Falling for Her

by Amy Stephens

  By the time Javier was on his third beer and I sipped on my second, he pulled up into the driveway of an old run-down building that looked to have been an office of some kind at one time. The windows were barred and some of the glass appeared to be broken. A “private property” sign hung on the front door.

  “Well?” I turned to look at Javier. “What’s this place?”

  I didn’t like the feel of the neighborhood we were in at all. I’d noticed clusters of guys standing on the street corners as well as a couple prostitutes. I thought mine was bad, but this one appeared to be far worse.

  “You see that window over there, the one with the glass missing in the bottom corner?”

  “Yeah.” I strained to see the one he talked about.

  “As soon as I get the alert on my phone, go up on the porch and shove the bag in there. Take out the beer carton so you can fold and make the bag smaller. Just be careful not to cut your hand on the glass when you do it.”

  We sat there with the car idling and the lights turned off, and I watched the minutes go by on the dashboard. A couple guys walked down the sidewalk behind us, and a chill ran throughout my body. Did they know what we were doing? There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that they were armed with guns or knives. People didn’t walk the streets in neighborhoods like that without some way to protect themselves, especially so late at night.

  I was more than ready to get the hell out of there.

  Now!

  I couldn’t believe what I was about to do. I wondered how Javier had gotten mixed up with deals like this, especially in these kinds of places. Surely they went down in the good parts of town too.

  A text alert sounded on Javier’s phone, and he gave me the go ahead after he’d opened the message to read it. I pulled out the one beer that was left, placing it in the cup holder, and then tossed the cardboard carrier into the backseat. The wrapped package now appeared tiny in the bottom of the bag. I had no idea how much it was worth on the street.

  “Hurry up. We don’t have all day,” he barked.

  I opened the car door, and my knees nearly buckled beneath me. I wasn’t sure if it was the beer or my nerves or a combination of both. I stumbled over the cracked cement in the driveway and then stepped onto the porch. Not thinking, I forced the folded paper bag through the hole he’d indicated before I ran back to the car. Javier already had it in reverse and backed out before I could close the door all the way.

  “Go, man. Just go,” I told him, realizing what I’d just done.

  I slid down low in the seat. It was dark out, not to mention late at night, but I didn’t want to be seen. Not in the car, nor with Javier. I didn’t specifically know what I’d dropped off, nor did I care right about now. I just knew I couldn’t do that again because the pounding in my chest felt as if it were about to explode. I popped open the last beer and chugged it.

  Javier didn’t say a word. We rode in silence for the next couple miles and finally, I felt as if I could say something without stammering.

  “You think you could just drop me off at my place?”

  Javier laughed. “We ain’t done yet, Jaime.”

  “What? What do you mean we’re not done?” If it’d been daylight, he’d have seen all the coloring drain from my face.

  “One more stop before we call it a night.”

  I let out a deep sigh. Fuck me! Surely he was kidding. I didn’t know how much more I could take tonight. I’d had a long day, and it didn’t appear to be ending any time soon.

  Javier continued driving for several miles outside the city limits, and for a moment, I thought maybe he was lost. Neither of us spoke. Finally, the car slowed, and he turned onto a narrow two-lane road. It was dark and winding, and several times he let the car veer too far off the side of the road. I’d never been to this area before and had no idea where we were going. The road finally straightened and before I knew it, we were in an industrial area, right along the coast. Warehouses were on one side of the highway and boats of all different sizes were docked on the other. The area looked very similar to the marina I worked at. Some of the ports were dark while others were lit with spotlights. Workers were busy unloading trucks onto the boats. I couldn’t imagine why he’d be driving through that area.

  He turned the car down into a driveway that was pitch black. He switched off the headlights and used the parking lights to guide us the rest of the way. Javier didn’t seem to let the darkness bother him, so I figured he must come there often.

  He picked up his phone and sent a text message to someone. Several seconds later, his phone lit up, indicating he had a response. Who sends text messages in the middle of the night? The warning signs were obvious.

  Up ahead, a deck light came on over on one of the boats, and Javier pulled the car up close to the edge of the shore. The boats in that area were much smaller, probably owned by individuals and not companies. I wondered if this particular boat docked there often, or if it was just there for tonight.

  A dark-skinned man walked out onto the deck, wearing shorts but no shirt. He also wore a cap that was turned around backward. From my view, I couldn’t tell much more about him.

  Javier shifted the car to park but didn’t switch off the engine.

  “Sit here. I’ll be right back,” he told me. I wasn’t sure where he thought I might go, but I was scared as hell of being there. I had a creepy feeling, one I didn’t like. Something was way off there.

  I watched as he headed out onto the wooden walkway and to the edge of the docked boat. I wanted to put the window down so I could possibly hear some of the conversation between him and the dark guy, but he’d be able to hear the window being lowered. With the windows up and the sound of the water lapping against the side of the boat, I was left helpless. So I strained to see more.

  Another guy walked out onto the deck too. He handed over a small duffel bag to Javier. I wondered if it was money or more drugs. The conversation ended quickly, and Javier turned to head back to the car after he’d shaken the men’s hands. He tossed the bag into the backseat, backed the car up, and headed out to the main highway again. He never spoke a word.

  It was on the tip of my tongue to say something, to inquire about the contents of the bag, but I refrained from doing so. If he’d wanted me to know, he would’ve told me. Besides, if I knew what was in it, then I’d be guilty too.

  Twenty-five minutes later, Javier turned into the apartment complex to drop me off.

  “You good, man?” he asked.

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m good.”

  I didn’t know what kind of an answer he expected, if he was even looking for an answer at all, and so I sat there, speechless. I couldn’t believe I’d just watched Javier and some guy make an exchange right in front of me. This was some serious shit.

  I realized at that moment just how naïve I’d been to the rest of the world.

  Chapter Five

  I CRAWLED INTO BED next to Ricky, careful not to wake him. My mind was reeling, and no matter how tight I pulled the covers up around my neck, I couldn’t get warm. My thoughts weighed heavily. I tossed and turned until I was able to see the first signs of daylight through the blinds. I still couldn’t believe everything that’d taken place that night. Over and over, I kept asking myself what the hell I’d done. Had I lost my fucking mind?

  Momma hobbled out of her bedroom just as I got up to go to the bathroom. There was no sense in me attempting to sleep any longer in the state I was in.

  “You got home late, son,” she whispered, not wanting to wake the others. It wasn’t as if she really cared that I’d been out late. I was old enough to come and go when I pleased, but it wasn’t something I did since I never went out at all.

  “Yeah, well…I…I was out with Javier last night. I tried to be quiet when I came in.” I couldn’t bring myself to look at her, ashamed at what I’d been a part of. I played with the hem of my t-shirt, hoping she wouldn’t notice.

  “You should spend more time with your friends. Get out of th
e house more,” she encouraged.

  Yeah, well, if she only knew where I’d been and what I’d been doing, she wouldn’t feel that way.

  “Maybe.” I wanted to tell her Javier wasn’t the kind of friend I needed, that it would only sadden her to know he wasn’t the same young boy she used to know. I decided to keep it all to myself.

  “Jaime, look at me,” she ordered.

  I managed to make eye contact with her, and I felt as if she could see directly through me. That she’d know I’d done something I shouldn’t have. It’d been bad enough dealing with Lucy and Brittany, but combined with the two deals, I just didn’t want to think about it. The past twenty-four hours had been a complete embarrassment.

  When I’d left yesterday morning, she’d still been asleep. By the time she’d gotten up, I’d already been to Javier’s, gotten the money, and made arrangements with the power company. If she’d suspected anything other than just a power outage, she’d never mentioned it when I’d gotten home later in the evening. I’d felt bad for pretending to be at work all day, and even more so for wasting a whole day’s worth of pay.

  “Jaime, you’re young and a smart man.” Her words pulled me back from the thoughts I’d just had. “Don’t hold yourself back if there is something you want to do with your life. I’ll do anything I can to make that happen for you. Anything. Do you hear me? Don’t think for one moment that you need to stay here to look after us. We’ve come this far, and we’ll do the best we can. Be happy, Jaime. Please.”

  I listened to her words. She was right, but I was also loyal to my family. I couldn’t let them down. Not now while she was still out of work from the accident. They needed me.

  ***

  That afternoon, after a much needed nap, I played basketball at the playground with my brothers and sisters. A few of the neighborhood kids joined in with us, and we had the best time playing boys against girls. After we were finished, I walked us all down to the corner gas station and bought everyone a Coke with the money I’d had left over after paying the electric bill. The looks on their faces were priceless as I handed each of them their drinks, and it was hard to believe that something as small as that could mean so much. I wished it was something I could do for them more often. I hadn’t really needed to spend the leftover money, but I’d felt compelled to do it. I’d have loved to take every one of them out of that neighborhood and give them a life they deserved. It didn’t hurt to dream.

  That night I made a promise to myself that I’d look into doing something to better my future. I’d never be anything more than I was at that moment if I didn’t take some initiative. I was the only one who controlled my future. I didn’t want to do anything that would take me away from my family, but maybe Momma was right, maybe I had to let them go in order to do better. After all, I needed to set an example for them to follow.

  The next few weeks passed, and Momma continued to progress. Before long she returned to work, and having the extra income again lifted the heavy weight from my shoulders. I knew firsthand how she’d felt having the only income in the family.

  The work at the shipyard was steady, but there was no future in it. The work itself never changed, and the boxes only got heavier.

  The weather started getting warmer, and it was normal for me to show up for work already soaking wet with sweat. Most of the time I’d end up stripping off my shirt anyway, but the smell of sweat got old rather quickly. What I wouldn’t give to have a car of my own so I wouldn’t have to make that daily walk.

  I hadn’t heard from Javier lately, and I wondered how he was doing. Just thinking about him, his car…damn, I wished I had a car. I supposed no news was good news. It was a relief I hadn’t needed his services anymore, and I hoped to keep it that way.

  I’d managed to put aside a few hundred dollars, and I hoped that come summer when the kids were out of school, maybe I’d be able to do something nice for them. It wasn’t much, but it was more money than I’d ever saved up in my whole life. Without transportation, though, we couldn’t go anywhere far away. They’d never had a real vacation before, though, so anywhere for them would make them happy. I got excited just thinking about it.

  The following evening, after I got home from work, Ricky informed me that Javier had stopped by looking for me. How ironic that I’d been thinking about him. The good mood I’d been in quickly changed. What was he doing coming by there? Was he still dealing? Did he need me to do another job?

  It was probably nothing. After all, it’d been a while since we’d seen each other, and I was sure he was just checking up on me. I couldn’t hide my concern, though. Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, I walked down to the corner and dropped a few coins into the payphone.

  As the phone rang, I prayed he wouldn’t pick up. Just when I was about to hang up, he answered.

  “Hello?” I heard his familiar voice on the other end.

  “Hey, man. Jaime. Ricky said you stopped by. What’s up?” I tried to sound as casual as I could despite my concern.

  “Dude, I didn’t recognize the number. Don’t tell me you calling me on a payphone. Surely you got your own phone by now.” He laughed as he said that, and I didn’t know if I should be hurt or angry. He hadn’t taken long to point out the things I still didn’t have that he felt I needed.

  “Does it matter?” I asked sharply.

  “Chill out. You up for a little extra cash?” He didn’t waste any time getting to the point.

  I should have known.

  “No. No, I’m doing just fine.” I emphasized the word “fine,” but I don’t think he picked up on it.

  “Ricky said you all are going on a trip. That you’re all finally taking a vacation. That’s good to hear, man. Where you taking them? Disney World? Busch Gardens? He sounded so excited.”

  “Not sure where we’re going just yet. Just someplace special. The kids deserve it, you know.” I found myself mellowing just a bit. I admit, thinking about a vacation did have its way of adding a little contentment to life.

  “Man, you gotta take those kids to Disney. I was telling Ricky all about it. You gotta—”

  I cut him off, quickly. “Look, I don’t know where we’re going just yet. I’m still working on getting it taken care of.”

  “What if I could get you there? I could get you those tickets? Would that help out?”

  “Javier, no. Was there something you needed? The reason you stopped by?”

  I didn’t want to discuss any kind of deal that would land me tickets. No. I couldn’t live with myself knowing I’d not saved my money the honest way. My brothers and sisters deserved a vacation, but they’d be just as happy doing something else close to home. I hated that Javier had talked to Ricky about going to Disney, knowing he was just setting him up. I hoped even more that Ricky hadn’t told the others.

  “Yeah, can you come over?”

  “No, I can’t. Not tonight. I need to get back to the house.”

  “Jaime, wait. Don’t hang up.”

  “What? I told you I’m not interested in anything. Now if there’s nothing else you need, then this conversation is finished.”

  “Why are you so defensive with me, man? I just want to help.”

  “Help what? I told you, we don’t need the help. We’re managing just fine.”

  “Just come over to my place. Tell you what, I’ll come get you so you don’t have to walk.”

  “No. I’m going to hang up now. I’ve got to be at work early in the morning, so I can’t do anything tonight.”

  “Even if I brought Lucy with me? You know you enjoyed that night. I’ll be there in ten.”

  “No, Javier. I especially don’t want to see her or Brittany. You can have them both.” A smile did manage to make its way onto my face, thinking back to the two girls. Did they turn me on? Yes, but no, I didn’t want to be involved with either of them. Ever again.

  “Hang tight. I’m on my way.”

  The phone clicked off before I could say anything more.
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br />   Son of a bitch! Please don’t let him be on his way here. I thought I’d been very clear, telling him I couldn’t see him tonight, or ever, if he wanted to know the truth.

  Now what? Fuck!

  I hung up the phone that I hadn’t realized I was still holding. I stepped back from the phone booth and looked around. According to my watch it was nearing ten o’clock. I really needed to be going to bed soon. I wouldn’t be worth a crap at work tomorrow if I didn’t get a decent night’s sleep.

  On the other hand, if Javier showed up and I wasn’t there, he’d be pissed. It’d be my luck he’d come banging on the apartment door, causing all kinds of racket and waking everyone up. I’d have some explaining to do then.

  All around me, the neighborhood was quiet. The corner grocery store had closed at dusk so there was no one around. Someone rode by on a bicycle, and I thought about how dangerous it was being out this late at night. When the sun went down, which was pretty late there, a person should be indoors with the doors locked. I heard a couple sirens in the distance, which wasn’t uncommon.

  I looked back toward our apartment. Lights were still on in a couple of the other units, but ours was completely dark. Momma couldn’t stay up late since Diego slept with her, and Mama Camila pretty much woke when the sun came up and was in bed when it set. Bless her heart, she was getting old, but she was still powerful with her wisdom and knowledge.

  I sat on the bench outside the store and waited. I figured I’d give him ten minutes to show up, just as he’d said, before going back home. Someone walked from the alley and rounded the corner in front of me, headed down the road. It scared the shit out of me, because I hadn’t heard them approaching. I fumbled with the soles of my shoes, then picked up a few loose rocks that were on the ground. I tossed a couple of them into the road and watched them bounce. I couldn’t believe I sat there, waiting to see if Javier was going to show.

  Fifteen minutes later, it was just as I’d hoped. I sighed, thankful it’d been nothing but a complete waste of time. I stood to head back to the apartment when I heard the sound of Javier’s car in the distance. I knew the sound of the Mustang’s engine anywhere. Surely it wasn’t too late to take off running. Was it? Was there enough time to run before he came around the corner?