Something Like Summer

by Jay Bell

  While the music had won him over completely, the plot left much to be desired. From what he could understand it was simply a string of rocky relationships, passionate betrayals, and untimely deaths. Perhaps that’s all real life was, he mused. He’d had his share of dysfunctional love, but he hoped to avoid betraying anyone he cared for. Death was inevitable, but he expected it to be a long time coming.

  He looked over at Jace, who was lost in his own thoughts. Ben wondered if they would be together on that final day. If so, would they go at the same time, or would one of them be left behind to struggle with grief? These thoughts were too abstract to be frightening and were quickly forgotten by Ben, who chose instead to dwell on the warm feelings of love and desire that always came from being near his boyfriend. The future was always uncertain, but at least now it wouldn’t be lonely.

  Chapter Twenty

  Time became a blur that swept Ben along, often leaving him breathless and disorientated. Not all of his academic credits had transferred seamlessly, meaning he had extra work to catch up on. His classes were much more demanding than those of his old school. Often he would spend his every waking hour trying to balance all his projects and studies, barely finishing one before more work was added to the pile. Then Jace would manifest like the eye of a storm, pulling Ben free from his frenzy and forcing him to slow down and relax, if only for one night. Ben began to appreciate rather than resent the demanding schedule of Jace’s job, since he had so little time of his own to give.

  Finals battered Ben like a vicious storm, testing his determination and will. Just when he thought he couldn’t take anymore, the clouds pulled away to reveal the empty bliss of summer. Ben flew home, intending only to stay a week, but ended up staying the entire summer break. After the first few days, he moved his luggage from his parent’s house to Jace’s loft apartment.

  Ben took a job as a waiter at a vegetarian restaurant downtown. He didn’t enjoy the work, but it helped keep him occupied on the frequent nights that Jace was away. He also felt proud being able to take his boyfriend out instead of expecting Jace to pay for everything.

  With Jace so often absent, Samson warmed to Ben. At first he was only willing to occupy the same mattress to guard Jace’s side of the bed. Eventually he moved over to cuddle against Ben’s leg. By the end of the summer, Ben would often wake up with the cat sprawled on top of him, something Jace insisted he had never seen the cat do with anyone but him.

  The days when Jace was in town were bliss, and he often offered using his airline connections to take them on a short trip somewhere. Ben declined, preferring to have as much privacy together as possible. His appetite for Jace was insatiable. Sometimes they would venture out and explore Houston, searching for nooks of the city that neither of them had yet seen. Mostly they would stay home, taking turns cooking, lounging around and talking with light music on in the background.

  Jace met the family and performed stunningly, charming Ben’s mother and managing to talk shop with his father. Karen insisted on being present, which had Ben nervous, but her typically rude comments were parried by Jace’s subtle wit, leaving her puzzled and everyone else laughing. Life couldn’t have been better.

  When summer break ended and Ben had to return to Austin, his heart ached as he packed his possessions scattered around Jace’s apartment. He wanted to continue living there, so much so that he seriously considered transferring to the University of Houston. Jace dismissed the idea, reminding him of the complications that came with transferring credits, and that the connections Ben had made in his current school would be crucial in the final year.

  These points made sense, but Ben couldn’t help wondering if Jace was slowly tiring of him. Ben supposed that his constant presence might have been too much when Jace was home, but he had been invited, and wouldn’t their relationship lead to living together eventually? Maybe it was too soon for Jace, but Ben had no reservations and was willing to give all of himself to the other man.

  His fears appeared to be confirmed as soon as he was back in Austin. Jace’s calls became less frequent, and when they did come his boyfriend sounded distracted, even distant. Ben became convinced that Jace was hiding something from him when he stopped volunteering what he had done with his free time. The third week Jace cancelled a planned visit, and the fourth he didn’t call at all.

  Ben could no longer deny it. Their relationship was falling apart, and he had no idea how to fix it since he didn’t have a clue as to what was wrong. He was playing Monopoly with Allison one night, both of them doing shots of tequila every time they landed on each other’s property, when he decided to take action. The results weren’t pretty. He called Jace and left an angry voicemail when he didn’t answer, one that ended with him sobbing into the phone.

  Allison tried to console him by breaking out two tubs of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and pigging out with him. Ben was scrapping the bottom of the paper carton when the doorbell rang. He gave Allison a moody look, silently asking her to answer it. Good friend that she was, she complied.

  Murmured voices came from the entryway. Ben was straining to hear when Jace walked into the kitchen with an arm full of roses. Ben wiped the ice cream from his mouth and reached up to check his hair, before giving up and blushing.

  “I’m sorry,” Jace said, proffering the roses. He set them on the kitchen table when Ben didn’t take them. “Look, I’ve been an idiot, but I think you’ll forgive me if you come with me.”

  “I don’t know,” Ben said, his head spinning. He wished that he hadn’t done all those shots and was beginning to regret horking down all the ice cream, too. “I just don’t understand what I did wrong.”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong,” Jace sighed. “I was trying to be romantic and surprise you, but I overdid it.”

  “Overdid what? Why haven’t you called?”

  “Just come with me, okay?” Jace held out his hand. “There’s something I want to show you.”

  Ben’s heart melted. He reached out and took Jace’s hand, a shock running through him as they touched. His treacherous heart insisted that his brain forget everything and forgive Jace. He would eventually demand answers, but right now all he wanted was a kiss.

  “What have you been drinking?” Jace laughed once their lips had parted.

  “Tequila,” Allison said from the doorway. “Sorry.”

  “It’s all right,” Jace said, leading Ben toward the front door. “I’ll try to have him back soon.”

  “No, you won’t.” Allison smiled knowingly.

  Once in the passenger seat, Ben focused on sobering up. He had always been convinced that this was an issue of mind over matter, but the streetlights refused to stop swaying.

  “Wait a minute,” Ben said abruptly. “This is your car! Did you drive out here?”

  “Yup,” Jace confirmed.

  “Why?”

  “You’ll find out in about two blocks.”

  Jace pulled onto a side street and then into an apartment complex. He navigated a few turns before finding a spot and parking. After he turned off the car he regarded Ben, the engine clicking as it cooled.

  “What are we doing here?”

  “You’ll find out soon enough. Come on.”

  Ben stumbled out of the car, wondering what was in store. Did Jace have kids or something? A secret heterosexual life? Or maybe he was being brought to some underground sex club. Oh god! Was he being sold into sex slavery?

  “Are you all right?” Jace said, putting an arm around him. “You don’t look so good.”

  “I just drank too much,” Ben replied, realizing it was true. Sex slavery indeed. He was about eight years too old to be viable on any black market.

  Jace led them up a couple flights of stairs, pulled out his keys, and unlocked a door.

  “You’re staying here?” Ben asked, starting to feel excited.

  “You could say that.” He opened the door and a familiar ball of grey fur appeared in the entryway.

  “Samson!” Be
n said in disbelief, reaching down to let the cat smell his hand. He looked up to see more that was familiar. Along with the cardboard boxes stacked in the hallway were souvenirs from Jace’s travels hanging on the wall and the old-fashioned coat rack with the jacket that Jace had worn on their first date.

  “No!” Ben said, finally catching on. “No freaking way! You live here now?”

  “Since last week,” Jace said in apologetic tones. “I wanted to have everything set up to surprise you, but then I was called away for work and--”

  “You’re so stupid!” Ben said affectionately. “I can’t believe you moved here!”

  “After this summer I realized it would be too hard to be apart from you,” Jace confessed, pulling Ben toward him. “I hope this doesn’t freak you out.”

  “What about your work?”

  “Well, you know. It doesn’t really matter where I live with my job.”

  “It does if you want to fly international,” Ben said. Austin’s airport was technically international, but didn’t have nearly as many connections as Houston.

  “I’ll figure something out,” Jace said with a shrug.

  “I love you,” Ben said, meaning it now more than ever.

  “I love you, too. Sorry about being so dense.”

  “It’s all right. Show me the apartment.”

  Jace gave him the grand tour, or rather Samson did. The cat led them from room to room, head and tail held high. The apartment was the standard two-bedroom affair common in such complexes, but already personal touches were evident: fortune cookie wrappers, toy mice, the smell of Jace’s aftershave in the bathroom along with the endless supply of hotel shampoos and soaps he always brought home.

  “This is the best part,” Jace said, tugging open the sliding door that led out to the balcony. “Samson loves this. I couldn’t get him to come in the first night.”

  Ben leaned over the railing, taking in the uninspiring courtyard below. Jace came from behind and wrapped his arms around him. “So how’s school?” he asked.

  “I finally chose my major.”

  “And?”

  “English lit.”

  Jace barked in laughter, and when Ben turned around he saw a smirk on his face.

  “What?”

  “It just so happens that I have a degree in English lit.”

  “Really?” Ben was surprised that he had never asked before.

  “Yup.” Jace nodded. “What do you plan on doing with it?”

  Ben grasped for any of the ideas he’d had over the last few weeks, but all avoided his intoxicated mind.

  “Exactly,” Jace winked.

  “Oh no!” Ben said in mock horror. “Am I going to end up a stewardess, too?”

  “Ha, ha,” Jace responded flatly. “I don’t think you have the temperament for it.”

  “Seriously though, do you think I should change it? I guess I figured it was a nice general degree. I could write for a newspaper, teach, edit… things. Oh man, I don’t have a clue.”

  “It’s okay,” Jace said reassuringly. “Most people have a degree that doesn’t match their eventual professions. A degree is mostly just a piece of paper proving that you’ve made it through boot camp. Your employer will glance at it and never give it a second thought, if they even ask to see it.”

  “I still feel like I should know what I want to do,” Ben sighed.

  “What do you like best?”

  “Singing, but we’ve been over that before.” The problem was, Ben didn’t see how he could make a career out of singing. He had no illusions of becoming a pop star. He didn’t enjoy composing or performing in a choir. What did that leave, singing telegrams?

  “It will all fall into place,” Jace said confidently. “You’ll see.”

  * * * * *

  With Jace now living in Austin, Ben was home so infrequently that Allison was threatening to get a new roommate. Eventually he invited her over to house-sit during one of Jace’s absences, which helped appease her. Soon afterwards, academic insanity swept up both of them again. Allison’s major was in psychology, since she now planned on being a counselor. Her workload made Ben’s look light in comparison. He began to spend more time at home again, helping to clean up and cooking for her since she rarely ate properly otherwise.

  Ben and Jace celebrated their one year anniversary on Christmas Eve and recreated their first date as best they could a few days later. Ben took on a teacher’s assistant position in the second semester, feeling it would look good on his resume. After a couple of nervous lectures he fell into the routine and began to actually enjoy it, but it was a constant challenge, especially since the professor would often leave the class in Ben’s not-so-capable hands.

  Spring break was once again met with a surprise trip from Jace, this time to Berlin. Unlike Italian, Jace didn’t speak a lick of German, which meant that they were often lost and found themselves in embarrassing situations that left them clutching their stomachs with laughter.

  Jace promised that these trips would become a yearly tradition. Ben requested Paris next, but Jace shook his head, insisting that Paris would have to be a very special occasion. The gleam in his eye promised that he intended to one day propose to Ben there. From then on, whenever the subject of marriage came up, they referred to it as “visiting Paris.”

  The following year Jace took Ben to London. Of the three trips so far, this was Ben’s favorite. Big Ben was haunting at night, Westminster Abby impressive, and Madam Tussaud’s unintentionally creepy, but the shopping really made the trip for him. They shopped everywhere, from the Portobello flea market to the stores along Oxford Street.

  All of these vacations held another meaning for Ben, for each one reminded him just how much he cared for Jace. With all of life’s daily distractions stripped away, he rediscovered his love for his boyfriend with every subsequent trip. More and more, Ben felt very certain that he wanted to “visit Paris” with him.

  The return from London brought a somber mood. With spring break out of the way, only a small stretch of time was left before both Ben and Allison graduated. Dreams of the far future gave way to the more pressing matter of the present. The biggest question was: Where next?

  Cut free from the university, they could seek out work in any city or state they desired. Their many choices were overwhelming. Jace was an important part of this equation, but his work was so flexible that it had very little influence on Ben’s decision. He almost wished that Jace’s job would force them to stay in one particular city so that the choice was no longer his to make.

  “I think I’ve decided,” Allison announced.

  “What?” Ben snapped. She wasn’t supposed to decide! He wasn’t ready for that yet. Their frequent brainstorming sessions in coffee shops weren’t meant to deliver results. They were supposed to delay the making of actual decisions with circular conversations that never went anywhere.

  “I’ve decided,” Allison repeated. She sipped her cappuccino and gazed out the café window as if she could already see her own future. “There’s nothing left for me in Houston. No family, obviously, and I’ve lost touch with all my high school friends except you. No, there’s no point in me going back.”

  “Yeah, fine, but that still doesn’t eliminate any of the other places we’ve talked about,” Ben said. “Not returning to Houston is one thing, but going somewhere new is entirely different. What about the band we’re going to start in Seattle? Or our hippie commune in Sante Fe?”

  Allison rolled her eyes, trying not to smile. “Seriously though, think about it. Finding a job and starting our careers is going to be hard enough without the added hassle of relocating.”

  Easy for her to say. Ben still didn’t know what he wanted to do after graduation. He shoved his vanilla cappuccino away. No point in suffering the taste of coffee if it wasn’t going to earn him some procrastination. “I thought we agreed that Austin is overrun with fresh graduates looking for jobs. That’s a lot of competition.”

  Allison didn’t seem
to hear him. She was staring over his shoulder. Her eyes widened and flicked back to Ben, then over his shoulder, before once again focusing on him.

  “What’s up?” Ben said, starting to turn around.

  “No!” Allison said quickly. “It’s nothing. Just-- What were you saying?”

  Ben didn’t answer, choosing instead to scrutinize his friend who was suddenly acting crazy.

  “Don’t turn around,” Allison pleaded. “You’ll regret it if you do. Oh god! Never mind.”

  “Benjamin?”

  His skin tingled at the sound of that voice, shivers running up his spine to the base of his skull. Ben turned around. And there he was. Tim Wyman, floating through the café’s jumbled tables and chairs like a ghost from the past. He looked exactly the same, and yet completely different. His teenage body had given way to manhood, accentuating every handsome feature. The jaw was stronger, the cheeks more defined. The body beneath the tight, artificially aged T-shirt solidified into something showcased in fashion catalogs and porn magazines. Worst of all, those damnable silver eyes were already smiling at him.

  “It’s really you, isn’t it?” Tim had reached the table and put his hand on Ben’s shoulder.

  At his touch, Ben was seventeen again, clutching the grass while watching Tim walk away from him and knowing the damage was irreparable, that no matter how much he begged or pleaded, no matter how badly he wanted to feel Tim’s touch again, he never would. Their time together was over. Except, here he was again.

  “Yeah,” Ben responded, not even remembering the question anymore. His chest was so tight he could barely speak a single word. He shrugged Tim’s hand away, an act that probably seemed cold, but his only other option was to scream.

  The light in Tim’s eyes flickered with uncertainty. “Man. So are you just visiting or what?”

  “I’m enrolled here,” Ben answered, heart thudding in his ears.

  “Since when? I thought you were in Chicago?”