Jase (Kennedy Ink.)

by Jenny Wood

  I got back to the house less than twenty minutes after I’d left and I could hear everybody in an uproar in the house. They were yelling about Joker and Cameron was yelling about me, the whole family was in a tizzy.

  “I’ll come back when Jase comes back. How about that?” Cameron yelled as he slammed the big door to the front room and stopped mid-step when he saw me sitting on the steps. It was right here where I’d tried to talk to Joker for the first time, man, it felt like forever ago, now.

  “Hey, what are you doing out here?” Cameron asked me, sitting down right beside me.

  “Just contemplating my next move. My books and shit are inside, and I was supposed to get a lot done today. Don’t guess that’s happening.

  “Yes it is, go get your shit; you’re coming home with us.” Kingsley gripes as he steps out on the porch with us, followed by Morgan.

  “How you doin’, kid?” Morgan asks, and it’s like the water gates opened up, and I was free to let all the shitty emotions of the day fall out. It had started so good and now look.

  “Hey, you’re okay.” Cameron wrapped me up in his arms and Morgan came around and sat on the other side of me. I felt ridiculous for having a fucking emotional breakdown on the porch in the middle of the morning, but fuck, I just couldn’t deal. I was fighting with the guy I considered to be like a dad to me and my boyfriend of fewer than 24 hours, thought we’d moved too fast. It all sucked right now, and I was having trouble finding any silver-lining.

  “Baby, have Kayse get his books and stuff; then we can go,” Morgan tells Kingsley, and I hear him go back into the house as I try to pull my shit together. They were both out in minutes with a stack of my papers, folders and my books and laptop. Everyone hugged me and said their goodbyes as Cameron took the keys to my jeep and drove us to Kingsley’s.

  “You’re not moving out are you?” I ask him once we got a little ways away from the house.

  “No, I love Jody, but he’s an ass sometimes.” He scoffed.

  “I don’t want to cause any more trouble,” I tell him weakly. His head snaps to mine with, and his eyes have a fire in them that scares me.

  “YOU didn’t do anything wrong. Joker is not a bad guy; he made a mistake, he paid for it, and now he’s trying to live his life. He got attacked and sideswiped by my asshole fiancé today. It wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t nice, and he will apologize, mean it and get over his shit; but as for you and Joker, you did nothing wrong. You know when Jody gets on a tangent; you tell him to shut up and make him see sense. He was feeling guilty the second what he said to you, you know that don’t you?” He asked me after the small rant about his fiancé.

  “I know,” I answer honestly. I knew it by looking at him; he didn’t mean to say it.

  “It’s just hit me in a place I wasn’t expecting. I used to feel like if I stepped out of line that I’d be given back, ya know? That’s what it was like, and I try, you know? I contribute when I’m there. I cook and clean, and I don’t eat food that isn’t mine or that I don’t cook for everyone else. I’m frugal with laundry soap, and I take five-minute showers because I don’t want to be too much to have around, especially since I have next to nothing in monetary value to contribute. I’ve done that since I was about eight; in every house. “Be quick, be quiet and be helpful and polite.” My social worker told me that more than once. We knew we weren’t going to a loving home; we were going somewhere to be tolerated until a new place to be tolerated opened up. That’s what it was like, and since I aged out and moved in with you guys, I’ve never felt like that again until today.” I finished and was looking out my window at nothing until I realized we’d come to a stop and Cameron had his face in his hands on the steering wheel, crying.

  “Fuck” I whisper to myself and barely get it out before Cameron launches himself at me.

  “We’re going home, and you’re taking an hour long shower and making whatever you want to eat while I do your laundry!” He yells into my shoulder. I can’t help but laugh at how ridiculous that entire sentence sounded. “I can’t believe you feel like that. I can’t believe we make you feel like that.” He sobbed.

  “You don’t!” I tried to backtrack. “I’m saying today I felt like that, but not always. The rest is a habit, I got used to being quiet and staying out of the way; being helpful, I even did that at Ms. Jay’s. That wasn’t because of you guys!”

  “You shouldn’t feel like that at all! You’ve been our family for a year and a half. Work that shit out, right now!” He yelled. He’s fierce when he wants to be, and I loved that about him.

  Everyone left me alone when we got to Kingsley and Morgan’s. They set me up in a small room off of Morgan’s art room, and I had a little twin bed and a dresser and nightstand. Otherwise, it was pretty bare, still… it had a great view of the lake. I wondered if the guys would let me go fishing tomorrow. Tonight, I had to bust ass and get my homework finished up and turned in, so that’s what I set about doing… it was every minute, on the minute that I thought about Joker and how much I wished things were different.

  Joker

  I didn’t work on weekends, but neither did Jody, so I was going to swing by the shop and give them my notice in person. They’d taken a chance on me and overlooked a shitty past discretion; they deserved a face-to-face. I wasn’t looking forward to it though; I’d not slept at all last night, half worried about what I was going to with myself now that I wouldn’t have a job but the majority of the night I spent worrying about Jase. He looked so dejected and rejected when he left here last night. I half expected him to try to convince me that I was making a mistake and honestly, he wouldn’t have had to try to very hard, I was convinced the minute I said it that I was making a mistake. I didn’t want to give him up; I loved him. But, I couldn’t be coming between a family; he’d never had one before, and they were all so close. Who was I to come between that?

  I realized when I walked into the shop at around ten, that I still had the clothes on from yesterday; which meant I still had on Jase’s shirt and the pants that I’d taken off in his room when I crawled into bed with him. That realization hurt.

  “What’s up? You’re not on today.” Kingsley said when nobody said anything.

  “Can I talk to you guys for a minute?” I asked. Neither of them had a client at the moment, but I knew from Kayson’s set up that he was getting ready for one.

  “Yup,” Kayson says, walking to the back room and Kingsley and I following. We left the curtain open so we could see the front door.

  “So, I appreciate you guys giving me a chance when I came in here. I know it was a favor to Rooster and Loretta but, I think it’s best if-“

  “Nope.” Kingsley interrupted, popping the “P” loudly as he turned around to grab an orange juice out of the fridge that we keep for people who get queasy and need a breather.

  “What do you mean, nope?” I ask.

  “I mean, you aren’t quitting. We’ll keep you and Jody away from each other if that’s what you want but, you aren’t quitting. For one, you can’t; not for another seven months, you’re on parole. For two, you’re a damn good artist; we ain't goin’ through hiring another one. For three, our baby brother is in love with you, and he’s feeling pretty fucking lost and unwanted right now. You gotta fix that, bro.” Kingsley finished.

  “What?” I stupidly spurt.

  “Which part was unclear?” Kayson asks with a smile. These fucking guys.

  “Where’s Jase?” I asked because he was the most important.

  “He’s at my place with Morgan. He stayed there last night.” Kingsley tells me. I felt relieved that he wasn’t at home arguing with Jody all night.

  “Jody’s a dick. He gets his little temper tantrums going, and he pops off sometimes. Something about the way he was raised or something. It doesn’t excuse it, but when he worries about someone, it comes from a good place. He stuck his foot in his mouth yesterday; he knows that. He’ll atone for it, and Jase will forgive him because he’s like a dad to him. You
have to forgive your family, and that’s what we are.” Kingsley finishes, and Kayson starts.

  “You don’t owe him shit, and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want a free punch to the jaw, but I wish you’d let him explain. Apologize. He doesn’t deserve it, but you do. He knows that too.”

  “He owes Jase an apology.” I let them know, but I suspect they already do.

  “He’s headed there at some point this morning. Maybe already there.” Kingsley replies.

  “I would like to talk to him. I kind of want to explain.” I tell them. I know it’s not his business and I know no matter how I spin it; I did something wrong. I broke the law; I took a life; there is no justifying that, not morally. But, maybe, as someone who feels as strongly for the people they care about, he can at least see where I was coming from. He can see that I’m not a bad guy and that I’d never hurt Jase. Not ever.

  “I’ll call him.” Kayson volunteers and runs to get his phone. He literally talks for about twenty seconds before hanging up and coming back to the back room. Kingsley and I watch him the entire time.

  “He’s on his way,” Kayse says with a smile. “He’s also already talked to Jase.”

  “Good,” Kingsley says, and I agree silently. I hope they worked everything out.

  “So, you good with Monday and we’ll figure the rest out later? We can’t have you rescheduling all your appointments for the next month, I ain't workin’ that many Saturday’s.” Kayson winks, never in a bad mood, even in the face of family turmoil and drama, I guess.

  “If you’re sure it won’t cause any shit.” I concede.

  “It’ll be good, just talk to Jody. You guys might find you have a lot in common.” Kingsley says, slapping my shoulder as he heads back out front. I grab a juice, myself and wait for Jody.

  I won’t lie and say I wasn’t nervous as hell once he got here. I was. Thankfully, he looked about as rough as I felt.

  “Hey.” He greets as he shuts the curtain and takes me into the guys’ office. I follow and wait for him to shut the door before taking a seat on the long, made for five, luxury couch.

  “So, look… I don’t know how much you read or looked up or whatever… but-“

  “Wait, wait. Let me start, okay?” He asked, softly. It was a big change from the man breathing fire yesterday morning. I nodded and watched him steel himself for whatever he was about to say. I waited without so much as breathing until he started.

  “When I was a kid, I had a brother named Liam. Our parents were drunks and violent as all hell. Long story short, after years of abuse, my dad killed him by pushing him around a little too hard, and he hit his head and slipped into a coma and never woke up.” He blurted all at one time. Well shit, I wasn’t expecting that.

  “I looked you up, absolutely I did. In my defense, I also looked up Conner and Morgan, and they’re the most non-threatening people in the world, and Cameron’s relationship before me was abusive as hell and put him through a lot of shit before he got out of it. He almost killed him. I have zero tolerance for violence in my family. Can you see, even a little bit where I’d want to protect Jase?” He asks, and of course, I do, his protectiveness wasn’t the problem. I told him as much.

  “You should know that I love him. Fucked up, I’m telling you but, I do.” I admit.

  “I mean, you guys haven’t known each other that long, can’t you take it easy for a while or something? Shit.” He laughed without humor.

  “How long were you with Cameron before moving him in with you? Before you knew he was the one for you?” I asked. “Same with King and Morgan, I know that shit was quick as hell...Kayse and Conner? I’ve heard the stories, man.” I inform him. I’d heard all their little love stories, hell I worked with over half of them.

  “Alright, alright. Point made.” He holds his hands up.

  “When Jase got to us, he was already an adult. I wish we had to him when he was a lot younger, hell a baby, even. I feel like he’s been a part of our family forever though. I just don’t want him to get hurt, and I hate that I was someone who has.” He admits. “I talked to him this morning. I understand it’ll take some time for him to trust me again, but I’m patient…. Most of the time.” He smirks. “He’s a mess right now. I’m sorry for the part I played in that. I hope you and I can put this shit behind us and I hope you believe me when I tell you that I sincerely apologize for the way that I came at you. You did not deserve that.”

  “I appreciate that, I really do,” I tell him. It means a lot that he would buck up and apologize when he feels so strongly about his family’s safety. Because, in reality, he doesn’t know me well enough to know whether or not I’d hurt someone in his family. I’m bigger than Jase, I could easily overpower him, and with my history, I’m not a good bet. So, I explain everything; from my sister and her boyfriend to when we lost her and her baby. It was hard, but by the time I’d him everything, I felt like he was seeing me in a new light. Maybe not an innocent one, but a one of compassion anyway.

  “I know it’s not my business, but if you care about him like he cares about you; you’ll go to my boy and put him out of his misery,” Jody suggests, running his hands over his face and sighing.

  “I’ll get ahold of him. I need to go home and shower and eat something. Do you think King would care if I stopped by out there after while?” I asked. I needed to fix this.

  “King! You care if Jase goes to your house for Jase?” He yells the second he opens the door.

  “Nope, go get your boy!” Kingsley yells back, making the girl in his chair giggle loudly.

  I shake Jody’s hand and we both nod in understanding. I feel like a brick has been lifted off my chest. I waste no time in running to my piece of shit car and running home to shower and look presentable. Then, I’m going to get my boy.

  Jase

  Fixing things with Jody will be a long process when it comes to trusting him again, but I want to. I could feel how sorry he was when he came to talk to me this morning. I knew a little bit about his upbringing, but I didn’t know the details. Hearing about his brother and the way his family dealt with abuse and violence towards one another was heartbreaking, and I could see where he wouldn’t trust Joker, having not knowing him. But, he could’ve gotten to know him instead of the approach he took. He could’ve gone about his whole blow up in a much different manner as well. I told him that he owed Joker an apology and he didn’t hesitate to agree. That was promising.

  “You care if I borrow on of your lines and head out to the lake this morning?” I asked Morgan after I’d gotten dressed and had a few pieces of cinnamon toast for breakfast.

  “Not at all, have at it. Maybe I’ll go on the balcony and paint ya.” Morgan smiled around his cup of coffee.

  “That’d be cool.” I agreed, I hoped he done that. I’d love that.

  “Alright cool, I’m going to go find fishing shorts then. No need to get these ones all muddy and gross.” I say, heading back to the room I stayed in last night. The guys’ had brought me a few outfits when they grabbed my books. I was up until almost midnight doing homework, but I finished the week out, and I have the weekend to process, and then I need to get back on it on Monday. We’ll see how well that worked out. Finding an older pair of shorts, I switched out my t-shirt for one of my sleep shirts. I’d more than likely take mine off anyway. I needed sunblock for my ink though. I’m betting King has some around here somewhere.

  Ting

  My phone. Where was my phone? I buried it under my pillow last night, so I wouldn’t end up texting Joker and kept it there so I’d hear it chime if he decided to text or call me, even if I was asleep.

  Joker: Wanna have lunch with me?

  That didn’t hurt, that killed.

  Me: If you want to.

  Joker: I missed you last night.

  I closed my eyes and tried not to die on the spot. If he could feel how much I missed him last night, he’d wonder how I got out of bed this morning.

  Me: Me too.

 
Joker: I’m sorry.

  He was sorry. What in the world did he have to be sorry about? This whole thing was on me.

  Joker: I think that I want to go to lunch with you again and I want to sit on the lake and spend the day, fishing and getting to know you better.

  He repeats what I’d told him when he asked me the last time we were here for my birthday. I’d said that very same thing, and I still meant it.

  Joker: Can I come fishing with you today?

  Me: Yes

  No hesitation. I wanted to see him more than anything.

  Joker: Come outside.

  I dropped my phone and ran. Morgan was smiling as I ran passed and I had a feeling Kingsley had already called to warn him that Joker was coming. I flung open the door and jumped into him. He caught me around my waist and held me to him. He smelled so good, felt so good, and it honestly felt like I’d been separated from him for months.

  “You’re here,” I whispered into his shoulder.

  “Yep. You’re here.” He responded. I shook my head, unable to understand what he meant. He’d broken up with me yesterday.

  “So, confession.” He says, setting me down but keeping my body flush against his. I nodded, ready to hear what he had to say.

  “I talked to Jody, Kingsley, and Kayson and everything’s all good. I hope that you worked shit out with Jody too.” He stopped. I nodded in understanding and because, well…I did work everything out with him this morning. I could explain that later if he wanted me to but for now, I wanted to know what he had to say.

  “Okay... The second thing is, I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you and as ridiculous as it sounds. I want you to be my boyfriend again.” He blushed like I did in the beginning.

  “Except, I want to be more than that. Boyfriends are kid stuff. I want you to be mine. I love you in a way that I know that I’ll never stop loving you. You’re the most kindhearted, patient, loving, understanding person and I love you.” He explains. I know my face is frozen in complete shock, but I feel like I might be dreaming all this.