Jase (Kennedy Ink.)

by Jenny Wood

  “Jody!” Landon exclaimed, excitedly and ran to a grimy looking Jody. His shirt had dust and grease on it, and I wondered how he could get so dirty, working on a washer; I didn’t ask.

  “Get it fixed?” I asked him as he was doing some complicated looking handshake with Landon.

  “Yep.” He smiled and then rubbed Landon’s head as he joined me on the couch.

  “You want to play Mario with me?” Landon asked Jody hopefully. He agreed without hesitation, and that’s how we spent the next three hours; playing video games and me catching up with Ms. Jay and the kids. They all trickled in and out, most of them doing their own thing outside in their newly acquired play area that the guys from the shop had built. I’d worn myself out, jumping through tunnels and going down slides and climbing rock walls. I was worn out again by the time we’d come home after lunch.

  “Is he home?” I hear yelled from another room, waking me from where I’d been dozing on the couch. Kady. I’d not seen her since the last time I came home, and it had been well over a week since we’d video chatted when I’d called Kingsley.

  “You’re home!” She squealed, surprising me by jumping over the back of the couch and landing in a tangle of elbows, knees, and hair, directly on my stomach and chest. I didn’t have time to protect myself, and the agonized huff and groan went unnoticed by her.

  “I’m so glad you’re back!” Kady smiled, her face, so close to mine. She was just another bonus I had to this family. Once the guys had taken me in under their wing; Kady adopted me too.

  “Hey, Squirt. I’m happy I’m home too. I missed you.” I smiled at her, meaning it wholeheartedly. I missed everything about home and being here only reiterated that. Kady didn’t come around quite as much now that she had cheer camps and summer programs. The girl was busier than any grown person I’d ever met, so I was glad to see her now.

  “Guess what?” She whispered, seriously.

  “What’s ‘at?” I responded lazily.

  “We’re having a welcome home barbecue for you today, and everyone is coming!” She almost couldn’t contain her excitement enough to whisper. My eyebrows shot up in surprise, though I shouldn’t have been; these guys have barbecues for any reason they can in the summer.

  “Will I get presents?” I whispered conspiratorially.

  “No, silly. It’s not your birthday!” She giggles. I feign disappointment and roll us to a sitting position with her on my lap. “But you have to look surprised!” She adds at the last second.

  “Surprised about what?” Conner side-eyes Kady when he walks in, busting Kady on her lack of secret-keeping skills.

  “She made me a welcome home card but forgot it at her mom’s. I told her she could give it to me, next time.” I lied smoothly.

  “Mmhm.” Conner tries to cover his smile when Kady looks contrite and quite guilty.

  “I’m going to go call Kingsley and see what he’s doing.” She mumbles, jumping off my lap and runs from the room.

  “She told you about the barbecue, huh?” He laughs quietly.

  “Yeah, but it’s okay; she saved me from screaming like a girl or pissing my pants if y’all yelled surprise or something,” I tell him somewhat honestly. He just rolls his eyes and keeps his smile.

  “Just the family coming then?” I asked, trying not to be obvious. I was hoping that Joker would come. What kind of name is Joker? I wondered what his real name was. He looked like a ….Bronx or a Bruiser- something big and intimidating.

  “And Santa, probably.” I heard Conner say, voice full of humor.

  “What?” I asked. Apparently, I hadn’t been paying attention.

  “I said yeah… just the usual.”

  “And Santa, apparently.” I teased. He shoved me over on the couch and left the room. I went to my own room to make sure I was presentable in case Joker came.

  Turns out… Joker was part of “the usual.” He looked delicious in his jet black faux-hawk, black button-up shirt, and dark, bootcut jeans. We were all out in the back yard, watching Kady do a cheer routine that she was learning in cheer camp she was taking this summer.

  “So just scream it! Yell it! Come on, crowd, let’s hear you shout it!” She yelled as her arms flailed for a second and then stopped. “Bubbies, you’re the crowd!” She exasperated; causing us all to yell and cheer from our table. She finally ended with a cartwheel type thing and the splits. I have to admit; I was kind of impressed; as were the rest of the guys, judging by the volume of their cheers as well.

  “That was awesome, Squirt. Great job!” Kayson told her, standing up from the table and joining her in front of us in the yard. “So, I’m glad everyone came out today to welcome Jase home.” He smiled over at me as everyone cheered again; everyone but Joker who just kind of smirked. “Welcome home, little brother.” He winked and tipped his beer in my direction. I stood to take a bow, hamming it up for their benefit. If ya can’t beat em and all that…

  “But while I’ve got you all here… there’s something I wanted to ask Conner.” He turns and looks at Conner.

  “No fucking way.” I hear Jody growl before Kayson walks over to a curious looking Conner and kneels on one knee. “No fucking way.” I hear him say again.

  “I love you; you know that,” Kayson says softly, all of us quietly listening; knowing it’s been a long time coming but glad to finally be a part of it. “I’ve waited long enough, you and Pickles are the best part of me, and I wouldn’t last a day without you….okay, both of you, though, I might survive without mini-van we call a cat. Still, I don’t want to. I want every morning to being awakened by the guttural howls of a starving, 20lb cat. I want to open my eyes to you every morning and wrap my arms around you every night. I want that forever. So, what do you say… you wanna make an honest man out of me?” He smiles and Conner’s crying but nodding his head while he grabs ahold of him and hugs him with all of his strength.

  “Ok, you dick… Since everyone is here and even though this asshole just stole my thunder… Cameron….” Jody stands and turns to Cameron, causing someone to gasp and all of us turn to Jody and Cameron. We were all stunned; our heads are moving between these two couples like the most intense tennis match.

  “I love you more than Kayson loves Conner and I planned to do this first.” He teases before getting serious; “You make me so fucking happy.” Cameron leans his forehead onto Jody’s, he isn’t crying, but he looks like he wants to. “I don’t know who I was before you; not anyone worth knowing, I can say that much.” He places a quick peck on Cameron’s lips. I turn and my eyes land on Joker, he looks uncomfortable and maybe even a little sad. Does he like one of the guys? Is he upset that they’re off the market? Why does that prospect hit me with a weird sense of jealousy?

  “Marry me. Marry me so I can spend a lifetime trying to make you as happy as you make me.” Jody finishes as we all hold our breath, waiting for Cameron’s answer.

  “You big idiot,” Cameron whispers and folds himself in on Jody, much like Conner did Kayson. They start whispering back and forth, kissing and laughing quietly as we all take that as his “yes.” I look around the backyard as Merissa and Kady start cheering; Kayson and Conner start making out, and Jody carried Cameron inside for what I’d guess their own private celebration…

  “Joker, you wanna propose to Jase and get in on this action too?” Kingsley chuckles, his arm around his husband, Morgan. I can feel my face turning red before I chance a glance at Joker. He looks pissed as he stands up and walks away. Kingsley looks surprised, but Morgan looks at me with sympathy. What did that look mean? And where did Joker go?”

  Joker

  Same-sex marriage became legal while I was in prison.

  I wasn’t even aware it was something people were talking about or something people wanted to advertise. Being gay in my hometown was enough to get you hurt, and in prison, it was almost worse. The guys who’d talk shit and fuck you up for being gay were often the same ones who’d visit your cell in secret or corner you in the showe
r. I’d like to say that nobody fucked with me, but I was young and undeniably innocent when I’d first gotten there. It took me a year of working out, staying to myself and fighting my way through, to an untouchable reputation. I spent more time in solitary that first year than I did anywhere else. An ink pen in the eye to one mother fucker who tried to sneak into my cell during rec-hour had everyone thinking twice about trying it again.

  I hated the things that I was forced to do to make it through those six years, but deep in my heart of hearts, I wanted what everyone wanted. I wanted to find someone to settle in and have a normal life with. I wanted the kids and the house and soccer practice and ballet recitals. I had wanted all of it. Unfortunately, life had other plans, and now I was content in the fact that none of that was in the cards for me.

  Telling someone what I’d done and expecting them to be okay with it, wasn’t likely; being able to have children or to adopt with my background was impossible. Watching these guys in this backyard, celebrating family and then proposing to their longtime boyfriends was a punch to the gut. While I may look intimidating and I may give off this “fuck you” vibe, it’s really only to protect myself. I secretly wished for everything these guys had.

  Hearing Kingsley joke about me proposing to anyone sent an embarrassing flare to my gut. Could he see the envy written all over my body? Did he even realize that it could never happen for me? I needed a minute to get my shit together before I fucked up again and lost these guys who’d accepted me without question. I walked around to the front porch and sat down hard on the porch swing. I was kind of wishing I’d brought a beer around with me or that I’d took up smoking when I’d gotten out. I felt jittery and foolish now that I thought about it; I acted like a dick when in truth, I was truly happy for these guys. I knew how much they loved each other; how happy they were together. I admired that part.

  “Hey, you okay?” Shit. It was Jase. I opened my eyes to see him standing at the bottom steps of the porch. It was a sunny afternoon; blue skies, birds chirping, someone mowing their lawn a block or so away…typical summer afternoon; yet my mood seemed to follow me like a black cloud. Jase stood there looking unsure of whether or not to approach. I stared at him, hard, wondering why the fuck he followed me around here? The way he looked at me unnerved me; it was like he could see the things that I didn’t want him to see, the things I didn’t want anybody to see.

  “Yeah, I’m good,” I answered, sounding anything but.

  “Feel like company?” He asked. I shrugged, willing myself to tell him no but not being able to.

  “I’m sorry Kingsley embarrassed ya. He’s not one for filtering his brain to mouth diarrhea.” He tried to explain. If there was one thing I realized about Kingsley Kennedy, is that the man said absolutely everything that popped into his head. It was as funny as much as it was insane.

  “He didn’t,” I say sharper than I meant to. I instantly feel guilty over the embarrassed flush that creeps over his face while he looks away. I don’t need to be defensive; he didn’t mean anything by it. I think to myself.

  “So, have you been working at the shop for very long?” He asks after he clears his throat, trying to break the awkward tension between us. I’m positive he already knows the answer to this, but I answer him anyway.

  “Just a few months,” I say, no bite to my words this time. I can see him relax a little bit as he sits on the second step, facing me and I make a mental note to myself to stop being such a defensive asshole.

  “Are you from here?” He quizzes.

  “No,” I answer but don’t elaborate. He nods his head and looks out over the yard. I’m bad with small talk, and I’m feeling uneasy about even being here now. Had Kingsley not hassled me the entire shift last night to come, I wouldn’t have. Jase leans down and picks a daisy that’s growing beside the porch steps and lightly runs his fingers over the petals before plucking one and dropping it to the ground. He looks like he wants to say something, but instead, he just plucks the petals in silence. He’s not wearing a hat today, and his brown, closely shorn hair looks good on him. His army green shirt and tight black pants make him look a little bit like one of those kids you’d see down at the skate park or something. His black and gray tattoos are up and down his arm, and I wish I could see what color his eyes are. By his skin tone and his hair, I’d guess, brown, but I wondered if they were light or dark. I hated myself for even thinking it because the kid had to be so much younger than me.

  “Well… thanks for coming” He smiles nervously when he stands up and brushes off the legs of his jeans. I wanted to say something to stop him from leaving; something that would let him know that I appreciated him coming to check on me or whatever, even though I hadn’t a clue how to invite conversation or even seem to be able to participate in one.

  “How’s your ship healing up?” I blurted before he could round the corner of the house and re-enter the backyard. He turned back and watched me for a second before heading back to the steps. I’d never felt stupider or more thankful.

  “It’s good.” He answered, going along with my lame attempt at a conversation. “I’ll have King rub some ointment on it before everyone leaves, but it isn’t too sore” he smiles and I simply nod. He makes his way to the top of the steps this time, closer to me; he pauses there and for a minute and I think he might take a place beside me on the swing that I’m lightly rocking with both feet; but instead, he sits on the top step, facing me.

  “The guys say you’re in college?” I ask the first thing that pops into my head, I knew he was, but I was hoping it would give him something to talk about.

  “Yeah, I just finished up my first year.” He smiles, looking proud. As he should, I earned my degrees inside.

  “Majoring in what?” I inquire, using as little words as possible it seemed, I’d need to work on that.

  “At first, I wanted to be a doctor; then a teacher and now I just kind of want to help kids.” He sighs like the confession was tough to admit. “I want to be a part of shelters and group homes and places like where I grew up.” He hadn’t been looking at me during his explanation, he’d been picking at a hole in the knee of his jeans; but as he took a deep breath, shook his head and released the air, he looked up and over at me. “Youth Services.” He offered.

  “Youth Services?” I confirmed, not knowing what it entailed but having a general idea by the name.

  “Yeah, sorry. That was what you asked wasn’t it?” He chuckled nervously. “I grew up in a group home, it sucked. Well, not so much the group home, but the leaving and coming back; the doubt and fear of being a kid with nowhere to belong, nowhere to go. I always wished I had someone fighting for me in my corner, but other than Ms. Jay, I didn’t. I wanna be the guy that I wished I had fighting in my corner.” He shrugs as if his reasoning wasn’t heartbreaking as hell and I wondered how he had the courage to tell an almost stranger about it. I admired his reason and his drive for wanting it.

  “I think you’d be good at it,” I tell him softly in all honesty. Because he’s been through it and knows how important it is, it’s obvious that his heart would be in it. That makes all the difference in the world. I would know, my counselor inside was also my career counselor; he pushed me to not rot away in that place and put my extra time and energy into helping better myself for the outside. I appreciated him more than I could tell him and I knew that I wouldn’t have studied and gotten certified like I had, to do what I do.

  “Yeah?” He smiled sideways at me, and it was adorable, I couldn’t help but smile at his hopefulness.

  “Yeah,” I smirked back, enjoying the way he was looking at me. He blushed, and we both looked away.

  “What are you guys doing out here?” Jody popped his head out of the front door, startling us both with the hard edge to his voice. We both jumped like we’d been doing something wrong and Jody didn’t seem to miss it.

  “Conspiring for world domination, obviously.” Jase snarked, sarcastically. “What’s it look like we’re doing? We�
��re talking.” He shook his head and stood up, face red now for I’m guessing a different reason. He didn’t seem happy, and neither did Jody, judging by the squint in his eye as he looked back and forth between us. For just a second, I’d let my guard down. A split second, and I was reminded why that was a bad idea. Especially around someone like Jase who had a future and long-term goals. I wasn’t sure if the guys told Jody about my past, but I could tell by the way he was looking at me that he didn’t trust me as far as he could throw me. I understood that. Jase gave Jody a hard look before he shook his head and rounded the house. I let him go without a word, this time.

  “Sorry to interrupt.” Jody had said before letting the screen door slam behind him as he walked back into the house. His words said one thing, but his tone said that he wasn’t sorry in the least; maybe only sorry that he’d not interrupted sooner. Taking a deep breath and willing my hands to stop shaking, I rubbed them over my face and walked slowly towards the back of the house, myself. It was time for me to get out of here, I’d been weird, one time too many and I didn’t fit in with these guys; not really, not outside of work. At the shop, we all kind of done our own thing and I was respected as an artist. Jody could work with me, no problem, but apparently, I wasn’t worth the same courtesy outside of the shop.

  I found Kingsley and Morgan talking to Kayson and a very smiley Conner, by the picnic table they were sitting at earlier.

  “Hey, man. I’m going to take off.” I told him, turning towards Kayson and Conner before anyone could object. “Congratulations you guys.” I tried to smile sincerely.