Loving, Living, Party Going

by Henry Green

  Miss Fellowes did not care, she could dismiss things of that kind from her mind and entirely ignore at will anything unpleasant or what she called rude behaviour, so long as this was from servants; It had been a fancy to order whisky and she was trying to remember what her father's brand had been called which was always laid out for them years ago when they got back from hunting. He said it was good for everyone after a hard day and you drank it, went to have your bath and then sat down to high tea. And now how extraordinary she should be here, drinking in tea rooms with all these extraordinary looking people. And there was that poor bird. One had seen so many killed out shooting, but any dead animal shocked one in London, even birds, though of course they had easy living in towns. She remembered how her father had shot his dog when she was small and how much they had cried. There was that poor boy Cumberland, his uncle had been one of her dancing partners, what had he died of so young? One did not seem to expect it when one was cooped up in London and then to fall like that dead at her feet. It did seem only a pious thing to pick it up, though it was going to be a nuisance even now it was wrapped up in paper. But she had been right she felt, she could not have left it there and besides someone might have stepped on it and that would have been disgusting. She was glad she had washed it.

  The man who had eyed her, spoke.

  'Them girls is terrible I reckon,' he said. 'Trouble enough many of us 'ave had to get here without they refuse to serve you.'

  'Yes,' she said, 'it's quite all right now, thank you,' and hoped he was not going to be a nuisance. She wondered whether she had been wise to choose spirits, she really did not feel well, they did not seem to have done her any good.

  Meantime Claire and Evelyn had met and were greeting each other in the Hall for registering luggage with cries not unlike more seagulls. Robert was taking off his hat and saying, 'Why hullo Evelyna,' and she was asking them where everyone was and telling them she had seen Thomson with Julia's luggage who said Julia had started out on foot, could anyone imagine anything so like her? Where on earth was Angela, or Max and Alex? Did anyone know if Max meant to come? Claire said she had telephoned and that she thought he would. 'Anyway,' said Evelyn, 'I've got their tickets here. Now Robert, you and Thomson had better go and try and find them all, will you please at once? Thomson go with Mr Hignam and see if you can bring Miss Crevy and the others back here will you? You haven't seen anything of Edwards I suppose? No, then just do that, will you Robert, we must be all together. Now dear,' she said turning to Claire, 'we can sit on our things and have a good chat.' They then sat down on their luggage to discuss indifferent subjects very calmly while porters, leaning on their upended barrows, went to sleep standing up. So calm was Evelyna she made one wonder if, now those two men had gone, she was not more at ease.

  They had been addressed in much the same tone of voice as if both had been in service and Robert Hignam remarked to Thomson that it looked like the hell of a job this time. 'It's not going to be easy.' 'No sir, it's not,' and on that they separated and were at once engulfed in swarming ponds of humanity most of them at this particular spot gazing at a vast board with DEPARTURES OF TRAINS lit up over it. This showed no train due to leave after half past two, or two hours earlier, or, in other words, confusion.

  Miss Crevy and her young man were standing in the main crowd. She was very pretty and dressed well, her hands were ridiculously white and her face had an expression so bland, so magnificently untouched and calm she might never have been more than amused and as though nothing had ever been more than tiresome. His expression was of intolerance.

  Like two lilies in a pond, romantically part of it but infinitely remote, surrounded, supported, floating in it if you will, but projected by being different on to another plane, though there was so much water you could not see these flowers or were liable to miss them, stood Miss Crevy and her young man, apparently serene, envied for their obviously easy circumstances and Angela coveted for her looks by all those water beetles if you like, by those people standing round.

  Surrounded as they were on every side yet they talked so loud they might have been alone.

  'Well, whatever you say I must go and find the others.'

  'But Angela, I've told you it can't be done in this crowd.'

  'I know you have, but how else am I going to get my tickets?'

  'What d'you want tickets for now? I tell you they'll never get trains out of here.'

  'But Robin, it's been paid for. And I want to go, don't you see.'

  At this someone pushed by them, saying he was sorry and that finished it.

  'Well,' he said, 'I must go, good-bye, enjoy yourself,' and then it was all so unjust he added, although it made him feel a fool, 'I don't ever want to see you again.' She kissed him on his nose as he was turning away, conscious that she was behaving well, and then he was gone.

  If that swarm of people could be likened to a pond for her lily then you could not see her like, and certainly not her kind, anywhere about her, nor was her likeness mirrored in their faces. Electric lights had been lit by now, fog still came in by the open end of this station, below that vast green vault of glass roof with every third person smoking it might all have looked to Mr Roberts, ensconced in his office away above, like November sun striking through mist rising off water.

  Mostly dressed in dark clothes, women in low green or mustard colours, their faces were pale and showed, when not too tired, a sort of desperate good humour. There was almost no noise and yet, if you were to make yourself heard, it was necessary to speak up, you found so many people were talking. Having never been so surrounded before, and with what was before her, she felt excited. She felt she must get to the side and was surprised to find she had been in quite a small crowd for here almost at once were fewer people.

  Coming up to her the station master asked if she could by any chance be Miss Julia Wray, and, taken aback, she could only say no, she had not seen her. As he passed majestically on, murmuring regrets, she wondered whether she ought not to run after him to say she was in her party, but then that seemed absurd, Julia was sure to be where their luggage was to be registered, she could tell her then.

  And as Miss Crevy made her way to this place, Claire and Evelyna had arrived at that stage in their conversation when they were discussing what clothes they were bringing. Both exclaimed aloud at the beauty and appropriateness of the other's choice, but it was as though two old men were swapping jokes, they did not listen to each other they were so anxious to explain. Already both had been made to regret they had left such and such a dress behind and it was because he felt it impossible to leave things as they were with Angela, it was too ludicrous that she should go off on that note, that kiss on his nose, he must explain, that Robin came back to apologize.

  He found her quite soon and not so far away. She did not seem surprised at his turning up again and told him about the station master. He did not see what this had to do with it and plunged into how sorry he was, he had had an awful time coming up with her again, would she forgive him? He thought what had done it was her ancient friend giving him that parcel to get rid of and then, as soon as he had carried that out, sending him to get it back for her. This made Angela quite cross, she told him he had been very rude, and that he had better stay away if he was going to be tiresome.

  Julia had been back to her room and had not found her charms. It had been bare as though she had never lived there. Her curtains were down, they were being sent to be cleaned, her mattress had gone and her pillow cases were humps under dustsheets in the middle of her bed. Thinking it unlucky to stay and see more and besides Jemima swore that everything was packed in the cabin trunk, she called them her toys, Julia had fled by taxi this time.

  Feeling rather faint she hurried through tunnels, made her way dazedly through crowds which she only noticed, to ask herself what she would do if she could not find the others and was surprised to find Claire and Evelyn where they were sitting on their luggage.

  She asked how were they, darl
ings, and they asked her, and they kissed and all sat down again. She wanted to know where everyone had got to and saw poor Evelyna was in a great fuss which made her feel calmer in that she now felt resigned. And indeed Evelyn considered that she must do something, she told herself that if she did not deal with this situation they would be sitting here till domesday and that without her not one of this party would catch their train. So she said it must be a waste of time to try and register luggage with all the piles of it waiting in front of theirs, and she would try to find out something about their train. With that she was gone.

  Used to having everything done for them, Julia and Claire settled down to wait. Soon Julia asked if Claire had seen Max and was told about their telephone conversation. She tried to make out whether this had been before she had imagined meeting him in the Green Park and took some comfort from deciding that it must have been. But she did not feel reassured. She tried to discuss how other travellers were dressed, where they could be seen at intervals standing about, many of them almost hidden by their luggage. She never mentioned Max. There was a silence and at last she coughed and said:

  'Really he's hopeless, isn't he, don't you think?'

  Max was still in his flat. He was also drinking whisky and soda. His arm-chair was covered with thick fake Spanish brocade, all the coverings were of this material with walls to match, fake Spanish tables with ironwork, silver ashtrays, everything heavy and thick, all of it fake, although he thought it genuine, and it was expensive in proportion. That is to say that if all these things had been authentic he would not have had to pay more, anyone less well off could have bought museum pieces cheaper.

  He answered the telephone after he had let it ring for some time.

  Amabel said:

  'Is that you, Max?'

  'Who is it speaking?'

  'Oh, Max, are you really going?'

  'Why?' said he.

  'I mean must you really go?'

  'Just hang on a moment will you, there's something here,' and he put the receiver by and taking his glass he shot his whisky and soda into the fire. It went up in steam with a hiss. He stood still for twenty seconds then he went and mixed himself another. When he came back to the telephone she said:

  'Have you got someone else there?'

  'No. Why?'

  'I thought I heard you shushing someone. What were you doing then?'

  'I was putting water on the fire, soda water if you want to know.'

  'People don't put soda water on fires.'

  'I did. My paper caught alight and I had to put it out.'

  'Max, I must see you. Supposing I came round now if I promised to be good.'

  'What?'

  'I said I could come round now if I swore to you I wouldn't be silly? Oh, Max.'

  'But what is it about?'

  'I won't have you go, that's all. I can't bear it.'

  'I didn't say I was going.'

  'It's unfair, we've had such a marvellous time together, I do love you so, darling love. Why can't we be as we were? I swear to you I won't be tiresome again. You must believe me, darling.'

  'I rang you up yesterday.'

  'Did you?'

  'You weren't in.'

  'I expect I was having my hair done. I was there all afternoon.

  Max, who have you got with you, I heard them whispering just now?'

  'And what were you at last night?'

  'What was I at? How can you say things like that? Max, darling, what has come over you lately?'

  'I rang up about half past nine.'

  'I was lying down, you know all this has made me quite ill and I had such a business getting on to Dr Godley, his line was engaged all the time, I expect I was ringing him up.'

  'I didn't get the engaged signal.'

  'Max, my darling, I shan't argue, you have only to ask Marjorie, she was with me later. I wish you would get on to her, my dear, she could tell you the state she found me in. She was horrified.'

  'I'm sorry.'

  'Max, my darling, I'm so bewildered and miserable I really don't know where I am. What has happened to make everything different, it was all so perfect before and now here we are like a couple of old washerwomen slanging away at each other whenever we meet? Darling, really the whole thing is making me ill. Dr Godley says the best thing for me to do would be to go away to the sun out of this frightful fog for a month or two to give my system time to right itself. He says my whole system is out of gear and wants toning up.'

  'Well, look here, are you doing anything this evening?'

  And as she was saying no she was not, Edwards, his manservant, came in to say his bags were packed.

  'Just a moment, Am,' he said. 'What's that?'

  'Your bags are all ready, sir.'

  'Who was that, darling?'

  'It's only Edwards asking if I wanted any tea.'

  'Ask him from me if his little boy is any better, will you?'

  'I will.'

  'What were you going to say?'

  'Look here, supposing you came round about half past nine, we could go out and have dinner somewhere.'

  'Oh, darling, that would be perfect, you are an angel, so you are not going after all?'

  He said, 'That's settled then,' and rang off.

  'Is the car round?'

  'Yes, sir.'

  'My bags in? Yes, then come on, I'm in a hurry.' Edwards put on a black bowler hat, Max had no hat at all and he drove his rich car off at speed.

  He drove hard, by back streets to avoid traffic blocks, swinging his big car round corners too sharp for it and driving too fast. Edwards said it was bad weather for getting about in, was there not one air service operating and he said no, and there wouldn't be today of all days.

  'I doubt if your boat train will run, sir.'

  'That's not the point, I've got to go.'

  So what made him drive faster, and taxi drivers and others drew up their cars and shouted after him, was that he felt he was treating her badly. If he must get away then it was not right to leave her by asking her round to find him gone. He was sick and tired of it. All the same it was bad to ask her round to find he'd gone, that was all there was to it.

  Accordingly when they drew up at the station, where at once a little crowd collected to admire his car, he put it to himself that what he wanted was a drink, so he told Edwards to get his luggage registered, Miss Henderson would have the tickets, and that he would be along later. Then he went in under into a larger tunnel that had HOTEL ENTRANCE lit up over it.

  He engaged a sitting-room which had a bedroom off, for when he told them what he wanted they explained they had no sitting-rooms without bedrooms and that he would have to engage both. This was typical of his whole style of living, he was always being sold more than he need buy and he did not question prices. Once in this room, with his drink ordered, he rang up Amabel. His trouble was inexperience, he could not let good lies stand.

  'Why, darling, it's you again,' she said.

  'About this evening. Look here, don't come after all.'

  'Whyever not?'

  'It won't be any good.'

  'But you said I might.'

  'I shan't be there.'

  As she did not reply, he said he could not be there.

  'You mean to tell me you are going after all?'

  'Yes, I'm at the Airport now,' he said, and because she must not find him here, she would make a scene, he rang off before she had found anything to say. He gave up his room at once.

  Meantime Alexander was on his way, bowling along in his taxi the length of cricket pitches at a time, from block to block, one red light to another, or shimmering policemen dressed in rubber. Humming, he likened what he saw to being dead and thought of himself as a ghost driving through streets of the living, this darkness or that veil between him and what he saw a difference between being alive and death. Streets he went through were wet as though that fog twenty foot up had deposited water, and reflections which lights slapped over the roadways suggested to him he
might be a Zulu, in the Zulu's hell of ice, seated in his taxi in the part of Umslopogaas with his axe, skin beating over the hole in his temple, on his way to see She, or better still Leo.

  He did not know where he was, it was impossible to recognize streets, fog at moments collapsed on traffic from its ceiling. One moment you were in dirty cotton wool saturated with iced water and then out of it into ravines of cold sweating granite with cave-dwellers' windows and entrances – some of which he began to feel he had seen before till he realized he was in Max's street.

  He thought he had told his driver to go to the station but when they drew up outside Max's block of flats he realized he must have given this address, probably because he had been wondering if Max had really meant to come. He was then all at once completely given over to train fever, his driver did not know what time it was, he rushed into the lift, rang Max's bell, asked Franklin what time it was, found Max had already gone and that it was much later than he thought, ran downstairs because he thought it would be quicker, and, lying back panting, trembling, said to his driver,

  'Hurry, hurry.'

  'Where to?'

  'To the station of course.'

  'Which station?'

  'For France, stupid.'

  As he climbed into his cab his driver said:

  'Another bloody one of those.'

  All this time Julia and Claire had been sitting by their trunks. They had not spoken of Max again, and this is where Edwards came upon them as he followed Max's luggage. Julia sprang up.

  'Oh, Edwards, there you are,' she said. 'Where is Mr Adey?'

  'I couldn't say, Miss.'

  'Didn't he come with you?'

  'Yes, Miss.'

  (Edwards had learned never to give information about his gentleman to ladies.)

  'Then isn't he in the station?'