by Tricia Goyer
Marianna nodded. She rubbed her arm, as if suddenly getting a chill, and offered Rebecca the slightest of smiles. “I think you’ll have a great time.”
They stood in awkward silence for a moment, and Marianna placed a soft hand on her stomach.
Rebecca noticed and leaned close to her friend, talking low. “You should have told me about the boppli—about the babies.”
Shock registered on Marianna’s face. Her mouth opened slightly, and then her voice emerged in no more than a whisper. “It seems as if we’ve both been keeping secrets.”
“When did it come to this?” Rebecca asked.
Marianna sighed. “That doesn’t seem to be the right question. Even when I was in Indiana, you hid the truth from me. I saw you nearly every day, and you hid the truth. And then, when I moved to Montana, I hid the truth from you. In my letters I didn’t tell you about my attraction to Ben. How could I have ever explained that my heart was being drawn to a musician? One secret leads to another, doesn’t it? A better question seems to be, why did we ever think that it wouldn’t come to this?”
They stood side by side as her father started a bonfire. On the table a large cake was being sliced into pieces, and the older man, Edgar, had a wide smile, no matter how hard he tried to straighten it.
Marianna released a sigh and turned to her. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth. I want to be excited about this baby, but I’m afraid. I was going to tell you over the next few days. Especially after Ben told me he already told some of his friends. I knew you’d be mighty upset if you heard it from a bachelor!”
Rebecca placed a hand on her hip. “Ja, I would have. Men don’t understand, do they?”
“Ben is full of faith. He truly believes this baby will be all right. That’s one thing I love about him. He trusts God.” Marianna crossed her arms over her chest. “I hope he’s right, and I don’t want your thoughts of me to keep you from a once-in-a-lifetime experience.”
“So you don’t mind if I go on the wagon trip?”
“Ne, it’s probably better. I started spotting this afternoon and called the doctor. He wants me to do as little as possible over the next few days. I’m not going to be any fun.”
Spotting? A pain shot through her chest and fears clawed deep inside as she remembered Mrs. Sommer saying the same thing. She tried to push the fear down. Surely everything was going to be all right. God wouldn’t do this to Marianna again. Surely He wouldn’t . . .
“I could stay with you.” She tried to keep her tone light. “We can quilt.”
Marianna cocked an eyebrow. “Or . . . you can go and get to know Caleb a little better. He’s a bit on the wild side, but he’s a nice guy. I’m not sure how close his relationship with God is . . . but it’s something you can find out.”
Rebecca wanted to say, “Ja, well, I don’t know how close my relationship is with God—so that makes two of us.” Instead she just nodded. “Deep down I’m telling myself that I don’t need this,” she said. “Don’t need the complication of being attracted to someone.”
“But you’re still going to go?”
Rebecca twisted her kapp string around her finger. “Ja. When was the last time I ever paid attention to common sense?”
“Gut. And we still have tonight to catch up. I want to hear all about those classes you’ve been taking. And I might just bore you with the whole story of our romance.” She chuckled. “Then you’ll surely be ready to head for the hills after that!”
CHAPTER
10
The sun had barely peeked over the highest mountains outside her window when Rebecca hauled her suitcase out of the bedroom. Inside were all her belongings, including the money she had tucked away. She’d considered leaving it in Marianna’s home, but there were only two options. The first was to tell Marianna and ask her to hold the money, but that would bring up too many questions. The second was to hide it, but what if it was found? She’d still have to explain. No, her only option was to cart it with her. Then, at least, she could keep an eye on it and not have to confess that her grandmother had been in on her scheme.
She was wearing her Amish dress that she’d washed the night before. Thankfully Marianna also had a dryer, which made things simple.
Marianna sat on the couch with a quilt over her lap. She was wearing pajamas, and her hair was up in a ponytail. Her Bible was open, and a sweet smile graced her lips. “Hey, there. Are you excited about your adventure?”
“Ja, I have to say I am. I still feel bad leaving you.”
“Actually, I’m feeling better. I stopped cramping and spotting, so things are good. My doctor thinks it was stress.”
“Stress? Did I really stress you out showing up?”
“You didn’t, but maybe my worries about what you would think about me did. I mean, I know I told you to come anytime, but deep down I didn’t think you would—at least not this soon. I was worried what you would think of my house.”
“Are you kidding? It’s beautiful.”
“Ja, and we also have electric lights and a dishwasher, a phone and a dryer too.” Marianna lowered her head and fiddled with a thread on the quilt. “And I wasn’t going to say anything, but we also have a television. But I made Ben carry it downstairs and hide it.”
Rebecca sat on the couch next to Marianna’s feet. “And what did he say about that?”
“He said we live under grace and not law. He said as followers of Christ our goal is to live like Jesus did and not worry about man-made laws. He said we should strive for purity, not conformity.”
A burden sat heavy on Rebecca’s shoulders as she listened to those words. The smile on her face faded. “Is that what you think I’m doing: conforming?” She touched her kapp self-consciously.
“Ne.” The word shot from Marianna’s lips. “I didn’t mean it to sound that way—”
“But that is what I’m doing. I showed up in an Englisch skirt, and now I’m back in Amish dress.”
“Maybe so, but what one wears is between oneself and God. He should be the One who guides us, who directs His will for us. In fact . . .” She pointed to a large paper bag with handles sitting on the kitchen counter. “I packed up more of my Amish clothes for you. I know you left most of your things at home, and I thought you would like these. You can ask Ben. I wore my Amish clothes—even my kapp—for months after we were married. It’s hard to change too quickly. It might seem the right thing to do, but who says that everything has to change overnight? I don’t advise it.
“Being Amish was my identity—was your identity—for so long,” Marianna continued. “Just seek God and let Him guide you. Trust Him, not a hasty decision. There’s a Scripture verse that talks about God’s mercies being new every morning. I’m thankful they are, and I’m thankful I don’t have to figure it all out myself. I’m not who I was . . . but I know I’m not close to who I can be in God, either.”
“And now?” Rebecca pointed to Marianna’s ponytail. “Are you going to stop wearing a head covering completely?”
“Ach,” Marianna gasped. She patted her head. “I forgot I wasn’t wearing one. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t. And can I tell you a secret?”
“Ja.”
“Well, the reason I often wear one is because that’s the only way I know how to fix my hair. Ben insists I can get it cut and styled . . . but that seems like it would take so much time.”
Rebecca nodded and looked to the paper bag. Part of her wanted to tell Marianna that she’d only take her own things. Then she’d have to force herself to wear Englisch clothes along the way, and to confess to Caleb what her plans were. But the other part of her . . . Well, she mostly wanted to enjoy the next week. To enjoy being an Amish young woman who was being pursued by an Amish young man. She wanted to forget that soon everything—her whole life—would change.
“Ja, dressing Amish is easier, I suppose. No decisions.” Rebecca picked up the paper bag and opened the suitcase, placing the Amish clothes inside.
“You
can leave what you don’t need here. I mean, if you want to take a smaller bag with just what you need, instead of your whole suitcase.”
“No,” Rebecca answered quickly. “I’m going to take it all . . . just in case. If I don’t, I’m sure I’ll forget something.”
“And you don’t need anything else? A sleeping bag? A flashlight?”
Rebecca shook her head. “Ne. Caleb said that someone named Millie would be bringing everything else I need, even a jacket for the cool nights.”
“Millie is great.” Marianna sat straighter. “You’re going to love her. In fact, I see her truck coming up the road.”
Marianna rose and walked Rebecca to the door. “You’ll have fun, and I’m going to try to talk Ben into meeting the wagon train in Libby. It’s only an hour or two by car.”
Rebecca nodded. “That would be fun.” She wanted to tell Marianna that if her parents called, to not admit she was here, but it would be no use. Marianna would tell the truth no matter what.
They walked out the door as the truck parked. Rebecca didn’t know what she was expecting, but the stocky older woman with white hair permed into tight curls and the swagger of a cowboy wasn’t it. The woman’s face was a map of wrinkles, and she wore a wide smile.
“There ya are, sweetheart. Are you ready to go? Everything else is already at the store all loaded up. Now we’re just waiting for our most precious cargo.” Millie stretched out her hand. She shook Rebecca’s firmly and then grabbed the suitcase. When it was loaded in the back of her pickup truck, Millie pointed her thumb to the passenger seat. “Load ’em up!”
“I guess that means time to go.”
“Ja, and Millie’s not one to wait.” Marianna patted Rebecca’s shoulder. “I’ll see you in a few days, if we’re able to make it to Libby.”
Rebecca climbed into the truck. “Ja, I’ll like that!” She’d barely shut the door when Millie started the engine and put the truck into gear, heading in the direction of the store.
“I’m glad you’re coming. It’ll give those bachelors someone pretty to look at instead of an old crow like me.”
“I’m glad, too, but I’m pretty certain I don’t know what I’m getting myself into.”
Millie’s chuckle was deep and raspy. “I’ve lived enough years on this earth to know that it’s okay not to know. That’s part of the adventure, and it’s what trusting God is all about. I’ve spent many years learnin’.” And that one comment was all Millie needed to launch into her life. By the time they pulled up to the West Kootenai Kraft and Grocery, Rebecca knew more about Millie’s parents than she’d ever heard about her own grandparents.
When the truck stopped, Rebecca jumped out and retrieved her suitcase from the back. With a grin, Caleb stepped forward to introduce her around. “Rebecca, you know Amos already, and now Millie. I wanted you to meet Annie and Ike.” The two stood side by side, close enough that Rebecca thought there was a special friendship between them, but no closer than that. Rebecca understood why. Ike was an Amish bachelor in his midforties, she’d guess. No one would approve of his having a special relationship with a single Englisch woman. No one.
“Uncle Ike, I believe we met a few times when I was a child yet. I’m Marianna’s friend who never could keep her hair controlled and tucked under her kapp. I’m pretty sure that during the summer I never wore a pair of shoes.” She chuckled. “In fact, I’d hear from my mem all the time—she was so worried, I guess, that the neighbors would think I didn’t own a pair.”
“Ja, I remember.” He stroked his chin. “I’d pick out those large brown eyes anywhere, especially the humor in them.” Ike took a step closer and peered down. “Ja, I do believe you still have some secrets you’re hiding. Let’s hope they don’t have anything to do with missing peach preserves.”
Rebecca felt heat rising to her cheeks and tried to keep her tone light, as if his comment about trying to hide secrets hadn’t affected her.
“Oh no, I promise I didn’t sneak any of Marianna’s preserves and hide them in my suitcase. They still are my favorite, though.”
And before he had a chance to probe any more about her secrets, Rebecca turned to the woman standing next to him. She was just about Rebecca’s height, and she had a heart-shaped face and a long blond ponytail. She wore jeans, a flannel shirt, and hiking boots. Obviously the dress code up here in Montana.
Rebecca smiled at the woman. “And you must be Annie. Do I remember right that Marianna said you were the owner of the grocery?”
“Yup, that would be me. We’re excited you’re joining us. Any friend of Marianna’s is a friend of mine.”
There was a small group of other people standing around in the parking lot to see them off. Caleb stepped forward and took the suitcase from her hand. “I have a spot for this, right in back, next to all the food—the most important stuff.”
He walked to a horse-drawn covered wagon that appeared similar to the one on the cover of the Little House on the Prairie books she’d read as a child. There was one other similar wagon, and also a smaller wagon that had large rubber wheels—something that would never be allowed back in Indiana.
Caleb put her suitcase in the back of the first wagon and then turned to her. “I saved you a seat next to me. I hope you don’t mind.”
Tingles danced up and down Rebecca’s arms. “I, uh, guess not.” She looked around, waiting for someone else to object, but no one did.
Caleb offered her a hand. She reluctantly took it, and he helped her into the wagon. A cushion, like the kind people took with them to sit on in the bleachers during Amish baseball games, lay on the seat. Rebecca sat on it, liking the idea that Caleb had thought of it.
“We’ll see you in a week, give or take.” Caleb climbed aboard. The two other wagons were filled by people and supplies. Amos and Ike were in the first, and Annie and Millie in the second. Everyone was in high spirits, excited by the adventure. Their voices rose, nearly drowning out the sound of the rocks being spit from under the wheels of the first two wagons as they moved out.
“Head out, ho!” Caleb called to their two horses.
The animals started and moved right into an easy pace.
“I think they’re a little excited too.” He chuckled. “I’ll let them get a little energy out, and then we’ll settle in.”
“I can’t believe we’re doing this.” Rebecca pulled her sweater tighter around her. She didn’t know if the shiver she felt moving up and down her spine was from the chill in the air or from sitting next to Caleb. Her body rocked slightly from side to side with the movement of the covered wagon.
They passed the small Amish school, and the children rushed out the door. “Good-bye, good-bye!” they called.
Rebecca waved back. “I feel as if I’m in a parade.”
“Ja, and just wait until the end of the day. There will be other creatures eyeing us. And of course we’ll be eyeing them too.”
“What do you mean?”
“You didn’t hear? This is the best time of year to see wildlife. Bears especially will be scrounging the forests, looking to fill up their bellies before winter.”
“Bears?” Rebecca reached down and gripped the edge of the wooden seat. “You’re kidding, ja?”
“No. Why would I be kidding? Didn’t you look around, Rebecca? We’re heading into the wilderness.”
Caleb was silent then. He barely held the reins in his hand and instead looked to the sides, taking in the sights of the houses along the roadway. Rebecca did too.
Even though she’d been here in the West Kootenai area for a few days, she hadn’t really taken the time to look around. They’d driven around the area in Marianna’s truck, and Rebecca had missed so much. It was nice to take everything in at a slower pace. When she was a child, one of her favorite things had been to enjoy time in the buggy with her family, but as she’d gotten older, she’d forgotten that. It had been easier to get rides into town for work from Lora or other friends. And in a strange way, things felt right that she
was here with Caleb now, moving at the pace of the horses and wearing Amish dress. If anything, it was a reminder to appreciate what she had. It also gave her the resolve that this was what she wanted to return to after nursing school. She didn’t know if her family or community would accept her, but at least she would try.
They passed a house that was in the process of being built. A meadow stretched beyond it, and behind that was the mountain range that rose up from the valley. Pine trees covered its slopes in a beautiful bluish-green color that Rebecca hadn’t seen in nature before.
“See that house?” Caleb interrupted her thoughts. “We were working on that for an Amish couple who was planning to move here from back east, but construction stopped when they decided to stay where they were.”
“Why did they decide to stay?”
“Well, when we talked to them, it was clear that both of their families didn’t approve. They say that it’s not good to be so far away from those in your community. They believe it’s an excuse to act in ways you shouldn’t. To make Englisch friends and to indulge in the ways of the world. Everyone thinks that because the place has no bishop, everyone does whatever they please.”
“I know. The same things were said about this place when the Sommer family moved here. And then when Marianna decided to leave the Amish and marry Ben, well, that just confirmed what they’d been thinking.”
Caleb glanced over at her. “I don’t know the family well, but sometimes I wonder if there is some truth behind those rumors. Me and some of the other bachelors came for adventure, but I’m still not sure what draws a family. Life is harder—the weather, the work, making a living. Maybe deep down they do want to test and see what it would be like to live beyond a large community.
“Abe Sommer, Marianna’s dat, told us that he was worried about his younger sons following his older son’s antics. Yet Levi has joined the church, gotten married, and is raising his own son, but they still haven’t returned.”
“See? Do you understand what I’m saying, ja? People have reasons why they leave their communities back east.”
