The Kissing Bridge

by Tricia Goyer

  “I hear what you’re saying.” Rebecca reached out and took Marianna’s hand, squeezing it tight. “I’m giving up my family, my community, and most likely finding love . . . But if someone else—even one person—won’t have to face the same loss, then it’s worth it.” She released Marianna’s hand and instead placed it over her own heart. “And even though I’m leaving a lot, I’m not leaving God. If one gut thing came out of growing up Amish and hearing about His goodness, I know that.”

  CHAPTER

  6

  On the drive home, Marianna hummed along to Ben’s CD playing in the CD player. Rebecca waited for Marianna to pelt her with more questions. Didn’t she want to know when Rebecca planned on leaving Montana, when classes started in Portland, or where she’d live in Oregon? Rebecca expected her to ask about nursing school and how Rebecca had managed to hide her online classes from everyone. She even expected Marianna to get mad—to confront her about her lies through the years. But it didn’t happen. Instead Marianna talked about her mem’s garden, where she had her own plot.

  “Our house wasn’t finished when it was time to plant, so I just added a few extra rows at Mem’s place. This is the first time my parents put in a large garden in Montana—now that they know they’re staying.”

  Rebecca wanted to ask what had changed their minds. Why had they decided to stay? Like Rebecca, they’d faced losses back in Indiana—the loss of two daughters. Maybe, like her, they were running from the memories. But unlike them, Rebecca wasn’t looking for a new place. She was looking for a life that could help others live better. Help save people from heartache.

  When they got back to the house, Marianna showed Rebecca around. The place had four bedrooms and three baths; a modern, indoor laundry room; and a full basement that Ben had turned into a recording studio.

  They moved back upstairs, heading to the extra bedrooms.

  Marianna paused by the doorway of the small room next to the master bedroom. Except for one simple dresser it was empty. Did Marianna hope to someday fill it with baby things?

  “This is not how I planned my life,” Marianna finally said. “I’m not only learning about being married, but also about not following the Amish ways. I’m thankful for the foundation of community and faith that I was raised with, but I’m learning to trust in Jesus more—trust that what He’s done is more than what I could ever do.”

  “Ja, of course.” There was an awkward silence. “Do you mind if I unpack?” Rebecca asked.

  “Ne, of course I don’t mind.”

  Rebecca made her way back to the cozy room where she was staying. The centerpiece of the space was a log bed with a colorful handmade quilt. There was also a trunk, a rag rug, and white curtains in the window. The only thing that differed from a typical Amish bedroom was a few prints of wild roses hanging on one wall.

  Marianna had set her friend’s suitcase inside the door, and Rebecca carried it to the bed, opening it. Had her parents found the note she’d left them? What did they think? She’d told them not to worry, but she had a feeling they would.

  Rebecca pulled out four pairs of jeans and two skirts from her suitcase and placed them on the bed. She also pulled out her kapp that she’d taken off on the train.

  “I thought you gave that up.” Her best friend’s voice caused her to jump.

  Rebecca fingered her kapp. “Vell, I still haven’t decided if I’m staying Amish. I mean, I haven’t turned my back on it completely.”

  “I’m not talking about that.” Marianna clicked her tongue and pointed to the cigarettes Rebecca had hidden under her blouses. “In the last letter you said you gave up your habit.”

  “Ach, those.” Rebecca picked up the pack and carried it to the trash by the small desk, tossing it in. “I found them in my dresser drawer when I was packing—didn’t remember they were there. I knew Mem would be looking through my things and . . . I didn’t want her to find them.”

  Rebecca bit her lip. All that was true, but a truth she wasn’t going to share was that she’d also kept them in case she needed a smoke. Not that she smoked often—but during tense moments it calmed her. Even being here with her friend, in this beautiful room, made her feel as if her head was in a vice. Maybe she just needed to break free completely and head to Portland like she’d planned.

  Instead she blew out a big breath and met Marianna in the kitchen, watching her cook. A frown marred Marianna’s face as she cut up vegetables. Gone was the smile that had been there most of the day. It was Rebecca’s news that had robbed it away.

  Rebecca looked around. Her heart pinched at the small dining room table and the Bible that sat in the middle of it. There was a print on the wall with wedding vows and one photo of Ben and Marianna’s wedding. Ben had built this home for her, and to watch the way he looked at her was something Rebecca envied. Something she didn’t know if she’d ever find. Especially now. She was walking away from the Amish community and stepping into a world that frightened her. Marianna had found a man who loved God and who worked to understand her and what growing up Amish had meant to her. Would there ever be someone like that for Rebecca?

  Marianna made a delightful dinner of rib eye steaks and mashed potatoes, followed by soft, chewy peanut butter cookies. Ben exclaimed after each bite as if it was the best meal he’d ever had.

  After they loaded the dishwasher—which Rebecca had to admit would be easy to get used to—they moved out to the chairs on the porch. As they rocked, Rebecca sat with her nerves on edge, waiting for Marianna to say something more about college. Instead her oldest friend just stared into the meadow with a soft smile on her lips. She was more peaceful than she had been before, and Rebecca knew that had everything to do with Ben.

  The air had cooled, but it was still warm enough to enjoy the evening without a sweater. Tall mountains rose over the forest of trees. The air was filled with the scent of pine and the lilac bush planted near the porch steps.

  Marianna sat in the chair next to her husband. Ben’s hair was tousled and uncombed after a shower. He strummed his guitar to a simple tune. Were there words to that song that ran through his head? If so, it was something romantic. Rebecca could see it from the way he glanced at Marianna every so often. She could see it in the way heat rose to Marianna’s cheeks. The mood was intimate and lazy. Marianna sipped on a cup of iced tea. Rebecca had tea, too, but her mind couldn’t relax enough to enjoy it.

  Why hadn’t Marianna said anything about her schooling to come? Over dinner they’d chatted about friends and life back in Indiana, and a few times it seemed as if Marianna was going to divert to a more serious topic, but then she’d pause and press her lips together. What kept Marianna from asking more? Didn’t she care? Wasn’t she worried?

  “Rebecca?”

  “Ja?”

  “I was thinking of heading to the store. There’s going to be a church potluck tomorrow, and I realized I’m out of a few things.”

  “A potluck?” Rebecca scratched her temple.

  “Ach, it’s like the lunches we usually had after the Amish church, except the people at the community church we attend now are a little more elaborate. Instead of sandwiches with peanut butter and spread, they bring things like green bean casserole, chocolate cake, and fried chicken.”

  “It sounds appenditlich. But . . . you don’t mind if I attend the Amish church here, do you?”

  “No—uh—of course not. But tomorrow is the off week. You’re welcome to stay home, of course, or . . . you could visit our community church.”

  Rebecca rocked in the chair, wondering how to answer that. She was disappointed. Deep down she’d been a little hopeful of seeing that handsome bachelor again. But visiting Marianna’s church seemed better than staying here alone.

  “Vell, maybe I will go with you . . . just once, to see. After all, you did say they have fried chicken.”

  Ben and Marianna chuckled, looking pleased with her decision.

  Rebecca cleared her throat. “But I’m embarrassed about the next
question: do you have an Amish dress I can borrow? I only have the one I wore to get on the train, and it’s not washed. I had no plans to wear my Amish clothes in my nursing classes, but now that I’m here . . . well . . .”

  “I understand. It’s hard not to dress Amish in an Amish community. Would you like to borrow one now to go to the store too?”

  Rebecca felt a heaviness lift at her friend’s words. Maybe Marianna understood better than she thought.

  “If you don’t mind . . .”

  “Not at all.”

  Ten minutes later Rebecca was clothed in Marianna’s Amish dress and apron and her own kapp. She never thought she’d feel this way, but she felt more herself in those Amish clothes than she had in a long time.

  Rebecca got into the truck first. Ben gave Marianna a quick kiss on the cheek as she climbed into the driver’s seat.

  “Pick me up something yummy from the store.” Ben winked at his wife.

  Marianna chuckled. “The peanut butter cookies weren’t enough dessert?”

  Ben shook his head. “Now, dear, you know that my dessert stomach is twice as big as my dinner stomach.”

  “Ja, all right, but you have to be the one to tell Roy that you’re not sticking to the diet he put you on.”

  Ben shrugged. “Well, that may be true, but just think of all my exercise. It was a lot of work climbing up those cliffs and jumping.”

  Marianna’s eyes grew wide. “You didn’t climb up to the top and jump, did you?” Rebecca saw fear in her friend’s gaze.

  “Nah, I’ll leave those feats to Caleb. Speaking of which . . .” Ben leaned farther into the truck cab and looked Rebecca’s direction. “I told Caleb about you. The other bachelors too—but Caleb was immediately intrigued. He said he thought it was gutsy that an Amish woman would travel by herself on the train from Indiana to Montana.”

  “Ja, vell . . . I’m not sure how impressive running away is.”

  Marianna offered a sympathetic look. “You’re not just running to leave. You’re running to be trained, to help people, right?”

  Rebecca nodded, glad that Marianna at least understood that much.

  It only took them a couple minutes to drive to the store. As the truck neared, Rebecca saw a handful of bachelors entering.

  “Heading there for dinner, I suppose,” Marianna said offhandedly.

  Five bachelors walked in a line across the gravel parking lot, and Rebecca immediately recognized Caleb. He was a few inches taller than the others and had a thin but muscular build. Instead of an Amish shirt, he wore a red T-shirt with his Amish pants and big work boots that seemed inappropriate for such a nice summer evening. The other bachelors gave Marianna’s truck no mind as it drove and parked, but Caleb watched them over his shoulder, eyeing the truck and especially the passenger.

  Rebecca swallowed hard and fiddled with the string of her kapp. His eyes met hers, and she looked to her lap. With wide strokes she brushed her fingers across her white apron, as if she were brushing away crumbs. She refused to look, but she could feel his gaze. Only when Marianna pulled the keys from the ignition and climbed from the truck did Rebecca dare to look up from her lap.

  “I think I’ll stay here, if you don’t mind.”

  “What? Didn’t you see the bachelors go in? I wanted to introduce you around.”

  Rebecca released a sigh. “You know it’ll just make things harder. If I make friends, well . . . I’m not going to be here long.”

  Marianna blinked slowly. Her gray eyes focused on Rebecca. “Ja, all right, then. I’ll only be a few minutes. Unless Millie Arnold is in here. She’s a sweet lady, but when one runs into her, one has to expect at least a ten-minute conversation just to hear the updates on everyone and everything.”

  Rebecca nodded. “I’m fine.”

  She watched as Marianna entered, and through the glass door and window could see her talking to the clerk behind the front counter. The store was made of logs and had a wide porch that was cluttered with an ice machine, propane tanks, and a few benches. The minutes passed, and she questioned if she was being a fool. She could be—should be—friendly.

  Rebecca thought about the handsome bachelor with his curious gaze. He was a daredevil—wasn’t that what Ben had said? That was the last thing she needed—a man. Especially now, with her studies. She also didn’t need to be attracted to someone who didn’t realize the seriousness of his actions. One wrong move and Caleb could hurt himself or someone else.

  More minutes passed, and Rebecca picked up Ben’s CD case from the center console. She grinned, looking at the picture of him. In real life he was handsome, but the cover of the CD made him look as though he could be a model for some fancy magazine. As she set it down, a knocking on her side window startled her. She jumped and glanced up to see Caleb with a wide-eyed gaze.

  “Rebecca?” she heard him say through the window glass.

  “Ja?”

  He motioned for her to roll down the window. She looked at the door for a handle to roll it down. There wasn’t a handle, but there was a small lever. She pushed against it but nothing happened. Maybe it didn’t work if the truck wasn’t running. Rebecca motioned for Caleb to step back, and then she opened the door and stepped out.

  Caleb looked at her without a hint of a smile. “Marianna sent me out with a message. She has a big order she’s picking up, and she wants to know if you’ll turn the truck around for her so she can load everything up in the back easier.”

  Rebecca tilted her head slightly, wondering if he was joking. The bachelor crossed his arms over his chest and didn’t seem to be. He didn’t crack a smile. She imagined he’d be even handsomer if he did—if that was possible.

  “But the keys . . .”

  He glanced in the cab of the truck, and she followed his gaze. “Uh, ja, Marianna said they’d be in the ignition.”

  “And . . . she wants me to turn it around?” Rebecca touched her kapp. “I don’t think those in the Amish community would approve of that.”

  “Ach, you didn’t hear?”

  “Hear what?”

  “In this community things are a bit different. It’s all right to drive a car—or a truck—if it’s less than one hundred yards’ distance. There’s all types of emergencies, like carrying a new calf to the barn, moving a load of logs from the wooded area behind one’s house to the woodpile, or in this case an extralarge grocery order.”

  “But I’m Amish . . . Why would you think I know how to drive?”

  Caleb leaned in closer and eyed her. His blue eyes sparkled, causing butterflies to dance in her gut. “Are you saying you don’t know how?”

  She tilted up her chin and met the challenge in his gaze. “Well, my friend Pam—the librarian—did give me a few driving lessons. She told me that I might want to consider—” Rebecca pinched her lips together. She couldn’t believe she’d nearly told Caleb about leaving the Amish and about school. She hadn’t minded talking to Susan, Ben, and Marianna about it. She trusted that they’d all keep her plans to themselves. But within the Amish community things were different. A lot of sharing went on. If she didn’t watch her words, news could get back and her parents would be on the next train.

  “Never mind how I know. I suppose I’ll try.”

  With a touch at the back of his hat brim, the bachelor tilted it forward, but Rebecca still caught a glimpse of the humor in his gaze. He watched as she walked around the truck to the driver’s seat. She couldn’t help but see the admiration in his eyes as she climbed in, shut the door, started the truck, and put it in reverse. She pressed gently on the gas and backed the truck onto the gravel road, drove up a little, and then turned the truck around and parked it so that the back end was by the store’s front door.

  His laughter met her ears as she turned off the engine and climbed out.

  “You did it! And a good job too. It was just a little jerky, but nothing that wouldn’t smooth out with practice.”

  She hopped down from the truck and walked around to him. �
��Well, I suppose I’m glad you approve. Now . . . do you think Marianna might need a hand with all those groceries? A good Amishman would offer, you know.”

  “Ja, of course.”

  Caleb moved to the store but paused at the door, opening it just as Marianna stepped out. In one hand she carried a small ziplock bag with some type of white powder. In the other was a foil tin of cinnamon rolls. Marianna took two steps to the truck and then paused.

  “Did someone move my truck?”

  “Ja.” Rebecca stepped forward. “Do you need help with your things?”

  “This?” Marianna held up the bag. “This is all I have. I was out of baking soda. I borrowed some from Annie. I’m sorry it took me so long. Annie got started telling me about their upcoming wagon-train vacation, and I finally had to butt in and tell her you were waiting. Is that what you thought—that I’d have a lot? Is that why you turned the truck around?”

  Rebecca blinked slowly and then turned to Caleb, who had a blank look on his face. She expected him to answer, but instead laughter poured from his lips. “I cannot believe that—that you fell for that.” His voice was winded from his chuckling.

  Marianna’s laughter met Rebecca’s ears next, and Rebecca turned to her friend, shocked.

  “You think it’s funny too? What if your truck had gotten damaged? You shouldn’t just leave the keys in it—you never know who could be around. And more than that”— she turned to Caleb and pointed a finger his direction—“you should be ashamed of lying!”

  He shrugged. “I should be.” Then he offered her a grin.

  Marianna laughed even harder.

  Rebecca resisted the urge to stomp off. She wanted to, but she hadn’t been paying good enough attention. She didn’t know which dirt road would take her back to Marianna’s house. “Please, can we just go? And what’s so funny?”

  Marianna carried her ziplock bag and cinnamon rolls to the driver’s seat with a lightness in her step. “I never thought I’d see the day when someone would give you a run for your money, that’s all.” She seemed more open than she had earlier. More like the old Marianna. “Why, Rebecca. I think you’ve met your match!”