9781631052323ForeverKindofCowboySullivan

by Sandy Sullivan

  “Don’t, Jeremiah. Don’t freak yourself out.” He put her arms around his waist, burying her face in his neck. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  “Are you two getting married?”

  She shook her head before she reached up and gave Jeremiah a quick kiss on the lips. “No, Dad. This is all new. We are dating for now.”

  Her father sank down onto one of the dining room chairs, propping his cane up on the table. “Well I’m glad to see you together. You two are cute.”

  She stepped back from Jeremiah and went back into the kitchen to take the food out of the oven. His mind whirled with questions. He wouldn’t drag her into an uncertain future if he had some kind of terrible disease like Multiple Sclerosis. He couldn’t. That wouldn’t be fair to her. She already had to deal with her dad having it, he wouldn’t subject her to a life with a cripple for a husband.

  Dinner was a hushed time as Jeremiah reflected on the dire straits of his possible diagnosis. He absolutely refused to tie her down to a man who wasn’t a hundred percent healthy, one who could take care of her, not the other way around, one who would be there for her and their children in their time of need, not a shell of a man who couldn’t wipe his own ass.

  Once dinner was over, he excused himself to leave. He needed to think. Thinking meant alone time even though he wanted nothing more than to kiss her, touch her, hold her, and make love to her.

  As he walked out to his truck to go home, she stopped him with a hand on his arm. “Jeremiah, don’t leave.”

  “I need to, Callie. I need some time alone.”

  “Don’t shut me out.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Yes, you are. You’re thinking way too much about this. Don’t. Wait until the doctor tells you what is wrong before you start planning your future. You have no idea what the diagnosis will be and you are doing exactly what he told you not to do. Self-diagnosis is a bad thing. Please? I love you.”

  “I love you too, but I can’t be with you right now.”

  “Please, don’t leave. Don’t do this, Jeremiah.”

  “I’m sorry, but I have to.” He leaned in to kiss her lightly on the lips before climbing into his truck and leaving her standing in the driveway.

  * * * *

  Over the next few days, she called constantly to check on him. Sometimes he answered, other times he let her call go to voicemail. He couldn’t face her right now, not until he talked to the doctor, which was today. Hopefully they would have some answers for him so he could move on with his life in whatever capacity that entailed.

  He sat nervously in the waiting room of the doctor’s office for them to call him into the back. He hated this, hated doctors, hated hospitals, and hated what he was doing to Callie, but he felt the need to protect her even if it was from himself.

  “Jeremiah? Come on back,” the nurse said.

  He climbed to his feet and then she put him in one of those small little waiting rooms to go crazy in. They needed to make the things padded or something.

  Lucky for him, the doctor didn’t wait too long before coming in to take a seat on one of those little rolling stools.

  “We have you test results in, Jeremiah.”

  “And?”

  “I’m afraid it isn’t good news. It’s not a pinched nerve. I feared the worst and it’s not that, so you have to be thankful for the small concession. At first I thought it might be a brain tumor with the symptoms, but it’s not. You have something called Multiple Sclerosis. It’s a disease process affecting the nerve cells in your brain. It’s an auto-immune disease where your immune system attacks the brain cells by mistake, damaging the myelin sheath of your brain, spinal cord, and eyes. When these nerve endings get damaged, it affects your movement and your eyesight.”

  “Is there a cure?”

  “No. I’m sorry, there isn’t.”

  “Fuck.”

  “There are medications to handle the symptoms. You can even go into remission where you won’t have symptoms at all for a long time.”

  “So I have to be on some medicine for the rest of my life?”

  “Yes.”

  “What is the eventual outcome of this?”

  “Everything in our life leads to death, Jeremiah. Some people are completely disabled from this. We won’t know what type of MS you have until we’ve sent you to a neurologist who can study your symptoms and decide the best course of action.”

  “This isn’t fair, you know. I just found the girl of my dreams. My future is set. Now this.”

  He put a hand on Jeremiah’s shoulder. “I know, son. You’re in the prime of your life. Don’t get too worked up about it yet until you see the neurologist in San Antonio. The guy I’m sending you to is fantastic in this field. He knows his stuff. He’ll help you manage things so you’ll have the best quality of life.”

  Dread hit him in the chest like a brick. What am I going to do about Callie?

  “If you have any general questions I can help you with, don’t hesitate to call me. I would suggest making a list of things you would like to ask the specialist before you go so you can make an informed decision about your care. This isn’t the end of the world, son. You can lead a normal life for the most part as long as you stay on the medications the doctor prescribes for you. You can still marry, have children, and be the young man you should be right now.”

  “Thanks, Doc.”

  “You’re welcome. I’ll have my nurse make you an appointment with the neurologist. You stay here while she does.”

  The doctor walked out as a tear slid down his cheek. He couldn’t ask Callie to marry him now. He wouldn’t make her deal with this. Better he cut it off right now and save her the pain.

  The nurse came in a few minutes later as he angrily wiped the wetness from his face. Men didn’t cry and he wasn’t going to let himself break down again.

  “Here is your appointment card with the neurologist. It’s set for Monday.”

  “That’s fine. Thank you.”

  “You can stay in here as long as you like. Gather your thoughts, but just remember, this isn’t the end of the world. People are diagnosed with this disease all the time. They go on to live happy, healthy, and productive lives. You’re still young. You can handle this.” She smiled softly and walked back out the door, leaving him alone.

  He sat in his truck for several long minutes as his mind raced from one subject to another and back. Callie was at the forefront of his thoughts though while he tried to decide what to do. He’d already pushed her away, trying to save her the heartache of living with a man who wasn’t whole, but he would have to tell her the diagnosis and live with her anger as he shut her out of his life for good.

  * * * *

  Callie waited for Jeremiah at Anne’s diner. He’d called her on his way home from the doctor’s office to say he wanted to see her. She was surprised he’d picked here, somewhere in public. They should be alone for this, she figured, but apparently he didn’t think so.

  When she saw him walked through the door, she smiled. Damn, he looked good, tall, broad-shouldered, and tough. Whatever this was wouldn’t tear them apart. She wouldn’t let it.

  He slid into the booth seat across from her and took her hand in his. He closed his eyes as his lips brushed her palm. Her heart did a little staccato rhythm at the touch of his mouth. He could totally turn her inside out with nothing more than a look or a touch.

  “Hi.”

  “Hey.”

  “Why did you want to meet here?”

  “I figured it was best.”

  “Best for whom?”

  “Us.”

  “Why?”

  “Hey, kids. Can I get you anything?” Anne stopped at their table with a bright smile.

  “I’ll take a Coke,” Callie replied as Jeremiah shook his head.

  “Be right back.”

  After Anne brought her drink and Callie retrieved her hand reluctantly from Jeremiah’s grasp, she sat back in the seat waiting f
or his words to start flowing.

  “We need to break this off.”

  “Break what off?”

  “Our relationship. I don’t want to see you anymore.”

  “What the fuck, Jeremiah? You can’t just shut me down like this.”

  “I can and I will to protect you.”

  “Protect me from what? You aren’t making sense.” Trepidation ripped through her at the look in his eyes. He wasn’t kidding. The seriousness of his expression made her angry. Stubborn man! “I won’t let you do this. Whatever it is—”

  “It’s MS, Callie.”

  “So?”

  “I can’t.” He shook his head. “I won’t let you live your life with a man who can’t be a hundred percent for you. You already have to deal with your father having this terrible disease and now your future husband?”

  “You will not make that decision for me. I’ve lived with my dad’s disease for the last several years. I’ve seen what it can do and I’m not afraid of it.” She grabbed his hand, but he pulled it back out of her reach. “I love you, Jeremiah. Why can’t you understand that? Why can’t you see it doesn’t matter to me? You are my life.”

  “I refuse to strap you to a man who won’t be able to take care of you.”

  She slapped her hand on the table causing him to jump. “I don’t care, you stubborn jackass! But if you want to turn your back on our love because you’re afraid, then so be it, but don’t use the excuse you don’t want to strap me with a crippled man because that isn’t going to fly. Loving you means we are together forever no matter what. Obviously you don’t love me enough to want to be with me.” She leaned in with her elbows on the table. “What if I had MS? Would you turn your back on me?”

  He shook his head and refused to look her in the eye. “No. I would be there for you.”

  “Then why are you pushing me away?” she asked, fear making her all the more angry because he wouldn’t face that they were meant to be together. “We can fix this. Don’t let us die. The love of a lifetime is worth at least a million tries. What we’ve got is too good for good-bye.”

  When he looked back up, she could see the terror, loneliness, and desperation in his gaze. “Don’t you see? I’m supposed to be the one taking care of you, not the other way around.”

  “Listen to yourself. You can justify it all you want to in your head, but it’s not going to work. One-sided love isn’t for me. If you love me, you’d see this is crazy talk, Jeremiah. Please, don’t shut me out.”

  “I’m sorry, Callie. I refuse to put you through this.” He got out of the booth and walked out without another word.

  Tears welled up in her eyes as she watched him leave. How can he do this? How can he turn his back on me? I thought he loved me.

  Anne came over and sat down next to her, wrapping her in a one-armed hug as she cried ugly, sobbing tears into her shoulder.

  “He’ll come around, honey. He’s a Young. They do this kind of thing.”

  “What am I going to do?”

  “Give him time. He’s in shock, I’d imagine. I also know Jeremiah is one of most stubborn of the boys, and that is saying a lot because the whole lot of them are stubborn. He’s about the most like his momma out of all of the boys. She’s got the stubborn streak down to a science. Trust me.” She patted Callie’s shoulder as she reached for a napkin to dry her tears.

  “Thanks, Anne.”

  “You’re welcome, honey. If you want to talk, you call me.”

  “I will, but right now I think I need to talk to Peyton and Paige. They are married to two of the brothers. They might know more about how to handle this than anyone.”

  “I’m sure they can help, but remember, I’m here for you.”

  Callie dug out her phone to call her friends to meet her at her house in an hour. Peyton, Paige and Mandy all converged on her living room with wine, chocolate, chips, and cookies to discuss this new development.

  “I need you all to promise not to tell your husbands about this. I don’t know if Jeremiah has told his brothers what’s going on or not. I don’t want to break his confidence. This concerns me and him right now.”

  Peyton nodded as Paige replied, “Okay.”

  “Jeremiah has been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.” She went on to tell them what she knew about the disease, how her father had it as well, and how things progressed if left unchecked by medication. She explained all she knew about the disease before she went on to tell them about her conversation with Jeremiah at the diner. “I don’t know what to do. He’s shut me out.”

  Mandy sat forward on the chair, resting her elbows on her knees. “I didn’t realize you two were even serious, but he’s being a typical Young from what I know about the family.”

  “True,” Peyton added. “It sounds very much like what my husband would do.”

  “Mine too.” Paige put in her opinion, which is exactly what Callie thought they would say.

  “What am I going to do?”

  “Give him time,” Peyton said. “He needs to come to grips with the diagnosis first. Let him talk to the neurologist and find out his life isn’t over because of this disease. He’ll come around.”

  “God, I hope so. I wanted to punch him.”

  They all laughed as Paige replied, “I bet you did. He’s worse than some of the other brothers in his stubbornness. I think it comes from handling all the family finances. He has to be such a hard-ass to be able to tell them no they can’t buy a new horse or purchase a new fifty thousand dollar tractor.”

  She swiped at the tears on her cheeks, sniffing to clear her plugged nose. “Thanks everyone. I knew I could count on you three to help me.”

  “Honey, you know we are here for you no matter what. We all know what dealing with those boys is like,” Mandy said even though she didn’t have a brother herself yet.

  “Shall we watch some sappy movie tonight?” She looked at Paige. “What did you do with the twins tonight?”

  “Daddy is watching them for a change.”

  “Wow, I bet that is interesting.”

  “He does pretty well with them. They’re getting so big, they’re two little terrors on the loose, but he’s such a sucker for their little smiles and cuteness.”

  “What’s he going to do when Hannah starts dating?”

  “He won’t even talk about that right now.”

  “How are you and Jason doing? Any baby news yet?”

  “Oh, hell no. We are waiting for a bit before we start trying for a little one.”

  “I bet Grandma isn’t happy about that.”

  “She already has enough grandchildren for now. She can wait a few more years.”

  “How is she taking being laid up at home with the broken leg?”

  “Not well. She wants to be up and doing this and that, although we have managed to get her into her office so she can handle some stuff even with a broken leg. She’s doing well with the rehab though. The physical therapist is coming out three times a week to work with her.”

  “That’s great. I was so worried when I heard about her accident.”

  “As we all were.”

  The rest of the evening passed with the girls getting pretty drunk, laughing at their men, and just spending quality time with each other. Callie needed this, needed the companionable silence as they watched The Notebook on television and cried big, ugly tears. The cleansing feeling of being with like-minded women, helped her to understand Jeremiah’s feelings and let him go to find his own way, so he could find his way back to her.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Callie decided to confront Jeremiah after his neurologist appointment on his own turf with his brothers watching. She managed to get Peyton and Paige to gather the brothers as well as his mother and father in one of the lodge’s main rooms. He hadn’t told them about the disease yet that the girls could fathom so she wanted them to confront him with that fact too.

  As she drove to the ranch, fear gripped her. What if this backfired? What if he got an
gry with her for doing this?

  When she’d made this plan, she really hadn’t thought of the consequences of her actions, but what could it hurt? He’d pushed her out of his life anyway, so pressing him more couldn’t hurt any worse.

  When she pulled into the front of the lodge, Peyton stood outside waiting for her.

  “Ready?”

  “As I’ll ever be, I guess.”

  “The boys are all in the main room. We’ve put a sign on the door to keep the visitors out until this is over. Jeremiah is in his cabin. Jeff went to get him.” She put her arm around Callie. “I did tell him what was going on so he knew why the secrecy and the meeting. He’s pissed that Jeremiah didn’t tell them, but he understands. He’s on your side.”

  “Good.”

  When they walked into the lodge, every eye turned toward her. She could see the questions on their faces and in their eyes, but she had to wait to confront Jeremiah.

  Jeff practically dragged him into the room several minutes later.

  “What the hell is this all about?”

  “Why don’t you tell us, Jeremiah?”

  “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

  “You went to the doctor. Tell us what is going on so we can help you.”

  Jeremiah’s gaze swung to her as she stood in the corner waiting for him to speak. “It’s nothing.”

  “Bullshit. Spill it.”

  Jeremiah inhaled before he forcibly exhaled. “I have Multiple Sclerosis.”

  “What is that?” Jackson asked.

  “It’s an auto-immune disease affecting the nerves in my brain. I went to the neurologist today. He started me on a medication which is supposed to dull the symptoms and make it easier to deal with. Basically, it makes my limbs go numb at times and messes with my vision. For now, those are the symptoms, but eventually it could put me in a wheelchair.”

  Jeff put his arm around him. “We are here for you, Jeremiah. No matter what. You know that.”

  The other brothers did the same as they all got together in a group to give him the support he needed. It brought tears to Callie’s eyes. She knew they would react this way. Now only if she could convince Jeremiah they belonged together. “I need to say something, please, and I hope you all will bear with me for interrupting your family time, but I feel this is important to say in front of you so you can beat him over the head in my defense.” She stepped toward the group. “Jeremiah and I have been seeing each other. We have professed our love for one another a couple of weeks ago, but when he got the diagnosis of this disease, he shut me out claiming he didn’t want to burden me with a cripple for a mate. My father has this disease as well. I’ve been living with it for several years. I know what it can do. I’ve done the research and I want him to realize it doesn’t matter to me. He’s my life. Please help me convince him we belong together no matter what life brings.”