One Percent of You

by Michelle Gross

  But this made Lucy sad. Her usual smile turned into a pout. “Promise?”

  I tugged at her ponytail and smiled. “Never doubt me.”

  Her smile returned as she laid her head across my shoulder and hugged me softly. My chest squeezed tight until I almost felt like I was choking. She wasn’t choking me, but her hug made me feel all closed up inside. “Do you want to watch a movie tonight?” she whispered.

  “Yeah. I’d love that, actually.”

  “Mom?” She turned her head and spoke to Hadley. “Elijah wants to watch a movie with us.”

  She frowned. “Lucy, you know we’re out here waiting on your dad.”

  Those words were like a bucket of ice thrown over me. It never bothered me before. I never really thought about Lucy’s dad until now. It kind of hit me—the sad truth of it all. As much as I adored the chatty child in my arms she wasn’t mine. I didn’t even recognize the resentment in me burning over that fact. I couldn’t stand it. Being honest, I was nothing to Lucy while someone else was. Somehow, that sobering thought was devastating. And there was no one I could admit it to because it made little sense to me. Life wasn’t fair.

  Lucy’s smile drooped, and I saw her unhappiness. The way she hid her eyes, gaze falling to the ground. I didn’t think she even wanted to go. I glanced at Hadley holding Eli. Her features were tight, withdrawn as she bounced him. They were all sad. Why would she let them go if she didn’t want them to?

  Lucy jumped down and walked over to her Mom. Instead of going to play, she plopped down beside her on the bench and sighed. Hadley smiled and patted her back. “It’s only for tonight. You can’t stay longer than that. I can’t have my birthday without you.”

  Lucy perked up. “I want cake!”

  Hadley chuckled. “I’ll buy one.”

  “Who buys themselves a cake for their birthday?” I interrupted, making my way toward them.

  They both stared at each other and cackled. “Who needs a reason to buy sweets? Even if it wasn’t my birthday if we wanted cake, we’d buy one. Right, Lucy?”

  Lucy wiggled her shoulders and tossed one of her hands up all girly. “Yeah. Who needs a reason?” She turned toward Hadley. “Is Bubby going to Dad’s too?”

  Hadley shook her head. “Not this time. Just you.”

  Lucy frowned. “Not fair.”

  “Your daddy wants to see you. Don’t you want to see him?”

  Lucy dropped her head and reluctantly said, “Yeah, but I’d rather come back home after I see him.”

  “If you get homesick, which I don’t think you will, all you have to do is tell your dad or Meme to call me and I’ll come get you. No matter how late.” Lucy nodded, and Hadley kissed her forehead while Eli reached for Lucy’s ponytail.

  Lucy jerked away and huffed. “Bubby won’t stop pulling my hair!”

  Hadley snickered. It grew louder when she saw me laughing too. “Lucy, he’s a baby. He doesn’t mean to.”

  “Look at him! He’s smiling about it.” Lucy pointed at her baby brother who was grinning at her like she was the sweetest and funniest thing ever. “You always take his side.”

  “Give your bubby a kiss and love on him before your dad gets here,” Hadley said before Lucy giggled and rubbed her brother’s head.

  “You need to lay off the milk!” Lucy exclaimed.

  Hadley sniggered at her again while Lucy stared at me. Since she was on a roll, I feared what she was about to say.

  Lucy asked, “Doesn’t he need to stop, Elijah?”

  I pretended to think about it before I said, “I don’t know. He appears fat and healthy to me.”

  “You two aren’t allowed to be friends if you’re going to pick on Eli before he can even defend himself.” We were all laughing as Hadley grabbed Eli’s hand and cooed. “You’re not fat, my little butterball.”

  Okay… “How is butterball better?” I asked with a toothy grin.

  “Hush, you don’t understand a mother’s heart.”

  “Lucy!”

  My smirk vanished as I heard the unfamiliar male voice. Lucy looked up over her shoulder about the same time I saw him too. Lucy’s dad. Like the rest of her family, he was blond and blue-eyed and not very tall. He fit so well with them it made my heart sick.

  Lucy stood and walked over to him with happiness lighting up her eyes. Meanwhile, he eyed me the same way I did him. He must have noticed me talking with them. “Who’s this?” His eyes darted over to Hadley who followed Lucy. Her gaze landed nervously on me.

  “That’s Elijah. He lives right there.” Lucy pointed at my house cheerfully. “He’s my friend.”

  “He is?” He directed his question to Hadley. I didn’t like the slimy way he glared at her like he would give her shit for being around me when I wasn’t there to protect her.

  “Make sure you bring her home early,” Hadley told him, ignoring his stony scowl.

  “Why don’t I just stay tonight? It’s your birthday tomorrow. Don’t you think Daddy should stay, Lucy?” The fucker was eyeballing me as he suggested it.

  I was so angry that I could feel the blood rushing to my face.

  Lucy’s gaze darted over to her mother. Hadley’s face was completely red, and she looked like she wanted to say something, but was keeping it all bottled in. “No, I’ll go. Elijah’s watching a movie with us tomorrow, right?” Lucy searched my face for confirmation.

  Just like that, my anger dissipated. I grinned down at her. “That’s right. Have fun tonight.”

  “I will!” Another grin my way.

  Her dad wasn’t happy though. “Can I have a minute, Hadley?”

  “Can we stop and get some ice cream?” Lucy asked him.

  “Yeah, sweetie, after I talk to Mommy.”

  What a fucking asshole! I knew his kind—men like him thought that kids meant they owned the mothers. They acted like it was okay to mistreat a woman. Well, that bastard had another thing coming. I was—

  “I’ll talk to you later, Elijah?” Hadley pleaded. Those ocean-blue eyes begged me not to make things harder on her. And because I wasn’t her ex, I took a deep, deep fucking breath and told myself to relax.

  To avoid making trouble for Hadley, I left. It wasn’t my preferred choice, but I relented for her.

  Still, my gut churned with unease at the thought of leaving such sweet gems at the mercy of someone that seemed to thrive on putting people down. The glint in his eyes as he looked into Hadley’s sweet ones—it was like he was warning her or challenging her to go against him. I didn’t know, but it wasn’t right.

  I didn’t like it. I hated it, actually, because I was the outsider and had no right to say anything.

  “Yeah, bye Lucy.” I waved.

  “Bye.” She waved back.

  “Oh, and Hadley?” I said before walking toward my house.

  “Yeah.”

  “Don’t buy your cake. I’ll get it.”

  “Chocolate cake! Chocolate cake!” Lucy told me.

  I chuckled. “All right.”

  ______

  Elijah: You and Eli walk over.

  I hadn’t been able to stop worrying about them after I left. I had no right to interfere, but the longer I sat replaying the incident, I knew if it happened again, I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut.

  The only reason I stayed quiet was for Hadley. She had no idea the effect she had on me. Nothing had the ability to shut me up quite like the idea of causing her trouble. I didn’t know their relationship. Maybe they were trying to patch things up.

  Fuck that. It’d be a cold day in Hell before I let that happen.

  I was getting fucking antsy. I needed to know if they were okay. I didn’t like the irate way he stared at her.

  Another hour went by before she replied.

  Hadley: Don’t want to bother you, but it would prob make Lucy happy if you showed up and watched that movie with her… It’s okay if you’re busy. Still can tomorrow? If that’s okay?

  What the fuck? Lucy didn’t go to her Dad
’s after all?

  I needed answers. It didn’t matter that I had no right to interfere in their life. I got up from the couch and slipped on my steel-toed motorcycle boots and rushed over. I wanted to be someone she called or wanted to confide in. I wanted that with Hadley so badly. I wanted her to need that from me.

  Jesus, I sounded like a Neanderthal or some shit. That woman was filling up my head with endless thoughts of her.

  When I knocked on their door a minute later, Hadley answered and the sight of her multiplied my anger tenfold. Her face and neck were covered with blotchy red marks. She’d been crying. “Hadley,” I could feel the tension in my voice.

  “What?” I spooked her. She covered her face, wiping something that wasn’t there.

  “I think you should tell me about their dad so next time I don’t cause any problems.”

  Eyes widening, she got all flustered. “You didn’t cause any trouble.”

  “Don’t lie,” I told her, sliding my index finger down her cheeks. I liked the soft, fevered touch of her skin. “You can tell me later.” I stepped inside. “Lucy!” I hollered.

  When she poked her head around the corner, I saw the same puffy expression on her face. Did he yell at Hadley in front of Lucy? I knew every couple fought at some point or another, but if you made your kid cry, couldn’t you stop and think? Or did he do and say things intentionally because he knew it was the best way to get to Hadley? I stared at the mother again. Within a few measly hours, he’d sucked the life right out of her like a leech.

  “Want to go get that ice cream?” I asked Lucy.

  I caught a slight smile before she frowned and looked over at Hadley. “Can we, Mommy?”

  Hadley smiled. “If you want to, we will.”

  Lucy walked over and grabbed her mother’s hand. “Not if you don’t want to, I don’t.” Lucy was totally withdrawn from me. I could see her, she was there, but she wasn’t the happy-go-lucky kid that ran and jumped into my arms every time she saw me.

  That same choked up feeling hit me again as I bent down so that I was on eye-level with her. “We can come back here and watch a movie?” I suggested.

  She peeked up at her Mom who was on the verge of tears again. I didn’t know what happened, but the rage that tore through me was on the edge of igniting. The only reason I kept it together was that Lucy was upset. I was furious. Something clearly happened, all because I’d been outside with them. I knew deep down that I shouldn’t have walked away, but I thought it was the right thing to do.

  I was wrong.

  Covering her trembling lips, Hadley bent down too, taking Lucy’s hands. “Listen to me, Lucy. If it’s okay by me, you’re allowed to speak to anyone I know, okay? Unless Mommy tells you, I don’t care who it is, you don’t listen. Look at me, Lucy.” She cupped Lucy’s cheeks with tears spilling over them. “I’m your mother, and if I say you can, you can.” I saw Hadley nudge her head in my direction right before Lucy nodded and wrapped her arms around her neck and cried louder. “Now, do you want Elijah to take us to get ice cream?” A strong head nod from Lucy even though I couldn’t see her face smooshed into her mom’s shoulder. “Okay, then we will.”

  “What’s wrong?” I didn’t know who I was asking. They both had me sick to my stomach with worry. I couldn’t bear to see either of them cry. When neither answered, I tapped Lucy’s shoulder. “Lucy…” Her ignoring me messed with my head. I was terrified. I never realized the power a parent could have on a kid, even one that didn’t seem worthy of that title.

  “Let me get my shoes.” Lucy pulled away from her mom, wiping and hiding tears from me as she walked around me.

  I glanced to Hadley desperately. All she did was give me a weak smile as she stood. “Let me change Eli real quick.”

  “Can you help me?” It took me a moment to realize Lucy was talking to me since she hadn’t been her usual self with me. I reached for her pink shoes.

  “Yeah. Sit down.” She flopped onto her butt watching me as I tied up her shoes. “Want to go on down to the truck while your mom gets Eli ready?” I asked just to see what she said. She nodded and stood with me. “We’re heading down to the truck,” I called out to Hadley.

  “Okay! All I have to do is grab my shoes and Eli’s diaper bag.”

  Lucy reached for my hand as we headed out the door. It surprised me, especially since she was barely talking to me, but I grabbed onto her tiny one like it was a lifeline—desperate to get her smile back.

  “Know what makes me happy?” I mumbled as we took our time walking down the steps.

  “What?” She blinked at me with sea-blue eyes like her mother’s.

  “When you smile.” And slowly, but surely, Lucy did just that, gripping my hand tightly.

  “I didn’t want to,” Lucy murmured, and I glanced down at her.

  “Didn’t want to what?”

  “Listen to Dad.”

  “Why?”

  “He said he didn’t want us around you.” She was sniffling again. “Called Mom names and told me not to talk to you, or he’d be mad. That’s why I hate going to Meme Lilly’s. Dad just takes me there and leaves me with her. She says bad stuff about Mommy, and it makes me cry.” I scooped her up. She was crying too hard to walk. She wrapped those little arms around my neck, and I wondered how any adult could live with themselves for making her cry. “Everything’s different. I don’t want to go there anymore, but Mom says I should because Daddy misses me.”

  “As long as your mom lets me, I’ll always be your friend Lucy. I promise.”

  _______

  Lucy ran up the stairs in front of us. She wasn’t back to her normal spunky self, but it was coming back. We made a short trip to get ice cream and pizza—Lucy’s choice. I carried both boxes while Hadley carried Eli.

  “You’re exhausted,” I said to her.

  Hadley sighed, offering me a small upturned mouth. “Only mentally. Today’s been draining.”

  “I’m not leaving until we talk about that,” I warned her.

  She only laughed. “I didn’t think you would.”

  Feeling relieved, I smirked.

  I’d admit that I couldn’t pay attention to the movie Lucy put on for us. I was too focused on them. That night differed from any other I spent at Hadley’s. There wasn’t much talking or laughter, but Hadley had still asked me there. Lucy nodded off next to me, snuggled under some blankets. Hadley’s feet were underneath her ass as she held Eli in her arms, letting him whack her in the head with some sort of toy over and over as she watched the screen.

  She caught me staring at her and grinned. “It’s time,” she mumbled right before she flopped Eli in my lap. I stiffened as fear sliced into me. Immediately after, I couldn’t help but think, Shit, he really is a butterball. “Relax.” She laughed as she leaned against the couch’s arm, watching me, and I was watching Eli who was holding his head up perfectly staring up at me. Suddenly he threw his hands into the air and cried.

  Fucking hell. I broke him.

  I started to give him back when Hadley scooted into my side, almost like she was snuggling into me.

  Maybe I’d hold him after all.

  Hadley took Eli’s hand and cooed softly to him. “It’s okay, see? Elijah’s afraid too. You’ve got to be the big, brave one and show him it’s okay.”

  “I don’t want to hurt him,” I told her desperately hoping she’d save me from myself.

  “Elijah, you won’t hurt him. Do you know how terrified I was to hold Lucy when they first put her in my arms? If you’d just give in, I know you’d be a goner. That petrified feeling you have means you can be great at this.”

  “Be great at what?” I croaked.

  “Taking care of babies.”

  “I’m capable of taking care of a lot more than babies.” Lights bounced off her face from the TV, making my heart thump wildly.

  “Let’s see how you handle Eli then,” she mumbled as she laid her head against my shoulder.

  Throughout the last bit of the movi
e, I shared a staring contest with Eli. That was all that happened since I wasn’t sure how to talk to a baby yet. Eli either gave into me holding him or sleep, I wasn’t sure exactly which. That didn’t matter, though. Eli sprawled out on my chest, oddly adorable and comfortable. Lucy’s feet rested against my left side and Hadley curled up against my other side.

  Since everyone was asleep, did that mean I didn’t have to leave? I knew I could fall asleep instantly right here even though I was sitting up. I’ve never been more comfortable. If she asked, I could say I dozed off.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Hadley

  Eli’s cries woke me up later that night. With the DVD player stuck on the movie menu, the room was bright. Warmth radiated from someone who wasn’t supposed to be there. I pushed off Elijah’s arm. I grabbed Eli quickly not wanting him to wake Elijah. My nose was still numb too since my face had been smashed against Elijah’s arm. I absentmindedly rubbed it as Eli’s lip smacking filled the silent room. The only other sound to be heard was the air conditioner kicking on in the apartment. Barely awake, I bent over searching for the diaper and wipes I kept around the couch. When I found them, I changed Eli’s diaper. He was still fussy but not too loudly since he knew what came next. I placed his wet diaper on the floor, telling myself I’d put it in the trash later. Pulling down my spaghetti strap shirt, I unhooked my nursing bra and fed Eli. Without thinking, I leaned on Elijah’s arm. I was strangely comfortable and when I was comfortable; it made me extra sleepy.

  The realization jolted me upright. Falling asleep with Elijah beside me should have been strange. But after the day before with Scott, being around Elijah was a breath of fresh air.

  I noticed Elijah’s neck. His head was bent forward. He couldn’t be comfortable sleeping upright. Since Eli was still in his arms when I awakened I guessed Elijah was too terrified to move. I should wake him up so that he could go home, but I moved my head to his shoulder. Just a little longer…

  “Happy Birthday.” Elijah’s rumbly, husky voice scared the life out of me. “He’s going to town.”