Mountain Man's Valentine

by Lauren Milson

  I feel like he wants to humiliate me and doesn’t even know it. I don’t want to say it out loud. But I remember what Caleb said. It’s not slutty to just like sex, is it?

  “Caleb and I are dating, dad.” I say it fast, and without thinking. As soon as it’s out, I feel like a freaking weight has been lifted from my shoulders. “And I’m sorry if you don’t like it.”

  “Like it?” He turns around, and I feel like I’m in high school again, breaking my curfew. I was never out with boys in high school, though. If I was ever out late, it was because I was at a diner by myself eating a hot fudge sundae and trying to relax with some comic books instead of the novels I always had to read. Something just for me. And if I ever lost track of the time, it wasn’t because I was off somewhere kissing a boy like my other classmates were.

  “Ava, I just don’t want you to get hurt. Caleb is not a good guy.”

  His words hit me deep in the heart. He’s being so cavalier, so casual about telling me the man I’m falling for is not a good guy.

  “I know he’s had a checkered past when it comes to women. But I think he’s changed. Really.” I choke the words out, struggling with myself, struggling with the room to get my words to compete with dad’s.

  “I’ve seen the way he treats women. When you work with someone, you get to know them. And I’ve seen so many women come and go. You know just last week a young girl not very different from yourself came through here, and he had his secretary tell her that he was out of the office in a meeting to avoid talking to her. Is that your idea of a good guy?”

  I exhale. He’s right. That’s not nice. But I’m sure Caleb had a reason for it.

  “He’s told me about his previous relationships. That’s not the real him. Do you know the heartbreak he’s been through?”

  “Right, that fiancee he had last year. She was with him for his money, just like most of them are. They just want to be taken care of. These women are gullible. He thinks he can buy them, and when he’s had his fill he dismisses them. The last thing I want is for my own daughter to go through that.”

  “Dad, I can make my own decisions.” I’m getting defensive, and it feels awful. My chest rises and falls, and I can feel my insides get shaky. My stomach turns over and I swallow the lump in my throat.

  Getting up, I walk toward the door and let myself out.

  “Ava, I just want what’s best for you.”

  “And maybe I’m the best person to decide that.”

  I walk toward the exit, passing by Caleb’s office. He comes out and tells me to wait, but I tell him I just need to be left alone to think.

  I walk past the elevators and don’t hit the button, instead taking the stairs.

  I walk back to the dorms and text Zoe to let her know I’m on my way back. I texted her last night to let her know I wouldn’t be home that night, but I didn’t explain.

  See, that’s not me. I don’t leave things open ended like that. I usually tell her exactly where I am and when I’ll be back.

  I groan as I think about the fact that I left my Environmental Science book out on my desk, thinking I’d be back in no time to continue studying. I never thought this detour would take this long.

  I finally get back to the dorm and Zoe’s there sitting on her chair with her feet up on her desk. She’s wearing a short black skirt and a white flowy tank top, and her long blonde hair is down in a wavy, big blow out. She’s painting her nails bright cherry red, and there’s a guy sitting nervously on her bed. I think he’s trying to see up her skirt.

  When she sees me come in, she hops up and tells the guy she’ll text him later.

  “I don’t want to interrupt anything,” I say as he leaves.

  “It’s fine. He was gonna do my toes next, but I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself.” She gives me a cheesy wink and I collapse onto my bed, scrambling to get under the covers and pulling them up over my head.

  “Hey there,” Zoe says, sitting on the edge of the bed. “What’s the matter?”

  “I just completely blew it with Caleb,” I say, but it’s muffled by the blankets. Hopefully Zoe didn’t hear me, and it won’t be real.

  “You said you blew Caleb?” she says, yanking the covers down to my waist. I put my fingers over my face and peek through them.

  “That’s not what I said.”

  “But you aren’t denying it. Finally!” She gets up and waves her hands in the air before sitting back down on her knees. “Tell me everything!”

  So I tell her my story, of how I went to see dad yesterday, and how I got intercepted by Caleb, everything up until what happened an hour ago. And how just when things were getting good and getting difficult and messy and complicated, I ran away.

  “You have two men who just want to make sure you’re okay. You have your daddy, who’s always loved you, and now you have Caleb, too.”

  “But what if dad says not to trust Caleb?”

  “That’s something you have to figure out for yourself, honey. No one can make that decision for you.”

  “Dad said people don’t change. What do you think?”

  “Well,” she says, “take a look at yourself. You’ve changed, haven’t you?”

  I can’t help but smile.

  “Caleb really is amazing,” I say, remembering the moment in the park and how reassuring he was. “He makes me feel like my craziness isn’t crazy at all. In fact, it’s almost as though he likes it. He likes calming me down. I was so worked up, he told me to relax, and miraculously it actually worked.”

  “You’ve never met anyone like him before, have you?” Zoe’s face lights up as her eyes move from her hands to meet mine.

  “No,” I say. “I haven’t. It’s like that first night all over again. I have something I want, and I push it away.”

  Everything starts to come into focus for me, and I wipe my eyes with the backs of my hands, sitting up in my bed. It would be early for me to sink down under the covers and just give up. It would be easy for me to open up my books and cram for my exams. “I can’t keep going on like this. Letting fear dictate my life. I can’t.”

  “This is about your mom, isn’t it?” Zoe says, patting my foot through the blanket. “You won’t end up like her, not if you don’t want to. You won’t be alone. Unless you keep pushing Caleb away.”

  “You’re right,” I say. “I have to go talk to him. Running away from him wasn’t right.”

  Zoe gives me a big hug and I grab my bag, dashing through the door

  It’s my turn to go get what I want.

  21

  Caleb

  “What did you say to her?” I bound into her old man’s office, swinging the door open. It hits the wall behind it with a thud, making the pictures on the wall rattle a little.

  “I told her what you really are.” The old man’s face is red, and he looks angry. But not as angry as I fucking am. “I told her you’re a womanizer, and you don’t care about any of the girls you bring up here. What would you possibly want with a girl that much younger than you?”

  “What I really am?” I start toward him angrily. “What I really am is a man who is in love with your daughter.” I spit the words out without thinking, and they ring so fucking true that it scares me.

  “How many young women have you promised the world to, and how many of them have you delivered it to? How many commitments have you made, and how many times have you made good?”

  “I’ve only been engaged once, and when I found out that the woman I was with was a gold-digger, I broke it off. I loved her, and yeah, I promised her things, but the one thing I actually gave a fuck about giving her, she didn’t want. And that one thing was me. Not all the petty bullshit that comes along with me.”

  “So you think having security is petty? Are you going to put a roof over my daughter’s head and food in her belly, or are those things that only money can buy petty to you? You only want her for one reason. I’ve seen men like you every day. It’s a disgrace.”

  “That’
s the difference between us. That’s the key difference. You see your daughter as an extension of you. Did it ever occur to you that she can provide for herself? That’s what she wants, that her number one fucking priority. Making her own way. Not relying on a man. So yeah, maybe I can give her a nice fucking home and anything she wants that money can buy. But I can give her something even more important. I can give her the love she’s been too afraid to admit to herself or to anyone else that she wants. She can provide for herself, but that won’t keep her warm at night the way I will.”

  The old man’s eyes widen and he sinks down into his chair. He opens his mouth slightly, but nothing comes out.

  I can see hints of her face in his. The way his mouth pulls into a tight line when he’s thinking about something serious, the way his smile can light up a room when he’s laughing at his own joke. And I can see the flash of conflict deep inside his eyes when he looks up from his desk to me.

  “I just want what’s best for her,” he concedes. “I just don’t want her to get hurt. I know she’s a smart girl, but sometimes she can be too trusting. The last thing I would want is to hurt her.”

  “Then you’ve got to let her make her own decisions. She is not a wilting flower, Murray. She is bold and full of energy, and yeah, she might make mistakes. But I’m not one of them.”

  The man’s eyes soften. He can see how fucking serious I am about this.

  “So you love her, did I hear you right?” He gives me a warm smile with those same blue eyes he passed down to his daughter. “I’m just nervous. I have seen you with a lot of women. A lot. You know I have.”

  “But Mr. Murray,” I say, sitting down in front of his desk. “None of them were Ava. I went through women fast because after what happened to me, I didn’t want to settle down. But Ava made all the difference.”

  “I hope you know what you’re doing,” he says, “but I’ll support my daughter. Just don’t fuck this up. Please. For her.”

  “Mr. Murray,” I say, getting up and heading to the door, “that’s just not possible.”

  22

  Ava

  My heart thrums with excitement and electricity as I hit the button to go down to the first floor. I don’t want to text Caleb because I want to see him in person, tell him all of this face to face.

  I do want him, even though I might not know exactly what that means. He makes me feel like I can say anything or do anything silly, or be insecure and afraid. He makes me feel better, but more importantly, he makes me feel like it’s okay to be afraid. That’s the most powerful thing about him.

  It’s okay to be afraid.

  This side of the stupid dorm only has one elevator, and I get so impatient that I have to go take the stairs. I have to keep moving, I have to keep going. I feel like I’ll combust if I stay in one place for too long. Like I’ll explode.

  I start my way down the stairs. It smells like someone is smoking, which would normally really piss me off, but I just keep moving.

  Of course, it’s the guy I saw the last time I decided to take the stairs.

  “Hey, Ava,” he says, blowing the smoke from his cigarette out in a thin stream. “We keep running into each other, don’t we?”

  “Right,” I say. “I don’t think you’re really supposed to be smoking in here.” I keep walking down the stairs, but he starts walking next to me.

  “I think we started off on the wrong foot,” he says, stepping in front of me when we get to the next landing. I want to cough in his face because he’s standing just a little bit too close and he smells a little bit too much like cigarettes.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, elbowing past him, “I have somewhere to be.”

  “Oh, come on,” he says, “I’m a really nice guy. Give me a shot.”

  He keeps walking, and I’m starting to get a little bit pissed off.

  “I did,” I say, pulling my jacket closed. “I already gave you a chance. We had that coffee together, remember? And I’m sorry. I’m just not interested.” I say it all so quickly, and when I’m done, I exhale shakily. I can’t believe I was able to tell him what I was really thinking. I should have tried this a long time ago.

  “You girls are infuriating,” he booms, putting his hands in the air. “You say you want nice guys, and then you always go for the assholes. I was nice to you. I thought we had a good conversation.”

  “We did,” I say, indignantly. “But that doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you.”

  “Then what the hell can we do to please you people?”

  “You people?” I say. “As if all women are exactly the same? Some monolithic entity who all think the same and want the same things? Here’s a tip,” I say, stepping toward him. “If you want to know how to please us, why don’t you just trying asking?”

  “Damn it!” he yells, startling me. I step backwards and I feel my eyes growing wide in fear. His hands are balled up and his eyes look angry. His eyebrows are knotted up in the middle in an expression of anger and disgust. I realize I’ve pissed off a guy I know to be unpredictable, in an enclosed space where we’re alone.

  He throws his cigarette to the ground and stomps it out, freeing up both of his hands. He walks toward me and I step backward carefully, my heart flying around inside my chest. I keep stepping backwards until my back is against the wall, and I realize I’ve made a mistake in allowing myself to confront him.

  “You’re a bitch, and a tease,” he says calmly, but his face is bright red.

  I hear the door to the stairwell on the landing below us open and slam shut, and I breathe a sigh of relief as the asshole takes a step back and away from me. Footsteps slam against the stairs and I see Caleb bounding up toward us.

  “What the fuck is this?” he yells, grabbing the guy by the shirt and tossing him aside easily. “You get your limp prick away from her, or we are going to have a big fucking problem.”

  The asshole doesn’t seem so intimidating anymore next to Caleb. He looks down and races down the stairs, scurrying out into the street.

  “Did he touch you?” he says, trying to be calm, putting his arms around me.

  “No, no,” I say. “Nothing happened. It could have been a lot worse.”

  I lean into him as he squeezes his arms around my shoulders, and I just lose it. Tears start streaming from my eyes, and I can’t stop. God, I don’t want to ugly cry in front of Caleb, but I can’t help myself.

  “You just let it out,” he reassures me, stroking the back of my head. “Are you sure nothing happened?”

  “Yes,” I sob, resting my cheek on his chest. “I should never have come in here. I shouldn’t have said anything to him.”

  “No,” Caleb says, tipping my chin up. “You never apologize for speaking up. Ever.”

  Hot, salty tears stream down my cheeks and I go into my bag to try to find a tissue.

  “Stop, sweetheart. Just relax. You’re okay now.”

  “I don’t want to mess up your shirt,” I say, laughing as I choke out a sob. “I know how expensive it is.”

  He looks down at me with a bemused smirk. “Come on,” he says, pulling me in extra close. “I don’t give a shit about the shirt.”

  “I should never have come in here. I was just so excited to go see you. I didn’t want to stop moving. I had so much energy. I still do.” I realize that my hands are trembling, and all I can do to steady myself is wrap my arms around Caleb’s muscular torso.

  “Well,” he says, kissing the top of my head, “my girl always likes to do things the hard way. The subway, the stairs. You like to work extra hard for things. But you don’t have to.”

  Closing my eyes, I laugh. “I guess I didn’t realize something like love could be so easy.”

  “It can be,” he says, sliding his fingers through my hair. “It can be.”

  “Did you happen to talk to my dad?” I look up at him, his eyes beaming with a smile. I already know the answer.

  “Yeah, I did. I understand where the old man is coming from. He just wants wha
t’s best for you.”

  “I know that.”

  “I think he’s come around. He said people don’t really change.But I made it very clear to him how I feel about you. So in case you were wondering,” he says, “let me make it very clear to you, too.”

  Caleb puts his hands on the sides of my face and strokes my cheeks with his thumbs.

  “You are unlike anyone I’ve ever met. In fact, you are the opposite of every girl I’ve met. I was bored before I met you. There was nothing exciting in my life. It was the same old shit day after day. But now that I know you, I don’t want to let you go. Ever. And I won’t. I love you. I loved you from the moment I saw you. I loved your energy. The way you looked at me. You saw who I was, instead of what everyone else sees.”

  “Caleb.” My heart is going to burst. “I don’t know what to say. I love you too. I can’t help how I feel. I love how good I feel when I’m with you. And I love how good you feel with me, too.”

  He pushes his mouth onto mine, and all of the craziness of the past few minutes dissolves. All of the tension, all of the anxiety, everything just melts away, and all that’s left is me. Me, the girl who can stick up for herself if she tries. Me, the girl who can finally get what she wants.

  And he’s here with me, because he’s part of it.

  I kiss him back hard, and his hands come up to my breasts, feeling them through my shirt. Caleb lifts me up against the wall easily, and I wrap my legs around his waist. I’m soaked, and he grinds against me before putting me down.

  “This is your dorm, isn’t it?” he whispers. “I found you at the right place, didn’t I?”

  I smile as he affixes his hands onto my hips. “Yes, it is my dorm. What are you suggesting?”

  “Why don’t you show me your room?”

  We hurry up the stairs, and as we slip into my and Zoe’s room, we see her on her bed painting her toes. Her eyes fly up when she hears us come in, and she says nothing as she scurries off the bed and skips past us, winking as she closes the door behind her.