You Will Remember Me

by Hannah Mary McKinnon

  Once he’d gone through Lily’s history online, he had no choice but to accept she’d betrayed us. Reading about her misdeeds had permanently quashed any lingering doubts he may have had and there was no way he’d want anything more to do with her. Lily would soon be on her way to Maryland, broke and brokenhearted. It wasn’t all my doing. She’d had a partial hand in her demise. People shouldn’t lie unless they were sure they’d get away with it.

  “I trusted her,” Ash said. “And I don’t understand. What was the point of coming all the way to Newdale to steal a few hundred bucks?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Is it a case of once a con artist always a con artist? She could be a kleptomaniac. Maybe the garage she worked for didn’t go out of business. Or maybe it did because she stole from her boss there, too? Perhaps that’s the real reason she lost her job.”

  “But why feed me those pills? What for? Did she attack me on the beach that night?”

  “God, I hadn’t even thought of that, but I suppose it’s possible. Or maybe she’s just not well—” I tapped the side of my head “—in here.”

  Ash fell silent, his mind no doubt working through all the possibilities of what Lily had done, and why. He’d question everything she’d ever told him, reexamine everything he’d remembered about their relationship, too. In no time at all his imagination would transform her from perfect human being to psycho bitch he’d had a lucky escape from, and I’d be by his side, helping him through it every step of the way.

  “She put my stuff in storage,” Ash said, looking up. “I should go and get it.”

  I frowned at him. “What? Why? What’s the rush?”

  “Those things are my past, my history. I’ve got the key and she put the locker in my name but still... What if she tries to throw them away?” He took a deep breath. “I think it’s time I spoke to the cops in Maryland, go in person and show them I’m alive. What’s the worst that can happen?”

  “They charge you?” I said, panic in my voice. “The guy who attacked you tries to finish you off?” I hadn’t banked on this reaction. Lily going back to Brookmount, a hundred percent, but Ash wanting to travel there, too? I wasn’t prepared. I didn’t want him to go.

  “I need to put all of this behind me. Going for my things might help.”

  “If you go, I go. I’ll call Patrick, talk to him about taking a few days off.”

  “I can’t ask you to drop everything and come with me.”

  “Good thing you’re not asking,” I said, making Ash grin a little, and I promised myself that, very soon, he’d be smiling properly again, exactly as he had when Lily had arrived in town, except this time it would be because of me. “He’ll fire Lily the day after tomorrow if she has the guts to go in, which I doubt. Why don’t we leave in the morning, get a head start?”

  I made the call, agreeing with Patrick I’d take two days off, and when he asked me about Lily I said, “I don’t know what to say about her.” Dropping my voice to a whisper I added, “But I don’t think it’s going to work out between her and Ash. It’s such a shame.”

  Next, I went to the laundry room and fished Lily’s favorite sweater out of the hamper, where I’d hidden it earlier that morning. “Ash,” I said, walking into the kitchen. “This is Lily’s. I’m going to drop it off.”

  “I’ll go,” he said.

  “You could do without seeing each other right now. I’ll hand it in at the front desk.”

  He didn’t argue, which I took as another victory. The damage was done. Hiding the cash, jewelry and pills hadn’t just put a dent in their relationship, I’d taken a sledgehammer to it. A couple could never recover from this kind of destruction. I walked over, and put my arms around him, hugging him hard. I’d hated giving him the Benadryl in his beer that night, even though he hadn’t drunk it, and slipping him the benzos this last week had been torture, but it had been the only way.

  “I’m sorry. I know you were hoping things would work out for you both,” I said.

  “It’s not your fault,” he said. “Looks like it’s you and me against the world again.”

  As I went to kiss him on the cheek, he turned his head at the same time, and when my lips brushed against his neither of us moved. Everything seemed to stand still.

  I’d waited for another moment like this for so long. Years and years of pretending and patience, buried yearning, love and desire—all of it building and building from the first time I’d set eyes on Ash. I’d had to endure watching him with other girls. Tried to hide my shame of wanting a boy who was my stepbrother. I’d put up with the taunts and gibes and chants when word had got out at school. Believed it wasn’t right, it wasn’t normal, I was sick in the head.

  I’d had a string of boyfriends who hadn’t looked like him, and another string who had. And still. Nothing I’d done had been able to sway my feelings for him. He’d stolen my heart and carried it with him ever since. I’d promised him—and myself—I’d do anything for him, and that would never change. Standing there now, I wanted to slide my arms around his neck, pull him closer and press my chest against his. I wanted him to do to me what I’d watched him do to Lily in the garage. As he’d thrust deeper and deeper inside her, I’d imagined it was me. His hands on my breasts, his fingers between my legs, him whispering my name.

  It felt like our lips had touched for an eternity, but it was only the briefest of nanoseconds before Ash jerked his head back. “Wow, talk about awkward. Sorry, Bee.”

  A volcano of heat rushed to my face. After everything I’d done for us, nothing had changed. He’d always see me as his little sister, even though we weren’t related by blood. How long would it take for him to realize the one person he needed stood in front of him?

  I almost laughed. I’d been here, waiting for him for almost twenty years. Before I could stop it, blind fury washed over me, slamming into my core. When would he finally see what I’d known forever to be the truth? We belonged together, end of story. I didn’t want to wait anymore. I wouldn’t continue being second, third or fourth best. I was done. We would have our happily-ever-after, I’d make sure of it. But not yet, not just yet.

  “No harm done,” I said, compressing my anger into a tiny little box hidden deep inside me along with another I’d filled with all the secret longing I had for Ash. “How are you feeling?”

  He let out a breath. “Furious. Confused. Hurt. Exhausted.”

  I nodded, gave him my very best sympathetic smile and made my next move. “I’m glad you found out the truth about her sooner rather than later. And I’m glad she’s gone. She couldn’t be trusted, obviously. She’d never have covered for you the way I did.”

  I saw his breath hitch. “Covered for me? For what?”

  I made my face fall and turned away, pretending to be flustered. “Nothing, forget I even—”

  “Maya.” The fierceness in his voice surprised me. It was low, almost a growl, a warning I was to deliver the truth. His eyes darted over my face, his expression filled with fear, his eyes pleading. It was exactly how I needed him to be. Vulnerable, exposed and dependent on me. My strategy, telling him some truths, was another gamble, but if I did it properly...

  “I lied,” I said. “The night Kate died, I lied about where you were.”

  He looked like he might throw up or sink to his knees, but he did neither as he stared at me, his hands shaking. “We went for a drive,” he said. “You and me. Together. That’s what you told me.”

  “I know, but it wasn’t true. I went to the beach looking for driftwood and you said you were going out alone because you were angry with Kate. You said you had to sort things out in your mind.”

  “Angry about what?” he said, but I looked away. “Maya, why was I angry?”

  “Because she slept with Keenan,” I said quietly. “She cheated and you found out the day before because...because I told you.”

  He ran his
hands through his hair, and I imagined what was going through his head. He’d found out his girlfriend had cheated on him with his archenemy. The next night he’d gone out alone, she’d died, and I’d given him an alibi. He was struggling now. I could practically see the scene of what might have happened forming in his head: him leaving the house at the same time Kate arrived. His accusations. Her denial. Their confrontation. Did he wonder if he’d struck her? Killed her by accident before throwing her off the cliffs to hide what he’d done? Could he picture himself watching her body being swallowed up by the dark waters below, only to be found battered and bruised the next morning?

  “Maya,” he said, his voice so strained I barely heard him. “Did I hurt Kate?”

  “No. No, I’m sure you didn’t.”

  “But you don’t know for certain?”

  “I know you. You wouldn’t do something like that. It was an accident.”

  “Was it my idea to lie? Did I ask you to cover for me?”

  “No, it was mine. It didn’t look good for you. If we’d admitted you’d gone out alone...”

  He put his head in his hands and I thought he was going to let out a sob. I felt guilty for telling him about his fake alibi, but it was the truth, same as it being me who’d found out about Kate and Keenan sleeping together. It hadn’t necessitated me being any kind of sleuth, not considering how loudly Keenan had bragged about it at the Cliff’s Head one night, when he’d—surprise, surprise—had too much to drink. I’d stood in the doorway, out of sight, listening to him boast to his friends about how he’d come on to her and how she’d gone along with it for old time’s sake. Once confronted, she broke down, pleading with me it was a mistake, she’d been drunk, and had begged me not to tell Ash.

  Of course, I had, but instead of Ash confronting her immediately he said he needed time to think. What the hell had there been to think about? I’d never liked Kate. Not her doe eyes, perfect teeth or her holier-than-thou attitude. Or the fact she was my age. My ugly-duckling-to-swan moment had happened, in the end. While I’d never been beautiful, I was attractive in my own way, and unlike when Ash had gone out with Celine, this time I could see the similarities in Kate’s and my looks. It pissed me off even more that Ash was obviously in denial, and I told myself to be patient, that it wouldn’t last between them, but just like Celine, everybody had fallen under Kate’s spell, and she’d ensnared Ash completely. They’d met when he’d gone paintballing with some friends. She’d shot him in the head and offered to buy him a beer by way of apology. Yes, that was Kate all over. The fun girl, the cool one—an overenthusiastic schoolteacher with a perfectly proportioned body, and a head full of values. Except for her bedding her ex-boyfriend one last time, something I took great delight in pointing out to her.

  “This is so fucked up,” Ash said, pulling me out of the past. “If anyone finds out you gave me an alibi—”

  “They won’t. They never have. It’s been over two years.”

  “Jesus, this is why I left, isn’t it? Because I killed her?”

  “I don’t believe you hurt her,” I said, allowing a sprinkle of doubt in my voice. “I don’t believe it for one second.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”

  “Because I knew how you’d react,” I said. “Look, today has been crazy. Let’s go to Maryland tomorrow. We’ll figure stuff out as we drive. We can get your things, bring them here and take it day by day, all right?”

  Ash shook his head, his face distraught. “Maya...I don’t know if I can stay here. Maybe it would be better if I left town again.”

  “Better for whom?” I said, struggling to keep my voice in check. “Do you have any idea how selfish you’re being after everything I’ve done for you?”

  He shook his head. “Maybe...maybe we should sell the house.”

  “What? No. This is my home, Ash. Mom’s buried here, and Brad. I won’t leave.” How could he even suggest selling this place? Had Lily put this idea into his head? How could he betray me like that? “I’m going to drop off the sweater,” I said. “We can talk more when I get back.”

  Before he could protest, I left the house and got into my car, the pent-up anger inside me making it hard to breathe. I drove into town, my rage going from boil to simmer and back to boil again when I spotted Lily’s car in front of one of the rooms of the Harbor Inn.

  I’d never had any intention of handing the sweater to Fiona, but I knocked on the wrong door at first, disturbing an elderly couple’s game of Scrabble. When Lily finally opened up, red-faced and puffy, I held out her sweater and she snatched it from me.

  “You bitch,” she said. “I know what you did.”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” I kept my voice low and soft, as if I were speaking to a child. “If I’m being honest, you sound unhinged.”

  “You, honest?” she said, letting out a hollow laugh as she stared at me. “You lied and manipulated us. You fed him those pills to get rid of me, that much is obvious, but I’ve been thinking. Ash thinks his father hated soccer, and I know that’s not true. He clearly remembered the receipt for the Benadryl you said you never bought, but I bet you did. Why would you say those things? What other lies have you been telling him?”

  “Nice try. You’re the one who never told him about your past, and—”

  “Confabulation my ass. Did you really use up all your allergy medicine, or did you give that to him on the sly, too? I’ve been trying to figure out why you’d warp his truth. Tell him something was a false memory when it wasn’t.”

  “You’re sick,” I spat.

  “And then it hit me,” she said quietly. “It’s because you don’t want him to remember why he left Newdale because it has something to do with you, doesn’t it? I think I’ll ask around. Take a trip to the drugstores. Ask Fiona about Brad’s love for soccer. Maybe I’ll talk to Keenan. Figure out if you’ve bought clonazepam before. Make no mistake, Maya. Very soon, everybody will know exactly what kind of a manipulative piece of shit liar you really are.”

  I stared at her. Lily was more dangerous than I’d thought. Most of us were when we had nothing left to lose, but she’d always been at least two steps behind me. She still was, because I’d prepared for this. Hoped for it, even, if I’m being completely honest. A tingle zipped down my spine and I forced my face to fall for a second or two. I had to let her think she’d got to me, and believed I was scared.

  “Let’s get a few things straight,” I said, lowering my voice to a trembling and not very convincing stern whisper. “One, you’d have to find proof first, which you never will, I can promise you that. Two, you’ve lost Ash. Again. And three, I’ll make sure it’s permanent this time.” When she opened her mouth to respond I kept going. “We’re leaving in the morning to pick up his things. I suggest you go back to Maryland, too. Go home, don’t come back and don’t contact either of us again.”

  I turned and marched to my car, and as I drove off, I looked in the rearview mirror. She stood in the doorway, her cold, hard glare boring into me. No point in believing she would follow my advice. I didn’t want her to, but I couldn’t let her get Keenan on her side. Together they’d be a dangerous combination, and Fiona, too, if she ever told Lily about Dealer Dave.

  “One step at a time,” I whispered. “One step at a time.”

  When I headed down our road, and as I got to Keenan’s place, I saw him working on his Subaru in his garage, tools laid out, front left wheel on the floor, the car raised with a scissor jack on the old, uneven concrete floor. I parked and walked over. Keenan raised an eyebrow.

  “I haven’t done anything,” he said. “I haven’t even seen Ash.”

  “I know,” I said, smiling.

  “Then why are you here?” he said with a smirk. “My irresistible charm?”

  “I wanted to thank you for the info about Lily.” I moved closer. “You were right about her. Ash was so shoc
ked he threw her out. I know you hoped it would hurt him, and it has, but you did him a favor in the long run. She’s crazy.”

  Keenan rolled his eyes. “Christ, that didn’t take you long, did it?”

  “What do you mean? You didn’t think I’d tell him? I’ve always looked out for him.”

  He reached for a can of beer, his fifth or sixth judging by the amount of debris scattered across the floor, and attempted what he maybe thought was a sexy wink. “Yeah, sure you have.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Oh, come on. Everyone knows you’ve lusted over him for years. I sure as hell always did. I knew it the moment I found your notebook with all those cutesy double hearts and that—” he made quotation marks “—Maya and Ash forever shit.”

  I let out a gasp. “You found my notebook?”

  “Not as much as I took it,” he said with a laugh. “It was right there, on top of your bag. Besides, who else did you think started the nickname brotherfucker?”

  “You bastard,” I shouted. “It’s because of you Ash never wanted—”

  “You?” Keenan said, laughing again. “You think that’s my fault?”

  I wanted to grab the wrench from him and swing it hard enough to crush his skull or take off half his face, but instead, and without another word, I got into my car and drove home.

  As soon as I parked out front I pretended to go to the garage before heading for the woods on foot, making sure I stayed hidden from the road, watching where I stepped as I got closer to Keenan’s place, so I didn’t alert him to my presence by snapping dry branches.

  I watched him slide underneath his car on a creeper, and my heart rate picked up. Willing myself to cross the road slowly, carefully, I checked for traffic, pedestrians and dog walkers, but, as always, our lonely street was empty.

  Keenan disappeared farther under his vehicle, almost to his knees. I looked around, saw he’d opened another can of beer and had left his cell phone on the floor, that little bit too far out of his reach.