by Sarah Noffke
“The biggest problem, Soph,” Rudolf began good-naturedly, “is that you don’t look like a fae, and there is zero way you are getting into the Fae National History Museum looking like a dumb, plain old magician.”
Liv coughed rather loudly, making Captain Kirk move around.
“My apologies,” Rudolf said to her, bowing slightly before looking back at Sophia. “Right now, you look like a smart but plain magician.”
“Right,” Sophia replied, realizing her error. “I don’t know how to remedy that.”
“But Soph,” Liv encouraged. “You are the best at disguises. Just glamour your appearance. Fae can’t see through glamour like giants. You should be fine.”
Sophia’s heart swelled with pride. It had been a long time since she’d had to rely on that skill. Before the Dragon Elite, she used to help Liv with disguises, helping her get ready for her warrior missions for the House of Fourteen.
Sophia had used the skill when she was younger and had little use for magic besides to turn herself or her stuffed animals into things. As a child, she had hidden in oil paintings or become stone statues in the garden, but since coming to the Dragon Elite, her skills had been about combat and riding and other things. The disguising spell she had perfected was going to come in handy, she realized. It would be how she would sneak into the Fae National History Museum.
The disguising spell wasn’t an easy spell, but Sophia had learned it long ago and perfected it.
She pointed a finger at herself, pressed her eyes shut, and made a wish.
Sophia opened her eyes and looked at her sister and Rudolf with trepidation, waiting for their reactions.
They both gave her uncertain glares at first. Liv didn’t seem to recognize her. Rudolf seemed in love. They both engulfed her with hugs.
“You are perfect,” they both said in unison, hugging her tightly.
She allowed a smile to unfurl on her face before pulling away. Sophia chanced a glance in the mirror to spy the glamour she had created.
Sophia studied her reflection. She was a beautiful fae with perfect blonde hair arranged in ringlets down her back. Her cheekbones were high, and her face was framed by pointy ears. On her back were large blue wings and, on her face, a sneaky grin like she was hiding a devilishly fun secret. All the rest of her was perfect as well.
It wasn’t that Sophia didn’t think she was pretty in her normal body, but the fae were like gods and goddesses, like Queen Anastasia Crystal, pure works of art. They were instant love magnets, and it was almost impossible for anyone to resist them.
She would have no trouble waltzing into the Fae’s National History Museum looking as she did. Breaking through the security of the place and stealing their most prized possession was going to be more challenging.
“Are you ready to go?” Rudolf asked excitedly like a Labrador retriever about to dive into the water after a bone.
Sophia pulled her eyes away from the beautiful figure that stared back at her in the mirror. “Yeah, right.”
Sophia didn’t know how they were going to steal the captain’s hat. They would have to do a quick reconnaissance job before they crafted the strategy. The biggest problem was she had to pull off this mission with the most incompetent and most competent fae possible. How could those two people be the same person, she wondered, looking at King Rudolf Sweetwater.
“Okay, let’s go,” she commanded, encouraging him toward the door as she waved at Liv. Rudolf was looking back longingly at the three sleeping infants as Sophia ushered him to the door.
Her sister waved back, and just as they rounded out of her room, right on cue, all three babies started wailing like they were madder than hell.
Chapter Ninety-Six
King Rudolf Sweetwater held tight to the stuffed animal as they left the Castle and down the steps onto the Expanse.
Sophia tried to tell herself the green of the grass hadn’t dulled since the day before, but she wasn’t buying it. Already the Gullington was degrading, as it had done before Mama Jamba saved it.
She tried to open a portal, and to her relief, it didn’t work. That meant at least the Barrier was still in place. She hoped Rory and Bermuda Laurens were able to keep it intact.
At least until I return, she thought, looking back over her shoulder at the Castle. Her heart sank. It was starting to crumble. Not good.
“Sophia, what do you want to be when you grow up?” Rudolf asked, hugging Fluffy tightly as they walked to the Barrier, where he could portal them to wherever the Fae National History Museum was located.
She shook her head at him. “Rudolf, I’m a dragonrider for the Elite.”
“I get you’re stuck in this position,” he said with a sympathetic smile. “But when you get free of this obligation, what do you want to be?”
Sophia couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, although I’m young, I consider myself pretty grown up. I think I’ll stick around as a dragonrider for what I hope is the rest of my long life.”
They walked on in silence for a few minutes before Rudolf said, “Aren’t you going to ask me the same question?”
Sophia tilted her head at him, although she realized it was the head of the fae she was impersonating. “Yeah, I guess. But you are the king of the fae. I don’t think there is any upward mobility from there.”
He nodded. “Yeah, it’s sort of a dead-end job. But if I could choose a different position, well, I would like to be a window washer.”
Sophia should have known by this point that she could expect strange stuff to come out of Rudolf’s mouth. He constantly surprised her with the things he said. Maybe that was part of his charm. Even when one expected Rudolf to say something ridiculous, he pushed the boundary, saying something even weirder than one fathomed.
“Why a window washer?” Sophia asked, grateful for the conversation taking her mind off her worries about the Gullington.
“Well, because I like heights and having a nice view,” he answered thoughtfully.
Sophia smiled. “That actually makes sense as a reason to choose the profession.”
“Well and also,” Rudolf went on, “I like the idea of making other’s views of the world clearer, cleaner. Without window washers, when we looked out, what we see would be obstructed by dirt and grime. But window washers, they make everything clear.”
Once again, he’d done it. King Rudolf Sweetwater had surprised Sophia. “Wow, that makes perfect sense. How very thoughtful of you.”
He nodded. “I’m really thoughtful. Okay, so we need to figure out our story.”
“What do you mean?” she asked. “What story?”
“Well, we need to have a backstory to tell the guards and museum staff when we do our investigations. I think we really need to flesh out our characters. You know, figure out their motivation, their fears, their dreams,” Rudolf explained. It had been a while since he’d been to the Fae National History Museum, and he didn’t know where the captain’s hat was located or the security surrounding it, so they’d pretend to be patrons of the arts first to figure out their strategy.
“Um, Rudolf, you’re the king of the fae,” she told him. “I don’t think you’ll be able to pull off a disguise. You’re probably the most recognizable fae in the world, especially to your own kind.”
He let out a disappointed breath. “Fine, but you need a story. You can be my hand towel assistant.”
“You’re not actually referring to someone who gives you a towel after you wash your hands, are you?” she questioned.
He nodded. “I absolutely am. That would be my second-choice job if I was afforded such luxuries.”
“Why would that person follow you around?” Sophia demanded. “Why wouldn’t you just have bathroom attendants?”
“I can’t trust every bathroom to have those, so I bring my own with me,” he explained.
“Of course, you do,” she said dryly.
“Of course, I don’t trust the competency levels of just any bathroom attendant, so I bring my very skil
led and expertly trained one,” Rudolf pointed out. “You went to school for this and specialized in hand towels.”
“How very ambitious of me,” Sophia stated with no enthusiasm. “Is it bad that I’m a female? Shouldn’t you have a male hand towel attendant?”
Rudolf let out a loud gasp. “Seriously, Sophia, sometimes I really doubt your judgment. Like I would want another man looking over my shoulder when I’m in the Whiz Palace.”
“Did you just call it the ‘Whiz Palace?’”
“I borrowed the term. But this is for your benefit,” Rudolf promised. “Imagine you are the CEO of the Whiz Palace. That will really get you places.”
“I can only imagine,” she responded with no inflection.
“Okay, and your name can’t be Sophia,” Rudolf went on. “Your name is going to be Courtney Marie Annaliese Merriweather.”
“I just wish it was longer,” she joked.
He nodded. “We can give you a formal title. How about Hand Towel Industries Chief Executive Officer Courtney Marie Annaliese Merriweather?”
“Cool,” she agreed as they passed through the Barrier. “I’m ready for you to open the portal to this mystery location for the Fae National History Museum.”
“You got it,” Rudolf said, taking the lead. “Don’t think that you can figure out the location of the museum. It is top secret.”
She nodded. “Of course. I’m sure I won’t figure it out.”
Chapter Ninety-Seven
“Is that the Eiffel Tower over there?” Sophia asked after they stepped through the portal. They stood in front of a large stone building, but towering in the distance was undoubtedly one of the most recognizable structures in the world.
“Yeah, but that won’t really tell you where we are,” Rudolf answered, glancing over his shoulder at the building.
“We are in Paris,” Sophia declared.
His mouth popped open as his eyes widened. “How do you know that?”
“Lucky guess,” Sophia replied.
“Okay, well, don’t tell anyone or everyone will find out about our secret location.”
Sophia glanced at the large sign in front of the Fae National History Museum. “You’re worried about me spoiling the secret?”
Plastered across the giant sign were the words: Secret Location for Old Fae Things.
“What?” Rudolf asked, looking between Sophia and the sign, his brow wrinkled.
“Don’t you think the sign makes what this is a bit obvious?”
He frowned. “I don’t think so. I mean, it says it’s a secret. And it doesn’t say it’s a museum.” Rudolf sighed. “Really, Sophia, you understand so very little about how things work.”
“Yeah, I don’t get it, obviously.”
Sophia had always known the fae weren’t the brightest magical race, but now she seriously wondered how they’d survived this long without falling into extinction. It looked like the trip to the Fae National History Museum would yield more than just a captain’s hat. Hopefully, she’d learn how the airhead fae had survived when just about anything should have wiped them out.
When they were at the top of the stairs, Sophia was even more surprised to find a small sign on the front door that read, “Don’t forget to give us a review on Yelp.”
She pointed. “The Fae National History Museum is on Yelp, and you’re worried about keeping the location a secret?”
Rudolf sighed like he was about to explain rudimentary math to a grown adult. “Sophia, it’s listed on Yelp under Super Secret Fae Place with Old Things. Again, no one will know what that is.”
“I think you just have to be glad I don’t think anyone cares,” she told him.
“Well, you care, which is why you’re here,” he argued. Rudolf lowered his voice. “Now remember you promised, you’re just borrowing the captain’s hat, right? Then you’ll return it?”
She nodded. “Yeah, once I give it to Quiet, I’ll give it back.”
Rudolf shook his head. “To think, Captain Quiet, the gnome I named the girls after was dying in that castle where I was just hanging out. That is really cool.”
Sophia gave him a murderous expression. “Hey, watch it. Quiet isn’t dying. Even if he is, he won’t. That’s why I’m here. I’m going to save him. Or at least give him the motivation to want to save himself.”
Rudolf opened the door to the Fae National History Museum, directing the way with a welcoming hand. “Okay, let’s go and see some things, person who is a fae and not at all a magician.”
Sophia shook her head at the well-meaning fae. “Thanks. Very subtle.”
Chapter Ninety-Eight
Soft music filled the air of the museum, which was lit with pastel-colored lights. Even from the entryway, Sophia could tell the place would be beautiful. The walls were covered in gold, and the floors appeared to be made of diamond. The high ceilings were full of intricate designs.
At the front desk was a receptionist flanked by uniformed guards. She lowered her head as Rudolf and Sophia approached.
All three individuals were gorgeous. Sophia hadn’t been around a lot of fae since Liv said going to Las Vegas would kill most of her brain cells. Mainly just King Rudolf Sweetwater.
It was hard for Sophia to not stare at them. All their features were in perfect symmetry and proportion. Their brightly colored wings framed their perfect bodies. They could have all been models with their perfect hair and skin.
“King Rudolf Sweetwater,” the woman said, raising her head from bowing. “What an honor it is to have you here.”
“Thank you, Rosephanye,” Rudolf said after glancing at the woman’s name tag.
Sophia muffled a laugh. The name tag didn’t have a name. It simply said, “Receptionist.”
He held out his hand and presented Sophia. “This is my hand towel attendant, Chief Officer Executive Courtney Marie Annaliese Merriweather.”
The receptionist nodded at her. “It is nice to meet you, Chief Officer Executive Courtney Marie Annaliese Merriweather.”
She pulled out a name tag and began to write Sophia’s full name and title on it.
“Oh, you don’t have to—”
The receptionist glanced up, her expression making Sophia halt.
“You don’t have to use only one name tag,” Sophia amended. The fae were very strange.
The receptionist handed two name tags over. “Now, here’s a map of the Fae National History Museum. At the bottom, you’ll see a box that tells you what the symbols represent. For instance, the restrooms are marked with a symbol of a man and woman.”
Sophia nodded, taking the paper map. “Yeah, a key.”
Rudolf jerked his head in her direction, giving her a scolding expression. “How would you know Chief Officer Executive Courtney Marie Annaliese Merriweather, since you only went to towel attendant college?”
“Oh…” Sophia sucked in a sudden breath, taking in the shocked expressions of the receptionist and guards. “I guessed.”
“A key,” the receptionist said like it was a brand new word to her. “That’s a great term for it. Key. I’m going to start using that.”
Sophia nodded. “Good idea.”
“Now, is there any exhibit you’re interested in?” the woman asked. “I can point you in that direction.”
“Well, we are definitely not here to steal anything,” Rudolf stated loudly.
Sophia covered her eyes with her hand and wondered if she should kill Rudolf now or wait until later when he ruined everything. She decided Liv would be peeved if she had to take on the responsibility of raising his children and decided against killing him.
“I believe,” Sophia said, giving him a stern expression, “you said, you wanted to browse around today. Right, King Rudolf Sweetwater?”
He gave her a confused expression. “I thought you wanted to take the—”
Swiftly, and covered by the receptionist's desk, Sophia kicked the fae in the shin. He grabbed his leg and began jumping around.
“Ouch, tha
t hurt,” Rudolf exclaimed.
The guards jumped forward, checking the area over. “What is it?”
Rudolf gave Sophia an irritated expression, which she returned.
“Oh, right,” he said, drawing out the words. “We are simply here to browse around. That is all.”
The guards nodded and resumed their former positions. “Please let us know if you need anything, King Rudolf Sweetwater,” one of them said.
Rudolf leaned forward, reading the man’s name tag, which read: Guard.
“Well, Gavin, I’m really interested in upping my security measures at my palace,” Rudolf began. “What can you tell me about the systems you use here to protect our treasures?”
“Systems?” Not-Gavin asked.
“How do I put this in a way you’ll understand?” Rudolf thought for a moment.
Sophia couldn’t believe she was around fae who were dumber than Rudolf Sweetwater.
“How about ways you protect your treasures?” Sophia supplied.
“Protect…” One guard looked at the other like he could define the word.
The second guard shrugged.
Rudolf read the other guard’s name tag. “Oh, cool, you two have the same name. That makes things easy. Gavin and Gavin, what ways do you keep thieves from taking things in here?”
“Oh,” both Not-Gavins said in unison, comprehension dawning.
“Well, we don’t have alarms, lasers, or actual systems, to stop bad gnomes from stealing things,” one of the guards supplied.
“Gnomes?” Sophia questioned.
“Well, everyone knows they are the ones who can’t be trusted,” Not-Gavin Number One said.
Not-Gavin Number Two nodded. “Yeah, really, we don’t worry about any of the other magical races.”
“Or fae, am I right?” Rudolf asked, elbowing Sophia, a wide victorious grin on his face. He leaned over. “This is going to be easy.”
