When the Dust Settled

by Jeannie Meekins

  “Do you think –?” Lorraine began. McReidy shook her head, and Lorraine answered her own question. “Me either.”

  * * *

  John opened his door to find Kat with her head lowered, wringing her hands in front of her.

  “Kat!”

  “Can I talk to you?” she sulked.

  He ran his hand through his hair and screwed up his face momentarily. “Of course you can.”

  His arm went around her shoulder as he steered her inside and sat her down on the lounge, grabbing a box of tissues from a shelf on the way.

  “Thanks,” she sniffed, taking one and dabbing at her eyes.

  He settled beside her. “What’s Rodgers done now?”

  Kat dropped her hands her lap, fidgeting with the tissue. She mumbled something about Rodgers and as much as he tried to listen, it seemed he’d heard the same thing – or variations of it – a hundred times before.

  She sobbed gently, dabbing again with the tissue. His arms went around her, she slipped hers underneath his, and he pulled her head to his shoulder. She closed her eyes. His fingers trailed through her hair, his voice soft as he told her the same things he’d told her a hundred times before.

  The room fell into silence and he sighed.

  “Why do you put up with it? He’s not good enough for you.”

  “I know.” Kat looked up into his eyes.

  Too late he saw her true intent. She threw herself on top of him, forcing him flat on his back and pinning him down. Her mouth found his immediately. His first reaction was to kiss her back – for all of the half second before he grabbed her shoulders and pushed her off. He held her at arms length, keeping her off himself.

  “Kat!” he growled. “I thought you knew better.”

  She caught the flash of anger in his eye as he eased her away and tried to sit upright.

  “Give me one reason why not.” She pushed him back down, leaning her forearms across his chest and maintaining the upper hand. Her eyes sparkled, trying to put out the anger in his. After all, they were both fully aware that his first reaction had been to kiss her back.

  “One! I could give you a hundred!” he roared. He was furious at her deceit and no amount of flirting or friendship was going to appease him. “To start with, you don’t love me.”

  Her eyes stilled as they took in his rage and she recoiled. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come.”

  She moved too quickly for John to stop her. He heard the hurt in her voice and reached an arm after her.

  “Kat.”

  She was almost at the door. He cursed himself for his own anger. He hadn’t meant to upset her and he wasn’t going to let her leave like that. She ignored him and kept going. He pushed himself from the lounge and went after her. The door was still open. As he reached it, he passed Dunlop on his way in.

  “Don’t you go around upsetting my staff,” the doctor smiled, unaware of the actual situation.

  John glared. This was not the time to be explaining anything to anyone but Kat. He chased her down the corridor. “Kat, wait,” he called.

  She ignored him.

  “Let me explain… Please, Kat,” he implored.

  She stopped, but didn’t turn around. He had almost caught up with her but he froze in his tracks. She waited in silence.

  “I’m sorry, Kat. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” An apology was the first thing to be given and she would know if it was genuine. He was used to picking up the pieces. He didn’t quite know how to handle it now that he was the cause. “We both know you’re not in love with me.”

  He silently took a step forward. She was just out of arm’s reach.

  She turned around and looked up at him defiantly. “What about you?” She saw the anguish on his face, now doubled by her question.

  “I think you know how I feel about you.”

  “Professionally or personally?”

  He lowered his eyes, avoiding her interrogating stare. He didn’t answer. It confirmed her suspicions.

  “Then why not…?” Her voice broke, her bottom lip trembled. This time the tears were real.

  He couldn’t help but take her in his arms. Every instinct told him not to. If she kissed him this time, he would be powerless to resist – and she knew it. She chose not to, content to let him hold her.

  She pulled away enough to look up into his eyes. “Is there someone else?”

  “No.” There was no hesitation in his soft reply. He gently ran his thumbs along her cheekbones, wiping away her tears.

  She ventured a small smile. “Then you don’t know what you’re missing,” she teased.

  He kissed her with the tenderness of a man who knew what he wanted, but without the passion of a lover. One hand slid through her hair to the back of her neck, the other found its way to the small of her back. He folded his arms around her and held her body against his.

  When he broke the kiss, he was breathless. His heart pounded in his chest as the blood coursed through his veins. She was caught up in the swirling emotion in his eyes. His hands rested gently on her shoulders, keeping her inches away from him.

  “Believe me, I do,” he whispered hoarsely, answering her last comment. It was all he could do to stop his hands from moving over her again. “Now get out of here before I change my mind.”

  She took the hint and obeyed immediately.

  He sank heavily against the wall, tilted his head up and stared at the ceiling, clenching his fists and thumping the wall beside him. His knees felt weak, his collar was choking him, he was almost in a sweat. He had underestimated the affect Kat had on him.

  He hadn’t fully regained his composure when he got back to his quarters. Dunlop took one look at him and grinned. “Guess I was wrong. It looks like my staff are upsetting you.”

  John glared, but didn’t answer.

  “You’ve always had a soft spot for her. From the moment you set foot on this ship. Cold shower?”

  “It doesn’t work.” The frustration showed through in John’s voice.

  “You’ve got more self control than any man I know.”

  “Yeah, well I’m just about to lose it.”

  “I thought you and –”

  “That’s none of your business,” John snapped. He had no intention of discussing his private life with anyone. He dropped into a chair and rubbed his forehead. “I don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep tonight,” he muttered to himself.

  Dunlop was watching him carefully. “Basketball?”

  John was about to say no, then changed his mind. He had to do something to relieve the frustration he was feeling. Maybe if he wore himself out completely, he would be able to sleep. Tomorrow was another day.

  Humphries was playing with the Arans, who welcomed the addition of two more players. The Arans’ skills were nowhere near as good, but they had a distinct advantage in being able to remain airborne twice as long. It made goal shooting and defending much easier and tended to even up the odds.

  * * *

  McReidy was angry with someone the next morning. The entire bridge crew noticed her mood. It didn’t take long to realise that whatever was upsetting her was John’s fault. She treated everyone else normally. She didn’t speak to John unless she had to, and there was a sharpness to her voice that she didn’t try to hide.

  The evening poker game was worse. In the more social atmosphere, she let fly with a few comments that she normally wouldn’t have. John frowned. He couldn’t figure out why she was so angry, but he wasn’t about to say anything in front of the others.

  McReidy excused herself early, pretending she was tired.

  Gillespie turned to John. “What have you done now?”

  “I haven’t done anything,” John defended himself.

  “Maybe that’s your problem.”

  “Shut up.” John stood up. He’d had enough of McReidy and was determined to put an end to it. “I’m out,” he told them and followed McReidy.

  It took him a minute to catch up with her, halfway to
her quarters.

  “All right. Out with it,” he demanded.

  She bit her lip and refused to answer, staring back at him defiantly.

  “You’ve been grumpy all day. What’s your problem?”

  “You should know.” She turned away.

  He grabbed her arm and pulled her back. “No. I don’t know.”

  “The way you treated Kat.”

  He wondered exactly how much she did know.

  “The way you treat all of us,” she continued, now on a roll. “Some of us have got feelings you know –”

  “And I don’t?”

  “No. Just because you haven’t got a heart, doesn’t give you the right to break Kat’s. I used to think you were different, but you’re not. You’re the most insensitive and inconsiderate man in the entire universe.”

  “Did Kat say that?” John seriously doubted.

  “She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. She’s the sweetest kid on this ship and you… Nothing else matters as long as you get your own way. You don’t care who you hurt in the process as long as it’s not you. You wouldn’t know how to let anyone in. It wouldn’t matter anyway. There’s nothing inside you but a piece of ice that even the Denebian sun couldn’t melt.”

  “Hold on a minute!” He didn’t know why he let her continue on as long as he did. None of the men would have dared. “She was the one who tried to seduce me!”

  “A little louder,” McReidy screamed, her hands on her hips. “I don’t think they heard you down in engineering!”

  John steamed. This was not something he wanted to finish in the corridor. He grabbed McReidy by her jacket front, dangerously close to her throat, which he was tempted to wrap his fingers around. He opened the nearest door and dragged her inside, subconsciously stepping over Humphries’ dominoes in the process.

  It was one of the crew quarters.

  “Out!” John ordered.

  There were a few stifled protests, but everyone was quick to obey. He released McReidy and quickly checked to make sure there was no one else. It gave him a few precious minutes to regain his composure and simmer down.

  “Kat and I have an understanding.” His voice was barely controlled, his eyes burned into hers. “Which you know nothing about. But then, that really isn’t any of your business. Is it?”

  She had no answer. He wasn’t going to let her answer. She had had her say outside.

  “If Kat, or anyone else, complains directly to you, then you have my permission to say something. Until then, stay out of my private life!” He was breathing heavily. McReidy knew how to get at him. “Unless there is anything else you wish to say…” He gave her a minute to answer back. “I suggest we get out of here and let these guys get some sleep.”

  She stormed out and left him there.

  The next time John saw Kat, he threw her a special smile. One that told her he was glad he had kissed her, and that it had gone no further. She blushed a little, as though she thought everyone around her knew about it. She couldn’t have been further from the truth.

  He didn’t blame her for McReidy’s outburst – she probably didn’t even know about it. As far as he was concerned, his relationship with Kat was unchanged. But he now had a healthier respect for a woman’s powers.

  * * *

  John and McReidy didn’t see each other for the next few days. It was to both their advantages. Neither of them was in a particularly good mood to face the other.

  McReidy was busy with the ambassadors. They were now behaving. It hadn’t been easy getting them to tolerate each other. At times, she had been barely able to keep her temper.

  She had been kept from the bridge by her work, and avoided John at all costs. She was now becoming reluctant to return. She even missed the next poker game in case he was there. She knew she was being ridiculous and that she had better do something about it. It was useless to think that he might.

  Next morning, she found some free time and made her way to the bridge. John wasn’t in his chair.

  “Where is he?”

  They all knew who she meant. Gillespie pointed to John’s office.

  “Thanks.”

  She assumed John was in a good mood. Gillespie would have warned her otherwise.

  “Come in,” John called in answer to the beep. He didn’t look up from his work. His desk was covered in papers and he was writing furiously.

  “Sir?”

  The pen froze in his hand at the sound of her voice. He looked up slowly.

  “Yes.” His voice was as blank as his face.

  “About the other night,” she began nervously.

  He didn’t say anything, just sat back in his chair. He wasn’t going to make it easy for her; he also wasn’t going to put up with a repeat performance.

  “I’m sorry for what I said. I was out of line. It’s just that… Kat got home early. In tears. And she wouldn’t talk to us, and we knew…” She broke off explaining. There was really no excuse for her behaviour. “I’m sorry.”

  John hadn’t moved; he remained silent. She tried read him but his eyes were expressionless. He wasn’t going to forgive her that easily.

  She turned to leave. The pen dropped to the desk. It could have been a brick for all the noise it made in the tense silence of the room.

  “I haven’t dismissed you yet.”

  McReidy stopped and turned back. That was one particular formality he never worried about. She braced herself for the expected verbal onslaught.

  “I’m disappointed in you, McReidy.” He spoke quietly; the hurt clear in his words. He held her eyes with his in a way that was impossible for her to break away from. “I thought you had a higher opinion of me than that. I’d never hurt Kat, intentionally or otherwise. That goes for the rest of you girls for that matter.”

  She would have preferred it if he had yelled at her. She didn’t know how to handle it this way. What she had first taken as anger, she now realised had gone much deeper. There was nothing to say or do that would take away the hurt she had caused in him.

  “You better get back to work,” he told her, his voice still soft. He blanketed his emotions, picked up his pen and resumed working.

  McReidy was visibly upset when she stepped back onto the bridge. Her hands were in clenched fists at her sides and she was trembling. “I’m going to kill him,” she told whoever was listening.

  Gillespie spun around immediately. “Did he yell at you again?”

  “No.”

  “I see.”

  She caught his eyes – caught all their concerned looks.

  “I’m okay,” she raised a hand to emphasise her words, “I’m just going to kill him.”

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  Chapter twenty four

  Each day as Bismarck moved through more familiar territory, the communication channels became busier. There were military and domestic ships, some from Earth, most were alien. John wanted to know who they were and where they were. He had no intention of assuming they were all friendly and being caught off guard. They were still weeks away from the jump gate and he wasn’t going to relax until his passengers were off.

  He kept the cartographers busy plotting ships. It was almost a relief to know where they were – Independence, Kirov, Yorktown; they were like old friends. Tirpitz and Dreadnought heading out towards the border to join the patrol fleet. Betelians, Antarians, Meropians: the Centauri’s had finally taken a stand. The Andromedans had been halted. Each new encounter brought more casualties. But now it was evening up. The Andromedans were losing as many ships as they took out.

  John had no idea where the border was. It had shifted so much in the past few months. He believed they were still behind it. That meant Andromedans were in front of them. It was safer to believe that than to assume they had left them behind.

  Security and communications were flat out. Kirov and Yorktown found themselves in a battle – they were best avoided. A civilian supply ship suddenly went missing, a listening post was knocked out. It wasn’t to
o hard to get an idea of what was happening.

  The direct route home was through the Rokari Nebula. A supernova remnant that was still expanding with a pulsar at its core that was known to mess with Earth systems. It could fuzz or duplicate sensor readings and turn communication signals into a blur of static, and spewed enough radiation to kill anything that got too close or stayed there too long.

  Its pulsar stood out like a lighthouse beam long before it came into visual range.

  “Course change?” Giacomo asked.

  “From here,” McReidy advised, “it’s about four or five days to go around it.”

  One side of John’s face screwed up. “Take us as close as we can get without interference. I really don’t want to take any more time than we need to.”

  By the end of the shift, the nebula was a softly glowing cloud at the edge of sensor range. John told Humphries to keep an eye on it and notify him if any of the systems became affected.

  By morning, swirls of glowing colour filled the main screen. The supernova remnant floated in the wind of its raging pulsar. It spun over a hundred times a minute, ripping waves of radiation through the still spreading gasses, dust and rubble it had picked up in its path.

  “She is pretty,” Hartford commented from navigation; McReidy attending to some emergency with the ambassadors.

  “Pretty dangerous,” John answered. “Perfect place to hide if your systems can handle it.”

  Humphries had reported no abnormalities overnight. The day shift gave their systems a once over to confirm.

  “Demagnify main screen,” John ordered. “There’s more out there than the nebula.”

  The nebula resolved to a tiny cloud amid the background of space.

  Within an hour, Tan was tapping his earphone.

  “Problem, Mister Tan?” John asked.

  “No, sir,” Tan shook his head. “Not yet, sir.”

  John looked to Gillespie, who shook his head. “No interference here, sir, but we have hit the edge of the nebula.”

  “Normal view on screen.”