Can't Forget You

by Rachel Lacey

  He enjoyed the view of her ass while she fumbled with her panties, then he climbed out of the sleeping back to get dressed himself. Ten minutes later, they were packed up and ready to go.

  “Thanks for bringing me out here,” he said, knowing his words fell far short of the immense gratitude he felt for having gotten to share this experience with her.

  “Thanks for coming and, you know, all the other things.” She winked.

  He shook his head, fighting a smile. “I’ll never see another shooting star without thinking of you.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Jessica closed her eyes, wishing she were still out in the woods with Mark, snuggled up with him in their sleeping bag. Because the rest of her day had sucked. After the doctor’s appointment from hell, she’d given a massage to an old man with terrible gas and done manicures for a couple of the rudest tourists she’d ever met. By the time she finally made it home from work, it was after eight, and she was dead on her feet and cranky as hell.

  And the lights were on in her house.

  She frowned as she spotted Nicole’s car in the driveway. That’s what she got for giving her sister a key…uninvited house guests when she just wanted to be alone. Stifling a groan, she stomped up the front steps and into her house.

  Nicole and Brennan sat on the couch, margaritas in hand. A sitcom she didn’t recognize was blasting from the TV, filling her living room with its laugh track.

  “What the hell?” she said, planting her hands on her hips.

  “Sibling intervention,” Brennan said. “I drove by here last night to check on you, but you weren’t home, and Nicole was texting you all afternoon to ask about your doctor’s appointment, but you never replied. So either something’s wrong that you haven’t told us about or there’s a man. Or both. So we’re here to find out what’s going on, offer our support, and gain any and all juicy gossip.” He lifted his margarita with a smile.

  “God, you two are nosy.” Jessica slung her bags over one of the kitchen chairs and walked to the fridge for a glass of water.

  “Guilty as charged.” Nicole followed her into the kitchen. “Want a margarita? I already mixed up a whole batch.”

  “Sure.” Jessica poured herself a glass of water and drank half of it without stopping. Truthfully, a margarita was probably the last thing she needed tonight, but it might help make this “sibling intervention” more bearable.

  “Have you eaten yet?” Nicole asked as she poured a glass full of the yellowish concoction and handed it to Jessica.

  She shook her head as she accepted the drink.

  “I knew we should have brought food too. Bren and I both ate earlier. What can I fix you?”

  “Nothing. I’ll make something later.” Jessica left behind her half-empty water glass and walked back to the living room with her margarita in hand.

  “We’re definitely going to feed you, but first tell us about your appointment this morning,” Nicole said.

  Jessica sighed as she dropped into the armchair next to the couch. “Dr. Rimmel drew about a million vials of blood for tests and basically told me that if these tests don’t come up with any answers—and she didn’t sound very optimistic that they would—that we might be looking at a diagnosis of chronic fatigue syndrome.”

  Nicole frowned. “Chronic fatigue syndrome?”

  “It causes unexplained fatigue, aches, pains…pretty much everything I’ve been experiencing the last few months.”

  “So how do you treat it?” Brennan asked.

  “I don’t think you do, really.” Jessica took a sip of her margarita. “There’s no cure for it. That’s why they call it ‘chronic.’ You just have to find ways to treat the symptoms and then deal with it.”

  “Oh, Jess.” Nicole put down her drink and came to give Jessica a hug. “That sounds awful. How are you feeling about all this?”

  “I’m pissed as hell.” She took another drink, waiting for the tequila to numb the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. “I’m not okay with it at all.”

  “Does it ever just go away?” Brennan asked.

  Jessica shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t ask many questions yet, and I haven’t had time to Google search it.”

  “Don’t do that,” Nicole said, looking alarmed. “Everyone knows the Internet will convince you that you’re dying.”

  “That’s the damn truth,” Brennan said. “Last month, Patrick pulled a muscle in his leg, and somehow he convinced himself it was a blood clot. Oh my Lord, he was a mess.”

  Jessica laughed in spite of herself. Her brother-in-law had always been a bit of a hypochondriac. “I won’t let the Internet convince me I’m dying. I promise.”

  “And surely some of your New Age voodoo stuff will help you feel better.” Brennan winked. He liked to tease her about her lifestyle, but he respected it too. A few years ago, when his migraines had gotten bad and the medicine his doctor prescribed made him too woozy to drive, he’d come to her for help. She’d found a combination of acupressure and essential oils that had gotten his pain under control.

  “I’ve been managing my headaches naturally for the last few weeks.” She gestured with her glass. “Otherwise I wouldn’t be drinking with you guys tonight.” She’d also been detoxing her body with mineral baths after-hours at the spa.

  “We’re here for you, Jess. Whatever you need. Feel free to lean on us any time,” Nicole said.

  “Seriously. Anything,” Brennan echoed, and Jessica knew her siblings were true to their words.

  “Thanks, guys.” She blinked back the tears welling in her eyes.

  “Now tell us about the guy,” Brennan said, taking a dramatic sip from his margarita.

  Jessica groaned. So much for keeping this thing between her and Mark under wraps. First the girls had interrogated her, and now her siblings were doing it too. There was no such thing as privacy in this town.

  “It’s Mark, right?” Nicole asked.

  Jessica nodded.

  “Mark?” Brennan glanced between them, an incredulous look on his face.

  “Yes, and I know it’s a terrible idea. It just…happened.”

  Nicole shrugged. “Mom and Dad might be a hard sell, but I say give him a chance. What happened between you guys in high school was a lifetime ago. I assume he’s done a lot of growing up between then and now.”

  “The Army has a way of doing that to a person,” Brennan agreed.

  Jessica drained her glass, enjoying the fuzzy aftereffects of the tequila. “He’s a great guy. He always has been. The problem is, he’s just…not there emotionally. And I don’t think that will ever change.”

  “That probably comes from growing up on his own,” Nicole said, looking thoughtful.

  “I’m sure it does. It’s awful what he’s been through, but he’s got to let me in if this thing between us is ever going to work.”

  “Well, you know I’ve always had a soft spot for him,” Brennan said. “I don’t think I ever told you this, but Mark was the very first person I came out to.”

  Jessica gaped at her brother. “No, you definitely did not ever tell me that! Why Mark? Why not one of us?”

  “I was sitting out back one night, sweating buckets over the thought of telling you guys I was gay.”

  “Bren, how could you possibly doubt we’d be there for you?” Nicole nudged him with her shoulder.

  “It’s hard to explain how it felt, but I was fucking terrified. Dad’s such a…you know, he’s an All-American Guy, watch football, drink beer. At the time, he’d been pushing me to follow in his footsteps and join the Army after high school. I was so afraid he’d be disappointed in me.”

  “Oh, Bren.” Jessica put down her drink to give her brother a hug.

  “Anyway, there I was sitting out back, having a mini panic attack, and Mark came outside. He was sneaking off to smoke a joint so I bummed one off him, and then I just blurted it out. And he just shrugged and said, ‘That’s cool, man.’ And we smoked a joint together like it was no big dea
l, but it was…it was a big deal to me, and I’ll never forget it.”

  Jessica wiped away the tear that had splashed over her cheek. “I’m sorry you ever had to feel that way, Bren.” And it didn’t surprise her a bit that Mark had reacted the way he had. He’d never been judgmental, not even in high school. Still, she felt a new warmth bloom for him in her heart, for having helped Brennan at such a pivotal time.

  “So Mark’s a great guy, but he doesn’t open up.” Nicole sipped from her margarita thoughtfully. “You could just keep doing what you’re doing, sleeping with him and hiding your relationship because you’re convinced it’s going nowhere…”

  Jessica winced.

  “Or you could start nudging him in the right direction. He may need some help, Jess.”

  “How?” Jessica walked to the kitchen for another margarita, but whoa…she needed to think about eating something too because she was ridiculously wobbly on her feet right now. She filled her glass and rummaged in her freezer for one of the TV dinners she kept for just such an occasion. She warmed up a tray of fettuccine Alfredo in the microwave and brought it back into the living room with her second margarita.

  “I can’t believe you eat those things,” Nicole said.

  She shrugged. “It’s organic. Sometimes I get home too late to bother cooking.”

  “So back to Mark,” Nicole said.

  “What do you think I should do?” Jessica spun fettuccine around her fork and took a bite.

  “Maybe you could take one of his survival classes.”

  “And you should give him a spa treatment,” Brennan added.

  “A spa treatment?” Jessica laughed. “Never in a million years would he agree to that.”

  “Give him a massage. That’s sexy,” Nicole suggested.

  “And maybe you could get him into one of the spring-fed tubs,” Brennan said.

  “That sounds great and all, but how is this helping Mark learn to open up?”

  “Well, for starters, you guys would be getting familiar with what’s going on in each other’s lives now, not trying to re-create what you had together in high school, which didn’t work out anyway. Maybe you need to leave the past in the past and act like you’re newly dating. Go see him in his element, and then let him see you in yours. Plus, it gives you more opportunities to ask him questions about himself. Get to know modern-day Mark,” Nicole said.

  “Okay, that actually makes sense.” Jessica took another bite of her fettuccine Alfredo.

  “And then if you really want another chance with him, you’re going to have to make it official. Bring him for dinner at Mom and Dad’s. Give him a chance to fit back into the family. That’s nudging him in the right direction. That’s giving him a chance to grow and do better this time.”

  “Nicole’s right,” Brennan said.

  Jessica stared at the remnants of her dinner as the truth of her sister’s words sank in. She’d been holding Mark at arm’s length to keep from getting hurt, and in doing so, she was all but ensuring that’s exactly what would happen.

  * * *

  “Heard a rumor you’ve been holding out on us, man.” Ethan grinned like the cat who ate the canary.

  “Oh yeah, what’s that?” Mark asked, keeping his expression neutral.

  “You and Jessica?”

  “I heard a similar rumor,” Ryan said.

  “I don’t know where you guys get your intel.” Mark shook his head, turning to the lumber he was loading into the back of Ryan’s pickup truck. He was not in the mood to discuss Jess with these guys right now. Not in the mood to talk, period.

  “You know damn well,” Ethan said, still grinning. “And I don’t hear you denying it either.”

  Mark shrugged, continuing to load the back of the truck.

  “Kind of a big deal,” Ryan commented, “hooking up with your high school sweetheart when, if I’m not mistaken, you hadn’t so much as looked twice at a woman in years.”

  “Yep,” Ethan agreed.

  “Jess and I have been in touch a lot about the land. That’s all.” Mark turned his back on the two busybodies behind him.

  “Bullshit,” Ethan said.

  “Yo, Emma already spilled the beans. We know you’re sleeping with Jessica.” Ryan sounded amused.

  Mark bristled. Jess had told her friends, after asking him to keep their relationship quiet? What the hell?

  “And Gabby confirmed when I pressed her about it,” Ethan said.

  “Guess you already know then,” Mark said, feeling irrationally pissed. “Good for you.”

  “Hey”—Ryan clapped him on the shoulder—“we’re happy for you, man.”

  Mark kept stacking wood.

  “Seriously, you have nothing to say on the subject?” Now Ethan sounded amused.

  “Nope.” Mark slung a two-by-four into the truck bed, deliberately allowing it to swing close to Ethan’s head.

  “Well, now you’re just being an asshole.” Ethan’s smile faded.

  “And you guys are acting like a couple of teenagers. Why is it any of your business who I’m sleeping with?”

  Ryan got right up in his face, his usual easygoing demeanor nowhere in sight. “Yo, don’t be a jackass. You did the same thing to each of us when we started dating again. We were just trying to tell you we’re happy for you.”

  Mark had no idea why he was so angry. Part of it was directed at Jess, for telling her friends about their relationship. Most of it was directed at himself, for being so insecure he didn’t want the world to know he was with Jess for fear of losing her. Very little belonged on his friends. “Sorry.”

  Ryan looked at Ethan, eyebrows raised. “Did he just apologize?”

  Ethan grinned. “He sure did. Now we’ve definitely got to go to Rowdy’s after work.”

  “Count on it,” Ryan said.

  “Fine.” Mark slung the last of the lumber into the truck bed. Heading to Rowdy’s with the guys would no doubt result in a friendly ass-kicking, but he’d grin and bear it. He had to because he needed them in his life. They’d become awfully damn important to him since he’d been back in Haven.

  With that settled, he hopped in the truck and headed out to spend the day working on the mountain bike course. Ethan and Ryan were manning the zip-line today. Mark was looking forward to the day spent on his own. It was the best medicine, the best therapy. Because mostly he loved having so many people in his life now, but sometimes…sometimes it was too much. It made him feel claustrophobic and antsy and antisocial. And then he needed to spend a day out in the woods banging nails into wood.

  After eight hours spent doing just that, Mark was feeling much better. He was calm and relaxed, physically exhausted but ready to go out for beers with Ethan and Ryan. Jess called as he was loading up the truck to head back to the main building.

  “I want to take one of your survival skills classes,” she said when he answered.

  He raised his eyebrows. “You sure about that?”

  “Positive. Lord knows I spend enough time out in these woods. I consider myself pretty well prepared, but that thing with the bears last month shook me up. And besides, I bet you can teach me all kinds of cool new stuff.”

  “It’s valuable for anyone who spends time out in these woods,” he agreed. “I teach a few different versions. You want the full class or the short version?”

  “The full class, of course.” He heard the smile in her voice.

  “It’s an overnight.”

  “Overnight?”

  “Ethan will drop us off outside town. We get lost in the woods and basically fend for ourselves.”

  “You really do that?” Jess sounded incredulous. “Like, repeatedly? With strangers?”

  “No offense, baby, but a night in these woods is child’s play compared to the places I slept in the Special Forces.”

  “Well, all right then. Sign me up.”

  He ran a hand through his hair. “You sure about this, Jess? I’m probably going to say this all wrong, but with your health
right now—”

  “Yep. You can stop right there,” she said, her tone gone flat. “There’s nothing wrong with me other than some aches and pains. And if I’m going to be dealing with it for a while, all the more reason to know how to handle myself if I ever get lost out in the woods.”

  He nodded. “Fair enough.”

  “Mark…”

  “Yeah?” He ached to pull her into his arms and hold her tight.

  “Thanks, you know, for being so great through all this.”

  “Don’t give me credit for being a decent human being, Jess. That should be a given for any man you’re with.”

  “It should, but…it’s a lot for a new relationship.”

  “Our relationship is anything but new.” On the contrary, he felt like he knew her better than most anyone else on the planet.

  “But it is new.” There was something raw and vulnerable in her voice. “We were just kids before, and then you were gone for ten years. Maybe I still need to get to know the adult version of you. Maybe we should quit thinking about the past and just focus on the present.”

  “What you see is what you get. I’m not a complicated man.”

  “I disagree. You’re a lot more complicated than you realize.”

  “How so?” This conversation was starting to feel an awful lot like one they should be having in person instead of over the phone.

  “I look at you sometimes, and I don’t have a clue what’s going on inside that brain of yours.”

  “Right now I’m just thinking about how damn lucky I am to have you,” he said, trying to steer them back onto safer ground. “And if I’m being perfectly honest, I’m hoping I wind up in your bed tonight.”

  “I’m hoping that too,” she said.

  “I’m on my way to Rowdy’s for a beer with Ethan and Ryan, but I’ll call you when I leave.”

  “No need to call, just come on over.”

  Yeah, okay, he liked the sound of that. A lot.

  He dropped off Ryan’s truck, collected Bear from the office, and headed home for a quick shower before Rowdy’s—after laying wood all day, he was sweaty and filthy. As he pulled into his spot in front of the condo building, he saw someone standing on the third-floor balcony, next to his front door.