Single Wide Female in Love Complete Bundle: Books 1-4

by Blake, Lillianna

  “No, you’re not, Max. I’m sorry.” I drew his hand to my lips. “I have been caught up in so much. We haven’t had much time together. It’s time to get our priorities straight, I guess.” I paused and looked into his eyes. “The wedding’s still on, though, right?”

  “Sammy.” He stared hard at me. “I love you, Samantha. I would walk across shattered glass to marry you. But this is what concerns me—that you would even ask me that.”

  I frowned. I knew that he was right. If I were one of the characters from my book, my insecurity would be a major issue to work on. I’d made great progress on it, but I was blindsided by my weight gain.

  “You’re right. I love you, Max.”

  “I love you too.” He leaned over to kiss me. The moment that his lips touched mine I felt the surreal rush of our connection. Max drove me back to my apartment as if he was fine, but I could still see the tension in his expression.

  “Cake tasting with Will tomorrow?” I met his eyes.

  “I will, I will.” He winked at me.

  “Alright, good night.” I kissed his cheek and then slid out of the car. As I walked up to my apartment the alarm went off again on my phone, prompting me to eat yet again.

  I slumped down on the couch. I didn’t like to fight with Max, especially when he was right. But I also couldn’t give up on the idea that I would be able to fit into that dress. I fell asleep that night with a full stomach and an ache in my heart.

  The next day started out with a call from my mother.

  “I have my tickets to fly in. I can’t wait to get there. I can’t wait to see you in your wedding dress. You’ve slimmed down so much that I just know that you’ll look stunning.”

  I knew that my mother meant well, but I didn’t feel like I looked stunning—especially not after seeing the latest numbers on my scale that morning. I was more discouraged than ever.

  “Thanks, Mom, but I put on a few pounds.”

  “Oh, Samantha, this is the worst time to let yourself balloon up.”

  “I know, Mom.” I frowned. “I’m trying to fix it.”

  “I bet. Don’t worry, Samantha, the important thing is that Max loves you. You’ll have a beautiful wedding.”

  I knew my mother didn’t meant to upset me, but her words rankled my nerves. “Looking forward to it. I have to go now, Mom.”

  “Go where? You work from home now.”

  “I know, but I’m going to a gardening class.” I decided at that moment that I really was going to go to the class. I wanted a chance to see the gardens again, and I wanted to confront my attraction to Stephen.

  Her laughter echoed in my ear. “You and gardening? Oh boy, I wish I was there to see that.”

  “Thanks, Mom. I love you.” I hung up the phone before she could even say it back. I didn’t need anything to make me more irritable than I already was.

  I frowned as I dialed the number for Cerulean Gardens.

  “Hello, Cerulean Gardens.”

  “Hi, is there a gardening class today?”

  “Not until the weekend.”

  “Oh.” I frowned.

  “Stephen is always available for private instruction if you’d like to set up an appointment with him.”

  I raised an eyebrow. A class was one thing. There would be plenty of other people there to keep me on my best behavior. But one on one?

  “Alright, is he available today before one?”

  “How is nine-thirty?”

  I glanced at the clock to see that it was almost nine. “Alright, that’s fine.”

  “Great, and your name?”

  I gave her my information. With every word, I wondered if it was a mistake.

  Chapter 19

  Once I’d arrived at Cerulean Gardens, I thought about going back home. What was I thinking? Obviously I was attracted to Stephen, so why would I put myself in a position to be alone with him?

  I closed my eyes. I hadn’t felt much of an attraction for another man since I fell in love with Max. Sure, here and there I might feel something, but not the head-turning desire that overtook me when I saw Stephen for the first time.

  I was confident that I would not cheat on Max, but I was curious. What was it about Stephen that I found so attractive?

  When I walked up to the entrance, I found Stephen waiting for me.

  “Samantha.” He smiled. “Glad to see you again.”

  “Glad you could see me. I mean, glad to see you too. I mean, thanks for teaching me.”

  Stephen laughed. “Don’t worry. Once you get your hands dirty, you’re going to relax.”

  I bit into my bottom lip and tried not to let my mind wander. He didn’t have his sleeveless shirt on any more. Instead, he wore a simple red polo shirt. He wasn’t covered in sweat and his dark hair wasn’t mussed. The allure of the day before had faded, but there was still something that seemed to draw me to him.

  “Walk with me,” he said.

  I fell into step beside him. As we walked he pointed out all of the different plants that grew in the garden. I listened, but I wasn’t really hearing his words. I listened to the inflection of his voice, the tenderness of it, the love he felt for what he was describing.

  “This is the area we’re going to be working in today.” He gestured to a raised bed with vines that crawled up a small fence. “We’re going to start by adding some friends.”

  “Friends? I thought this was a private class.”

  He winked at me. “It is…just you and me—and the worms.”

  “Worms?”

  I watched him pick up a small container.

  “See?” He opened the lid to show me tons of writhing worms.

  “Oh wow!” I took a step back.

  “You’re not afraid of worms, are you?”

  “No, I’ve just never seen that many in one place before.”

  “The worms really help the garden. So we’re going to add a few into this one.”

  “We?”

  “Sure, just grab one. Be careful not to squeeze.”

  I lifted an eyebrow. “Do I get gloves?”

  “They’re not going to hurt you. I promise.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Samantha, look at me.”

  I looked into his eyes and immediately regretted it. The sudden connection made me feel as if I’d been swept away into a warm safe place. I didn’t like it. Or I did like it. I liked it way too much.

  “Okay, I’ll pick up the worm.” I stuck my hand in the container and pulled out a wiggly worm. It wasn’t as bad as I thought. I dropped it into the damp soil. Then I added a few more. I was very aware that Stephen was standing close to me.

  “Now get your hands in the dirt and move it around a bit.” Stephen dug his fingers down into the dirt as if he was massaging it.

  “My hands—down in the dirt—with the worms?” I looked up at him.

  “Yes, Samantha. Trust me, it will feel so good on your skin. Just dig in deep and really squish the dirt between your fingers. It’s really relaxing.”

  “But, the worms. The dirt is their home. Should I really be invading it? Isn’t that disruptive?” I peered at the dirt. I saw the worms moving around in the dirt. My heart sped up. It wasn’t that I didn’t like bugs and such, or even that I was afraid of them. It was that they had a place in the dirt, and I had a place—not in the dirt.

  “Samantha, trust me. Just try it. This is the best way to appreciate and value the food that you’re putting into your mouth.”

  I watched a big beetle crawl over the curve of a ripe tomato. I gritted my teeth and tried not to squeak. Maybe gardening would help my diet after all. I took a deep breath and then snorted out a gnat that had flown up my nose. My hands flew at my face to swat away the bug.

  I sighed. I was ready to give up. Then my stubbornness kicked in. I wasn’t going to be held back by dirt. I pushed my fingers into the soil.

  I was stunned by how warm the dirt was. It was actually quite relaxing to wiggle my fingers around in it. All
of the worries I’d had about bugs fled my mind. I lost myself in the motion of churning the dirt.

  “Good job…excellent.” Stephen patted my shoulder.

  It was a friendly pat, but the moment he touched me I felt a surge of protectiveness. I moved a few steps away from him and continued to churn the dirt. In that moment, I knew that no matter how attracted I felt to Stephen, the very thought of a man other than Max touching me felt very wrong.

  So, why did I feel such a strong connection to Stephen?

  “I highly recommend a diet rich in fruits and vegetables. In fact, a friend of mine follows one called Eat Green. She eats only green foods that grow in the ground.”

  “Why green?”

  “Something about the dark green vegetables having more of the nutrients that she needs.” He shrugged. “It can’t hurt to eat healthy, can it?”

  My alarm rang to remind me that it was time to eat again.

  “Here.” He handed me a strawberry that he plucked from the garden.

  I didn’t hesitate to pop it right into my mouth. It tasted delicious, even with a hint of dirt still on it. I smiled at him. “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.” He smiled back.

  We stared at each other for a long moment. I really looked into his eyes. I saw a beautiful man, with a loving spirit, who had a passion for what he did.

  Then it struck me.

  When was the last time that I’d looked at Max like that? How long had it been since I gazed into his eyes and really recognized who he was inside? I was attracted to Stephen, not because of his muscles or his lovely hair, but because he was passionate and nurturing. Max was both of those things too, but ever since I’d discovered my weight gain I’d cut myself off from him.

  “I’m sorry, Stephen, I have to go.”

  “It’s okay.” He smiled. “If you ever want to learn more, you know where I am.”

  “Thanks!”

  I turned and ran out of the garden.

  Chapter 20

  I drove straight to Max’s house. I didn’t want to let another moment pass without re-igniting what I’d shut down between us. I couldn’t believe that I’d let my own insecurity separate us yet again. Max accepted and adored me, but that was hard for me to believe—no matter how many time he proved it to me.

  As I walked up to his front door a strange sensation caused my heart to pound. This wasn’t going to be Max’s house much longer. It was going to be our house. I wondered how I’d react to that. It was a cute place with plenty of room. But it wasn’t mine. Not yet.

  I reached up to knock on the door, then decided to try something different. When Max came to my apartment he’d always had a key and been welcome to let himself in. He told me the same applied to his house, but I’d always knocked.

  This time, I decided to use my key. I unlocked the door and walked right in. The house was quiet. It was too late for him to still be sleeping.

  “Max?” I roamed through the house.

  Our date for the cake tasting was in an hour. Maybe he’d gone for a walk. I decided to sit on his bed and wait for him.

  When I walked into the bedroom, I nearly tripped over a pile of dirty clothes on the floor. I grabbed what I could to catch myself—unfortunately it was a less than sturdy lamp, which did nothing to hold me up. I managed to catch the edge of the bed with my other hand, but the lamp went crashing to the floor.

  The bathroom door was flung open and Max jumped out with a loud shout. He wore absolutely nothing but a few droplets of water.

  “Max!” I looked up at him—I was half on the floor and half on his bed.

  “Sammy?” He blinked. He looked from his knocked-over lamp, to me, then down at his own naked body. “I thought you were a burglar!”

  He ducked back into the bathroom and grabbed a towel.

  When he emerged again I was a little disappointed to see that he was covered up.

  “I’m sorry, I thought you weren’t here.”

  Max furrowed a brow. “If you thought I wasn’t here then why are you in my bedroom?”

  “I was going to wait for you to come back.”

  “Oh?” He offered a half-smile.

  “But then I tripped over your clothes and the lamp—”

  “Sorry about that. I’ll try to be more tidy.” He held out his hand to me and helped me to sit down on the edge of the bed. He sat down beside me. The heat from his shower still emanated from his skin. I took a breath of the scent of his soap.

  “Max, I’m the one that should be sorry.”

  “What do you mean? You’re always welcome here. Soon this will be your home too.” He smiled.

  “No, it’s not that. I realized that you’re right—it isn’t even just that we haven’t seen that much of one another. It’s that when we do, I’m holding back.”

  Max’s eyes narrowed. “What are you trying to say, Sammy?”

  “I guess I got caught up in the wedding plans, my books and, well—everything. I feel like I’m disconnected from us.”

  Max shifted on the bed so that he could look straight at me. “Sammy, you’re not having doubts, are you? I’d rather you be honest with me.”

  “No!” I nearly shouted. “No, I’m not having doubts, Max. At least not about us.”

  “Then what? Marriage? Is it too fast?”

  “No. It’s me.” I sighed. “I’ve slipped back into some old patterns.”

  “That’s normal, Sammy.” He rubbed my shoulder. “We’re going through a huge change in our lives. It’s a little scary. Then we start freaking out. I’m sorry about the way I talked to you about Stephen. I trust you, and it’s normal to be attracted to other people. I’m not going to say that I like it, but I shouldn’t have been so jealous about it.”

  “I think you were right to be, Max.”

  “What?” He frowned. “Do you have feelings for him?”

  “No. But I saw something in him that I wasn’t allowing in us. I shut down our connection—our intimacy.”

  “I have been feeling a little on the outside lately.”

  “I’m sorry.” I leaned close to him.

  He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “I just want you to be able to trust me. We’re going to spend the rest of our lives together. More than anything, I want you to know how much I love you—not only to hear me say it, but to really know it.”

  “I’m trying.” I kissed his cheek.

  He kissed the top of my head. “Let’s go eat some cake, hm? Or do you have to wait for you alarm?”

  “No more alarms.” I laughed.

  “Good.” He sighed with relief.

  “Can we just sit here for a little while? Together?”

  “Absolutely.” He wrapped his other arm around me and pulled me against his chest.

  I closed my eyes and breathed to the rhythm of his heartbeat.

  Chapter 21

  When we left for the cake tasting, I asked Max to stop at a local farmer’s market.

  “I’m going to try eating green.” I smiled at him.

  “Another crazy diet?” He cringed.

  “This is more about eating healthy and providing nutrients to my body.”

  “Well, I guess that sounds better than pineapple and alarms.”

  “It’ll be great.”

  I looked around for every green vegetable I could find. The more I smelled the fruits and vegetables, the more certain I was that this diet was going to be right for me.

  Once I was loaded up with healthy greens, the idea of tasting cakes was even more appealing.

  “So what kind are you thinking? Chocolate? Custard?” I looked over at Max as he drove to the bakery.

  “Well, maybe we should wait and see what Will likes.” He grinned.

  “Oh, let me guess—it will be white chocolate raspberry truffle.” I laughed.

  “Hey, that sounds pretty good.” Max grinned.

  When we pulled into the parking lot of the bakery, I could see Will by the front door. He waved to us with such enthu
siasm that he nearly dropped his binder.

  “He sure puts in the effort.” Max chuckled.

  “Be nice. I like Will.”

  “I like him too. I think.” Max grinned.

  “I brought forks!” Will waved tiny silver forks in the air. “We have to get a final decision today, kids, or the baker is not going to be able to have the cake ready in time.”

  His words reminded me of how little time there was left before the wedding. We were already putting the final touches on it. That meant I only had about a week before I went back for the next fitting of my dress.

  I looked down at the pudge of my belly and frowned. Was it really a good idea to be eating cake right now?

  “Ready?” Max slid his arm around my waist.

  “Yup.” I managed a smile.

  As we walked into the bakery I noticed a sign in the window. “Oh, that looks interesting.” I started to point it out to Max, but Will already had his attention. I skimmed over the sign to keep my eyes off the assortment of cakes. It was dotted with pictures of people trying to overcome obstacles. I was confused at first until I read that it was a race. “How fun.” I laughed as I remembered the obstacle courses my friends and I would set up when we were kids. It made sense that some people would still like it as adults.

  “Sammy, do you want to try the white chocolate? Will recommends it.” Max winked at me.

  I held back my laughter.

  We sat down at the table with the cakes spread out before us. Each one looked more delicious than the last. My stomach rumbled with desire.

  “Here you go.” Will handed me one of the silver forks. “Give it a try.” He pushed one of the plates toward me.

  I sank the fork into the cake. I tried not to think about the way my belly strained against the waistband of my jeans. The bite of cake melted in my mouth.

  “Oh, it’s so good.” I sighed with pleasure.

  “Mm, so is this one.” Max fed me a bite of the cake that he’d tried.

  We went back and forth for some time feeding each other cake. I was about to feed him another bite when all of the sugar hit my system. I started to get dizzy. I missed his mouth with the cake and smashed it into his cheek instead.

  “Oops, no cake smashing until the wedding!” Will laughed.

  “Sorry, Max.”

  He swept the cake off his cheek and stuck his finger in his mouth. “Mm, still good. My turn.” He picked up a piece of cake and smashed it right into my face. I was so shocked that I didn’t even wipe it off.