Sheltered Love

by Mj Williamz

  “I understand what you’re saying. But you make it seem so easy. You don’t know Tanner.”

  “I know men like him. I’ve known plenty like him in my life, Phoebe. And I know you will win this battle. Because you deserve a life of happiness.”

  “I do?”

  “Yes, you do,” Boone said. “And you’ll have it. You just have to believe in us. And in yourself.”

  “I wish I had as much faith in me as you guys do.”

  “You’ve learned to over the time you’ve been here,” Grey said. “You just need to remember all you’ve learned and not let it all slip away.”

  “I’ll try.”

  “Good. Are you going to be able to get some sleep? Or do you want to go watch some TV? What would you like to do?” Grey asked.

  “I think I’d like to be alone. I’ll just read until bedtime.”

  “Okay,” Grey said. “If you need one of us, you just call, okay?”

  “I think I’ll be okay. I feel better now. Thank you.”

  Boone walked Grey back to her office and waited while she charted notes about what had happened.

  “I really admire you and the work you do,” Boone said.

  “It’s not easy, but the success stories outweigh the failures, which makes it all worthwhile. And I really believe Phoebe will be a success story.”

  “I sure hope so.”

  “May I ask why you’re still here? You don’t need to stay, you know. I think she’s fine.”

  “Actually, I was hoping you’d give me a ride back to the restaurant to pick up my truck.”

  “Oh my God,” Grey said. “I completely forgot about that. I’m sorry. Let’s go.”

  “Only if you’re ready.”

  “There’s nothing left for me to do here tonight. Tanner’s not coming back. Phoebe’s under control, and my staff knows how to reach me if they need me.”

  “Great then. I’ll take that ride now.”

  They drove to the restaurant in silence. Boone wanted to talk to Grey about her feelings, but felt it was an inappropriate time. She wanted Grey with every fiber of her being and didn’t know how much longer she’d be able to be around her without acting on it.

  Grey parked next to the truck and turned to face Boone.

  “Thank you for all you’ve done,” she said.

  “I haven’t done much good. I let Tanner find the shelter. I’m responsible for this whole mess.”

  “But you were there for Phoebe after. And it’s not really your fault. How could you have known he’d follow you? Much less come back? And you helped keep me calm during the whole ordeal. For this I’m grateful.”

  Boone watched Grey’s lips move. They called to her. She quit thinking, quit doubting herself, and leaned in for a kiss. Their lips met and the familiar fire surged inside her. When she felt Grey respond, she grew dizzy with need. She put her hand behind Grey’s head and pulled her closer.

  When the kiss ended, Boone looked into Grey’s eyes.

  “Should I apologize?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “But you’re not sure?”

  “I’m so confused, Boone.”

  “I’m sorry. I’ll get going.”

  She felt Grey’s hand on her arm.

  “Please don’t go. Not yet.”

  Boone leaned back in her seat.

  “I don’t know what to say, Grey. I still have feelings for you.”

  “And I have feelings for you.”

  “So why are we fighting this?”

  “I wish I could remember.”

  “It’s all because of the bar. And that’s not going anywhere.”

  “I know. But it all made sense at the time. And now it’s all jumbled in my mind.”

  “Maybe I need to give you more time to sort through your feelings,” Boone said.

  “It’s just that you and your staff are irresponsible and I can’t respect you for that. I need to know that you won’t overserve people to the point of intoxication.”

  “You don’t respect me?” Boone couldn’t believe her ears. There was no reason for that. “I work hard at what I do and I do the best damned job I know how to do. You have a misguided notion of what running a bar is.”

  “I know it requires the guts to cut people off sometimes and I don’t see you or your staff having those guts.”

  “I’ve told you. We’ve had meetings. We’ve stepped up awareness. I don’t know what else you want me to do.”

  “I want it to stop,” Grey said. “I want it no longer to be an issue at The Boonies.”

  “You’re being unfair,” Boone said. She was making leaps and strides to try to make sure her bar was following every letter of the law. She resented being told she wasn’t.

  “I’m being honest, Boone. And you need to be honest with yourself. You have the party boi image and you like it. But part of that means getting drunk at the bar and letting others do the same. It’s not okay.”

  “But you had fun with me. At the bar. You can’t deny that.”

  “I would just like to see you enjoy it with less alcohol being served.”

  “I don’t think we have an overserving problem. Maybe we did, but we’ve gotten better. I think you’re the one with problems. And you need to get over them and learn to trust. I’ll see you around.”

  Boone climbed out of the car and slammed the door. She was pissed and wanted Grey to know it. She drove home to her empty house and poured herself a drink. She took one sip and thought of Grey’s words.

  To hell with her, she thought as she tossed back the rest of her bourbon.

  *

  Grey was miserable the next day at work. She tried to focus on anything she could put her mind to, but nothing was working. She was afraid she’d finally ruined her chances with Boone for good. But that was a good thing, right? The bar was an issue for her. So why was she so upset and on the verge of tears all day?

  She saw her residents and did her counseling, making sure to be present for each one. But as soon as a session would end, she’d think back to the hard look in Boone’s eyes the night before. She didn’t like being called out on her faults, that was for sure.

  But neither did Grey. And she had to ask herself if she was the one who needed help. If her issues with alcohol and trust were things she needed to work on. No, she told herself. She was a healthy woman. Boone and her staff overserved and that was just the way it was.

  She was sitting at her desk when she heard the familiar voice, now cold and distant.

  “Is Phoebe here?”

  Grey turned to see Boone looking as handsome as ever in a black Ducks hoodie and faded blue jeans. Her stomach flopped. Life would be so much easier if she didn’t want Boone as much as she did.

  “Boone,” she said. “About last night…”

  “You said your piece. We don’t need to rehash it. Now, about Phoebe?”

  “She’s here somewhere. I don’t know where, though.”

  “I’ll find her.”

  Grey watched Boone walk down the hall and wiped away one of the tears that had been threatening all day. Damn it. Why did this have to be so hard? Up until last night, she’d known Boone would take her back if she just said the word. Now that would never happen. She needed to accept it and move on.

  She went back to charting her notes and left early, not having it in her to face Boone again. The next day was more of the same. She tried to make sure she was in with a resident when she thought Boone would arrive, but Boone surprised her by showing up earlier than she’d expected.

  “Why are you here so early?” Grey asked.

  “Not much for me to be doing at the bar once the lunch rush is over. Before, I’d stick around and have a couple of beers, but I’d hate for someone to overserve me, so I left.”

  Grey felt her stomach clench.

  “I don’t appreciate the sarcasm.”

  “Whatever. Can we talk about something else?”

  “Sure. Phoebe had a good day. She’s chomping a
t the bit to get back to work.”

  “I bet. I’m going to go see her right now.”

  “Okay.”

  “Are you going to sneak out of here again? Or will I get to say good-bye?”

  “I’m sorry about yesterday. You were just so mad. I had to leave.”

  “I was mad. I was pissed. Partly because of what you said to me, but partly because you may have been right. I don’t like thinking we’re overserving people at the bar. I don’t like the idea that we might serve the beer that pushed someone over the edge and lends them to violence. I’ve fought my whole life not to be like the people I was raised with. I don’t want to have anything in common with my dad or my brother. So you struck a nerve with me in a big way.”

  “I’m sorry. I should have been more delicate in my delivery.”

  “It’s hard to be delicate about saying someone’s irresponsible.”

  “Boone, that’s not what I said.”

  “It’s what I heard, though.”

  “So, let’s go out tonight to celebrate your new devotion to moderation,” Grey said.

  “What? You want to go to dinner to show me how smug you are at being right?”

  “That’s not what I’m doing, Boone. You’re not being fair.”

  “Oh, and you are?”

  “You can be so frustrating!”

  “Right back at you.”

  “I simply thought that it might be nice to go have dinner. That’s all. No more, no less.”

  “And you think that continuously asking me out while making sure we’re not together anymore isn’t frustrating? Seriously?”

  “I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t think of it that way,” Grey said quietly.

  “Yeah, well, maybe you should. One of us never wanted that relationship to end, okay? And it wasn’t you. And it’s not easy to be asked out but not be allowed to be involved with you.”

  “This isn’t the time or the place to discuss this.”

  “There isn’t any discussion. Or is there?”

  “Let’s go to dinner tonight, Boone. Please?”

  “Fine. I’ll meet you at La Hacienda at six. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to find Phoebe.”

  She found Phoebe in the common room, watching television.

  “How you doing, Phoebs?”

  “I’m okay. I miss my job. I can’t wait to get back there.”

  “We just need to make sure the coast is clear.”

  “I know. I hate that he has so much control over me still, Boone.”

  “He doesn’t, Phoebe. It was a last-ditch effort coming here. He won’t be bothering you anymore.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “I am.”

  “Thanks for coming to see me, Boone, but I need to get into the kitchen to start dinner prep. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  “Count on it.”

  Boone walked out through the office. Grey was still sitting at her desk.

  “That didn’t take long,” she said.

  “No. She’s busy.”

  “Well, thank you for coming out to see her, Boone.”

  “She’s an important part of my life. Of course I’m still going to visit her. Regardless of you and me.”

  “And you show her that. I appreciate that.”

  “Okay, well, I’m out of here. I’ll see you tonight.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Grey left work early, too edgy to focus any longer. She felt horrible for upsetting Boone as she had. Clearly, she still had feelings for Boone. Was she right to continue to deny them? The bar wasn’t going to go away. This much was true. But bars existed all over the place. It wasn’t fair to judge Boone by her way of life. And she worked hard at her job. She was a respectable business owner, just like herself. She shouldn’t judge her. She was all jumbled in her thoughts. Her heart was begging her to get back together with Boone, even though her mind continued to have doubts.

  And Boone had said she and her staff were working on overserving their clients, so Grey really didn’t have that as an excuse anymore. She was so confused. She drove home and looked longingly out at her garden, being pelted by the Portland downpour. She wished she could sit out there and meditate on everything to come to some sort of resolution.

  She picked up a book, hoping to distract her mind, but that didn’t work, either. She poured herself a glass of wine to try to relax. She wondered if Boone would need a beer to relax before their date.

  Not a date. Dinner, she reminded herself. There was no way Boone would have a date with Grey after all she’d done. So, maybe all this thinking and wondering was moot. It really wouldn’t matter how Grey felt if Boone didn’t want to get back together. Not that that’s what Grey wanted. Or was it?

  *

  Boone watched the rain fall on her pool, wishing she could get in and swim some laps to relieve her tension. She was still pissed at Grey and confused at why she insisted they go out again. What could it possibly accomplish? Grey would simply repeat all the reasons she had for not dating Boone, and Boone would be left feeling like a second-class citizen. She’d worked so hard to overcome that, and she didn’t like to be called it, especially not by someone she loved. Yes, she still loved Grey. She couldn’t deny that. And sometimes she felt like there was a chance Grey loved her, too. But then Grey had said some pretty mean things to her, which made her doubt that love.

  It was finally five o’clock so Boone hopped in the shower, letting the hot water wash away some of the frustration she was feeling. All she could do was hope for a nice evening that didn’t end in name-calling or accusations. She would be fine if it ended that way.

  She dressed and headed for the restaurant. She saw Grey’s car there already and felt a rock in the pit of her stomach. Not knowing what to expect made her anxious and dreadful. Still, it was time with Grey, which she craved.

  Boone climbed out of her truck and took a deep breath. She walked into the restaurant and saw Grey sitting there in a navy skirt and a boat neck blouse. She looked beautiful.

  “You look very nice,” she said.

  “So do you,” Grey said. “And you smell good, too.”

  “Thanks.”

  Boone stood there looking down at Grey, unsure of what to say next. Grey stood.

  “Shall we get a table?”

  “Sure.”

  They were shown to a table and again, Boone was at a loss for words. Grey didn’t seem to have anything to say either. The awkward silence grated on Boone.

  “So,” Boone said. “How was the rest of your day?”

  “It was fine.”

  “Good.” She couldn’t believe how strained things were between them. Clearly, this had been a bad idea.

  “Look,” she said. “I don’t know if this is such a good idea. I could leave now and you can enjoy your dinner in peace.”

  “No. I wanted to have dinner with you. If I’d wanted to have dinner by myself I would have.”

  “It just doesn’t seem like either of us has much to say.”

  “Actually, I think we both have a lot to say, but we’re unsure where to start.”

  “I don’t know about that. I pretty much said all I had to say at the shelter today.”

  “I don’t think you did. I think we both have a lot more on our minds that we need to talk about.”

  “Look, the bottom line is that you think I’m a lowlife scum who owns a business that encourages people to beat up on each other.”

  “That’s so not true, Boone. Nothing could be further from the truth.”

  “Oh, no?”

  “Okay, I have reservations about the bar. But I feel that way about all bars, not just yours. And maybe it’s not fair to feel that way.”

  “Maybe?”

  “I’m trying here, Boone. It’s hard. I’m having to shift my whole way of thinking. I’m having to consider things differently than I have my whole life.”

  “No one’s making you. And you’re not having to anymore anyway, since you cut me out of your l
ife.”

  “Don’t you get it? I’m trying to say I’m confused.”

  “What about?”

  The waiter came by and took their order. Boone was irritated at the interruption, but ordered her dinner and handed over her menu.

  “Anyway,” she said. “You were saying something about being confused?”

  “It’s not easy to simply turn my feelings off.”

  “You seem to have done a good job of it so far.”

  “But I told you what concerns I had and you’ve addressed them.”

  “So what? You know I still care about you. That doesn’t change your perception of me and my livelihood.”

  “You make it sound like I have a horrible perception of you,” Grey said.

  “You do. You think I’m an irresponsible bar owner who encourages domestic abuse in her patrons.”

  “I don’t. I just know that potential is in you. And yes, I think you tend to serve too much, which could lead to an abusive situation.”

  “But I’ve told you I’ve instructed my staff not to overserve. I believe they’ll be more aware of it.”

  “Yes. For a whole day or two.”

  “Hey,” Boone said. “It’s a start.”

  “It is. I’m not knocking it. It’s a very good start. But you can see why I’m still hesitant.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m still confused about whether I want to get back with you after only a day or so. How do I know you won’t start overserving again?”

  Boone’s heart skipped a beat. Had she heard correctly?

  “Wait, there’s a chance you’d take me back?”

  “Well, of course. That’s what this is all about.”

  “Why didn’t you say so? I thought you just wanted to have dinner to ream me again.”

  “No, Boone. I’ve been miserable without you. Surely you know that.”

  “How could I possibly have known that?”

  “Did you miss the kiss the other night?”

  “Well, no.”

  “Okay then. I’ve been so confused these last few days. Wanting you, but knowing I had issues with the bar. It’s been so hard.”

  Dinner was served then, with Boone again irritated at the poor timing.

  “But now that the overserving is under control, you’ll take me back?”