You'll Think of Me

by Franco, Lucia

  Letting out a heart-wrenching sigh, Olivia sat up and ran her fingers through her tangled hair, or at least tried to. She hadn't brushed it in days and quite frankly she didn't see a reason to. She no longer had Luke, and she had hardly left the house lately unless it was absolutely necessary.

  One more day was what she kept mouthing as she made her way into the bathroom. Tomorrow she would say goodbye to Georgia and hello to New York. It’s what she wanted, right?

  Olivia looked in the bathroom mirror and didn't recognize the person staring back. Her dark eyes stared back looking hollow and lifeless. There were blue-black circles under them showing her lack of sleep and stress. She looked like death, and truthfully, it was an apt description for how she felt. Olivia's usual full-bodied wavy hair was lank and lifeless, a perfect definition of a rat’s nest. She needed to get her ass into gear but how could she when she felt like her whole life had been sucked from her?

  Stripping off her clothes, Olivia peered down at her body and saw the change that had taken place since that painful night. Her stomach was starting to become concave from the lack of interest in food. Interestingly, it was how her heart felt too. She could start to see her hip bones beginning to make an appearance and her legs were thinner as well. Olivia turned the shower on and waited for the water to heat up. In her entire life, the shower was the one place she allowed herself to cry. She detested when anyone would see her shed tears because then questions would be asked, and she hated discussing her feelings.

  After finishing in the shower, Olivia towel dried her hair and walked to her closet. She slipped on a hunter green dress that normally clung to her body but now hung loosely.

  Picking up the phone, Olivia dialed Luke’s number again. This was the last time she was calling him. She knew he was upset and didn't want to speak with her, but was he really not going to say goodbye to her? Would he just let her leave like that?

  Pick up, pick up, pick up, Olivia chanted quietly. But when his voicemail chimed, she knew that was the end of the road. She didn't want to leave a message but she couldn't help herself.

  “Luke...” her voiced cracked, “I just wanted to say goodbye. I wish things didn't have to end the way they did. But know that you'll always have a place in my heart. I never meant to hurt you or lie. I swear. Take care. I'll miss you so much.”

  Another tear rolled down her cheek sliding into her mouth. Tasting the salty wetness, she deflated even more.

  The roaring sound of an engine echoed outside her bedroom window. Olivia looked out her window and was astonished to see Luke's truck driving up toward her house. She was mentally exhausted and had to be delusional at this point because it couldn't possibly be him, right? Any minute she was ready to watch the truck reverse out.

  But it didn’t.

  Olivia watched as Luke’s truck slowly rolled to a stop just a few feet back on the red dirt driveway of her home. She couldn't believe her eyes and waited to see his next move. He sat in his truck for a moment before opening his door and stepping out. His head was angled downward while he walked around to the front of his truck. He leaned against it and crossed his legs in front of him, shoving his hands into his pockets.

  Finally, in what felt like centuries, Luke glanced up toward Olivia's window and silently acknowledged her with a nod.

  He was here to see her go.

  Her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach.

  Turning away from the window, Olivia ran out of her room. She sprinted down the hallway and flew down the stairs. She was going so fast that she tripped over her feet on the last few steps and hit the floor. Taking a deep breath, she regained self-control. Right before opening the front door, she glanced into the mirror hanging next to it. “At least I took a shower,” she said to the emotional mess staring back at her.

  Opening the door, the humidity hit Olivia in the face immediately. Luke’s name was a whisper on her lips. She could already feel her eyes beginning to water while her chin gave a small quiver. She ground her jaw in an effort to stop her emotions from taking hold of her.

  Suck it up, don't cry.

  She shut the door behind her, making her way down the driveway to Luke. The entrance to her home and the surrounding land was covered in large bushy trees throughout and gave a decent amount of shade from the heat, not that she would even feel it. She had been pretty much oblivious to everything around her the last couple of weeks. The normally bright blue sky was swathed in miserably gray clouds of melancholy, mimicking her mood. The air was moist and dewy with a chill. A storm was about to rain down on them, she could feel it in the air.

  Olivia's heart pounded like a jack hammer going off inside her chest. A burning sensation danced its way up her spine, around her neck and outward. Her ears began to heat, and the back of her neck was clammy and tense. She felt so unprepared for this meet with Luke, but truthfully, there was no amount of preparation for a moment like this. Olivia didn’t know what to say and was completely at a loss on how to act. Luke had been her best friend, confidant, her shoulder to lean on, her everything for years. He gave her security when she felt lost. Even before they started dating he had always been there, she just hadn’t yet opened her eyes to notice him early enough. Now she felt so distant, like she was a stranger to him. She hated it. Hated the circumstances because she knew what was coming and how it was ending.

  Olivia stopped just steps from Luke. She wanted nothing more than to reach out and grab him. Her heart ached for his touch.

  Luke hadn't moved a muscle or even shuffled a step from his position. He stood stone cold and waited for her to go to him, like saying this is as far as I'm going, as much as I’m willing to give. Time stood still.

  Lifting his head and tilting it to the side, Luke’s jaw was locked and his lips in a firm, grim line. There was no mistaking his eyes now. Even with the hat pulled low, his green eyes blazed as they shot through her.

  “Hey,” she said softly.

  “Yeah,” Luke responded briskly. “Got your message, ah messages. I wasn't going to stop by... Not sure how I ended up here.” Luke shrugged, his eyes still trained on her.

  Olivia didn't know what to say. Were there any right words now? Probably not at this point.

  He cleared his throat. “So you're leaving today, huh?” he said uncomfortably, moving his head in small bobs before finishing the question. He couldn’t even look at her.

  “Um, I'm leaving tomorrow, actually.”

  Unable to stop herself, Olivia stepped forward to close the distance between them, but before she could take another step, Luke's hand shot from his pocket flying up to stop her. Her breath caught in her throat and her stomach tightened. All she wanted to do was wrap her arms around Luke but he clearly wanted nothing from her.

  Just kill me now.

  “Don't. Can't be held responsible for my actions if you come closer...” he muttered. “Have you been eating? You're looking way too damn thin,” he stated, eyeing her up and down. She was withering down to almost nothing. Luke noticed the heart necklace lying around her neck and instantly felt like an ass for giving it to her. He had opened himself up to her that night, probably more than he ever had and now she was leaving.

  “How about getting rest? You got black circles under your eyes too, Care…”

  Don't hold back, she pleaded internally. Care Bear. He was going to call her Care Bear but stopped. Her chest ached and she could hardly catch her breath. Shit, this was killing her.

  Self-consciously, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and wrapped her arms around her waist. She hadn’t been able to eat or to sleep. Depression had taken over rapidly and she lost her appetite.

  Looking at the ground for a moment to collect her thoughts, she ignored his questions. In a delicately soft tone she said, “Heard you've been around the bars lately, drunk as all hell and stumbling out. I heard you were playing your guitar for some girls…even singing to them. Is... Is it true?”

  Just uttering those words had her eyes wateri
ng. She was nearly destroyed when she heard the latest news about Luke and didn’t want to believe it could be true. But when it happened night after night and from multiple witnesses? Yeah, talk about dying a slow death. Had he moved on so quickly?

  The tips of Luke's lips curled just a fraction.

  “Doesn't matter what I do now, does it? You know how small towns are, word travels fast and shit gets turned around and taken out of context. But that's another reason why you gotta leave, right? Why you need to up and go?” Luke pointedly accused her.

  Olivia shuffled from one foot to the other. “Luke, it’s not like that…”

  “I didn't come here to argue with you, Livy. Just came to say goodbye and good luck. I hope it's everything you want and that you’ll have a good life.”

  “Come with me.”

  “I’m not leaving my family to be a city boy and play in the snow, honey,” he said in a sharp drawl. “That’s not me, it’ll never be me. I know what I want and who I am, and that’s to be here.” He finished jabbing his thumb at his chest. Luke pushed off the truck. “So yeah. Hope it's what you want.”

  “What I want is you, you know this. Why can't we try a long distance relationship? I don’t understand. Why are you so adamant against trying to work through this? People do it everywhere!”

  “You must not want me bad enough for you to leave,” he snapped angrily. “You must not want us. I would never think of leaving without talking about it with you first. Guess in the end I wanted you more than you wanted me.”

  Nearly compressed of all air, she could not believe Luke’s words. The ache in her chest tightened. “You know that's not true. Why do I have to choose? That isn't fair, Luke.” Olivia's voice was rising with each sentence. “I would never make you choose!”

  “Oh, but you are, baby girl, you are,” he countered with a sly sneer. “You're making me pick between my family and you. Now is that fair, eh?”

  Upset and beside herself with a heavy heart, Olivia was enraged. Her heart battered against her ribs, the skin of her fingers tightening as she fisted her hands, every nerve ending in her body standing on edge. It didn’t have to come to this. Luke was testing her self-control, but with every right. Even if he felt a minuscule amount of sorrow for what she was going through, surely he wouldn’t act so cynical? Right?

  She couldn’t take it anymore. Olivia was dealing with such a hefty amount of emotional grief that she propelled herself forward, shoving Luke as hard as she could in the chest.

  Momentarily stunned, he fell into the front of his truck while she pushed and shoved and beat on his chest with her hands repeatedly. The truck dug into his back as tears of agony, pent up misery from the last month, started to run freely from the corners of her eyes as she called him every name in the book she could think of. Olivia kept pushing and shoving Luke with all her might, taking her frustration and pain out on him. His body was her punching bag and he allowed it as she fought angrily over her decision to leave, his refusal to go with her and that they couldn’t come to a compromise. She wanted to fall to the ground and cry her eyes out knowing this was the end. That after this day it was over for them. Silently she prayed he'd do something, anything, to make it okay for what she was doing, but he didn't. Luke was letting her take her aggression out on him instead of batting her hands away. Fragments of her name were being called out, yelling for her to calm down, but it didn’t register. She wasn’t letting up just yet and he knew it.

  Hot tears streamed down her cheeks and her nose turned a pinkish-red from crying. Olivia’s dry lips pulled tight as her heart came through her eyes in waves, but she didn’t care. Her hair flew around and stuck to her tear soaked face as she cried and beat against Luke. She reared back to slap Luke across the face, but Olivia's foot slipped on the dirt and Luke reached for her instantly, pulling her small frame into his torso.

  “Stop. Get your hands off me.” Olivia resisted as he gripped her body. She was aligned with his chest and refused to pick her head up.

  “Livy. Relax—” he said as he gripped her arms tighter.

  “Screw you! It doesn't have to be like this! It doesn’t have to be like this! You’re not even giving us a chance,” she sputtered between angry tears, her head lulling back, crying her heart out.

  Luke hated to see her in pain, but he was in pain himself. Reaching down, he grabbed her chin in his hand while the other one tightened on her arm. In a moment of weakness, Luke pressed his mouth to hers and kissed her hard. He needed to feel her. How could he be with her but not kiss her when he wanted to? It would never work. Olivia tried to push away, but Luke held tight, not letting her go.

  Luke had her locked in now.

  Within seconds Olivia caved and allowed Luke to take over her mouth. As soon as their tongues collided, they groaned into each other’s mouths. She grabbed for the top of Luke’s shirt, fisting it in her hands and pulling him to her with all her might. It had been weeks of no touching and no kissing. How was she supposed to survive in New York without his touch?

  Luke loosened his hold just enough to slide his hands up and wrap them around the sides of her neck, locking her in as he kissed her with every ounce he could muster. His thumbs grazed her jaw as he lapped at her lips, putting everything into the kiss, knowing this was the end for them. That after today, Olivia King would no longer be his to hold, his to kiss, his to sing to when she was dealing with too much and needed to be calmed down. He wouldn’t be the one she confided in who could relax her with the touch of his hand or a melody.

  Olivia moaned in response when he suckled her tongue, throwing her arms around his neck and holding him in a death grip. She thrust her hips into his groin; the hardness she felt couldn’t go unnoticed. Luke was just as aroused as she, yet he was denying them, even though his body screamed otherwise. She began slowly grinding against his pelvis and it was his turn to groan into her mouth as they continued to nearly bruise each other’s lips. Luke slid his hands into her hair and roughly worked her scalp as they fought for each other with their mouths. And in a way they were. They were fighting for one another, but both just being stubborn.

  Olivia slid her hand down his rapidly panting chest, past his stomach and over his pants to the outline of his shaft. She stroked him through his jeans from base to tip, squeezing at the tip each time. A growl erupted from his throat and he thrust his hips into her hand then fisted her hair. Olivia stood on her tiptoes, lifted her leg up and draped it around the back of Luke’s leg trying to bring her sex into line with his, needing to get as close to him as she could. Sweet pains of desperation sliced up her belly and straight into her hammering heart. She wanted Luke so bad she could hardly stand it. And if this was the last time they were going to be together, then so be it.

  Luke reached down and pulled her other leg higher, lifting her off the ground as he spun her around to place her on the hood of his truck.

  A deep roar of thunder ripped across the clouded gray sky in the background, but did not register in Olivia's mind. She was too preoccupied with Luke's body so close to hers and his sinfully wicked mouth that it was all she could think about. They were together in this moment and that’s all that mattered. Nothing else.

  Olivia felt as if she was in the eye of a hurricane. The past couple of weeks had hacked through and roughed her up pretty badly. And now the hurricane was at a standstill, the eye, that intense serenity and eerie calm that she knew would pick back up eventually and tear through once more, damaging her irrevocably, leaving behind a slow and raw ache. And just like with a hurricane, she would rebuild in time, but the inside would never, ever, be the same, no matter how hard she'd pound those nails in to secure the seams back together.

  In that moment, Olivia despised herself for the decision she had made. She wished she had never applied to medical school so far away or even contemplated leaving Georgia. How was she going to get by without Luke?

  Salty tears slid down her cheek and into their joined mouths as Luke made love to her with his tongu
e. “Luke,” she said, sucking in air between gasps.

  “Shhh, Livy.”

  “Please,” she breathed. “Make love to me.”

  “Stay with me. What we have is good.”

  Olivia fractured inside. She let out a huge gush of air that might be mistaken for pleasure, but was most definitely not. It was the sound of sweet suffering and pure agony. She squeezed her eyes shut and felt her mouth form a frown.

  “Please,” she pleaded sadly. She needed to feel him.

  Olivia needed Luke. Not just for the sex, but for the closeness she had always felt between them, that special connection, that feeling only two people who are meant to connect feel. She sucked in her bottom lip and rolled it between her teeth.

  Pulling back, Luke’s gaze bore into hers. “Stay with me and I’ll make love to you every day for the rest of our lives. Don’t leave like this, Livy.”

  Olivia was breaking. Her legs loosened their hold on him. She didn't want to let go, but she had to. She pushed at his chest to move him off of her, feeling the rejection from deep inside as another round of thunder rumbled across the darkening sky.

  “Please.”

  “Uh uh... Can't. We're outside, Livy, for fuck’s sake.”

  He was refusing her, making her feel even worse. Like shit. Her legs skated down and behind his thighs. She was weak. Luke’s mouth never moved from her neck as she attempted to create space between them. She pushed him away when what she really wanted to do was pull him closer and never let go. But she wasn’t getting very far with Luke’s tongue and body touching hers. She was past the point of quivering in arousal.