Loving, Living, Party Going

by Henry Green

  'I bet you never were,' he said.

  'I was.'

  'And what about your top?'

  'What about my top? Who told you about my top?'

  'Nobody.'

  'Who told you? I've never said a word about it to anyone.'

  'You must have done or I should not have known,' he said uneasily:

  Who could have told him? Claire surely wouldn't have. People you trusted talked about you behind your back and ruined everything. He must have been laughing at her all the time she was on about her charms.

  'Oh, Max,' she said, 'you are so tiresome.' And then, to cover up her tracks, 'First you wouldn't tell me who Embassy Richard's girl was and now you won't say who told you about me. Who is it?'

  He made as if to sit on the arm of her chair.

  'No,' she said, 'and if you won't come out with it then you can't expect me to go on filling you up with things to laugh at me about'

  'But I was not laughing.'

  'Very well then, what toys did you have when you were a little boy.?'

  He thought this was an unlucky business. Rather shamefacedly he said:

  'I had a Teddy Bear.'

  'All little boys have Teddy Bears.'

  'Well I say, Julia, I can't help that, can I?'

  'What else did you have? What did you have you are ashamed of now?'

  'But Julia really, what is there to be ashamed of in a wooden egg?'

  'Who said I was ashamed? Don't be so ridiculous. Go on now, what did you have?'

  He lied and said: 'I had a doll as well.'

  'I don't believe it. What sort of a doll?'

  'Well, it was dressed up, a girl, in an Eton blue frock.'

  'Did you?' she said beginning to smile at last. 'And did you take her to bed with you?'

  'Of course. I wouldn't sleep without it.'

  'How sweet,' she said ironically, 'how perfectly sweat. And are you ashamed of her now?'

  'No, why should I be?'

  'No,' she said, calming down, 'there's no reason why one should be, is there?' After all, when one was little one was just like other little boys and girls. But she could not get over someone having told him. Had they been laughing at her over it? Or had he been asking people about her?

  'How did you get to know?' she said.

  'Someone told me.'

  'Yes, I know, but how? I mean people don't just tell things like that.'

  He took the plunge into another lie.

  'Well, if you must know,' he said, 'I asked them.'

  'Oh, you did, did you? So then you know.'

  'Know what?'

  'The story of my top.'

  'No, I don't. All I was told was that you had one – "like Julia who keeps a top" – they said.'

  She left over thinking out whether he had really asked after her until she was alone.

  'Oh, is that all you know? Then would you like to hear? You swear you aren't laughing.'

  'I swear.'

  'How much would you like to know?'

  Again he came over as if to sit on the arm of her chair.

  'If you do that,' she said getting up, 'I shan't be able to tell you about my top.'

  He thought bother her top.

  'And it's most frightfully important.'

  'Do tell me.'

  'Do you really want to know? Then I'll tell you. There's no story at all about my top. I've just always had it, that's all.'

  He advanced on her as if to kiss her.

  'No, no,' she said, 'it's too early in the day yet for that sort of thing,' and as he still came forward she began to step back.

  'No, Max, I'm not going to start a chase round this squalid room.' And as he came up to her she brought her hands smack together as though she were bringing him out of a trance. 'Go back and sit in your chair,' she said, 'mix yourself another drink if you like, but you aren't going to muss me up now.' He did as he was told and she was pleased she could make him do as she told him. Then she wondered if he wasn't angry, which he was. So she came over to where he was sitting, and, his hands taken up with pouring out his drink, she kissed his cheek and then sat down opposite.

  There was a silence and then he exclaimed:

  'By God, I wonder if they have sent up those flowers.' He went to telephone and got on to Alex at last and asked him. Alex said yes the flowers had arrived.

  'Are they all right? I mean are they decent ones?' Alex said they were and Julia wondered, when he put down the receiver and went over to the window, that he had not asked Alex to have them sent up to her.

  In the meantime Hignam had persuaded Robin Adams that he would do better to come upstairs and see what had become of the others. Against his better judgment Mr Adams had agreed. As he had not been able to leave this hotel owing to those steel doors having been shut down, he considered he might as well be with Angela if he could not get away from their bloody party. He might be able to be of service to her yet.

  Now both Julia and Angela had kissed their young men when these had been cross, when Mr Adams had made off down in the station and when Max had stopped chasing Julia to sit in his chair.

  People, in their relations with one another, are continually doing similar things but never for similar reasons.

  All this party had known each other for some time, except Max and Angela. Max had taken them up and they had got to know Angela through him. When Max had asked her she had insisted on going although her parents had objected that she did not know them well. Now that she was with them she was not enjoying it because she found she was without what she would call one supporter among them.

  For when Angela had kissed Mr Adams she had not wanted him to stay, it had been no more than a peck, but now she had seen more of their party she wished she had kissed him harder, and she was beginning to blame him. He had been extremely tiresome and he had deserved it when she had sent him off. But she felt now that she had never deserved it when he had gone.

  As for Julia she had kissed Max to keep him sweet so to speak, and so, in one way, had Miss Crevy kissed her young man. But what lay behind Julia's peck was this three weeks they both had in front of them, it would never do to start too fast and furious. Angela had no such motive because Mr Adams was not coming with them.

  Angela then was more than missing her young man. Accordingly when he was led by Robert Hignam into this room where she was sitting she was glad to see him. And Alex was very glad to see him. He had been made more and more nervous by Miss Crevy because he could see she was getting in a state. He called out what would he have to drink and Angela said to him:

  'Where have you been all this time?'

  Now that he did see her again Mr Adams was so thankful he could find nothing to say. He thought she looked so much more lovely than ever, almost as though he had expected to find she had been assaulted by those others with her clothes torn and her hair hanging down as he put it, although she wore it short. It was then her mood so swiftly changed that it began to seem too tiresome the way he stood there saying nothing when he should have come back long ago. Unfortunately for him he was so taken up with his feeling of how madly beautiful she was that he feared he would give himself away if he went anywhere near her. She felt she could never forgive him if he stayed away, but he went over to Alex and Robert Hignam and mixed himself a drink, turning his back.

  If Julia's fears had left her earlier when Max arrived in the lounge downstairs and, at the first sign of him, she had forgotten how angry she had been at his not turning up before, Angela was now the reverse of comforted when she saw Mr Adams, even if she had been longing for him to come back. Anyway she thought it monstrous that he should stand as he did with his back to her. She said:

  'Isn't someone going to ask me what I'd like to drink?' and she put emphasis on the someone. This brought them all over to her side apologizing and carrying the tray with everything on it. When Mr Adams apologized he tried pathetically enough to make his voice sound as though he were saying in so many words how sorry he was that he had
ever gone and even, by the tone of it, how unlucky she was to have one such as he so full of her. But his putting himself in the wrong only made her feel more sure that she was right and he might as well have said it to his glass for she proceeded to ignore him.

  Her answer was to begin making up to Alex. She called him darling, which was of no significance except that she had never done so before, and he did not at once tumble to it that her smiles and friendliness for him, which like any other girl she could turn on at will so that it poured pleasantly out in the way water will do out of taps, had no significance either. Still it was very different from how she had been when they were alone together and as he could not bear people being as cross and hurt with him as she had seemed to be he was both surprised and pleased.

  'And, darling,' she said to Alex, 'do you know what is on the other side of that door there?'

  He went to see. 'Beds!' he cried.

  'Yes, twin beds. But I brought my own sheets.'

  He was still pleased even if this last remark embarrassed him as much as it had done when, at first sight of him down in the station she had called out had he brought his bed. Then he wondered if this change of manner did not come from her wanting to annoy this Robin Adams or to make him jealous. He said she thought of everything and went on,

  'But it's really rather early for that sort of thing, isn't it? There's no close season, I know that, but we've got the whole night before us, if you know what I mean.'

  'Alex, darling, how can you speak like that? It's the most pansy thing I ever heard you say. And in any case,' she went on, 'it wouldn't be very nice in a sleeper, would it?' Alex passed this off by saying he had given up all idea of their getting a train that evening. As for Mr Adams he had been so tormented when he saw her again by such a crawling frenzy of love for her that he had not been fit to hear what was going on. This now, however, began to percolate through to him as when clouds curtain an August day that has been enormously still and soft with elms swooning in the haze; and as hot days can become ominous and dark so soon he began to dread what she might make him hear.

  Alex said well come along then, knowing that she would never commit herself in front of those others. He suspected that she was only trying to distress this poor creature Adams and was curious to see how she would get out of going into that bedroom with him. He was sure she would never do it and yet she would only make herself look ridiculous now if she did not go. She said he didn't seem very keen, it was hardly flattering to her she said and he thought of answering this by asking her why didn't she try one of the others then, but he refrained, he was afraid this would be too awkward for her. All he did say was that she would soon see who was being flattered once the door was locked on them.

  This surprised her into saying, 'Oh, I don't think I'd allow you to do that.' Her pretence was wearing rather thin he thought and decided to drive her further into a corner. He asked why on earth not and was enormously touched when she explained that she would never let him lock the door because of course she would not mind being caught with him. He suspected she was only playing him up and he knew it was fatuous but he could not help being flattered. He tried to appear cross in order to hide this and so as to lead her on.

  'You mean it would not matter if you were caught with me, either to you or anyone else,' he said. Robert Hignam interrupted:

  'Don't let that worry you. I'll stand on guard and if I whistle three times, what, you'll know someone is coming.'

  Mr Adams walked to the window and wondered, as he tried not to hear, if he was going to be sick.

  'But I don't mind,' she said, 'you old silly,' using one of Claire's expressions to her husband, 'don't you understand I don't mind if anyone did find us? Has no one ever made a proposal to you?'

  This word proposal seemed to him to have a fatal ring and rather in desperation he said well, all right, come on then. 'Well, all right, come on then,' she echoed, 'that's a fine way to put it. Well, hold the door open for me.'

  'Where on earth is Max?' said Mr Adams, turning round from his window. Alex and Robert Hignam were disgusted to see his face had gone white.

  'Now, look here, Angela,' Alex said, determined now to escape, 'what about that hotel detective?'

  Robert Hignam led Mr Adams away to have a drink in the other corner.

  'I must say you don't seem very gallant,' she said and thought poor Robin had looked awful, but he must learn his lesson and it was too late to turn back now, she would look silly if she did.

  'Alex,' she said, 'Alex,' and jerked her head towards that other room she stood outside by the open door. He saw now those others were not watching, that she only wanted to say something in private and he felt proportionately foolish for ever having imagined she meant a rough and tumble. He hurried in and she shut them in and said:

  'Now you must go straight out into the corridor by that other door over there and don't come back.'

  'You aren't going to do something awful, are you?' he said, because after all he did not know her well enough to say he would stand for no further baiting of Mr Adams.

  'Now, Alex, run along now at once,' and he did go, feeling outraged at having been so used. The moment he had shut the door she clapped her hands twice. Mr Adams, of course, was in her room at once, slamming the door behind him so Robert Hignam could not follow. He found her sitting in front of the glass, powdering her face, and apparently calm as calm.

  'What?' he said, 'what?'

  'What do you mean?' she said.

  'Was that you slapping someone's face?' he said and he was panting hard.

  'Who slapped whose face? I didn't hear anyone,' she said.

  'I heard it twice,' he said and his knees were trembling.

  She burst into tears, her face screwed up and got red and she held her handkerchief to her nose and sniffled as if that was where her tears were coming from.

  'Oh, my God,' he said and then his knees went so that he thought he would sink to the floor, where he had been standing.

  Speaking through her handkerchief, her voice going up and down and interrupted by sobs, grunts and once she choked, she was saying:

  'You've been so beastly to me. Going away when you did. As if I was nothing to you. And all these beastly people being beastly to me. How do you expect me to love you? How could you go like that? Oh, I do feel so miserable.' At this point she got hiccups. 'How could you? I feel I could die. I feel so miserable.'

  He began moving towards her, saying darling, darling. By this time they neither of them knew what they were doing.

  When Alex came back through the corridor into this sitting room where they had all been, Robert Hignam became facetious which was his way of hiding curiosity.

  'I say, old boy, that was a bit sudden, wasn't it, what did you do to the girl?'

  Alex hated him for it. He said if he could only strangle her now he would, 'and you too,' he thought of saying.

  'But come on, what did you do to the poor girl to make her fetch you one like that?'

  'Nothing, you poor fool, nothing at all. Oh, all right, laugh, yes, but can't you see all she was doing was playing me up to make her boy friend.'

  Robert felt somehow he had been put in the wrong, but he was not going to stop for that, he wanted to get down to it. 'Right,' he said, 'right, I'd spotted that. As a matter of fact, if I'd been you I doubt if I'd have gone in the first place.'

  'Afraid of Claire coming in I suppose.'

  'Here, lay off. But all's well that ends well I expect, isn't it?' he said, nodding to the bedroom door and getting to it.

  'You silly idiot, Bob, she's probably putting him through a hoop in some fabulous way.'

  'I don't know, he's probably got all he wanted by now, but I wouldn't stand for her slapping me for it.' He waited till he saw there was no more to come and then he said he wondered what the others were doing.

  Claire was sitting telephoning in the room outside Miss Fellowes' bedroom with Evelyn Henderson telephoning too; for some reason this room had two
telephones. The door between had been cruelly left open so that her aunt, if her condition was so she could hear, could do so. Both Claire and Evelyn then were speaking at one and the same time and Claire was saying:

  'Yes, Mrs Knight, she is sleeping now.' Mrs Knight was maid to Miss Fellowes. 'I don't think you need worry too much about her. No, you would never be able to get here, I shouldn't come along if I were you. No, Mrs Knight, you mustn't. For one thing the traffic simply isn't running, you would never get here, and then if you did you would never be able to get in, we are simply in a state of siege you know, yes, no one's allowed in or out. Yes, nanny and her friend are with us, they have been angels. Of course, I had a terrible time getting her up here, she had to be carried.'

  Miss Henderson was telephoning to a female friend.

  'My dear,' she said, 'you would hardly believe it but you remember I told you I was going to the South of France, I'd been looking forward to it so much for such a long time. The fact is that with this fog no trains are running and I've a very good idea, though I've said nothing to the others about it, that we shan't get away at all. Well, the difficult part of it is that I've closed my little flat up you see and sent the woman who looks after me away on her own holiday. Mrs Jukes, yes. What's that? My dear, do you really mean it, that would be kind of you. May I really? It would only be for one night at the most. You will put me up, you're sure it won't be too much of a bother? My dear, that is too kind of you. Several extraordinary things have happened I can't tell you about now. What's that?'

  Claire was saying:

  'Now, Mrs Knight, you're not to worry like this. Of course I don't know what would have become of her if I hadn't been here. No, we don't know what the matter with her is yet. The doctor said a rest would put everything right and after all we must take what the doctors say, mustn't we? Of course, I have given her a hot water bottle. Well, it's her breathing, so short you know. Has she ever had anything of this kind before?'

  Evelyna was still talking:

  'I can't tell you the name now,' she said, almost whispering into the receiver, 'but the doctor says she is drunk. No, don't laugh because I think she is very ill indeed. It's not extremely nice. My dear, she had a pigeon, all wet, done up in brown paper. Well, yes wet. I think it's some sort of a sexual fit, don't you agree? With women of her age, yes, she is just that age, it so often is, don't you think? What I am so concerned about is whether it won't come out in another and more violent form, do you see what I mean?'