by Rachel Lacey
In fact, Mark planned to bury himself in work at Off-the-Grid until the pain in his heart had dulled. He might not be wired for relationships, but he was good at this. Between refinishing the inside of the house and building the mountain bike course, he ought to be busy for a good, long time. Long enough to keep him from dwelling on what might have been with Jess. Not nearly long enough to get over her.
He’d never get over her. She’d been the only woman for him since he was seventeen years old, and nothing was going to change it now. He’d already had plenty of experience living without her, but after the things they’d shared these last few months, the memories and the fantasies would never be enough. Not now.
By the time he left Off-the-Grid, it was almost nine o’clock, and he was about to go out of his mind. He had to see Jess. He needed to explain. He could do better than he’d done yesterday. Desperation roared through his veins as he drove toward her house.
He pulled into the driveway and was knocking on her front door almost before he’d realized what he was doing. His heart pounded in his throat.
She opened it, staring up at him with dull eyes, her lips set in a frown.
“Jess…” He had no idea what to say. “I’m sorry.”
“I am too,” she said.
“I shouldn’t have walked out on you yesterday.”
“No, you shouldn’t have.” She blew out a breath, staring at him for several long, painful seconds. “But I meant what I said. I can’t do this with you anymore. It just hurts too much.” Two tears slid silently down her cheeks.
He stepped back, her words landing like a harsh slap of reality. It was too late. He knew as well as anyone that some things couldn’t be fixed. As he walked back to his SUV, he felt like he’d left a vital part of himself behind on her doorstep.
* * *
Jessica stood inside the unfinished walls of her first spa cabin. The bedroom, bath, and lounge area all circled around an open-air courtyard in the center of the space. Here, guests could recline in a hammock or soak in the hot tub and stargaze right in the middle of their cabin. They could even receive spa treatments right here from the privacy of their courtyard. Retractable screens would soon be installed that could be pulled out over the whole courtyard, allowing it to be used in any weather.
Right now, she was only looking at a skeleton of the finished product, but still…it was amazing. It was exactly what she’d been dreaming about for so many years.
“I love it,” she said aloud, clasping her hands in front of her as she spun in a full circle, taking it all in.
“I’m so glad,” Melissa Gormier said with a smile. “It’s a unique concept. I’m not sure I’ve seen a spa with resort cabins like this before. I think people are going to go crazy over them.”
“I sure hope so.” Jessica walked to the back patio and looked out over the woods beyond. All of her cabins featured uninterrupted views of the forest. In the distance, she could hear the stream gurgling. Except…what was that? Off to the left, a raised wooden platform of some sort was visible through the trees.
The mountain bike course.
She let out a growl of frustration, her hands fisting at her sides. Of course. What else could it be? She and Mark had mapped out their prospective territories months ago, when the leaves had still been on the trees. Now her clients would have to watch mountain bikers racing by, interrupting their relaxation with whatever racket the thrill-seekers from Off-the-Grid might make. She should never have agreed to share the land.
She should never have fallen in love with Mark.
Ugh.
Last year at this time, she’d been lonely and frustrated in her search for love, but now…now everything was an even bigger mess. And who knew how long it would take her to bounce back from her broken heart and get back in the dating game? She might as well toss in the towel and accept her fate as an old maid.
Scoffing at her own ridiculous pity party, she turned and stomped back inside to talk to Melissa. Plumbing had already been run for all eight cabins, but if they acted now, they might be able to adjust the angles on some of the decks to protect their view.
They walked through each of the building sites together, and Jessica was relieved to see that the mountain bike course was visible from only three of her spa cabins. Still, that was three too many.
After she’d finished up with Melissa, Jessica went home to shower and get ready for a girls’ night out. Thank God she’d finished her antibiotics yesterday because she needed a drink tonight. Actually, she needed several drinks tonight.
“Thank you so much for picking me up again,” she told Emma when she got there.
“Any time. You sounded like you needed to drown your sorrows in a tall glass of something highly alcoholic tonight.” Emma pulled her in for a quick hug. “You okay?”
“I’ve been better, but tonight’s girls’ night out was perfectly timed.”
“Well, thank goodness for that.” Emma led the way out the front door.
They had chosen The Drunken Bear for their gathering tonight. Mandy, Gabby, and Carly were already there when they arrived. They all greeted Jessica with hugs and words of support.
“I just can’t believe it,” Emma said after Jessica had filled them in on everything that had happened, or almost everything anyway. She didn’t tell them about the note from Mark’s mom. He obviously hadn’t wanted any of them to know that his mom was still alive, let alone that she’d come to town recently, and Jessica had to respect that.
“I can’t believe he just walked away like that.” Mandy frowned into her beer. “Why were you guys arguing in the first place?”
“I found out about something he hadn’t told me, someone from his past who’d come back into his life.” She sipped from her margarita.
Gabby gasped. “Oh, Jess, he didn’t…not another woman?”
“God, no. Nothing like that. It’s just, it’s something personal, and it isn’t my business to share it with you guys since you all know him.” Jessica took another drink. “In fact, I feel terrible for everything that’s happened to him. But this was going on after he and I were back together, and he never told me. When I asked him about it, he just shut down and walked away.”
“Oh, Jess.” Emma leaned over to give her a hug. “I’m so sorry.”
“Men,” Mandy muttered. “They all suck, if you ask me.”
“I have to agree.” Jessica sighed and then polished off the last of her margarita.
Emma, Gabby, and Carly all grinned sheepishly.
“Well, they don’t all suck,” Emma said.
“Fine, but you ladies might have gotten the last three guys with any husband potential.” Jessica swirled her empty glass, hoping the waitress came by soon to bring her another.
“I don’t even care if they’re husband material,” Mandy said. “I’d settle for a steady boyfriend, but I’m telling you, the pickings are slim.”
“They’re out there,” Carly said. “But yeah, they’re hard to find sometimes.”
“And Mark is a great guy,” Gabby added. “I hate that he turned out to be such an idiot in the boyfriend category. He’s just so closed off.”
“That’s why I stayed angry at him for so many years,” Jessica said, relieved when the waitress brought her another margarita. “I knew that if I ever let my guard down around him, I’d fall for him all over again, and let’s face it, I also knew he’d probably never change. But then, for a little while, he really did seem to change. He opened up, and we made promises…” She blinked back tears. “But that whole time, he was keeping secrets. I love him, but I can’t keep doing this to myself. I told him that if he walked away this time, we were finished for good. He kept on walking.”
“I don’t blame you,” Gabby said, giving Jessica’s hand a squeeze.
“This is so sad.” Emma stared glumly into her lemonade. “We all love you, and we all love Mark, and I just hate that it didn’t work out for you guys.”
“I do too.” Jessica gu
lped from her new margarita. “But enough about me and Mark. Someone change the subject to something cheerful.”
“We went for our wedding tasting last weekend,” Carly said. “I can’t wait for you guys to see this place. It’s like a for-real castle up on a mountaintop, and rumor has it, the owner is some kind of reclusive billionaire hottie.”
Mandy perked up. “Ooh, is he single?”
Carly laughed. “No clue, but I’ll be sure to find out if I meet him.”
They laughed, ate, and drank for over three hours, and Jessica faked her way through the whole thing. The truth was that she just felt broken inside. She still had no energy and no appetite, whether it was thanks to the Lyme disease, the antibiotics, or her broken heart, she wasn’t sure. The only thing she knew for sure was that it was going to take a long time to recover from losing Mark, maybe even longer than it had taken her the first time.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Mark was so miserable that even Bear didn’t want to be around him. She pouted in her dog bed in the corner, throwing him baleful looks from time to time, those ridiculously fluffy ears pinned back against her head.
He wasn’t enjoying his own company either.
The urge to cut ties in Haven and roam off somewhere new was strong. He’d never stayed in one place this long. Never planned to put down roots. When he’d first come back to Haven, it had been perfect. He, Ethan, and Ryan were living it up just like the good old days, only better this time because they were older and wiser now.
But Ethan and Ryan had settled down, fallen in love, and gotten married. And now Mark was getting itchy again. Maybe, in the not-so-distant future, he’d ask them to buy him out of Off-the-Grid and hit the road.
But that didn’t sound good either. Haven felt like home. Jess felt like home.
He lurched out of his chair and went to the fridge for a beer.
Someone knocked on his door, and he heard the murmur of a female voice outside. His heart gave a ridiculous leap in his chest. He crossed the living room in about three strides and yanked the door open.
Gabby and Emma stood on the other side, smiling cautiously at him.
He just stared, absorbing the disappointment. Of course Jess wasn’t here. She wasn’t coming back.
“Mind if we come in?” Emma asked.
“Uh, sure.” He stepped back, watching as they walked inside.
They stopped in the living room to pet Bear, who’d come trotting over to greet them. Why were they here? Mark couldn’t remember either Gabby or Emma ever visiting his condo before.
Gabby turned and looked at him with a smile. “We couldn’t help but notice that you and Jessica both look miserable these days.”
“So we’re here to meddle a little bit on your behalf,” Emma added.
“No thanks.” He turned toward the door to show them out. He wasn’t interested in anyone meddling in his life, let alone Jess’s friends.
“Hear us out,” Gabby said, sitting on the couch so that he couldn’t kick her out. Emma walked over and sat beside her.
Dammit all.
“Jess has no idea we’re here, first of all,” Emma said with a guilty grin. “She didn’t send us, and she’d be super pissed if she knew we were here.”
That made two of them.
“She’s also super pissed at you.” Gabby narrowed her eyes at him.
Well, this was going to be fun. He stood facing them, arms crossed over his chest.
“The thing is, you messed up by not telling her about this thing from your past,” Emma said. “But Mark, I’ve known you since we were kids. I know you had a tough childhood, and I’m guessing you had a good reason for keeping this to yourself so you get a pass on that as far as I’m concerned. But why didn’t you fight for her, Mark? Why did you walk away?”
“I don’t know.” And that was the truth. His skin prickled uncomfortably. He needed this conversation to be over, needed to be alone.
“Look, we realize you don’t have much experience with relationships,” Gabby said, leaning forward to wrap her hands around her knees. “So we’re here to try to help. Because when you get serious with a woman, she expects you to share all these important life things with her. She wants to be a part of your life, every part of your life. Keep her in the dark, even unintentionally, and she’s going to get her feelings hurt. She’s going to feel like you don’t trust her, or you’re shutting her out.”
“And we know you, Mark,” Emma said. “We know you wouldn’t hurt Jess on purpose. You’re used to keeping all this stuff to yourself because you never had anyone to share it with before. So, here’s another hint: Women are really emotional creatures, especially when it comes to love.”
Love? He’d never said…Jess had never said…
“The look on your face!” Emma giggled. “You may think you’re hard to read, but I’ve got your number, Mark Dalton. So, here’s the thing. If you were to, say, go to her and beg for forgiveness, she might be willing to listen.”
He shook his head. “I already went to her and apologized.”
“I know.” Emma’s smile was sad. “But you’ve got to do more than apologize. You have to tell her everything. Explain the whole story about this person from your past and why you didn’t tell her about it before. No detail is too small. Tell her what was going through your head when you walked away and how much you regret it now. Pour your heart out to her. Tell her that you love her. Beg her for another chance.”
By the time she’d finished with her little speech, Emma’s hands were clasped in front of her as if pleading with him. Gabby sat beside her, nodding in agreement.
Fucking hell. He turned away.
“I don’t know if she’ll be able to forgive you,” Gabby said from behind him. “But you’ll never know if you don’t try.”
“And not for nothing, but you guys all fucked it up before you got it right,” Emma said in a laughing tone. “Ryan messed up big time, but he got over himself and came and groveled for forgiveness.”
“So did Ethan,” Gabby said.
“But we were afraid you’d need an extra nudge, Mark. So here it is. Nudge, nudge. Go after her before it’s too late. Beg. Grovel. Do what you have to do.”
He felt a hand on his shoulder, and when he turned, Emma pulled him in for a hug.
“We love you too, Mark,” she said softly, pulling back. “We want you to be happy. And we want Jess to be happy.”
“And we’re really hoping you guys can be happy together. We’re rooting for you.” Gabby pulled him in for a hug too.
His chest felt uncomfortably tight. He didn’t have much experience with hugs from anyone but Jess, and it left him feeling somewhat off-balance.
Gabby and Emma walked toward the front door.
“Good luck!” Emma called over her shoulder, and then they were gone.
After they’d left, he took Bear for a long walk while he tried to make sense of their visit. He’d fucked things up with Jess. There was no undoing that. Was there? He walked until a couple of important truths rose to the surface of his mind. He loved Jess, loved her more than anything in the world. And if he wanted a second chance, he needed to offer one first.
When he got back to his apartment, he picked up the note Jess had painstakingly smoothed out and left on his kitchen counter. He typed in Sharlene’s number and brought the phone to his ear.
“Hello?”
“It’s Mark,” he said, his fingers clenched around the phone.
“Mark?” Her voice hitched. “I hoped, but I never thought…I’m so glad you called.”
He hadn’t thought he’d ever call either. Funny how things changed. “Maybe it’s time for us to talk.”
* * *
Jessica walked through the woods, a backpack on her shoulders and a blanket clutched in her arms. Today was her day off, and it was unseasonably warm for December so she’d decided to hike to the back of her new property and spend the afternoon by herself. She’d brought a book to read, and she might do a
little meditation while she was out here too.
She was tired of moping around, tired of feeling sorry for herself, tired of missing Mark. She was a capable, independent woman, dammit, and it was time to find herself again. She needed to make peace with her illness and losing Mark and move on.
The worst—on both fronts—was hopefully behind her.
She found a leaf-strewn spot on top of a hill with a view of the stream below and spread out her blanket. She sat, pulled out her phone and earbuds, and started up her meditation playlist. A sense of calm flowed through her as she closed her eyes.
This was what she’d been missing.
No more chaos. Just peace.
She sat like that for a long time, eyes closed, as she focused on relaxing her body and letting go of all the negative energy clinging around her. A gentle breeze rustled through her hair, and she inhaled the damp, earthy smell of the forest.
Peace.
How lucky was she that she owned this beautiful spot? She could come out here every day if she wanted to. Yep, she was pretty damn lucky. It was lucky that she’d received a diagnosis, and she’d keep fighting the Lyme disease until she’d beaten it. She’d spent a lot of time in the last few weeks researching holistic treatments to augment what the antibiotics had done for her.
Drawing in another deep, cleansing breath, she opened her eyes.
And tumbled over sideways on her blanket with a shriek.
Mark stood a few feet away, silent as the forest around him, hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans.
“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times,” she gasped, clutching her heart. “You’ve got to stop sneaking up on me like that.”
“Sorry.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “What are you doing out here?”
“Looking for you.” The expression on his face was intense, but beyond that, she couldn’t read him.
“You found me. How?”
The corner of his mouth quirked. “You left an easy trail to follow.”
She glanced over her shoulder, seeing no such trail. “Right. So why did you stalk me out here in the woods?”
