The Forever Plan

by Grant, Sienna

  “We went to Switzerland.”

  Oh my god. He took her to be euthanized.

  “Just stop, Dylan. I can’t hear anymore. I know what happens over there without you even telling me.”

  Like a wrecking ball my brain splatters all inside my head at that thought. I can’t be here anymore. I have to go home. I need time.

  Suddenly jumping up from the sofa, the need to get away is clawing at my skin. Dylan falls to his arse by my sudden movements.

  “I have to go home now and you’re not to follow me. Okay? I have to be alone and work all this out.”

  Grabbing my bag from the table behind him, I quickly run out of the front door, not even bothering to put my shoes back on. I should have listened to my head when I fell in love with Dylan Proctor, because my heart sure didn’t do any good for me. Now it’s shattered into a million pieces, as I carry on running down his street, not knowing what I’m doing or where I’m going. Putting it frankly, I’m a hot mess. If someone saw the state of me, they would probably think I had escaped from the nut house.

  Before I know it, I’m standing outside Bonnies. My feet are cut and sore. What was once my wet hair when I left Dylan's house, now represents a wild birds nest. Standing on the pavement outside I stare up at Bonnie's house. I know she’s awake, her lights are still on, but if I go in there, she’s going to want to know why I’m here. It’s not my story to tell, not that I could repeat what he’s just told me. Feeling like I’ve got no choice, because if I go home, he’ll find me. I make my way up her path and knock on the door. What seems like eternity, but is only mere minutes, she comes to the door wearing her dressing gown.

  “What the fuck, Serena? I wasn’t expecting see you for at least twenty-four hours.” She jokes nervously, that is until the tears I’ve held in come out of me full force.

  “Oh, dear god, what happened?” Wrapping an arm around me, she hugs me to her and pulls me in off her front door step.

  With my head on her shoulder, I come to a halt when we enter living room; Neil.

  “Have I disturbed something?” I manage to sob out.

  “No, no. Neil was just going, he… he just popped in to use my phone charger when we got back. His phone died and he needed to get in touch with Caroline.”

  I have no idea who Caroline is, I’m guessing it’s his girlfriend.

  The look of sympathy on Neil’s face when he sees the state of me tells me he already knows.

  “He told you, didn’t he?

  “Yeah, he did.” My voice is barely, but a whisper.

  “Then in that case, you’re going to need your best friend, so I’m going to get going. Before I do, just let me say that in all the years we’ve been friends, I’ve never seen him the way he is with you. It’s like you’ve brought me my best friend back. He finally has that spark back in his eyes.” He moves in close to me, “Just don’t be too hard on him…”

  “Thanks for the charger Bon.” With a wave of his phone in the air, he’s gone.

  “Now come on, you need to tell me what’s gone on, especially for you to not even have any shoes on your feet.”

  Curling up on the sofa with my best friend, I tell her everything I’ve just learnt, and hope Dylan will one day forgive me for spilling his secret.

  Chapter Forty-One

  Dylan

  I’ve been watching that door ever since Serena walked out of it. Hoping that it would open and she’d be there with open arms ready to forgive me. This is why I don’t get attached; this is the reason why I only have one-night stands. I’m lugging way too much baggage around for anything more.

  I should have stuck to my guns.

  I should have walked away that first night.

  Why the fuck did I go after her?

  Lifting the bottle of Jack to my lips, I take another pull from the bottle. I gave up on using the glass as soon as Serena walked away from me. With every gulp of Jack Daniels, I fall further into my subconscious. Faces blurring into one and as much as I want to see Zoe’s, it’s not hers that’s winning. All I can see is Serena’s red hair. Her beauty, her slender back as she walks away from me. A knock on the front door pulls me from my stupor. I shift to get up from the floor, but it’s a struggle. Once I’m up, I make my way to my door pulling it open. I’m hoping to see Serena’s beautiful face, but it’s not; it’s Neil.

  What’s he doing here?”

  “What do you want?”

  He doesn’t wait to be invited in; he walks past me abruptly. Losing my balance, I fall into the door, I recover quickly and follow him in.

  “Are you okay? You've told her then?”

  “How do you know?” I slur. “Have you seen her?” I sit in the chair before I fall.

  Neil nods, a look of pity written all over his face.

  “Yeah, mate. I have.”

  “Where did you see her? Is she here?” I try to move quickly off the chair.

  “Dylan. She’s not here. She’s upset, but she’s okay.”

  “Where is she Neil?”

  “I’m not telling you. She needs some time to think.”

  I drop back down into the chair before I fall down.

  “You are supposed to be on my side.”

  “This isn’t about sides Dylan, it’s about support and you know I support you one hundred and ten percent. I know how hard it was for you to tell her that, but you can’t expect her to just take it in and be done with it.”

  Holding the bottle in the air to Neil, I offer him a drink.

  “I’m driving, remember.”

  Shrugging, I put the bottle back to my open mouth.

  “More for me then…”

  My mouth and throat is numb. It no longer burns as it slides smoothly down, hitting the spot where I need it most, my heart.

  “I shouldn’t have told her. We were okay, finally. We were finding some common ground Neil.”

  “What were you going to do?” Neil asks as he takes a seat, “Live in ignorance, hope that she never found out?”

  “Ignorance is bliss…” Neil eyes me cautiously, “What am I going to do? I don’t want to walk away…”

  “Jesus.” Neil cuts me off, “Is the almighty Dylan Proctor admitting he actually needs someone other than himself?”

  “Screw you.” I blurt as I pour the remains of the bottle down my throat, then let the empty bottle slip from my fingers and into my lap.

  “Is there anymore?”

  Neil takes the bottle away and stands in front of me.

  “You’re not having anymore. If anything, you’re going to bed to sleep it off.”

  “I need to know to know where Serena is.” Forcing myself to the edge of the chair, I put my hands on the edge and begin to push my heavy body up to stand. It’s no good my legs are like jelly and before I know I’m collapsing back into the chair.

  “Come on, mate. I’ll help you upstairs.”

  He pulls me from the chair and with an arm around my back, he guides me up the million stairs that I seem to have. The top through my blurry narrowed vision looks miles away. By the time I reach the top, I crawl over the last step and find my way into my room…

  That was the last thing I remember…

  I wake up as the sun is burning through the window. The banging in my head is like a big brass band has set up in there, and the brightness is killing my eyes. I look around me, but I feel like I’m missing something.

  “Ugh, fucking hell my head.” I announce to the seemingly empty room.

  Rolling from the bed and standing up, my head bangs with every step I take towards the bathroom. Once I’ve done what I needed to and splashed my face with cold water, I make my way downstairs. The empty bottle of Jack sits on the side and sitting on the arm of the chair is a piece of paper. Reaching for it, I don’t even have to read it to know what letter it is. Like a slideshow, my memories from last night appear one by one. I look around me and there’s no sign that Serena has even been here…


  “Fuck.”

  Going into the kitchen, I make my coffee as strong as I can and pour a glass of water. Popping two paracetamol from the packet, I take those first, then take my mug into the living room. Once I’m off my wobbly legs and sitting down, I scrub my hands over my face and wonder how I’m going to get out of this mess.

  Where is Serena? I need to tell her; I need to explain.

  “You’re awake then?”

  Neil’s voice from the opposite side of the room confuses me.

  Why is Neil here? Okay, now I’m really confused…

  “What are you doing here? Have I missed something?”

  “Well, you did drink your weight in JD. I helped you upstairs, then decided to crash on your couch. Just in case you choked on your own vomit or something.”

  Searching the room in my hangover haze, I see my phone on the floor. Touching the button on the front of my iPhone X nothing happens, it’s blank. I find my charger, plug it in and wait for the screen to come on.

  “I mean I know you’re an annoying twat, but I’m not quite ready to replace you yet.”

  “Knobhead.” I chug down some of the charcoal in my cup, hoping it’ll soon help to clear my headache.

  “If I’d known you were here, I’d have made you a coffee.” Once the light of my screen indicates my phone is on again, I find Serena’s number and type out a message.

  I need to talk to you, please. I’m sorry. I need you Serena…

  I leave it on the arm of the chair and wait to see if I get a message back.

  “It’s okay I can get my own.”

  Neil heads off into the kitchen and I drain my cup, while I wait for a reply. Any kind of reply would be good to be honest - but I’m getting nothing. I try not to keep looking at the screen but I can’t help it, I’m drawn to it. I don’t want to look away in case I miss it. Rubbing my fingers across my forehead I try to smooth the headache away, but it doesn’t work. I need Serena. I know how that sounds and if it makes me weak then so be it, but she needs to know. It’s time I start letting go of the past.

  Neil sits back down with his mug carefully watching me.

  “Want to talk about it?”

  “Nope. You’re going to be in big trouble staying out all night.” I change the subject smirking.

  “She’ll get over it. My best friend needed me more.”

  “You’re a good man, Neil. Thanks.”

  Silence falls over the room while I watch my phone for a reply and Neil drinks his coffee.

  I know it’s time to let go of Zoe and do what she wanted me to do; live my life. If Serena doesn’t hate the sight of me that is.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Serena

  I’m not the type of person who cries herself to sleep, but I did. Bonnie held me the entire time whilst I let it all out. He still loves Zoe that much is obvious when he talks about her. I won’t live in the shadow of a ghost. I deserve more, but how can I move on and pretend that Dylan Proctor doesn’t own every single piece of me?

  Because he does.

  On some level I know he has feelings for me too. There's no way he would make love to me the way he did last night, if there wasn’t something between us.

  He just can’t let go of the one person who stole his heart more.

  Waking up on Bonnies sofa this morning, I’m feeling a little disoriented. I don’t have to look in the mirror to know my eyes are red and puffy from all the crying I did. The feel of them under my fingertips tell me enough.

  Brilliant. I look like I’ve gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson.

  When did falling in love become so hard? I’m starting to think that I was right and I should just become a lesbian.

  “Good morning sunshine, it’s nice to see you’re finally back in the land of the living.”

  Jesus, does she have to be so bloody chirpy?

  “Here, drink this it might help.” She hands me a hot cup of coffee and I’ve never been more grateful.

  “What time is it?” I ask her once I’ve taken several sips of the pure heaven in my cup.

  “Just after eleven, you finally passed out around five am.”

  Placing my cup on the coffee table, I rest my head in my hands and groan out loud.

  “If it helps, it doesn’t look like Neil blabbed about you being here, but your phone has been beeping.”

  “Thanks.” I mumble behind my hands. Coming to sit next to me on the sofa Bonnie starts to stroke my hair.

  “Honey, you can’t go on like this. I’ve never seen you so torn up over a man, not even Steve and that twat did the ultimate crime in a relationship. Can’t you talk to him? Maybe just finish listening to the rest of his story? Because from where I’m sitting it looks like he had no choice.”

  Since when has she been on his side?

  Finishing my coffee so I don’t have to answer her, my thoughts start going around in my head quicker than I can keep up.

  What if he can never let her go?

  What if he will always compare me to her?

  How will I know that he really loves me?

  Will I ever be able get past the fact that he helped her die?

  All these questions, yet I have no answers to them. The only thing I do know is that I love him more than life itself. More than I ever loved Steve and we were married for crying out loud. I can’t imagine him not being in my life now. He’s broken on the inside. He just needs a little glue to put him back together. Then maybe, just maybe, we might have a fighting chance. I just hope I’m strong enough to be the glue he needs.

  Leaving Bonnies in some of her borrowed clothes, I grab a taxi back to my place, with the promise to call her if I need her at any point. I told her I would be fine. If I could get through Steve cheating on me multiple times, then I’m pretty certain I can get through this. I’m a fighter at heart, I’m not going to quit now.

  When the taxi pulls up outside, I hand him some cash and collect my bag along with my dress. Climbing from the car I come to a halt and gasp. There sitting on my doorstep looking like hell is Dylan. Slumped against my door with his legs spread out in front of him. He hasn’t seen me standing at the top of the path looking at him. Taking advantage of that, I take him all in. He’s still in the clothes from last night. His hair is sticking up in every possible direction and judging by the stubble on his chin, he hasn’t shaved either. He certainly isn’t the confident and cocky arsehole I’ve come to know and love right now. Like I’ve said before, he’s broken. I just fear now he might actually be unrepairable.

  Leaving him last night might not have been for the best. He obviously needs me or why else would he be here?

  “Dylan.” I whisper, letting him know I’m standing there. His head shoots up from hearing my voice.

  “Oh my god, Serena.” He scrambles to his feet and rushes to me taking my face in his hands.

  “I’m so sorry, baby. Please let me explain everything. I need you to understand, I need you.”

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Dylan

  Holding her gaze with mine, I wrap Serena up in my arms, squeezing her to me. With her hands on my chest, she gives me a gentle prompt asking me to loosen my hold on her.

  “You’d better come inside.”

  Once we’re inside, she tells me to sit, while she makes coffee.

  When I woke up this morning, I hadn't got a clue how I’d got to bed or what had hit me. I just knew the one person I needed wasn't there, instead I got Neil. Then she didn’t reply to my message. I was sure that was it for us, so I made the decision to get in my car and come here. I banged on the door until my knuckles hurt. When I realised, she wasn’t here, I knew I needed to wait for her. I probably should have got changed but I didn’t have the strength. I didn’t feel like being the put together man I always am. If I was going to let her see me, then she’d have to see the broken mess I am inside. I’ve come to realise this morning that I need her in my life. I know in my
confused heart and mind that I love her… I never thought that would ever be possible.

  “Here you go…” Serena hands out the cup, once I’ve taken it from her, she sits in the chair opposite me. The air is thick between us, so much so you could cut it with a knife…

  “I know you hate me…”

  “Let’s get one thing straight, Dylan. I don’t hate you. If I hated you, you wouldn't be sitting here right now.”

  Nodding at her blunt reply, I sigh a breath of relief - at least that’s something.

  “I’m not sure where to start, although, I think I remember I didn’t explain it very well last night?”

  She looks up from her cup to me with a grimace.

  “I loved Zoe, so much. When she died, she took a piece of me with her. In honesty she’ll always have a piece of me…” Serena's brow creases as it pulls into a frown, “But that doesn’t mean that you aren’t here.”

  In an automatic reaction, I place my hand over my heart.

  “Zoe might have a small piece of it but you, you Serena, own the remaining part. There’s not been a woman in fifteen years that I feel the slightest bit closer to than you, and I mean that.”

  Putting down my coffee, I wipe my sweaty palms down my trousers, closing my eyes as I prepare to explain my actions.

  “When she first told me of her plan, we argued a lot. I called her selfish and she did the same back to me. Said I was just thinking of the short term. I knew for a fact she wasn’t going to get any better - she’d already deteriorated and I was clutching at straws. She showed me all the paperwork, I tried to explain to her all the reasons why she shouldn’t do it.