Still Obsessed

by Deborah Bladon

  He silently reaches for my hands as his eyes scan my face. He's searching for a clue about what I want to talk about. He's anxious. I can see it between his brows. His forehead is furrowed. That's a sure sign that he's feel apprehension. I've seen it too many times not to know the meaning within it.

  "Tell me." The words slide off his lips. "Tell me what it is."

  "You're not going to like it." I preface my confession with the hope that it will temper his reaction. I know it won't. I know that he's going to be gutted when he realizes that my ex fiancé left his entire estate to me.

  "Just tell me." His bottom lip quivers and I instantly realize that he has no idea what I'm about to confess. I can see the uncertainty in his expression.

  "It's about Mark." That feels like a good place to start. If I can spit the truth out in small doses maybe Jax and I can get through this evening without the roof blowing off of our apartment.

  "What about him?" His body language speaks louder than the words as he pulls back from me. I grimace at the sharp contrast between his stance now and what it was not more than two minutes ago.

  "It's about his will."

  "What about it?" He shoots the question back at me so quickly that I almost physically recoil from the force of it. This is it. This is the moment when I have to tell him.

  I adjust the skirt of my dress before I respond. "I'm in it."

  The corner of his mouth twitches. "What did he leave you?"

  "Everything," I say the word so quietly I'm not sure it even left my lips.

  "What?" He leans in closer, his eyes never meeting mine. "What did you say?"

  "Everything," I repeat louder. "Mark left everything he owned to me."

  Chapter 8

  "That can't be right?" he snaps before he bolts to his feet. "That bastard wouldn’t leave you anything."

  The words bite through me even though I know they shouldn't. Mark and I were over. We had ended our relationship more than a year ago now but knowing that he named me as the sole beneficiary of his will mean something to me. It had nothing to do with the business or the properties. It just meant something.

  "That has to be an old copy of his will." His arms cross. "He wouldn't leave you a red cent after what happened between you two."

  "He did." I stand and reach to retrieve my heels. "The will is valid. I'm the sole beneficiary. Everything he owned is now mine."

  "You're happy about it?" The words sting more than any slap on the face could have. I don't deserve the question. I don't deserve his insistent need to remind me that I almost married a cheating asshole.

  I drop my heels to the hardwood floor with a dull thud. "Why would you ask me that?"

  "Answer the question, Ivy." The challenge in his voice is clear. He's speaking in a measured tone. He's not showing any emotion whatsoever. This is the Jax Walker who always appears when Mark becomes a part of the conversation. Even in death he was impacting the most substantial relationship I'd ever had.

  "No." I push my hands onto my hips. "It's insulting."

  "It's insulting that you'd consider taking anything from a man who treated you like shit."

  I feel my stomach turn at the words. I pull my hand to my lips, push Jax aside and race to the bathroom. I just make it in time as I feel my body reject the food as my mind tries to reject the harsh words of the man I adore.

  ***

  "Do you think you should see a doctor?" I feel the bed shift as he sits on the edge.

  I roll over, not wanting to face him. "I'm fine. It's been a very stressful week." The words are a veiled lie. Most of the stress I'm feeling is being thrown at me by Jax, even if he's not aware of it. Anticipating his reaction to my news about Mark wasn't nearly as bad as the reality.

  "We need to talk about Mark." His tone is clipped and determined.

  "It's late and I'm not in the mood." I feel numb. I can't even find the strength within me to cry. I didn't ask Mark to leave me anything. The fact that he did has now impacted everything.

  I feel his arms encircle me from behind as he presses his body into my back. "I'm sorry." The words are so faint, but the meaning is there. I know he's being genuine. I know he feels badly for what he said.

  "I don't know why he didn't change his will." I pull his hand to my lips. "But he didn't."

  I only feel a nod against my shoulder in response. The silence is overbearing. He's waiting for me to confess to him that I'm going to refuse all of it.

  "Nathan is going to help me sort through it all with a probate attorney." I know his reaction to that news isn't going to be well received either so I continue, "I'd like you to be involved too. I want you to help me with this."

  I feel his entire body tense at my request. I almost whimper out loud when his hands pull away from me. "I can't. I just can't."

  I listen in silence for what feels like hours until I hear his breathing slow. He's fallen asleep. He's abandoned me with the burden of having to deal with Mark's estate all alone.

  Chapter 9

  "What about if I just handed everything over to Mark's mother?"

  "It's not that easy, Ivy," Garrett Ryan, the probate attorney that Nathan introduced me to¸says as he leans back in his office chair. "It's more complicated than that. There are taxes and life insurance policies and Mark had holdings in many businesses overseas."

  The words all run together in my mind. I had asked Jax to be here with me. His business mind can comprehend all of this much better than my creatively driven mind can. He'd refused. He claimed he was busy and didn't have the time.

  "I'll explain all of this to Nathan." I know Garrett can sense my trepidation in dealing with the details of Mark's will. "I know legally he can't help you with the fine details of this but he can spell it out in layman's terms so it's easier to digest."

  I smile at the muted suggestion that I can't absorb what he's telling me. I can't be offended. It's obvious that all of this is over my head.

  "I'm going to work my way through all of Mark's assets and then we'll set up a meeting again." He stands and reaches his large hand over the desk towards me. I take it and he squeezes it. "I promise that Nate and I will get you through this."

  I look up into his kind green eyes. "Thanks Garrett."

  "There is one thing before you go." He shuffles through a few papers before he lowers his tall frame back into his office chair. "This business that Mark owned… Intersect Investments? You have shares in that too?"

  I nod my head in silence.

  "And Nate said your boyfriend has some also?" The question is laced with uncertainty. Garrett and Nathan had gone to law school together. I sensed that Nate was sharing much more with him about my life than just the required legal history.

  "He owns the remaining shares, yes." I can't think past the words. Jax and I haven't discussed the ramifications of us owning the business together. My assumption that he'd want to join forces to bring the business back to life seems to be horribly misplaced right now. He hadn't brought up the possibility at all and that fact had been wearing on me for days.

  "Do you two have a plan for how you want to move forward with that?" It's an obvious question. It seems innocent enough but it bites through me with the force of a rabid dog.

  I pull in a heavy breath before I begin, "I haven't discussed it with him yet."

  "That's interesting." The words linger between us. He doesn't offer anything more and I know that if I want to know what his inference was, I'm going to have to push.

  "Why is it interesting?"

  "Jax Walker is your boyfriend, right?" I'm surprised by the mention of Jax's name. He knows Jax? He's looked far enough into Mark's will that he knows who his business partner is?

  "Yes. Jax and I are together." Why did I answer like that? We are together, aren't we? He's more than my boyfriend.

  "His attorney…" the words trail as he glances at a pad of paper next to his phone. "Gilbert Douglas contacted me this morning."

  I feel anger burn through me. "Jax's
attorney called you?" The question is almost rhetorical. Garrett already spelled it out to me. He knows the name of Jax's lawyer. Why the hell is Jax having his lawyer call mine when he can't even bring himself to say two words to me about any of this?

  "He did." He nods his head as his eyes skim over the note pad. "He wants to know about the shares you've inherited. He's putting out feelers for what you might be looking for in exchange."

  "Jax wants to buy the shares I inherited from Mark?" I push myself up from the chair as if that's going to give my anger more room to expand.

  "He does. You can discuss those terms with Nate once we get through probate."

  "That's not going to be necessary." I pull open his office door. "I'm dealing with this on my own."

  Chapter 10

  "You can't resist me, can you?" His lips are on my neck the moment I walk through the apartment door. As angry as I am with him, I can't help but melt a little at the feeling of his hands on my waist.

  I pull back slightly. "You already know the answer to that question." I pat him on his cheek. The entire way home from Garrett's office I envisioned slapping Jax across his face, but now that he's standing next to me and I'm staring into his beautiful brown eyes, I can't fathom ever intentionally hurting him.

  "You didn't come home in the middle of the day so I could ravage your body?" The way he raises his brows playfully suggests that he already knows that I have an ulterior motive for not being at the jewelry store.

  I wish it were that simple. I wish that I could fall into his arms and into our bed for the rest of the day. The thought of rolling around helplessly in Jax's arms for hours is heaven to me. I need that. I need him. I need to get through this conversation with us whole and together.

  "I know that you aren't interested in helping me deal with Mark's estate." My tone is so harsh and the way he steps back from me suggests that he notices it too.

  "I can't help you." It's an admission he hasn't made before. "I can't."

  "I know." I slide the heavy grey sweater from my shoulders. "Because you hated Mark."

  He reaches out to adjust the collar on the plaid dress I'm wearing. "It's not that."

  My stomach drops at his words. "What do you mean it's not that?"

  "I think you know what I mean." The fact that he reaches for my hand to cradle it tenderly in his signals that he's feeling some sense of guilt. It's the same gesture that he does whenever he brings home a huge bouquet of daises after we've argued.

  "Why?" My voice cracks as I ask. "Why would you go behind my back like that?"

  "Beautiful." His hand sweeps across my cheek. "This is business. That's all it is."

  I shake my head slightly as I try to form the right words in my mind. "No. It's not business. It's us."

  "I need those shares, Ivy." He pushes a piece of hair from my forehead. "I want my father's company back. Helping you deal with Mark's estate would be a conflict of interest for me."

  "So you're going behind my back to get them?" It's more dramatic than I intend. He didn’t really go behind my back. He went to my attorney. He took the necessary steps he needed to in order to purchase a company that he wanted. It's the same thing he'd do with any other company. The only difference is that I owned this one.

  "You're taking this all wrong." His tone is too calm, too measured for me. I'm fuming inside. "I'm going to offer you fair market value for them and you'll accept and that will be it."

  He says it so effortlessly, as if it's fact. "You're assuming too much," I say the words in spite. I'm angry with him for not talking to me before I went to see Garrett.

  "What does that mean?" He tips my chin up so I'm looking directly into his eyes.

  "I was beyond humiliated today when I sat in that lawyer's office and heard that my boyfriend wanted to buy my dead ex fiance's shares from me." I feel too numb to let any emotion seep into the statement. "Imagine the shock on my face since I hadn't heard a word out of your mouth about it." I tap him on the lips with my index finger.

  "You're confusing business with pleasure again." He tilts his head to the side. It's too playful of a gesture for me. It only incites me more.

  "Maybe I am." I take a heavy step back. "Maybe that's not all I'm confused about."

  His chest expands as he takes a deep breath. "What is that supposed to mean?"

  My eyes close briefly as I feel the tears approaching. "It means that I thought we were moving towards something. Something…something that would mean that we'd share everything with one another."

  "You're not making sense, Ivy," he says flatly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

  "I guess that's the problem, Jax." I push past him to head down the hallway. "I'll have Nathan call you with a number."

  Chapter 11

  "My brother is an idiot." Brighton takes a small sip of the coffee he ordered when he first arrived at the café in midtown. "He seriously didn't get that you were talking about marriage?"

  I shake my head and manage a weak grin. "I went to sleep and when I woke up he wasn't there. I'm not even sure if he slept in our bed last night."

  "When I saw him the other day he was all about Mark and his business." He places his hand over mine. "I asked him what you thought of that but he ignored the question. Classic Jax move."

  "I just assumed that we'd deal with the business together." I roll my eyes with a slight chuckle. "Not exactly together. I thought Jax would run the business for both of us."

  "You were right to make that assumption, Ivy," he sighs. "I've never seen a more perfectly matched couple than the two of you."

  "I feel like I made a big mistake." It's a confession that I've been holding in since I learned of Mark's death.

  "Dating my brother?" He cocks a brow. He can't be serious. He has to see how endlessly devoted I am to Jax even when he's being an ass.

  "In pushing him back into the business world." My jaw tightens as I think about how I brought up the subject of Intersect Investments repeatedly. I put the idea in Jax's mind and once Mark died, he ran with it full steam ahead. Right now it didn't seem like he cared who he ran over to get what he wanted, even if that person was me.

  "How are you going to handle it?" The question is ripe with assumption. I know Brighton well enough to know that he thinks I should sit down and tell Jax exactly what I'm feeling. I'm not sure how I can ever confess to the man that I love that I assumed that our shares in the business would merge since we'd be married one day.

  I take a small sip of herbal tea. "I'm going to let it play out. I'll see what Jax offers and what my attorney considers a fair deal."

  "You're playing hardball?" A faint chuckle skirts the edges of the question.

  "I'm playing in Jax's world." I pull a small smile across my lips. "Let's not talk about this anymore. What's going on with you?"

  He darts his eyes over my head before he speaks. "Liz."

  It's only a name but it still has a profound impact on me. "You know she was badly hurt in the accident that killed Mark?"

  "Jax told me." His brow pulls together. "I'm really worried about her."

  "I thought when she withdrew from your program that you two were done." Brighton and I hadn't ever spoken about Liz after he learned that she was one of Mark's lovers. Jax had shared that juicy tidbit of information without realizing that Brighton was developing feelings for my former best friend. When he'd finally offered her placement in his mentoring program for burgeoning artists, she had pulled back and withdrawn.

  "We talked a lot when I went to Europe." He stops to take a sip of the coffee. "When I ran away to Europe."

  "Have you been to see her?" Guilt overlaps the question. I hadn't been back since I was there with Jax. I didn't know how to push aside all the hurt and anger I still felt for her.

  "I go every day." He taps his finger on the edge of the wooden table. "I was hoping you would go with me sometime."

  I feel panic race through me. I'm not sure I can face Liz. "I hadn't thought about going back."
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  "She needs support, Ivy," he says glumly. "I'm all she has."

  I tip my head back to stare at the ceiling. Maybe it was time to finally put the past to rest. Maybe forgiving Liz would bring me closure too. "I'll come. Once."

  Chapter 12

  "Jax is here," Libby, the new store clerk, calls up the stairs as I'm just putting the finishing touches on a necklace.

  "Send him up." I call back down. Since when did Jax ask to be announced when he arrived at my store? The fact that he had someone call up to warn me coursed through me as an ominous sign. I wasn't expecting to face him until tonight. After my coffee with Brighton, I'd come straight back to the store to get started on the constantly growing list of custom pieces I needed to finish.

  "Beautiful." His voice wafts through the air and surrounds me. "I couldn't wait to see you."

  I look up from my place at the table and I'm certain my mouth is hanging open. It's the first time in months that I've seen Jax dressed in a suit. His attire, since he walked away from corporate life, has been jeans and sweaters or t-shirts. I'd forgotten how gorgeous and commanding he looked when he was ready to take control in the business world.

  "Holy crap." The words slip out before I realize and I pull my hand quickly to my mouth. I feel so underdressed. I was so tired after our argument last night that I only had the energy to pull on jeans, a white blouse and pin my hair messily on top of my head.

  "You like?" The gleam in his eye has been missing too. I smile when I see it there dancing around the edges, pulling on his handsome face.

  "I love," I say quietly. I do love. I love him. I love who he is and I even love how much of an ass he can be at times.

  He moves so he can lean against the side of the table I'm sitting next to. He reaches for my hand and I let him take it. I need to feel that connection. I want to be close to him. I can't let this issue with Mark pull us apart.

  "I'm sorry," he says the words quietly. They're not words that he speaks often so I know that when he does, they hold more meaning than with most other people. "I didn't handle things well."