Where Forever Ends: Maplewood Falls: Book One

by Street, K.

  * * *

  The highway stretched before me, and my soul ached more with each hour and every mile. Jase called as I pulled into a station to get gas, nearly an hour north of Maplewood Falls. I let it go to voice mail. I knew it was only a matter of time before my brother called. I sent East a text and then turned my phone to silent.

  I drove without really seeing anything around me, completely consumed by what lay ahead once I reached my destination.

  “To love and to cherish till death do us part.”

  Our wedding vows swooped around my head like a kite in a Southern summer storm. As if death had magically scattered those promises on the wind. The grave hadn’t nullified the declaration I made to Colin.

  My heart had been ripped out of my chest the day Colin died. Grief, it was a vicious, merciless bastard that infiltrated every cell and nerve ending. When you finally thought you’d figured out how to move beyond it, grief and guilt would join forces and drop you to your knees.

  And this was me, on my knees.

  Two river rock pillars anchored the beautiful wrought iron archway. Magnolia trees adorned with their linen-white blossoms stood tall and lush along the property line. I slowly maneuvered through the entrance, following the winding blacktop until I came to the last bend near the rear of the cemetery.

  I grabbed my keys and shoved them in my pocket. Then, I got out of the car, inhaling the scent of magnolia blooms permeating the air as I trekked over the grounds.

  The sun shone on my face as I knelt on the vibrant green lawn. I lifted a hand to the smooth granite, tracing the letters etched into the stone with my index finger.

  Colin Ferraro

  Beloved Husband and Father

  July 5, 1987—December 28, 2017

  Colin didn’t visit me in my dreams anymore. I supposed, wherever he was, he thought I was okay.

  But I wasn’t, not by a long shot, even after all this time.

  My heart had been torn in two. I was still in love with Colin, but I had fallen in love with Jase regardless of how hard I’d tried not to. It was an impossible thing to reconcile, being in love with two men. And, for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out how to move on if that meant leaving Colin behind.

  I settled onto the grass, sitting crisscross. I kissed my palm and then rested it on the stone. Time ceased to exist as I sat on Colin’s grave. This was the closest I would ever get to hugging him. So, I bowed my head and let my hand linger for a long while. I wasn’t sure when I would be here again.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you.”

  I chanted the words until my back ached and the sun grew hotter. Then, through glassy eyes and quivering lips, I spilled the contents of my heart.

  “I still miss you. Every. Single. Day. So much that, sometimes, it steals the air from my lungs.” My next words came out in a whisper, “I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing you.”

  Tears streamed down my face. “Knox has gotten so big. He’s so much like you. Kind and loving. Protective and stubborn. He likes a little girl at school; her name’s Finley. Knox loves playing basketball, and he still sleeps with Rex. Oh, the other day, he asked my dad what a man-whore was.” I laughed through my tears. “It’s my fault. He’d overheard me throwing shade at East.”

  I wiped my eyes and kept talking, “I’m sad because you’re missing everything. And, sometimes, I wonder if that makes you sad, too.” I wiped away my snot and kept going, “I love you. I will always love you.”

  Confession burned at the back of my throat. I drew in a breath, bracing for the impact.

  “But I met someone.” The declaration was ushered in on the edges of a broken sob.

  I withdrew my hand from the stone and brought it to my face. The tears came faster now, seeping into the creases of my fingers. My insides splintered. Guilt compounded the broken pieces. I desperately wished I could shield myself with armor or project a force field to guard against the pain.

  Colin was gone, yet somehow, it still felt like a betrayal.

  Then, I thought of Jase, and beams of light punctured the darkness. He chased away the emptiness I’d carted around like carry-on luggage. Jase loved me, and he loved my son. He was all in, and I didn’t want to hold back the pieces of my heart anymore.

  I absently plucked a blade of grass, folding it back and forth, accordion-style, my attention on my fingers instead of the granite. “His name is Jase,” I began. “He’s Easton’s best friend. I think I told you about him once. I’d had a huge crush on him once upon a time.” The words ran together, tumbling from my lips and clattering onto my lap like falling dominoes.

  I took a deep breath and gradually blew it out.

  This time, the words came slower. Raw and thorny. Every syllable a fiery sting biting into my soul. “I t-tried, Colin. I-I t-tried so h-hard not to let him in. I d-don’t know h-how not to l-love you. I c-c-can’t c-choose.”

  The withered stem of greenery dropped to the ground as I lifted my hands to my mouth, placing one atop the other. I mashed my palms against my lips, capturing the sorrow-filled sob.

  Light vanished, swallowed by the sudden shadow cast over me. Awareness prickled my skin, and I didn’t have to look up to know he was here.

  Thirty-Nine

  Jase

  She’d left.

  I didn’t need to run my hand over her side of the mattress to know Saylor was gone. I’d felt her absence before I opened my eyes. I got up and walked toward the bathroom but then halted near the foot of the bed. The black dress she had worn sat crumpled on the floor, next to her bra and panties.

  “Socks?” I called out.

  Maybe she’s on the porch.

  I dressed quickly, used the bathroom, and then took the stairs two at a time. “Saylor?”

  My gaze darted to the coatrack as I made my way down. Her coat hung on the same hook it had last night. Then, my eyes landed on the floor. Her overnight bag sat open, and her purse was gone.

  A look through the sidelight determined what I’d already known. Her SUV wasn’t parked in the drive. I headed into the kitchen because it was the last place I remembered having my phone. I unlocked the screen.

  Socks: I need Colin.

  Worry gnawed at my insides. I tried Saylor. After a few rings, my call went to voice mail.

  Shit.

  I palmed my cell, snatched my keys, and then headed back to the front door to grab my boots and shoved my feet inside. I stepped outside, locked up behind me, and headed to my truck. I started the engine. As soon as the Bluetooth synced, I called East.

  “It’s too damn early, man—”

  “Have you heard from your sister?”

  “No. Why?”

  “She’s gone.”

  “What the hell do you mean, she’s gone?”

  “She came over last night. When I woke up this morning, she was gone. But she sent a text. It said, I need Colin. Any ideas what that means?”

  “Jase!” he growled into the phone.

  The tires spun, spitting gravel as I threw my vehicle in reverse. I already knew the words he was fixing to spew. I didn’t have time for any of his bullshit.

  “Damn it, Easton! You can threaten to beat my ass later.”

  “Did you guys have a fight?”

  “No. We …” Then, it hit me; I knew where she was headed. “Where’s Colin buried?”

  “Charlotte.”

  “I know that!” I gritted out. “What’s the name of the cemetery?”

  “I don’t know.” He was quiet for a second. “Magnolia Memorial Gardens.”

  I turned onto the highway, heading toward I-85 North.

  “Hang on a sec.”

  All I thought about was getting to Saylor.

  Easton’s voice filled the cab. “Saylor just texted. She’s headed to the cemetery.”

  “I’m already headed that way.”

  “Jase,” he seethed my name like a curse. “I don’t know; I don’t want to know. Just f
ix it.”

  I hoped like hell I could.

  “I’ll text you when I get there.”

  “Take care of her.”

  “I will.”

  I disconnected the call and drove the rest of the way in silence.

  I couldn’t get to Saylor fast enough, and I was terrified of what I might find when I did. Once I got close to Charlotte, I Googled the directions for the cemetery.

  * * *

  The sight of Saylor, beautiful yet broken, destroyed me. There were trillions of cells in the human body, and every single one of mine screamed for me to go to her.

  And, God, I wanted to, but I couldn’t. Not yet.

  She needs this. She needs him.

  That was my reality, the reason I remained hidden from her view, lingering several feet away. Granting her time and space. Because, whatever answer she had come searching for, I wanted her to find it.

  I overheard their one-sided conversation. Eavesdropping hadn’t been my intention, but I refused to put even more distance between us. So, I watched, and I waited. Until Saylor’s fingers went to her mouth. Until her pain shook the very ground beneath my feet and ripped the heart from my chest. Until the need to get to her outweighed everything else.

  I closed the span between us and dropped to my knees beside her.

  “Socks. Jesus … baby.” Those few words were spoken like a prayer. I hauled her into my arms.

  She sobbed against my chest, bleeding out in my embrace.

  “Shh,” I soothed, gently rocking her.

  When she calmed a bit, I cupped her face between my palms and used the pads of my thumbs to wipe away her tears.

  “J-Jase, what are you d-doing here?” Her voice was thick and raw.

  “As long as I have breath, I’ll always come for you, Saylor.”

  More tears spilled from the corners of her eyes and rolled down her cheeks as her blue irises landed back on mine. She took my hands in hers, drew in a stuttered breath, and focused her attention on our intertwined fingers. “I don’t know how to move on.”

  I rubbed my thumb over the top of her hand. “It isn’t about moving on, baby. Colin is a part of you, a vital organ. You’re not leaving him behind. He’s embedded in you.” I eased my hand from her grasp, tucking the hair that had fallen over her face behind her ear.

  Saylor had it in her head that it was either me or Colin. That she couldn’t love us both.

  “You don’t have to choose. It isn’t one or the other.”

  My hands fell away, and I watched her face as she considered my words. Carefully mulling them over as if she were weighing their truth.

  “I never thought of it that way,” she admitted.

  The softening of her features was barely discernible, but I saw the subtle shift. A sense of peace that hadn’t been there before slowly infused our space.

  Saylor inched back, giving me my first full glimpse of the headstone up close. Above Colin’s name, a symbol had been engraved into the slab. Two interlocking hearts and then a third smaller heart in the center linked within the two. Colin would always be connected with them, and that was how it should be. My eyes zeroed in on his date of birth and subsequent death.

  He had been so young. Candace had been, too.

  Maybe the two of them are hanging out in the afterlife together.

  It was a nice thought.

  Saylor cleared her throat and traced over the letters of Colin’s name. “Colin, this is Jase.” She moved her hand back to her lap, her gaze shifted to my face, and the corners of her mouth tipped upward into a sad smile. “Jase, meet Colin.”

  I stretched out my right hand, rested my palm on the top of the stone, and clasped my fingers over the edge. With my head bowed as a sign of respect, I greeted a dead man who was still very much alive, “Hey, Colin.”

  Saylor sniffled but remained quiet, and I waited a few silent beats before I lifted my head and started to speak, “Our girl still loves you; she always will. That’s fine by me. She’ll never have to choose between us.” I battled to choke back my emotions and glanced at Saylor over my shoulder. “I love her with all that I am,” I declared before shifting my stare back to Colin. “I love your little boy, too, and I’ll never try to replace you. You have my word.” Emotion prickled my eyes as I reached out my left hand for Saylor.

  She placed her palm against mine.

  “I promise I’ll love her and Knox with everything I’ve got. I’ll cherish and take care of them for as long as Saylor will let me.” I gave Saylor’s fingers a gentle squeeze as I finished my speech.

  “Jase.” Tears cascaded over her cheeks. She didn’t have to say the words.

  “I know, Socks.” And I did. Because it was written all over her face.

  At some point, she’d placed her left hand adjacent to my right on the gravestone. My left hand had joined with her right. Without realizing it, we had formed something that closely resembled a circle.

  A butterfly, in varying shades of blue with red spots on its wings, landed on the ledge of Colin’s headstone. In the span of a heartbeat, it took to the air and looped over our heads before flying away. Together, we sat in stunned silence until Saylor started to laugh. A light and lyrical sound that I committed to memory.

  A few minutes passed before she wiped her face and stood.

  I rose to my feet, following her lead. “We’ll stay as long as you need to.”

  “Can you give me a minute?”

  “Of course.”

  I walked several paces and came to a stop near a huge magnolia tree. I stared across the grounds as Saylor said her good-byes.

  A few minutes later, she walked up beside me and slipped her hand in mine.

  With our fingers intertwined, we strode out of the cemetery. Once we were in the parking lot, I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

  “I could sleep for a week,” she said against my chest.

  “We can stay the night in Charlotte. I’ll book a hotel room.”

  Today had been hell. The thought of driving back to Maplewood Falls seemed daunting. I was worried about her.

  Saylor was exhausted—not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. I didn’t want her behind the wheel, considering the distance. She needed to eat. She also needed to sleep, the perpetual, dark half-moons beneath her eyes testified to that.

  “I left my bag at your house,” she stated.

  “Whatever you need, I’ll take care of it.”

  “You don’t mind staying?”

  “I’d prefer it actually. I don’t want you driving back alone.”

  “Okay.”

  I held her in my arms for a minute longer. “Do you feel okay to drive since we can’t really leave a car parked here?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m not too familiar with Charlotte. You pick a direction, and I’ll be right behind you.”

  She stepped back and stood on her tiptoes, pressing a kiss to my lips.

  Once she was safely in her SUV with the engine started, I climbed into my pickup truck and sent East a text letting him know Saylor was safe.

  When Saylor pulled out of the lot, I was right behind her.

  * * *

  After we checked into the hotel room, Saylor dropped her purse on the table and then walked to the window, staring out at the city below.

  Worry weighed heavy on my shoulders. But, deep down, I knew coming here and talking to Colin had been some sort of breakthrough for her.

  I lowered the thermostat and then crossed the space to her, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind. She leaned against me, and had I not been supporting her, she would have dropped to the floor.

  “How about a nap?” I kissed her temple.

  “Okay.”

  While Saylor used the bathroom, I pulled the covers back and closed the blackout shades. When she came out and lay down on the bed, I tucked her in.

  She grasped my wrist. “Where are you going?”

  “Just to the bathroom
. I’ll be right back. Unless you’re hungry? I can go pick up something.”

  “I just want you to hold me.”

  I’ll hold you for the rest of my life.

  I kissed her forehead. “Anything you need.”

  A minute or two later, I sat on the edge of the bed to toe off my boots before I slipped in beside her.

  Saylor rolled over to face me. We inched closer to the middle and to each other.

  Her blues and mine held a conversation.

  Then, Saylor gave me her words. “I’m sorry.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for,” I assured her. “I, on the other hand, owe you an apology.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  “Last night—”

  Saylor blinked. “Wait. You think I’m a mess because we slept together?” Regret flared in her eyes.

  And she saw the truth in mine.

  “God, Jase. No. That had nothing to do with it.” She joined our hands, intertwining our fingers, and took a deep breath. “Last night was incredible. I love you, Jase.”

  I opened my mouth, but the shake of her head told me she wasn’t finished.

  “I’m in love with you. I tried so hard not to fall, but you make it impossible not to love you. I’m a mess, and you keep showing up for the crazy.”

  “I’m addicted to your crazy.”

  She smiled and rolled her eyes before turning serious again. “Last night, I was almost asleep, but then you said, ‘Good night, sweetheart.’ You’ve never called me sweetheart, not once. Socks, Saylor, baby, but never sweetheart. And Colin … always called me sweetheart. He rarely used my name; he never called me baby. It was always sweetheart. So, hearing it from your lips … it was a trigger.”