Fox Fate

by Robin Roseau

  I ignored that last question; I didn't know the answer to it, anyway. In the past, just the threat had worked, and I'd never had to carry through with it.

  They had raised the stakes. And that was what was pissing me off. On top of everything else.

  "What did you think was going to happen?" I asked. "Did you think they were going to start a fox hunt in the middle of Carissa's power base? What?"

  "I didn't know!" she replied hotly. "Nor did I know how you would react. All I knew was I didn't want you anywhere near them, but if you were going to be, anyway, I wanted them to know you are well-protected."

  "I can take care of myself!"

  "Against a small or disorganized groups of wolves, that is true," she said. "But everyone can be overwhelmed, including you. But let's say for the sake of argument that you can protect yourself better than our enforcers can. I don't concede the point, but let's say that's true. Do you want the constant stream of wolves trying to take you? Eventually it will be Iowa all over again, or perhaps you'll just be killed in the process."

  "They weren't going to try anything there!"

  "No, probably not, but they needed to see you surrounded by a wall of enforcers while we're in Carissa's power base. Let them wonder what sort of protection you have otherwise. And frankly, your play at the end was perfect, moving back to Serena without prompting. Thank you."

  I stared at her, not responding.

  "Will you at least admit I have better perspective on how wolves think than you do?"

  "Fine," I spat.

  "So what's the problem? Why couldn't you just let me play it my way?"

  "Why couldn't you just talk to me? If you had explained this ahead of time, maybe I wouldn't have gotten my back up."

  "When was I supposed to do that?"

  "Oh, I don't know. Maybe when you told Serena to break my wrists if I acted out."

  "Michaela, we have talked and talked about letting me protect you. You flat out refuse."

  "If you had talked to me-"

  "I didn't know who was going to be there! Carissa didn't give us a list. I didn't know Santa Fe was going to be there. With most packs, I was willing to have you at my side as we greeted them. My directions to Serena covered unknown situations. We didn't discuss specifics. I made a snap decision to get you behind a wall until I had a chance to evaluate the situation. And we've talked and talked and talked about that, and you refuse to behave!"

  "No one there was going to start anything!" I shouted. "And you know it!"

  "No, I don't know it!" she shouted back. "God damn it, Michaela. Do you remember how you were during my pregnancy? That's how I feel about you all the time! Do you remember holding off our closest friends with a super soaker and a knife, afraid they might bump me? Was Santa Fe going to start anything tonight? No. But I had to have my head clear so I could deal with whatever politics they wanted to play, and I can't do that when all I can think about is protecting you!"

  I started to open my mouth, but she cut me off.

  "Don't even suggest I leave the politics to you. You don't think like a wolf any better than I think like a fox. When my head is clear, we are an amazing pair, but you still look to me for guidance during pack council meetings. But this entire trip is amazingly stressful for me, and I don't know why you can't cut me some slack!"

  I turned away from her, then slipped sideways and away from her, moving to stand in front of the window, looking out into nighttime courtyard. She didn't follow me or even turn to watch me. Instead, I heard as she set her hands on the dresser, steadying herself. Her heart was pounding almost as hard as mine was.

  It was several minutes before either of us spoke, and it was Lara to break the relative silence. "Do you know how hard it is for me to let anyone at all near you? Carissa took you from me once, and would love to keep you. Ekaterina wanted you. Most of the wolf packs want you, some to keep as a pet, some for a hunt. But we came anyway. It wasn't even a fight. But you've been in a mood since we left Madison."

  That got me going again. "I've been in a mood since you and Elisabeth cheated! And then when I try to move past it, you keep bringing it up. I told you not to talk to her about it, but you did it anyway. Then you were a bitch later and wouldn't dance with me until I groveled. And if that wasn't bad enough, no one else would dance with me, either, because they were all afraid of you."

  "I didn't cheat!" she roared. "You're just mad because my game outfoxed you."

  I spun to face her. "Tell me, Lara, when was the last time I played foxy games with you? I let you play your wolf games with me all the time. Do you want to look at everything I do, wondering where the catch is? Those times I play foxy games with you, I make sure you know I'm doing it. But how often do I trick you, just so I can tell everyone I outfoxed you?"

  "Iowa," she said coldly.

  "And what did you do to me in response?" I asked. I didn't wait for a response. "My last wager with you for anything more important than a back rub should have been the wedding dress. Well, live and learn. It won't happen again."

  "It wasn't my wager. I didn't put Elisabeth up to it."

  "You didn't stop her or warn me there were other rules. You didn't warn me the special cards were for so many points. You didn't warn me every single one of them was written to poke fun at me. If it weren't for Elisabeth's wager, then stacking the deck to ensure your plane won would have been funny. If it weren't for cheating to win a silly game, then losing Elisabeth's wager would have been funny. But the combination was cheating, and you both knew it while you were doing it. Is that how you want our relationship to go? Do you want to look over your shoulder every minute of every day, wondering how I'm pulling the wool over your eyes today?"

  We glared at each other for a while.

  I realized I didn't want to fight with her. I didn't think she wanted to fight with me.

  "It doesn't matter," I said finally. "If not for the wager, it would have been funny. Play your games if you want. I won't be so sufficiently invested in the outcome to get worked up. I'll consider it my fault for accepting a wager that mattered to me. Which is what I told you last night, but you wouldn't let it go. Can we let it go now?"

  "I didn't cheat," she said, her tone sullen.

  I stared at her. "Fine," I said. "You didn't cheat. You outfoxed me. I'll never mention it again, and I'm sorry I accused you."

  "You're just saying that to shut me up."

  I blew out a breath of air. "What do you want from me? I admitted I was wrong. I apologized for my mistake. I promised I won't bring it up again. What else do you want? Do you want me on my knees in front of you, begging for your forgiveness?"

  "No," she said. She turned away. "I don't know what I want."

  "Well then maybe it's fair to understand why I don't, either. I need some air. I'll be in the library." I moved towards the door, but she was closer and got there first. I came to a stop, staring up at her.

  "What?" I asked. "Do I need a security detail to go to the library?"

  She crossed her arms. "I need to know if you're going to storm off."

  "I am going to storm off to the library. My interpretation of behave means I don't leave the house without permission." I choked out the last word. "Once I have permission, I presume I also make sure I'm no more than ten yards from Serena. I'm not going further than the library. Or are you locking me in here for the night?"

  "We're not done discussing the other issue."

  "Oh, I think we are. There's nothing more to be said."

  "There is plenty to be said. When it comes to your safety, are you going to submit to my authority or not?"

  That almost set me off yet again, but I managed to clamp my mouth closed on the initial words before they tumbled out. She crossed her arms and waited for my response. Finally I spoke coldly.

  "I didn't ditch my security. I promised I wouldn't anymore, in spite of how much I hate that you won't let me step outside our door alone. But that's not good enough for you, either. When are you goi
ng to be satisfied you've taken enough of my freedom?"

  "What is wrong with wanting you safe?"

  "If you really feel the way I did when you were pregnant, we both know you'll never be satisfied. First it was a security detail only when it truly was necessary. Then it became a security detail any time I left the compound. Now it's a detail if I step out of the house. But the new step is telling the enforcers they can manhandle me any time they find it convenient. Eventually you won't let me go flying or kayaking. Then you won't let me play games during pack play nights, first in Bayfield, and then Madison. After that, the wall you promised you won't build. But even that won't be enough. After that, either it will be a cell or an underground bunker. When does it end, Lara?"

  She didn't answer.

  "Furthermore," I added, "you have now told the enforcers I am no longer their alpha. If that's your choice, I grant that is your choice."

  "I did not!"

  "Bullshit! When they are free to threaten harm to me, I no longer have any authority at all. I question whether I have authority when I don't have my basic freedom of movement, but I agreed to behave because they all blackmailed me, even Angel. And you let them! Did you put them up to it?"

  "No. I didn't know about that."

  "Well, your refusal to offer me the same rights everyone else has almost resulted in our pack having no enforcers at all."

  "Your stubbornness-"

  "Right," I said, interrupting. "I'm just the fox. I should remember my place."

  "You know it's not like that!"

  "Bullshit!" I screamed. "How would Elisabeth respond if her mate tried to treat her the way you treat me?"

  She didn't have an answer to that.

  "I'm not asking for a single right-" and I stressed that word heavily, "-more than every other adult in the pack."

  We glared at each other some more, both of us breathing heavily. Her face was red, and I could see her pulse ticking in her forehead. I didn't think my appearance was much different.

  "I will tell you this, Alpha: if my free will is the price of membership in the pack, then I will resign from the pack. If anyone lays hands on me again the way Serena and Eric did tonight, it better be to pull me from the path of a speeding bus, or she will be tasting silver. Now get out of my way. I am going to go calm down."

  She didn't say a word, but she stepped aside.

  * * * *

  We had an audience; of course we did. We weren't exactly quiet. Everyone in the house would have heard the fight. And the enforcers wouldn't be doing their jobs if they all were in bed. I didn't actually see anyone until I reached the stairs. Angel and Karen had the duty, and they were standing in the foyer. They both hastily turned towards the windows when I appeared, but I knew they were watching for me.

  I didn't say a word but simply headed for the library. When I arrived, Hanna was just leaving, clutching a book.

  "Alpha," she said, lowering her eyes as she scurried past me.

  A moment later, I heard Angel's voice. "Michaela." It was a whine more than anything.

  At first, I was going to ignore it, but I stopped in the doorway to the library. I stood there for a moment.

  "Our fight had nothing to do with you, Angel," I said.

  "You can't leave," she said. "You can't!"

  I turned to face her, to face them both. Karen wasn't watching me; she was pretending to do her job, watching out the window beside the door. And I knew elsewhere, at least one more wolf would be on duty, more well-hidden than these two were.

  "I appreciate what the enforcers do for me," I said. "I appreciate that you are watching over all our safety. I sleep soundly at night, knowing all of you keep us safe. I don't startle at the bumps in the night, because I know one of you will see to it. When I go for a run, I know the woods are safe, that I won't find myself the target of a hunt." I paused a moment, considering.

  "Angel, what happens to a wolf who isn't allowed to hunt?"

  "We eventually go mad," she said.

  "What do you think would happen to me if I didn't think I was free?"

  "But-"

  "Given my history, how do you think I react any time a wolf -- even a wolf I trust as much as Serena -- handles me the way I was handled tonight?"

  "But she wouldn't hurt you! You know that."

  "I thought I did," I replied, "until she promised to break my wrists if I didn't do exactly what she said." I shook my head. "I just argued with my spouse about it. I'm not going to argue with you, too."

  And then I turned my back on both of them and disappeared into the library, closing the doors behind myself. At least I didn't slam them.

  * * * *

  I read for a while, although I couldn't have told you what it was. I wasn't remotely interested in going back upstairs, and so I curled up on the sofa to sleep.

  It wasn't comfortable, and I kept waking myself back up.

  Then Lara was there. She sat on the edge of the sofa looking down at me.

  "Are you coming to bed?"

  I didn't even bother looking at her. "No."

  "This sofa doesn't feel very comfortable."

  "It's not," I said, "but at least it's not trying to rip my spirit to shreds."

  "Michaela, that's not what I'm trying to do."

  "Go away, Lara." I rolled over, offering a cold shoulder. Literally.

  She stayed there for another minute or two, staring down at me I was sure, but I never looked.

  I wanted her to tell me it was all going to be all right.

  But then, without another word, she got up. I heard the library door close, but then I heard her speaking to Elisabeth.

  "I'll put someone on duty outside the window."

  "No," Lara said. "She promised. She's not going anywhere." She sighed. "I just want her safe, Elisabeth. Why can't she see that?"

  "She does, Lara," Elisabeth replied. "But her freedom means more to her."

  "How many times has she almost died?" Lara asked. Her voice caught in her throat. "Johnny Mack nearly killed her. The vampires took her. Other vampires nearly killed her. How many times did she almost die before she came to us? Is that what she wants to return to? She's not 21 anymore. When will her luck run out?"

  "Lara, you've almost killed her," Elisabeth said. "Twice that I know of. One of those times, you nearly hugged her to death. David almost killed her. Natalie almost killed her. She almost died during a poker game while doing exactly what you asked her to do. She was taken from us while she was doing what we told her to do. How many fox hunts has she survived? Three of them were in Wisconsin, Lara. She could have died when she tried to fly to Iowa. She could have died while handling Iowa, and was at a whole lot greater risk because we refused to help her. How many times have we watched her heal cracked ribs in front of us? She broke her wrist during training once and again for her second ransom night, while doing what we told her to do. How close was I to killing her when I gave her a concussion during her trial? What risks does she take just playing our games with us, or going for a run in the woods?"

  "I know all that, Elisabeth!" Lara said. "Doesn't she see how fragile she is?"

  "Don't you see how strong she is?" Elisabeth countered.

  I heard shuffling, and then my mate said, almost as a wail, "I'm losing her, Elisabeth!"

  Then I heard muffled crying.

  "No you're not," Elisabeth said. "She loves you and the kids too much to leave you."

  "When have you heard her ever make an idle threat?" Lara asked. "She doesn't threaten; she promises. And she keeps her promises."

  They had to know I could hear every word; the library doors weren't that thick. I wondered if the entire conversation was for my benefit.

  I didn't know.

  After that, I heard them slowly ascend the stairs.

  I lay there for a long time after that, staring at the fabric of the sofa cushions. It was decidedly uncomfortable, and I was cold besides, so eventually I shifted into my fur and curled up into a tight ball, my back
pressed against the cushions of the sofa and my tail over my face, warmer in fur than in my pajamas.

  Easier

  I slept poorly, finally drifting off more solidly at about dawn.

  It was full light when someone sat down beside me on the sofa; it disturbed me she had gotten all the way into the room without waking me.

  I never used to sleep that soundly, but then I'd always been responsible for my own safety. I knew, even if Lara and I were fighting, the enforcers would keep me safe, and so for years I'd been able to sleep without being on the edge.

  But sitting down next to me was a little closer to oblivious than is healthy for a werefox in a werewolf-run world.

  I expected it to be Lara. Instead when I peeled my tail from over my eyes, I saw Serena looking down at me.

  "Alpha," she said, "I would like to speak with you."

  I wondered if she had come to resign.

  I blinked at her a few times before lifting my head. I chuffed at her, a weak chuff, then I stood, still on the sofa, and stretched. I heard a few creaks, and then I jumped from the sofa and gave another good stretch before shifting human. With my back to Serena, I pulled my pajamas back on.

  Then, with my back still to her, I asked quietly, "Are you here to yell at me?"

  "No, Alpha."

  "Resign?"

  "No."

  And so I moved back to the sofa, sitting down next to her. I couldn't quite look her in the eye.

  "Are you firing me?" she asked.

  "I don't have that authority," I replied.

  "If you did, would you?"

  At that, I looked up at her, and I felt my eyes filling with tears. "No."

  "Michaela-"

  "I sleep because of you, Serena," I said. "I'm safe because of you. I'm convinced I'm alive because of you, well, because of all the enforcers, but you, Elisabeth, and Lara more than the rest."

  I glanced at the library door. It was closed, and we were alone.