Suddenly

by Barbara Delinsky

  “You will for a while. But you’re doing fine.”

  “My baby…they don’t know.”

  “That’s why they have you on a monitor, to tell them if the baby has any trouble.”

  Jane rose. She didn’t speak, but stood there looking uncomfortable enough to tell Paige that she wanted to.

  “Let me go calm your mom,” Paige told Jill. “I’ll be back.” Once in the hall and out of earshot, Jane said, “They were thinking of cutting it out, but they thought it might be too little. They say they’ll do it if there’s any trouble. I hope they do. The sooner it’s gone, the easier things will be, especially now. She can’t have a baby now. Not with the cast and all.”

  “She can. They’ll simply wait until the baby is able to function on its own, then take it by cesarean section.”

  “But don’t you see, it’s no good. She can’t stay with you anymore. She needs someone to take care of her, but he won’t have her in the house. He pretends he doesn’t have a daughter. He’s been uglier than ever.” She didn’t have to elaborate.

  Paige wanted to scream. “You don’t have to suffer through that, Jane. I’ve told you before. You could speak with someone.”

  But Jane was shaking her head. “That’ll make it worse. He’ll beat me something awful if I tell anyone.”

  “We can get a restraining order.”

  “But I don’t want one. I don’t want to kick him out. He’s my husband.”

  Paige had long ago learned that she could express all the fury in the world, but it wouldn’t change the fact that many women who were mistreated would choose that mistreatment over being alone. She neither understood it nor agreed with it, but then she had never been married. She had never loved any man, much less one with problems.

  Mara had. Mara would be so much better talking to women like Jane Stickley than Paige was.

  But Mara wasn’t there, and Jill was lying alone in the other room. Paige gave Jane’s arm a little rub. “Think about it. I can help, if you want it. In the meantime, we have to support Jill. The baby’s fate will be decided without any help from us.”

  With Jane in tow, she returned to the room and sat with Jill for a short time. When Jill fell asleep again, she left and, heavy-hearted, set off for home. She pulled into the driveway, parked behind Nonny’s car, and let herself in the front door.

  Nonny was in the living room playing pattycake with Sami while kitty looked on curiously. The three offered such a heartwarming picture, in contrast to the harrowing tableau at Tucker General, that Paige felt a sudden giddiness.

  “Oooooooo,” Sami said, and held up her arms.

  Paige swept her up and gave her a hug. “How’s Mommy’s little girl?” She rocked her from side to side. “It’s so good to see you. Both of you,” she said to Nonny. “All of you,” she said to kitty. “I feel like it’s been a year and a day since I left.” She sank down on the sofa and curled up in a corner with Sami still in her arms. Kitty jumped behind the crook of her knees.

  “Is everyone taken care of?” Nonny asked.

  “For now. We lost another one in Burlington. That makes four. More than a hundred hospitalized between Tucker and others. Half again as many treated and released.” She closed her eyes. “The old movie house. Mara knew.” She breathed in deeply. “Mmmmm, this little one smells so good. So clean and healthy, after all that.” By contrast she felt filthy, but she was too tired to move. “Jill is in rough shape. She has a fractured pelvis. The baby is teetering.”

  “Oh, dear. I’m so sorry.”

  “Me too.” The words were an effort. Sami was so warm against her that she snuggled closer. “I won’t crush you,” she whispered, but the next thing she knew, Nonny was shaking her shoulder.

  “You should be in bed, sweetheart.”

  “In a bit,” Paige said, and dozed off again. This time Sami’s squeal brought her awake with a start. The child was standing against the side of the sofa with her face inches away.

  “She squirmed out of your arms half an hour ago,” Nonny explained, “but she refuses to go far. I think she missed you.”

  Paige smiled and touched Sami’s mouth.

  “Geeeeeee,” Sami said, crinkled her nose, and smiled back.

  Paige planted a kiss on her cheek. “Such a sweet baby. But Mommy’s dead tired. I have to sleep.” With an effort, she pushed herself up. “Just for a couple of hours. Can you stay, Nonny?”

  “I intend to.”

  “Just for a couple of hours,” Paige repeated, but the last few words were slowed by the realization that she no longer had a baby-sitter.

  “For as long as you need me,” Nonny assured her. She wrapped an arm around her waist and propelled her toward her bedroom. “You smell musty.”

  “Movie house dust. It was worse than the blood.”

  “If I run you a bath, will you fall asleep in it?”

  “Definitely. Later.” She stumbled into the bedroom, but without Sami’s sweet baby smell, she couldn’t bear herself. So she stood under the shower, soaped, rinsed, toweled herself dry, then climbed into bed and was instantly asleep.

  Noah and Sara learned about the movie house disaster when they went into town Sunday afternoon for brunch. They didn’t have to ask any questions. No one in the coffee shop was talking about anything else. All they had to do was to sit in their booth and listen to the conversation around them.

  “Horace’s boy was there. He broke a leg. Porter’s broke two arms.”

  “Half the town was there. Broken bones is the least of it.”

  “The balcony fell right down on the ones underneath. Horrible. Horrible.”

  “Shoulda known it would happen, place was so old.”

  “Too old to be having a concert with jumping and foot stomping and all.”

  “Jamie’s in big trouble, lawyer says.”

  “Serves him right, th’ old coot.”

  “They should make him add a new wing to Tucker General. I hear it’s filled to brimming.”

  “But how many’s patients and how many’s family?”

  “No matter. Everyone’s trying to help. We don’t have enough nurses. I hear they bussed some in from Hanover.”

  “And doctors from Abbotsville. Every one of ours has been working round the clock.”

  Sara leaned forward. “Do you think Dr. Pfeiffer is there?”

  “Probably,” Noah answered. “One of her partners would have called her.”

  “Her baby-sitter was going to that concert. I wonder if she was hurt.”

  He shrugged and shook his head. He had no way of knowing. But he kept thinking about it, and about Paige, through the afternoon while he and Sara put up the new wallpaper in the bathroom. It was a hard pattern to match. He kept waiting for Sara to complain, but she wouldn’t give him that satisfaction, so when he was feeling distinctly cross-eyed, he called for a break.

  On the pretext of seeing if she was home and, if so, getting the scoop firsthand, they drove to Paige’s.

  “I think she has company,” Sara said when they found two cars in the driveway.

  “That’s okay. We won’t stay long. If she’s here, she’ll be tired.”

  “Dead asleep,” her grandmother said, introducing herself only as Nonny and seeming to know just who they were. “But you’re welcome to come in and visit with Sami and me. We like having guests.”

  Noah gave Sara an inquiring look. She shrugged and said, “I like Sami.”

  So they went inside. Sara was the one to ask about Jill and was upset when Nonny told what had happened. “Will she be in the hospital long?”

  “For a little while, I’d guess.”

  “Is her family with her?”

  “I’m sure.”

  “Who will baby-sit Sami while Dr. Pfeiffer’s at work?”

  Nonny tipped up her chin. “Me. Oh, she hasn’t acknowledged it yet, but she will. I’m the best baby-sitter around.”

  “I can baby-sit,” Sara offered. She was sitting on the floor opposite Sami,
rolling her a ball.

  Noah was thinking that she looked happier and sounded more affable than she had in a while. He could imagine that it was this house, which had a warmth to it. Or maybe the warmth came from Nonny, who was a seventy-something pixie wearing red leggings and an oversize red sweater. Or from Paige, who was sound asleep in the other room wearing God only knew what.

  Of course, Sara couldn’t possibly baby-sit Sami.

  Nonny, bless her, said, “You can’t possibly baby-sit, Sara. You have school. That’s far more important for you. And besides, I need to baby-sit. The older I get, the more useless I feel. This will make me functional again.”

  Sara kept on playing ball with Sami. “Dr. Pfeiffer said that she lived with you while she was growing up. Is it true?”

  Noah listened closely.

  “Oh, yes. It’s true,” Nonny said. “My daughter—her mother—is a very charming woman, but she wasn’t cut out to be a mother. Some women aren’t. It’s usually better if they realize it before they have children, but in this case it worked out all right. Of course, Paige didn’t always agree. She missed having a mother and father. At times, she still does.”

  “Where are they now?” Noah asked.

  Nonny screwed up her face and looked at the ceiling. “Uh, Capri? No. Siena. That’s it. Siena.”

  “What do they do there?” Sara asked.

  “Not—very—much,” Nonny ennunciated with care and a certain helplessness. “My daughter married a man with too much money. They became playmates when they were eighteen, and they’re still at it. They’ve never grown up. They’ve never had to accept any sort of responsibility.”

  “But they had a child,” Noah pointed out. “That’s a responsibility.”

  A sheepish Nonny said, “I’m afraid I made it easy for them to shirk it. From the start, Paige was my little girl. She was a cuddler in ways her mother never was, and I loved it. I was always quite happy to send my daughter and son-in-law back off to their villa or chalet or dacha, or wherever it was they were living at the time. I enjoyed having Paige to myself.” She grinned. “And now I have Sami.” Her grin widened, seeming to overtake her small face in a way that was so cheerful, Noah nearly laughed. “And now I have you both. It’s so lovely to have guests.” The grin vanished, replaced by wide little eyes and an earnest entreaty. “You’ll stay for dinner, won’t you?”

  Put that way, Noah could no more have disappointed the woman than he could have dragged himself back to wallpapering a bathroom. “We really shouldn’t impose.”

  “No imposition!” she exclaimed, just as he had suspected she would. Her eyes were bright. “I was only ordering in. So I’ll order in more.” Leaning close to Sara, she said, “Do you like Mexican?”

  Sara nodded vigorously. “But my father doesn’t. It upsets his stomach. Every time he came to visit me in California we had a problem. He’d ask me where I wanted to eat, and it would always be Mexican. The places he wanted to eat were boring.”

  “Ach, then we’ll make him a cup of chicken soup. As for me”—she rubbed her hands together—“I’m in the mood for something hot. Say, some chili. Or nachos with jalapeño pepper cheese.”

  Sami grew red in the face. Nonny stroked her head. “No nachos for you, either? No chili?”

  “Do they upset her stomach, too?” Sara asked.

  “Actually,” Nonny said, lifting Sami, “that isn’t the problem.” To Noah, with a charming delicateness, she said, “Would you excuse us while we go to the ladies’ room to repair ourselves?”

  Noah chuckled. “Of course.”

  Sara got right up and went with Nonny, leaving him alone in the living room. Not one to pass up a prime opportunity, he headed for Paige’s bedroom.

  He didn’t see her at first. She was lost in the patchwork designs on her bed—comforter, a slew of pillows, sheets—all in warm shades of brown, gold, green, crimson. He saw what he thought was a patch of hair, but it turned out to be kitty, curled in a ball against one of the pillows.

  Then he saw Paige. Her body was a faint diagonal line under the comforter and her hair was strewn over the patchwork, camouflaged, but it was her, no doubt this time. His body was telling him so as surely as his eyes, though precious little of her was exposed. The comforter crowded under her jawline. He couldn’t begin to guess what she had on.

  Drawn closer, he studied her face. It was pale, clean, vulnerable in sleep. Her hair looked as though it had been damp when she had fallen into bed. It was a riot of waves. He smoothed several back from her cheek, then, unable to resist, returned to touch the smooth skin. Then the straight line of her nose. Then her mouth. Her breathing was slow and far more even than his. Her eyelids were still.

  He sat down on the bed. Still she didn’t waken.

  He thought of the time she had just spent at the hospital, hours that had to have been brutal, and felt a swell of respect. He also felt respect for Nonny, who had raised an irresponsible daughter’s daughter to be eminently responsible.

  He felt another swell, this time a physical one centered in his groin. The attraction was strong. It was chemical, had been so from the first, and the more he saw of her, the stronger it became. The time they had been together, way back in Mara’s yard, seemed a dream now. Or maybe it was because he had dreamed it so many other times that the first was just blending in.

  He kissed her temple and waited. When she didn’t respond, he kissed her eye, then her cheek, lingering there to enjoy the fresh scent of her skin. Tendril by tendril, he trained her hair back over the pillow. He traced the sculpted line of her ear. He slid his fingers under the comforter and let them soak up the warmth of her neck.

  She gave a soft hum of pleasure. He moved his fingers lightly.

  Her eyes flickered open. They focused straight ahead, then shifted slowly to Noah. She seemed disoriented, asleep with her eyes open, but he didn’t give a damn. Her mouth looked too soft, too sweet, to resist. He lowered his head and kissed it. He ran his tongue around it. He nibbled on her lower lip, sucked it, caressed it.

  A soft sound came from her throat. She had closed her eyes, but her mouth was his for the taking, and he was too hungry to abstain. He took it in its entirety, devouring it wetly, using his tongue to explore what was inside.

  She made the same soft sound, accompanied by the beginnings of response. Her breathing was no longer as steady. Her mouth clung to his.

  He framed her chin with his hand, then slid it lower, under the comforter, then the sheet. The route was paved with bare flesh, silky and warm, rising and falling with the sough of her breath. He found her breast and caressed it, drew her nipple hard between his fingers, then pulled the comforter back only enough to put his mouth where his hand had been.

  This time it was a cry, a soft but needy one, then the sound of his name on her breath. Her body was swelling, arching to his. She repeated the cry when he drew her nipple deeply into his mouth.

  Rising up, he braced himself over her face. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips moist. Her eyes were open again, disoriented now in an eddy of pleasure. He slipped a hand under the sheet, lower over her abdomen, until he found what he sought.

  She gasped.

  “Shhhhh.” He covered her mouth and ate at it in time with the motion of his hand. He swallowed her breath when it came faster, then her cries when they rose, when her body went tight and seconds later shook with a powerful release.

  He was slow in retrieving his hand and then brought it up, fingers spread wide to feel everything he could before he withdrew. Her breasts were tight, her nipples hard. She pressed her hands over his to hold them there until, it seemed, reality hit. Then she made a sound that held more than a touch of embarrassment and rolled over, away from him and so far under the comforter that nothing showed but the top of her head.

  Noah wanted to talk. He wanted to tell her not to be embarrassed, that her pleasure was his, that the release was good for her. He wanted to give her another one. Mostly he wanted to strip down, join her under t
he covers, and bury himself deep, deep inside her until nothing remained of the outside world but bits and fragments of memory.

  But the outside world was still there. He could hear it moving over his head and guessed that he had Nonny to thank for keeping Sara occupied. Which was nice, but not overly responsible on his part.

  Reluctantly he rose from the bed. He straightened and took several deep breaths, grateful just then that Paige was buried under her comforter so that she wouldn’t see the shape of his pants. In the bathroom, he tossed cold water on his face, but between the bra that lay with her discarded clothes, the damp towel on the rack, and the scented soap that was so thoroughly reminiscent of her skin, his body tightened again.

  Back in the bedroom, he stood at the window and studied the backyard. With the loss of leaves from the birches and maples, the conifers captured the limelight in the late afternoon sun. Soon that sun would be lower and weaker. Soon snow would cover the firs. Soon the Board of Trustees would be picking a permanent Head of School and Noah’s time at Tucker would be done.

  It occurred to him that the place wasn’t all that bad. But some things were written in the stars, and this was one. He was destined to head a great school. Not Mount Court.

  A glance over his shoulder told him that Paige remained under the comforter, and just then the second-floor sounds picked up. Taking his cue, he left the room.

  Paige dreamed of things so seductive and passionate and downright erotic that she awoke in a sweat. The room was dark. She was alone. It was a minute before her body stopped trembling, a minute before the reality of her exhaustion and its cause hit her, and then she brushed her hair back with a forearm and moaned.

  The clock glowed a green ten twenty-two. She figured she had been sleeping for more than seven hours and had every intention of going for another seven, but in this short break she thought of Jill and her baby and all the others who’d been hurt. Life was fragile, taken for granted day to day, but such a tenuous thing. Paige’s own parents had had that close call in an airplane, but how many close calls had there been in automobiles? Or walking along streets? Or sitting, oblivious of danger, in theaters whose structural stability was in doubt?