Finding Abel (Rebel Hearts Book 1)

by Stephanie Hoffman McManus

  “McCabe! You coming?” Some of his buddies had stopped on their way to the football field.

  “Better get going before Coach makes you run extra laps. In fact, I might text him and tell him you were trouble in class today just so he does run you extra hard.”

  With a chuckle Aiden backed away. “You wouldn’t. You love me too much.” Then he turned and jogged toward his teammates.

  “I’m texting him right now!” I hollered. He threw up a hand over his head in a wave.

  I climbed in my car and headed toward home. On the drive, the radio station I regularly listened to was giving away tickets to the Rebel Cry concert in two weeks, and I laughed to myself. Of course they were.

  Haunted came on once they’d awarded the tickets to the lucky seventh caller. As I listened to Abel’s voice sing about burning down the past and setting all his memories on fire, I wondered, not for the first time, which memories haunted him the most. Which ones did he want to pour whiskey all over and take a match to?

  I reached for the radio dial and changed the station. I couldn’t bring myself to finish listening to the song about the girl with the storm-cloud eyes who haunted his dreams. Not today.

  Come on, Grandma! I silently urged the slow driver in front of me taking forever at a green light. I didn’t have the patience for Boston’s crappy drivers today. I drummed my hands on the steering wheel to the beat of an angry pop song.

  “Ever heard of a blinker?” I muttered at a truck that switched into my lane right in front of me.

  I made it home, despite what felt like the best efforts of some of the other drivers on the road. Without any assignments to grade, papers to read, or lessons to prepare, I curled up on the couch with a book and waited for Aiden to be done with practice. Unsurprisingly, that’s how I ended up asleep with my face pressed to the pages.

  My phone ringing jerked me from my nap and I groggily searched for where I’d set it. Finding it on the floor beside the couch, where I must have knocked it, I answered Jason’s call just before it sent him to voicemail. “Hey.”

  “You sound sleepy,” he noted.

  “I might have taken a short nap.”

  “That sounds nice, want company for a longer nap? And maybe dinner, and an even longer, overnight nap?”

  “Sorry, I already made sleepover plans with someone else.”

  “Huh?”

  “Aiden is going to stay at my place tonight since his parents are out of town. We’re going to order pizza and do homework. Maybe watch some Gilmore Girls reruns. Make it a real girls’ night.”

  “Gilmore Girls, really?”

  “It’s his favorite, but don’t tell him I told you that.”

  “My lips are sealed. You two have a good night and I’ll see you in the morning.”

  We ended our conversation and before I could close my eyes again, I heard someone pulling up out front. Knowing Aiden would be hungry when he came in, I didn’t waste any time dialing the pizza place as I got up to unlock the front door.

  Aiden came in and tossed his duffel bag and backpack down. I was still on with Ernie’s. “Do I want an order of cheesy bread?” I repeated the question Pete the pizza guy had just asked, looking to Aiden. He gave an enthusiastic nod and dropped down beside me on the sofa, kicking his feet up on my coffee table.

  “Yes, an order of cheesy bread with that would be great,” I told Pete. He added it to my order and relayed my total, and then promised the food would be at my door in thirty minutes.

  “How was practice?” I asked upon hanging up the phone.

  He shrugged and folded his hands behind his head. “It was alright. Coach is nervous about us facing Belmont this weekend, so he pushed us pretty hard.”

  “You nervous?”

  “Nah, we’ll kick their asses.”

  I arched my brow and tipped my chin at him.

  “Sorry, we’ll kick their butts.”

  “Should we work on your assignment while we wait for pizza? I ordered one pineapple and olive, one with pretty much everything, and the cheesy bread. You can take leftovers to school with you tomorrow if you want, and you’re more than welcome to crash here again tomorrow after your game if you need to.”

  He rose and retrieved his backpack. “I think I’ll probably stay with Jordan again. Our buddy is having a little party after the game.”

  “Your parents know about this party?”

  “Yeah. I know better than to try and sneak stuff past Mom and Dad. I watched Abel get grounded just about every weekend when you guys were teenagers. They know, and they trust me.” He started digging through his backpack, pulling notebooks and binders out. “Some of the guys will drink, but it’s not really my thing. I just go to hang out, and because I guess it’s expected.”

  “And for the girls?” I asked coyly.

  He blushed. “Yeah, there will be girls there.”

  “Anyone you’ve got your eye on this year?”

  He shrugged again and rifled through his notebooks without looking at me.

  I nudged his shoulder. “Come on, tell me.”

  He sighed loudly and looked up. “Fine. I like Delilah.”

  “Hamilton?” I asked, even though it was silly because I only knew of one student named Delilah at Darlington, though I didn’t know her well. She wasn’t in my class.

  He nodded.

  “Huh,” I said. “Not a cheerleader.”

  “Nope. She does debate. She’s like stupid smart.”

  “You guys have classes together?”

  “Gym,” he replied. “Most of her other classes are junior and senior classes. Like I said, stupid smart.” Explained why I didn’t have her.

  “That’s cute.” I nudged his shoulder with mine again. “And she’s going to be at the party?”

  He nodded and begrudgingly said, “Yes. Her brother is one of our linemen. He’s the one throwing the party.”

  “Brad Hamilton,” I said as the name came to me. He was in my class last year. Not the most studious student.

  “That’s him. He’s kind of a tool. He and Delilah are complete opposites.”

  “You thinking of asking her to homecoming?”

  “I don’t know.” He looked down at his notebook again. “Maybe.”

  “You should. Before someone else does. Or before Jessica Walters takes it upon herself to ask you.”

  “Yeah, can you maybe call her out or something next time you see her passing notes my way? Maybe that will get her to stop.”

  “Not likely,” I laughed, and then grabbed the English assignment off the coffee table. “Character analysis, huh? We should probably get started on this.” We worked on his assignment right up until the pizza came, debating the merits of different characters, and arguing over the allure of the era. I’d give anything to be able to visit the twenties for a week or two. The fashion, the music and dancing, the speak-easies, the language. I was in love. Aiden on the other hand thought it all sounded pretty lame.

  “I bet Delilah doesn’t think it’s lame.”

  “Whatever,” he grumbled as we carted the pizza into the living room and cleared his homework out of the way.

  We ate and continued our debate which eventually moved on to other subjects. There were several moments where I lost myself in the argument or conversation and had to mentally take a step back because of how much it felt like I was talking to Abel. Aiden truly was his mini me, and it caught me off guard sometimes. It’d been a long time since I’d spent any real quality time with him and it all came so easily. His charm, his sense of humor and sarcasm, even his expressions and mannerisms were achingly familiar. It could have been Abel sitting next to me on the couch.

  Poor Delilah Hamilton didn’t stand a chance. Us nice, nerdy girls just didn’t when it came to the McCabe men.

  “Ugh, why’d you let me eat so much?” I tossed my last piece of crust back in the box, unable to finish it. Just looking at the remaining three pieces in the box made me queasy.

  Aiden laughed, ru
bbing his hand over his stomach. “You’re the one who ordered so much. You should have known better. There’s no such thing as self-control when it comes to Ernie’s. Or pizza in general.”

  “You’re right. What was I thinking? Should we study for the history quiz now?”

  “If you still insist on making me study instead of giving me a cheat sheet.”

  I patted his leg as I stood. “Sorry, not happening.” I retrieved the key for the study guide I’d given out while he dug out his World History book and his copy. We spent the next hour going through it, until finally, I took the history book from his lap and slammed it closed dramatically. “That’s enough of ancient civilization. You’re going to do just fine on Monday.”

  He rubbed his hands together. “I feel an A coming my way.”

  Twelve

  Abel

  “Where the hell is Gio? Sound check is in ten.” Gabe was wasting his breath.

  I looked up from my phone. “He’s probably snorting up somewhere. He’ll show when he shows.” I fixed a hard look on Lowell. “I’m surprised you aren’t with him.”

  “Fuck off,” he growled and went back to tuning his bass.

  Gabe and I shared a look. This wasn’t working anymore for either of us. The band was constantly at each other’s throats.

  Gabe’s fists clenched at his sides and I could see the muscle working in his jaw. My drummer was a hot head and it didn’t take much to set him off. I rose from the leather couch and put a hand on his shoulder. “Chill man, I’ll call Gio and find out where he’s at.”

  I walked out of the dressing room and released a heavy breath. This shit was getting old. Some days I felt more like their parent than the lead singer.

  Shit, guess I better get used to that feeling.

  Where was Katya anyway? She should have been here by now. Not that I minded the breathing room for a change. Things with her had been . . . better since we got back to New York. I guess. She was less hostile and bitchy. We actually talked baby names, and she decided on a theme for the nursery. We didn’t know the gender yet, her appointment to find out wasn’t for a few more days, but she was set on a starry theme either way.

  While she was out yesterday, I’d surprised her by starting the painting in the nursery. It’d given me something to do, because I was weirdly nervous for her appointment. Like it was all going to be that much more real once the baby wasn’t just an it, but a boy or a girl. Katya was hoping for a boy. I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t care as long as he or she was healthy.

  I was concerned Katya wasn’t gaining enough weight. I felt like I was practically force feeding her these days to make sure she was eating enough. Her model eating habits were ingrained so deep. I just wanted to shove a cheeseburger down her throat.

  Out of habit, I walked over to my guitar case intent on retrieving the flask filled with Jameson from inside, in need of just a little to take the edge off. I stopped, remembering I was trying out being dry for a while. I did stupid shit when I was drinking, and I couldn’t afford anymore stupid.

  I stepped out of the lounge area and pulled up Gio’s number on my phone.

  Backstage was chaos as the crew barked orders at each other, carting equipment around, readying for tonight’s show. I moved farther away from the commotion and hit call. The ringing started, and a second later the familiar Metallica song sounded nearby.

  What the hell?

  He was already here. I ended the call and moved toward where the ringtone had come from. Gio’s guitar case and the rest of his shit was propped against the wall, but no Gio. I wandered further down the hall, picking up voices as I neared the bathroom. I stopped outside.

  “You can’t keep lying. He’ll figure it out, Kat.” Kat?

  “I know. It’s just that things are good right now. I’ll tell him soon, though.” That was definitely Katya’s voice. Tell who what?

  “Like when?” Gio snapped. “He’s not an idiot. He’s going to notice.”

  “I know, I know. I’ll tell him I lost the baby this week.” My stomach dropped and something in me went ice cold. “Just let him get through the show, and let me have the rest of the weekend.”

  I slammed open the door to the bathroom. Gio and Kat jumped apart, shocked looks on both of their faces. I took in the white powder on the counter, and then Kat. Her eyes widened as she tracked my gaze. The icy pain in my chest turned to hot rage.

  “What the fuck is this?” I roared.

  She held her hands up. “It’s not what it looks like,” she squeaked at the same time Gio said, “Just relax, man.”

  I shoved him and he slammed into the wall. “Have you been feeding my pregnant wife coke?”

  “Calm down, asshole.” He pushed off the wall and got in my face. “Let Katya explain.”

  I grabbed him by the neck of his shirt and forced him backward, slamming him against the wall again. “Did you give my pregnant wife coke, you fucker?”

  “Don’t pretend to give a shit about her now,” he snarled. I reared back my arm and slammed my fist into his face, his nose crunched beneath the blow. Kat screamed. His head bounced off the wall and he slid to the floor as blood gushed from his smashed nose. I spun around on Kat who backed up a step. “You lost the baby?”

  She bit her lip and tears pooled in her eyes.

  “When?” I shouted.

  “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she whimpered.

  “When did you fucking lose the baby, Kat?” I ground out, doing everything I could to keep my rage in check.

  “Last week,” she choked. “That’s why I panicked and showed up at your parents. I wanted to tell you. I just didn’t know how. I was afraid. I’m so sorry, Abel.”

  I grabbed the tiny bags of coke off the counter and waved them in her face. “Are you sorry about this too? Did you fucking kill our baby with drugs?”

  “No,” she shook her head furiously.

  I slammed my hand down on the counter and she jumped. “Don’t fucking lie to me! Did you take drugs while you were pregnant?”

  “These things happen, Abel,” she whispered pathetically. “Miscarriages are really common.”

  “Did you or did you not take fucking drugs while pregnant with my baby?” I growled.

  “Back the fuck off, bro.” Gio had climbed to his feet. He had one hand held to his nose which was still pouring blood.

  “I swear, motherfucker, if you gave her drugs while she was pregnant, I will kill you.”

  He backed up a step. “I’m out of here. This shit isn’t my problem.”

  He turned and shoved through the door. I rounded on Kat again. “How could you snort up with that piece of shit, Kat?”

  “I swear I would never have hurt the baby.”

  “Right,” I snorted. “Like you haven’t wanted this from the beginning.”

  “That’s not true,” she shook her head. “I didn’t do it on purpose. I was just so upset and scared to tell you. I bumped into Gio coming inside, and . . .”

  “And you decided getting high and continuing to lie to me was the best decision?”

  “I’m sorry,” she whimpered again.

  “Is that all you can say?”

  She flinched but remained silent.

  I couldn’t even look at her for another second.

  I stormed out of the bathroom. The door swung shut behind me and I released a yell, “Fuuuuck!” I threw the phone in my hand and it shattered against the cement wall.

  The door banged open behind me and I spun around.

  “Abel, we need to talk about this. We need to stay strong for each other. That’s what marriage is.”

  I barked out a bitter laugh. “What is there to say, Kat? You killed the only reason I married you.”

  Her face looked like I’d slapped her, but my gut felt like she’d rammed a bat into it. I knew she killed the baby. If not with drugs, then by not taking care of herself. Or hell, she might have had the abortion. I wouldn’t put it past her, and I didn’t need her to admit it.
She got what she wanted when I put that damn ring on her finger.

  “Abel, please. It’s not my fault I lost the baby.”

  “Isn’t it?” I retorted. “Didn’t you tell me to my face you were going to get rid of it? That’s the whole fucking reason for the ring on your finger. You wanted a commitment, a guarantee I wouldn’t leave you to raise a baby alone, and it still wasn’t enough.”

  She shook her head and curled her fingers around my forearm. “I didn’t do this. You have to believe me. I wanted our baby. I still want a baby with you. We can try again, Abel.”

  I shook off her hand. “Are you out of your damned mind?”

  “Abel,” she cried, but I was done listening. I left her standing there, even as she called after me, “Abel, don’t walk away. I love you!”

  I nearly slammed into Gabe turning the corner. “What is going on? I just saw Gio. Did you bust up his face?”

  “He gave Kat coke. She lost the baby, Gabe.”

  “What?”

  The rage and pain were choking me, making it hard to breathe or see straight. My whole body was shaking with it. “You heard me.”

  “Shit” he muttered. “Are you okay?” Did I look fucking okay? He must have read my murderous expression. “Shit, right, stupid question.”

  I raked a hand through my hair. “I’m gonna kill him.”

  “Just take it easy, man.” He set his hands on my shoulders. “That won’t help anything.”

  But it would make me feel better. He’d had an ass kicking coming for a long time now, and this . . . fuck. I shoved past Gabe, following the trail of blood on the floor. I found him in the dressing room, hunched over on the couch, a rag to his face and Lowell standing over him. They both looked up as I entered.

  “What do you want now?” Gio hissed through the rag.

  “You piece of shit,” I spat.

  “If she didn’t want your damn baby, that’s between the two of you. It’s got nothing to do with me. I can’t say that I blame her though.”

  “Motherfucker,” I growled and charged toward him. Lowell jumped into my path, and Gabe wrapped an arm around me from behind and started dragging me backwards. I wrenched free of his hold and shoved him back. “Get off me!”