Need You Now

by Beth Wiseman

  When she finally pulled away from him, he whispered her name. “I’ve wanted to do that for as long as I can remember.” He reached for her again, but Darlene backed up, a full realization of what she’d done slamming into her like a truck that wouldn’t stop crushing her. She backed up even farther.

  “You have to go. Now.” She swallowed hard, Brad’s face everywhere.

  “Darlene, it’s okay,” Dave said, holding a hand out to her as he eased forward. “This was bound to happen, and—”

  “No . . . It was not bound to happen. And it shouldn’t have happened. I’m sorry. I don’t know . . .” Her eyes started to burn with tears. No matter what Brad had done, two wrongs didn’t make a right, and Darlene couldn’t stand the person inhabiting her body right now. “Please go.”

  “Sweetie . . .”

  “Don’t, Dave. Don’t call me that.” She stared at the ground, not wanting to look up at him. He put a hand on her arm.

  “I’ll go. But please, Darlene. Don’t beat yourself up about this. It was just a kiss.”

  Darlene knew it was more than just a simple kiss, and she was lost in a river of guilt. “I know,” she said, for lack of knowing what else to say and not wanting Dave to think it was anything more than a kiss. “It just shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have . . .” I shouldn’t have initiated it.

  Dave moved closer, and Darlene could feel her heart pounding against her chest. She didn’t move when he leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. Instead, she started to cry. He pulled her into his arms. “Sweet Darlene. It’s okay. We didn’t do anything.” He eased her away, touched her wet cheek with his thumb. “But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about you all the time.” He kissed her on the cheek.

  “I can’t do this.” I don’t want to do this. She backed away. “Please tell Cara bye for me. I need you to go. I’ll worry about the chickens later.”

  Dave didn’t move for a few moments.

  “Please, Dave.”

  He held up a hand. “Okay. I’m leaving. But, Darlene, I’m here if you need anything.”

  She nodded, knowing that what she needed was a swift kick in the butt. She waited until she heard Dave’s car pull out of the driveway before she left the barn.

  It took her two hours to round up the chickens and get them back in their cage, and the entire time, she pictured the look on Brad’s face if he found out what she’d just done.

  Intermingled with that image was the image of Brad kissing another woman, possibly more. What is happening to us?

  Once all the birds were secure, she slid down the outside of the chicken cage, put her head in her hands, and cried. Good Darlene would be praying right now, but Bad Darlene had nothing to say to God. Shame engulfed her, and she wished God couldn’t see her, couldn’t hear her thoughts, couldn’t be as disappointed with her as she was with herself.

  But He knew.

  And she’d never felt more alone in her life.

  Dave waited until Cara was settled at home, coloring at the kitchen table, before he allowed himself to think about what had happened with Darlene. Something had possessed her to kiss him first, but she’d clearly regretted it. However, his thoughts didn’t end there. She’d kissed him back, passionately, the way a wife kisses her husband. And that left him feeling both hopeful and ashamed. He’d never kissed another man’s wife. Nor had he ever wanted another man’s wife. He dialed her home phone number, but as he’d expected an answering machine picked up. He didn’t leave a message.

  As he paced the kitchen, he thought about Julie and wondered if she was looking down from heaven, shaking her head. Worse yet, God knew what he’d done. But for all his knowledge of those facts, he knew that he wouldn’t have changed anything. The feel of Darlene’s mouth on his, and the way she’d responded to him, left him craving more. Husband or no husband.

  Grace sat down beside Skylar at lunch, like she had since the first day of school this year, despite the looks she got from Glenda and her other former lunch buddies. But those girls weren’t her friends. Skylar was her best friend.

  When Chad slid into a chair beside Skylar and set his plate down, Grace’s muscles tensed.

  “What are you doing here, Chad? Go sit with that dumb group of guys you hang out with.” Grace glared at him, then glanced at Skylar, who just smiled.

  “Shut up, Grace.” He turned to Skylar. “I got tickets to Festival Hill for tomorrow. There’s a percussion performance that’s supposed to be really cool. Wanna go?”

  Grace’s heart beat faster when Skylar nodded and said, “Sure.”

  She loved her brother, no matter how stupid he was sometimes. And she loved Skylar. But the thought of them together freaked her out. Skylar was her friend, and she wanted to tell Chad to back off and go find someone else to date. But when Skylar batted her eyes at Chad, Grace knew that she was losing her. Skylar would start hanging out with Chad, not Grace.

  She thought back to the way she’d treated Skylar at school last year, and she figured she had this coming. But she wasn’t going to give Skylar up without a fight.

  “I heard Cindy telling some girls in math today that you guys were going to get back together.” Grace stuffed a fry in her mouth.

  Chad grunted, then quickly looked at Skylar. “Not true. Cindy lies about everything. There is no chance we are getting back together.”

  Skylar smiled, and Grace wanted to smack them both and say, “No, no, no. The two of you can’t date.” But she wasn’t sure it was a rational thought, and for sure, it was selfish. Just the same, Chad didn’t always treat the girls he dated well. Grace would warn Skylar about him later.

  She sighed, knowing that if she did that, though, she would be hurting her brother. She didn’t want that either. But she couldn’t stand the thought of Skylar and Chad hanging out, without her.

  Darlene answered the phone on the third ring when she saw it was Brad calling. She broke out in a cold sweat at the sound of his voice, and she wondered how she was ever going to face him after what she’d done. But when he told her that he would be home really late this evening, her indiscretion suddenly seemed almost justified.

  “How late?” She heard her voice shake and wondered if he did.

  “I probably won’t be home until around nine tonight. The meeting doesn’t start until six.”

  “Who’s the meeting with?” She stiffened as she wondered what Barbara looked like. Was she tall and thin? Was she younger than Darlene?

  “It’s a partners’ meeting.”

  Brad hesitated before he answered. Or did he? Was she just paranoid? “Okay.”

  “Love you. See you tonight.”

  She heard the phone line go dead. Love you too.

  Layla jumped off her horse, tethered him to the pole near the barn, and walked to meet Darlene at her car. Her friend’s eyes were red and puffy.

  “I kissed Dave Schroeder,” Darlene blurted out, throwing her arms in the air.

  “You did what?” Layla looked at her friend for a long moment. This was the last thing she would have expected to come out of Darlene’s mouth. She brushed the dirt from her clothes before taking Darlene’s arm. “Okay. Come on in. Let’s talk about this.” Once inside, she put her arm around Darlene and led her to the couch. “Sit.” Layla took the chair across from her friend. “What happened?”

  After Darlene filled her in on the details of her hanky-panky in the barn, Layla’s first reaction was to tell Darlene that what she’d done wasn’t all that bad, but she suspected Darlene thought it was the most horrible thing she’d ever done in her life. “Then you just forgive yourself, Darlene, and don’t let it happen again. Pray about it.”

  “I don’t feel like praying about it, Layla.” Darlene ground the words out between her teeth.

  Layla grimaced. This seemed incredibly ironic. Not very long ago, it was Layla who refused to commune with God. But when she’d finally reopened that door, her life had changed so much. For the better. She needed to make sure that Darl
ene didn’t close the door—and that she didn’t leave it closed for as long as Layla had.

  “Pray anyway.” Layla spoke the words forcefully.

  Darlene glared at Layla. “I’ll pray when I feel like it.”

  Hmm . . . Darlene was itching for an argument. Probably needed someone to blame. And Layla knew from experience that God was an easy mark. “Okay.” She kicked off one of her boots, then the other. “So what are you going to do now?”

  “Tell Brad, I guess.”

  “Whoa, wait a minute.” Layla leaned her elbows on her knees. “Sure you want to do that?”

  “Yes. And while I’m at it, I’ll ask him about Barbara. And I’ll ask him how his so-called late meeting at work went tonight. Then I’ll pull out the phone bill and throw it in his face. Then I’ll . . .” She started to cry. “Why is this happening?”

  Layla just stared at her for a minute. Her life in Hollywood had dealt her some hard blows, many of them self-inflicted, but she figured Darlene had led a relatively sheltered life compared to hers. This was hard on her. She stood up and walked to the couch.

  “Honey, listen to me. You can get through all of this, no matter what you or Brad has done. The key word here is forgiveness. You have to forgive each other.” She paused, reached for Darlene’s hand. “And . . . you have to forgive yourself. Do you hear me?”

  Darlene squeezed her hand. “I just want everything back to the way it was.”

  “It might not ever be the way it was.” Layla paused. “But it might be even better. There’ll be an honesty to your relationship that you didn’t have before.”

  “Don’t try to tell me that this is all good, that our relationship will improve because of bad choices we’ve made.”

  “You don’t know why everything is happening the way it is. God has a plan, that’s all I’m saying.”

  Darlene tensed at the mention of God, a reaction that was painfully familiar to Layla. She knew she was being called to help Darlene the same way Darlene had helped her. Just through Darlene’s kindness and gentle mentions of God, Layla had begun to open her mind and heart again, and through prayer, she’d found her way home to Him. Nothing would ever be the same for Layla, and even though she would never stop hurting over losing Marissa, a part of her was at peace. And she knew that was all due to God.

  “Maybe I should just sleep with Dave, then we’d be even.” Darlene shot her an icy smile.

  “If you think that would make you feel better.” Layla figured she’d fuel the fire a bit and help Darlene release all those emotions that Layla knew she had bottled up.

  “Of course it wouldn’t make me feel better, Layla!” Darlene jumped up from the couch. “Two wrongs don’t make a right, as the saying goes. I’m not lowering myself to that!”

  Layla stared at her. “Fine. Then what are you going to do?”

  Darlene stomped her foot. “This is Brad’s fault. I would have never kissed Dave if . . .”

  Layla waited, figuring that within the next five minutes, Darlene would blame everyone she could, including Layla. She knew Darlene needed to feel it, go with it. Then, afterward, Layla would straighten her out once and for all.

  Darlene blamed Dave for coming on to her, Brad for his infidelity, God for abandoning her, and herself for being a bad mother to Grace and a bad wife to Brad. Then, as expected, she threw Layla into the mix.

  “I should have taken the hint . . . the way he’s always looking at you, like he wants to . . .”

  “That’s enough!” Layla stood up and pointed a finger at her. “You don’t know what Brad has or hasn’t done, and now you’re just making things up to justify what you did. So just stop it.” She nodded toward the couch. “You sit your butt down, missy. I’m going to tell you something, and you listen up.”

  “Don’t boss me around like I’m a child.” Darlene sniffled as she folded her arms across her chest, and Layla tried to remember who she was dealing with. She took a deep breath, let it out slowly.

  “Darlene, please sit down on the couch so I can talk to you for a minute.”

  “I’ll stand.”

  “Sit.” Layla sat down on the couch and pointed to the spot beside her. Darlene huffed a bit, then sat down.

  “Sweetheart . . .” Layla sighed. “You are in a dangerous place right now. Some people flee to God when they have problems, and others run from Him. I think I ran from Him because I was ashamed and blamed myself for Marissa’s death, the breakup of my marriage, and I couldn’t seem to get over all the bad things I’d done in my life. I felt like God gave up on me. But I think He used you, Darlene, to help get me back on track. And in a strange turn of events here, I’m begging you . . . turn to Him for guidance. Don’t let yourself get so detached that it’s hard to find your way back. Don’t let it happen with Brad. And don’t let it happen with God.”

  Darlene didn’t say anything.

  “I want you to know that for the first time in many, many years, I have hope. And everything that you are going through right now will pass. But, honey, turn to Him. You need Him now more than ever.”

  Darlene started to cry, and Layla reached over and pulled her close. She rubbed her hair like she’d done for Marissa when she’d been sad, and she cried along with her friend.

  “I love you, Layla.”

  Layla wept as she silently thanked God for His wonder. She’d never had a best friend. And Darlene was a gift. Thank You, Lord, for Darlene. Please help her through this difficult time, and . . . don’t let her lose her way.

  “I love you too, sweetheart,” she said, sniffling. “And we are both going to be just fine.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Grace paced back and forth in Dr. Brooks’s office after the doctor excused herself to take an emergency phone call. Then she made her way to the doctor’s bookshelves. Mostly medical books, and she noticed books Dr. Brooks had written. There were also pictures of Dr. Brooks’s three children. Grace thought they were around nine, fourteen, and seventeen. They’d talked about her children a little, and the doctor seemed like a good mother.

  She turned around when Dr. Brooks walked in. “Grace, I’m so sorry. I had to take that call.” Dr. Brooks took a tissue and dabbed at tiny beads of sweat on her forehead, then sat down in one of the high-back chairs. Grace took her position on the couch.

  “Is everything okay?” Grace wasn’t sure, but it looked like maybe the doctor had tears in her eyes.

  Dr. Brooks locked eyes with Grace. “I hope so. I have a patient . . .” Dr. Brooks paused. “Actually she’s a cutter, but she went too far, and now she’s in the hospital.”

  Grace swallowed hard but didn’t say anything.

  “Does it bother you that I told you that?” Dr. Brooks put on her black reading glasses and moved her pad and pen to her lap. She scribbled something on the paper, then looked up at Grace.

  “A little.” Grace didn’t like to hear about anyone hurt or in the hospital, cutter or otherwise.

  “This patient had been making lots of progress, but she had a setback.” Dr. Brooks leaned back in her chair. “How are you feeling?” She crossed her legs and peered at Grace over the top of her glasses. “Any problems? Any more urges to cut?”

  Grace shook her head. “I feel great. No problems.”

  Dr. Brooks nodded, wrote some notes. “Good, good. How’s school so far this year?”

  “Good.”

  Dr. Brooks put her pen on her lap, then took off her glasses. “Grace, I’d thought we’d been making some progress, but lately I feel as though you just tell me what I want to hear.”

  Maybe the doctor was having a bad day, but she’d never spoken to Grace in such an impatient tone. “I don’t.”

  “Yes, you do. And we’ve talked about this.” Dr. Brooks leaned forward slightly. “So. Everything in your life is perfect? School is great? Not one worry in the entire world? Because if that’s the case, you are indeed a lucky girl.”

  What kind of quack doctor is this? Bring back Dr. Brooks. Grace shr
ugged. “I guess I’m lucky then.”

  “I guess so.”

  Did Dr. Brooks just roll her eyes? Is she allowed to do that? Grace glanced at the clock.

  “Oh, we’ll still have our entire session. Don’t worry.”

  Grace opened her mouth, unsure how to respond to this new Dr. Brooks. “Okay.”

  Dr. Brooks stared long and hard at her. “Still no urge to cut?”

  “Nope.” Grace folded her hands in her lap, bored with this same line of questioning, although feeling a bit unnerved by the doctor’s attitude.

  “Really? Because I don’t believe you.” Dr. Brooks put her pad and pen on the table and raised her chin.

  “Whatever.” Grace looked away from her and tucked her hair behind her ears. “I feel fine.”

  Silence. Long, eerie silence. After a full minute, Dr. Brooks spoke up.

  “I think you’re lying to me, Grace. I think you do have the urge to cut, but you come in here and lie to me every week. That’s what I think.”

  Grace’s hands started to shake as her bottom lip trembled. “How can you say that? I don’t lie.”

  “Really? Because that’s what my other patient said, and she’s in the hospital right now fighting for her life. So I don’t want anything but the truth from you.”

  Grace couldn’t believe this. “Look. I don’t know what happened with your other patient, but it’s unethical for you to even be comparing us. I’m pretty sure that’s not allowed!” Grace heard her voice rise as she folded her arms across her chest.

  “Don’t talk to me about unethical. Talk to me about the things in your life that bother you. Everyone has things that bother them.”

  Nice try. “Well, I don’t.”

  Dr. Brooks stared at her again, and Grace was tempted to run out of the room. “How are things at home?”

  “Things at home are just fine.” Grace was as sarcastic as she could be.