Shadowwalker

by Rhonda L. Print

  Raven winked at me, and I tried not to notice that his wound hadn’t healed instantly as it once would have. While he wouldn’t confirm it, I had my own suspicions that by his drinking my blood in an effort to save me with CPR, the genetic change caused by the serum Roger created in me had not only given him the ability to tolerate sunlight but had weakened him as well.

  “You look tired, Zen,” Alli said with real concern in her eyes. “You should go up and get some rest.”

  “She’s right. Raven, why don’t you escort her upstairs? We’ll finish this.” Wilson motioned with the wrench in his hand.

  “Actually I was hoping to have a word with Leah,” I turned to her, “if you don’t mind.”

  “Sure.” She exchanged a quick look with Ian and rose from her chair. I tried unsuccessfully to avoid eye contact with Raven and gave him a reassuring smile, relieved when he simply dipped his chin in a wary nod and went back to working on the cribs.

  Chapter 31

  Silence hung between us as Leah led me through the arched halls to the atrium.

  “You have a great family, Leah,” I commented.

  “Yes, I do,” she affirmed, and then walked to a panel on the wall and hit a switch, activating a waterfall that flowed over into the swimming pool. “There.” She gave a satisfied nod. “That should do it.”

  My brows knitted in confusion. “Do what?”

  “Keep prying vampire ears from hearing our conversation.”

  “Ah.”

  “So,” she settled on a chaise lounge, “what can I do for you?”

  Too tense to sit, I began to pace a small circle in front of her. “You can tell me what effects my blood is having on Raven. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried to talk to him, but he always brushes it aside. I know he’s not healing as quickly as he used to.”

  “True, however, he does heal faster than humans.”

  “But not at vampire speed.”

  “No.” She paused and seemed to be debating what she wanted to tell me.

  When she didn’t elaborate, I stopped pacing and turned to her. A chill that had nothing to do with the temperature of the room had me hugging my arms around myself.

  “We don’t know if the change since he took your blood is permanent or even if it will shorten his existence. But he is still, for all intents and purposes, immortal.” She shrugged. “That’s not what we’ll say if it ever becomes public that he can walk in the sun, of course.”

  “So no one else will be in a hurry to, you know, drink me.”

  “No.” She chuckled softly. “You are safe. Raven wouldn’t let any harm come to you, anyway.”

  “And if I wasn’t,” I sighed deeply, “with Raven, I would still be safe?”

  “What are you asking me, Zen?”

  “My blood can obviously make any vampire impervious to daylight. Are you telling me that no one wants to use that?”

  “I’m telling you that no one will make you do anything against your will,” Leah said pointedly. “The only people outside of this house who know about your blood are dead. No one here will ever betray you.”

  “I never wanted any of this,” I whispered. “I didn’t want any part of anything supernatural. I spent most of my life hiding from it.”

  “I know.” Leah’s voice was soft and sympathetic.

  “If what you say is true and I won’t be used as a vampire blood bank…”

  “You won’t,” she interrupted.

  “I want to have my memories erased. I don’t belong in Raven’s world. If Ian can erase my memories, I’ll just go back to my life, grieving for the loss of my parents but not having any knowledge of what they’ve done or what I am.”

  Her raised eyebrows indicated I’d shocked her. Whatever she thought I was going to ask, this wasn’t it.

  “And Raven?” she prodded.

  “I’ll have no memory of him, either.” My voice hitched, betraying my false bravado. “It will be better for him, for everyone, if I was never here.”

  “He loves you,” she said simply. “You know that, don’t you?”

  Emotion clogged my throat. God, how I wanted to believe that, but it just wasn’t true.

  Love is a weakness. Raven’s words haunted me and I had to swallow before I could speak again. “No. He may feel responsible for me, even care for me on whatever level he’s capable, but love…” I fought back the sting of tears. “No, Raven doesn’t love me.”

  Leaning forward as far as her stomach would allow, Leah smiled a little sadly and said, “You know I didn’t always have such a great family. It wasn’t until Wilson and Alli adopted me that my life held some semblance of meaning. Even after that, I fought for what I deemed a normal life.” She laughed and shook her head. “What the hell is normal, anyway? Did Raven tell you about me, my history?”

  Dropping into the chair beside her, I nodded. Raven had told me Leah was adopted as a teenager after she’d been living on the streets alone. Then she’d been engaged to someone else before she met Ian.

  “God knows I fought against falling in love with Ian. And He knows I’ve failed.” She smiled and stood, patting my hand as she did. “Some failures are blessings in disguise. I tried to establish a normal life, and all along, the perfect one was right in front of me. I only had to find the courage to grab onto it.”

  Taking a breath and diving into a question that had been bugging me, I asked, “Are you immortal, Leah?”

  She laughed. “No. I’m empathetic and a necromancer, which simply means that I can feel the emotions of people around me and speak to the dead. Hell, I can even raise them from the grave, but I will one day join them. I won’t live forever.”

  “Will your children?”

  Her hands caressed slow circles over her swollen abdomen, and the wistful expression one her face made me regret asking. “We don’t know.”

  “I’m sorry, it’s really none of my business.”

  “It’s okay.” She smiled wanly. “I think you have valid reasons to ask. Ian and I have, of course, discussed what our future might hold and the bottom line is, we don’t know. Nobody does, human or supernatural. Tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us, and I don’t have any intention of borrowing trouble from the future. Right now, I’m going to grab onto whatever happiness I can. Whatever happens later…” She shrugged. “We’ll deal with it when it comes. Isn’t it all any of us can do?”

  “You are a lucky woman, Leah, but can Ian erase my memories?” I asked again.

  Leah nodded. “I’ll talk to him.” Frowning, she continued, “But think about this, Zen. Think long and hard because it can’t be undone.”

  I nodded and followed her back to the family room.

  “Everything okay?” Ian asked as we returned.

  “Yep,” Leah replied cheerfully. “Just girl talk.”

  “And I think it’s time we called it a night,” Alli stated.

  Wilson rose from his position on the floor. “We’ll come over and finish these tomorrow.” He spoke with an air of authority. “My daughter and grandchildren need their rest.”

  “Falcon can escort you home,” Ian said, standing alongside Wilson and shaking his hand. “I insist,” he added as Wilson started to protest. “There’s a gang of paparazzi out there, and with two vampires in the house and no intention of going out, we’ll be safe enough here without the extra bodyguard.”

  “Thank you, Ian.” Alli planted a soft kiss on his cheek, accepting the offer even though her husband looked like he wasn’t happy about being followed home.

  There was a flurry of activity. Hugs and kisses were exchanged, along with promises to return the next evening to finish assembling the cribs. Then the door closed and only Ian, Leah, Raven, and myself remained.

  Raven tossed the screwdriver to the floor and stood.

  “Goodnight,” I called, making a quick escape to my room. I wasn’t in the mood for an interrogation by Raven, and from the look on his face, I was going to get one.

  * * * *

&nb
sp; It was when I rested that my thoughts came to the surface. I’d lost my family, although I wasn’t really sure one could lose something they’d never really possessed. I had been a means to an end for Roger, and I would never know how deep into this my mother was. Did she ever really love me? It was a question that would remain forever unanswered.

  Startled when a knock sounded on my door, I laughed at my own jitters and opened it, expecting to find Ian there, coming to erase my memories.

  “What did you and Leah talk about?” Raven asked, his words whispering through the room.

  Silence rang out for too long between us. He asked again, a little more urgency in his voice.

  “I, uh, talked to her about how safe it would be for me to go back home.” No, it wasn’t home anymore, but it would have to do. “To go back to my life before all of this.” I waved my hand.

  “I won’t let anyone harm you, Zen.” Raven stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

  “By myself,” I added.

  I saw his body tense.

  “I don’t want you to leave,” Raven whispered, while his fingers toyed with my hair.

  “I don’t belong here. I don’t know if I belong anywhere.”

  The door burst open.

  “Leah’s having contractions.” Ian’s alarm was laced with excitement. “We need to get her to the hospital.” He disappeared and it was so silent that I could hear his footsteps retreating down the stairs.

  Chapter 32

  Raven and I hesitated for only a moment before we raced to follow him. “The reporters,” I gasped. “They’ll follow her.”

  “It can’t be helped,” Ian called back with a growl and muttered a long string of epithets.

  “Maybe it can.” By time the words were out of my mouth, I was kneeling next to Leah, who laid slumped back on the sofa. She was sweating and breathing heavily, sometimes panting as her face strained with pain and effort. “If we make of show of getting Leah into a car, then switch places so that you are all in one and I drive away in the one they think Leah is in, the paparazzi will follow me. When they’re gone, you’ll have a safe stretch to the hospital.”

  “It might just work,” Leah panted, clutching her stomach.

  “By yourself?” Raven asked, taking my hand in his.

  “They’ll need you to drive a second car, announce that Leah is in labor, and clear a path. Double back after they focus on my car and get her to the hospital. I’ll be fine.”

  He let out a long grimaced sigh and then nodded. “I’ll get the cars ready.” Releasing my fingers, he walked out of the room.

  “I’ll stay with her. Ian, go get her things.”

  “Thank you.” He took the hand Raven just left and placed a kiss on my knuckles. Then he jogged back up the stairs.

  “If you still want to leave these memories behind,” Leah whispered, “now is the time. Just keep driving to your place. I’ll keep Raven busy long enough for you to get some things and take off. When you settle, call me and I’ll send Ian over to erase your memories.”

  I swallowed so hard it hurt. Now is the time. She was right. If ever Raven would be too preoccupied to come after me right away, it would be now.

  “Ready,” Raven called as Ian descended the stairs with a suitcase.

  Ian helped Leah stand and led her out the front door and to the garage. Once there, Raven threw open the bay door and drove down the driveway, frantically blaring his horn.

  “He’s yelling,” Ian said as he listened intently to things that my human ears couldn’t pick up. “He called, ‘Clear a path! We need to get Leah to the hospital!’” Ian gave a satisfied nod as he repeated Raven’s words.

  I could hear multiple cars start up in the distance.

  Ian had Leah settled in the passenger seat of a car identical to the one I’d be driving. It was black, sleek, and sporty, with windows dark enough to assure no one would see inside.

  “Thank you.” I choked back a sob. “For everything.”

  Leah smiled. “Our pleasure.”

  I started up the car and eased it down the driveway. As I turned onto the street, a trail of headlights glowed behind me along with the flash of camera lights. The plan had worked, and a brigade of cars followed me toward the highway. I drove in the general direction of the hospital for about twenty minutes before I rolled down the windows and let the prying eyes of the media get a look at who was inside. The shocked expression of the car beside me was followed by a screech of tires as the reporters began to realize they’d been duped and made a beeline back to the estate.

  I let the night air billow through my hair and made my choice.

  As I drove on toward my condo, I knew what I needed to do and where I wanted to lead my future.

  I flipped on the radio to once again hear the guys of Ed Money Live laughing through the airwaves. I would need all the laughter I could get to face the long, lonely road ahead of me.

  “I have existed for a very long time. But I had not lived until I saw you. Even from the first day, before you knew I was watching you.” His eyes held mine. “It was as if you breathed life into my soul.”

  “I really want to believe that.” Joy welled inside me, filling the void of sorrow, but it was tempered with doubt. By his own admission, Raven didn’t believe in love and romance. And I had definitely decided that was exactly what I wanted.

  Chapter 33

  I stood in the doorway of my condominium, suitcase in hand, and took a long look at what had been my home for one last time. I would miss it, the years I’d spent here, and the innocence I’d had. I was leaving the furniture and taking only a few mementos from this life. All of it was neatly stacked in a single suitcase. The small round table where I’d shared dinners with my parents would belong to someone else now, along with the sofa where my mom and I had shared many heart-to-heart talks. I’d chosen to remember her as the woman I knew, the one who’d loved and cared for me. Maybe it was selfish to hold on to memories that may not have validity, but given the choice between love and indifference, I’ll take love every damn time. I wanted it, and even more so, I deserved it! No matter what had happened in the past or who I was, or wasn’t, I vowed to fill the remaining days of my life with happiness and love. Even so, tears brimmed from my eyelids once again to spill down my cheeks.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to keep this place? I’ll buy it for you. Consider it a wedding gift.”

  I leaned back into the solid mass behind me that was Raven, my husband. “No.” I swiped at the tears with the back of my hand. “I prefer to live in the now, not the yesterdays. This place is part of my past.”

  He wrapped his strong arms around me and placed his left hand over mine. The diamond band that matched the one on my own finger glistened in the sunlight that streamed through the window.

  I’d come back that night several weeks ago, but only temporarily, to contact my clients and let them know they’d need to find a new therapist. My life was moving forward, and my career would not follow me on this new path. It was bittersweet but also liberating.

  I shuddered, remembering the night I’d almost lost everything. As I’d opened the door to leave my apartment, a voice behind me had my heart leaping into my throat.

  “Where are you going?” Raven stepped from a shadow in the room.

  “You’re not supposed to be here.”

  “I couldn’t stay away.”

  “Suit yourself.” I turned to leave.

  “Leah told me what you’ve asked her to do.”

  That stopped me. “She wasn’t supposed to until it was done.”

  “Is that what you really want? To forget?”

  “I’ve seen things no one should have to, Raven. Things that I cannot un-see. I’ve learned things about the people who were supposed to be my parents that I didn’t ever want to know.”

  “Is that the only reason you want your memory erased?” he challenged.

  When I didn’t answer, he crossed the room and placed his hands on my sho
ulders. “I love you.”

  My heart simply stopped beating for a few moments as his words sank in and a single tear streaked down my cheek.

  When I shook my head no, he said, “You showed me my human side again, Zen. I was afraid to feel, afraid to love. But you came into my life and undid me. I’ll stop doing the work that I do if that bothers you.”

  “It doesn’t,” I said shakily. “If you had not assassinated that man, thousands would have died. I don’t want you to stop.”

  “Then what do you want?” He scrubbed his hand through his hair. “I hate being so fucking vulnerable, but you’ve stripped me of my defenses, Zen. Just tell me what you need and it’s yours. Come home with me.”

  Surrendering myself to the man I loved, I said, “You. I only want you.”

  “What are you thinking about?” Raven pulled me to him.

  “The first night that I came back here. When I’d almost lost everything—lost you.”

  “You didn’t really think I was going to let you get away, did you?”

  I snuggled further into him. “It was a good plan.”

  “It wouldn’t have worked.”

  Raven had proposed that night, and we celebrated our engagement in a luxury penthouse at a nearby resort hotel. We spent three glorious days in bed before he decided he couldn’t wait a moment longer to be my husband. We caught the first flight to Las Vegas and had a private ceremony in a hotel that Ian owned.

  While Leah’s contractions were only a false alarm, it was enough to have Ian insisting she slow down. They attended the ceremony, as best man and maid of honor, but left the same evening to go home to Arizona. She’d be on bed rest until the babies were born. Well, mostly bed rest, anyway.

  “Are you ready to go, Mrs. Nightwalker?” Raven nuzzled the back of my neck.

  I turned and wrapped my arms around his waist. “I’ve been waiting for this my whole life.” I kissed him. “I will miss my family, though.”

  “Family isn’t always the people you were born to.”

  “It’s who you let in your heart that counts.” I took his mouth with mine and sealed my future with a kiss.