, Miss Monroe— unfortunately this flight has been over sold. We apologize for this inconvenience and would like to offer you a free upgrade to first-class if you'd be willing to take the next flight to Denver, which leaves at six twenty five."

  "Ah— sure, but I'm flying with my friend— Kennedy Allen. Will you be able to accommodate her on the next flight too?" I asked.

  "Let me check here," she said as she typed away on the keyboard. "Yes, fortunately there's one other seat available in first-class. Just a moment and I'll make some changes so you and your friend can sit together."

  "Thank you," I said.

  Her long nails clicked against the keyboard again. "Okay, looks like you're all set. I just need to see both ID's before I can print your boarding passes."

  "Sure, just a second. Let me go grab my friend's ID. I'll be right back," I said and hurried back to where Kennedy was sitting.

  "Friend! You won't believe this. We're getting upgraded to first-class, but we have to take the later flight. She needs your ID, so we can get our new boarding passes," I said quickly, waving my hands excitedly.

  I pulled my ID from my wallet and Kennedy smiled as dug in her bag for hers. She handed it to me and clapped. "This is fucking awesome. I've never been in first-class before."

  "Me either," I said and we high-fived. I regained my composure and approached the desk again.

  "Hi. Both ID's and our boarding passes," I said, handing them to the woman.

  She looked at them carefully and handed them back to me.

  "Okay, Miss Monroe. You're all set. Your new flight leaves from gate B14. Thank you again, we appreciate your assistance," she said and handed me our new boarding passes.

  "Thank you. Have a great day," I said and strutted back to Kennedy, fanning my face with the two first class tickets.

  She jumped up and hugged me. "This is gonna be so much fun!" She squeaked.

  "Come, on. We've gotta go find our new gate," I said and pulled my suitcase behind me. Kennedy followed after fumbling with her giant purse which looked more like an overnight bag. I giggled.

  We rounded the corner and spotted our gate on the left. We lugged our bags to two empty seats next to a family with a very curious little boy, who asked Kennedy why she "drew" on herself, about a thousand times. She told him she had a rare skin disorder where pictures magically appeared out of nowhere. I laughed. Poor kid, would probably be scarred for life.

  Once the kid got tired of her silly answers, he curled up on the chair beside her with his teddy bear and fell asleep. I could see Kennedy was thinking the exact same thing as the alcohol wore off and she too, dozed off.

  I pulled my mp3 player and ear buds from my bag and scrolled through my list of music. I tapped shuffle and "I Won't Give Up" played. Jason Mraz's harmonic voice filled my ears and I closed my eyes.

  Such a romantic song. I realized at that moment, I never been someone's love song, not even Andrew's. I thought about all the times he'd told me our souls were connected somehow, but as much as I loved him, I never saw any part of my soul in him. Not once had I thought of him as being my missing puzzle piece.

  Then the next song began and again, it was another song about falling in and out of love. I quickly skipped to the next one. Each song that played, had either been about losing the love of their life or heartbreak. I was beginning to see a pattern here and realized I wasn't the only one in the world who had lost someone or had her heart broken.

  Feeling betrayed by my mp3 player, I shut it off before I had to hear another song about being someone's everything. Which clearly, I wasn't.

  Ugh. Now I was depressed.

  I settled back into my seat and waited patiently for the pre-boarding announcement. A half hour later our zone was called to board and I shook Kennedy's shoulder to wake her.

  She yawned and smiled, "Shit, I didn't mean to fall asleep."

  "It's okay. You and that kid both passed out," I laughed. "Come on— We can board now."

  She yawned again, gathered her bags and followed me to the gate. The gate attendant scanned our tickets and welcomed us aboard. We walked down the jet way and once we reached the airplane, we were greeted by the captain.

  "Hello, welcome aboard," he said as we passed.

  Our seats were in the last row of first class, Kennedy darted in front of me and snagged the window seat, leaving me behind to stow our luggage in the overhead bin by myself.

  "Can I help you with those, Miss?" A handsome, male flight attendant asked.

  "Oh, yes. Thank you. My friend kinda left me hanging here," I said, while Kennedy buried her nose in the airline's magazine and giggled.

  Brat!

  He lifted our suitcases into the bin with ease and I took my seat.

  "Would either of you ladies care for a complimentary cocktail or some champagne?" He asked.

  "Yes, I'd love a mimosa," Kennedy said.

  "Same for me, thank you," I said.

  "Sure thing. I'll be right back with those," he said and walked back to the galley.

  I nudged Kennedy with my elbow. "What the hell, friend? Just leave me to do the dirty work."

  She laughed. "It's first class, silly. You're supposed to take full advantage of the amenities. Including, letting that sexy flight attendant fondle your luggage."

  "You're disturbed, you know that? Besides, I think he's gay."

  "No he isn't. You're just saying that," she whined.

  "Fine. Well, good luck then," I teased.

  A moment later he returned with our mimosas and a warm towel for each of us.

  "If you ladies need anything at all, you let me know. My name is Anton," he said smiling.

  "Oh, honey. I love your shoes. Are those Jimmy Choo's?" He asked excitedly, as he eyed Kennedy's newest shoe splurge.

  "Yes they are and thank you so much for noticing, I love them too," she said and stuck her foot out so he could admire them.

  I turned and smiled at Kennedy, giving her a silent, "I told you so" and she frowned.

  "You ladies have a good flight, we'll be taking off in about fifteen minutes," he said and moved out of the aisle so the other passengers could find their seats in coach.

  "I hate it when you're right," Kennedy grumbled and all I could do was laugh.

  We sipped our drinks as more passengers boarded, filling the plane to capacity. Once the last of the stragglers had taken their seats, the captain announced we would be taking off shortly. Video screens in the seat backs lit up and a short safety video played. The lights in the cabin flickered as the airplane backed away from the gate. Even with the champagne, my entire body tensed and my palms became clammy.

  Kennedy reached over and took my hand. "Don't worry, Ally. Most plane crashes happen during take off or landing. Once we're in the air, you'll feel better." She said excitedly.

  "Was that supposed to make me feel better? 'Cause it didn't," I said as a wave of anxiety and nausea came over me.

  "I was only kidding," she giggled. "I'm sorry, I'll keep my mouth shut."

  Anton collected our empty glasses and must have noticed my unease.

  "Are you alright, Miss?" He asked.

  I took a deep breath and
squeezed the arm rest. "Yeah, I'll be fine once we're in the air."

  "Well, if you feel queasy, there's a sick bag in your seat pocket," he said.

  "Great, thanks," I said in embarrassment.

  The plane stopped moving and the captain announced over head, we were preparing to take off. The flight attendants returned to their jump seats and I tightened my seat belt, nearly cutting off the circulation to the lower half of my body. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the cool leather seat, as the engines roared to life.

  "Please just tell me when we're in the air," I said with a shaky breath.

  Kennedy squeezed my hand again and the plane quickly gained speed as it barreled down the runway.

  "I will," she said softly.

  I would give anything to rid my mind of the plane crash scenarios playing out in my head like a bad dream. As much as I loathed flying, I knew we only had an hour and forty-five minutes until we landed, which didn't help much.

  I heard the landing gear pull up and felt the plane level out.

  "Finally," I breathed and opened my eyes.

  "How ya doing?" Kennedy asked.

  "Better now that we're airborne," I said.

  She smiled and released my hand. "You shouldn't fly without drugs, just sayin'."

  "Yeah, tell me about it. At least my stomach isn't clawing its way up my throat anymore," I said and she laughed.

  "So, what are your plans once we get to Denver?" She asked as she flipped through the magazine on her lap.

  "Well, I reserved us a room at the Hyatt downtown, so we'll check in tonight, get some rest and I thought I'd call the Raleigh's tomorrow."

  "You're gonna call his parents? Why?" She asked.

  "I haven't seen them since the funeral, I just thought it'd be nice to see them," I said.

  "I don't know, Ally. I don't think that's such a good idea. I mean, with them trying to move on— I just think it'll be too much for them to see you again. You did say they were pretty torn up over the whole thing," she said.

  My gaze fell to the floor and I nodded. "Yeah, I think maybe I might just be an awful reminder of what happened that night. You're right, It might be a bad idea."

  "I know this trip is so you can have closure and I support you a hundred percent with whatever you decide, but I hope you'll consider what I've said."