Darin shook his head. “No, but I got my ear pierced the day I became a Christian. With this same cross. I did it myself.” He shrugged. “It means something to me, kind of a symbol of my new birth.”
“I guess you do have to wear it then.”
“The EPA kids accept it. I’m moving there this weekend with a couple of guys from the Bayshore House—that’s a local ministry.”
Her eyes widened. “You’re serious.” She clutched her stomach, wishing the butterflies would disappear. Darin was going to live in the inner city. She felt a small shiver down her spine. She certainly wasn’t meant to live in the ghetto with a man who wore an earring. That wasn’t the life for her. Her parents wouldn’t be the only ones to tell her that. She slipped her hand from Darin’s and focused on the sidewalk in front of her. Maybe her desire to annoy her mother was far too strong. But when she looked into Darin’s eyes, her heart thundered all over again and she sneaked her hand back into his. Sometimes the head and heart disagree. She’d heard that said before, and that it was time to rely on God in those times. Well, God, here I am.
Four
The dim lighting of the coffee shop created a soothing ambiance. An elegant, antique table stood in the center of the room on big black and white tiles, with smaller laminate tables placed elsewhere in true hodgepodge form. A huge metal roaster that resembled a wood-burning stove lifted to the ceiling and provided the focal point of the room. The machine announced the freshness of the beans, but the rich coffee scent overwhelmed the senses.
Emily drew in a deep breath. “That smell is just heavenly. Even if you don’t like coffee, you have to love that smell.”
“If you think it smells good, wait until you taste it.” Darin winked, but then his eyebrows furrowed. “You do drink coffee, don’t you?”
She bit her lower lip. “I like the kind with excessive amounts of sugar and chocolate poured into it, topped with whipped cream, of course.”
He squeezed her hand. “I know just the thing. What do you want for dessert?” Pointing to the refrigerated glass cabinet, he motioned for Emily to look over the delicacies. Pies and chocolate concoctions beckoned her, and she looked to Darin with expectant eyes. She couldn’t have said which looked more appetizing, the desserts or Darin’s warm gaze. She looked away to settle her soda-fizzling stomach.
The shop’s patrons consisted of tattooed, pierced youths, older couples reading papers, and everything in between. The sounds of a jazz clarinet filled the room, and Emily saw that, next to the roaster, a lone musician played his instrument. The coffeehouse was the kind of place Emily would never venture into alone. Once inside, though, she was mystified. The natural shyness within her evaporated. She wanted to talk to everyone and find out their story. How did they get here? What were they doing tomorrow? What were they typing on those laptops of theirs? So many people, so many questions. She looked at Darin in awe. She was braver with him, and she liked that feeling immensely.
“Emily? Did you decide?”
“Oh, yes, I’ll have the chocolate decadence cake.”
Darin ordered their death-by-chocolate desserts, and they found a small table in the corner. “I’m so glad you came out with me tonight. I don’t usually ask people out at the last minute, but somehow I thought it might be okay. You seemed to be having the kind of day I did.”
“I’m so glad you called,” Emily said. “I’m not usually bold enough to venture out on Sunday night. Ever since we stopped having evening service, I feel a little paralyzed at home. I usually do last-minute lesson plans and watch a video, but I can’t get it out of my mind that it’s church night. Maybe I should find something to do on a laptop and come here,” she laughed.
“It’s sad about Sunday evening service though.” Darin shrugged. “I guess in the Bay Area people just didn’t show up, huh?”
“No, and I think it depressed Pastor. He took it as a personal failure. They tried doing communion on Sunday nights to get the members there, but it ended up that the members weren’t taking communion, so they finally just stuck to church and Sunday school.”
Darin stared at her. “You are so beautiful. Do you know your face just lights up when you talk about the church or teaching?”
“Well, since you prefaced that with my being beautiful, you could have added anything onto the end of that sentence. You know, ‘You are beautiful, but your feet are the size of a large tanker.’ ”
Darin’s eyes laughed, and he looked under their table at her shoes. “Well. . .”
She playfully slapped his hand. “Seriously, I see that joy in you when you talk about the boys in the city. How did you get started with them?”
“You probably don’t want to know.”
“Yes, I do.”
“I did a talk on drinking and driving at the Bayshore House. That’s how I met the guys and started teaching the Bible study. It just ballooned from there.”
Emily felt weak. Maybe she didn’t want to know after all. She thought about her mother’s prejudices and how she might answer them. He’s a good friend of Fireman Mike’s. They met in the gutter. Yeah, he was arrested for drunk driving, but that’s in his past. Oh, the earring. That’s just his way of announcing his form of Christianity, Mom. And he started college. He just didn’t finish because of partying. Emily thought about the verse on being a new creature in Christ and wondered if there were any further way she could test that Scripture with her mother.
Darin must have sensed her discomfort. “I’m sorry, Emily. My testimony is not for the faint of heart.”
All hints of a smile faded from his face, and she felt horrible she’d stopped him. “Do you think I’m faint of heart?”
He cupped her hand with his own. “I think you’re sheltered, Emily. And that’s a beautiful place to be. I don’t ever want to take that from you. Innocence is a precious commodity. Cherish it. I wish I had.”
A waiter in a studded leather jacket placed their order on a counter and yelled it out for all the patrons to hear.
“Excuse me.” Darin got up and Emily watched him as he crossed the room. Except for the shaved head and the earring, one might never know he’d led anything but a respectable life. She wondered if she might make him more presentable if meeting her parents should ever come to pass. She chastised herself immediately for trying to change who Darin was. She should be so lucky that he would want to meet her parents.
“How did you find this place?” she asked when he got back to the table.
“I used to come here when I was studying for my contractor’s license.”
“You can study with all this activity?”
Darin looked around. “What activity?”
She crossed her arms. “You are so much like my brother. It makes me laugh.”
“Your brother? I didn’t know you had a brother.”
“I don’t anymore. Not that I know of, anyway. He’ll always be in my heart. He’s gone on to live a different life.”
“I’m so sorry.” Darin sat back in his chair, visibly shaken by her words.
“Me too,” Emily said. “He’s the only one who ever really understood who I was on the inside, but my mother and he never saw eye to eye, and unfortunately it just got to be too much for him.”
Darin leaned forward, his eyes meeting hers with such an intensity Emily couldn’t break from their power. “Who are you inside, Emily?” he asked. “You come across as ‘what you see is what you get,’ but I can tell by your interest in people that just isn’t the case. Just by the fact that you showed up at that wedding when no one thought you had it in you. So who are you really? You’re obviously stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
Emily shoved a bite of cake in her mouth. That was a question for the ages. Since her brother Kyle left, she had no idea who she was anymore. For so long she was Kyle Jensen’s little sister, and then for a while Fireman Mike’s girlfriend, but now she was just Emily, first grade teacher. Was there any more depth than that? She prayed so, but she sure cou
ldn’t summon it up if it was there. Teaching school was important, but when she saw how the boys looked up to Darin, she wondered if she’d have a lifelong impact on any of her kids. Since most of them were from wealthy two-parent homes, the needs just weren’t as obvious. Darin looked at her expectantly.
“I don’t know as yet, but when I find out, you’ll be the first to know.” She hoped that ended the conversation. In truth she feared she was no deeper than a sidewalk puddle. That wasn’t information one wanted to share with a missionary from the ghetto.
“Tell me about your brother. You said he was like me.” Darin swigged his coffee.
Emily smiled at the thought. “He didn’t like rules either. Kyle lived by the spirit of the law, rather than the letter. And in our house that was a terrible thing because we dotted every ‘i.’ ” She looked down at her cake. “How my heart grieved when that part of our family was torn away and only the rules were left. Nothing was ever the same.” She felt a tear fall and quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand. “I’m sorry. Give me a forum and I blubber like a fool. I’m one of those commercial criers, I’m afraid. Today I’m even worse than usual.”
Darin gazed at her gently. “How long ago did your brother leave?”
“It’s been ten years now. It was his first year of college, and I was already lost with him being away.” She stopped abruptly. “You didn’t come out to coffee to hear me whine. Tell me about your ministry.”
Darin paused. “Tomorrow night we’re going to San Francisco to a crab dinner and a play.”
Emily shook her head. “Tomorrow is Monday, a school night. You’re taking the kids up to the city?”
Darin threw back his head and laughed. Emily loved how he did that, as though he relished joy and emanated it like a flashlight. He didn’t seem to care if anyone looked at him or if his laughter was out of place. He just laughed.
“Emily, these kids are up until one a.m. regardless. They watch cable movies all night that aren’t fit for adults, and I think a night in the city is much better than what they could be doing. The playwrights’ association donated the tickets, and I got the meals donated. Want to come along? I can invite two more kids if you go. We’ll take the Bayshore ministry van instead of my car.”
“I don’t know. Monday night usually means a lot of grading for me. That would be a bit irresponsible for me to take off to a play.”
“Irresponsible or out-of-character?” His eyebrows arched.
“Both.”
“Hey, D.” A tattooed, leather-clad man holding a helmet stood over the table.
“Rich!” Darin stood and clasped the hand of this frightening person. “Meet Emily.” He motioned toward her, and Emily swallowed hard before taking the hand of someone her mother would have warned her about. Rich was covered with tattoos, mostly of dragons and spiders. He even sported a black widow above his left eye.
“Hi,” Emily forced.
“This guy,” Rich said as he pointed toward Darin with his free hand, “this guy is such a trip. Do you know he base jumped in a parachute from El Capitan in Yosemite? Just like Bond in that one movie. Crazy, man. He was lucky to be alive when they arrested him. A sheer granite wall he could have blown into any second.” Rich gave a low whistle of awe.
Emily tried to hide her shock, but she felt her eyes blinking rapidly. Darin had been arrested. Really arrested! Not for any pro-life rally or something she could identify with, but for parachuting off one of the highest peaks in California. Of course, there was also the drunk-driving matter. She wondered if she could possibly handle a life with such a man.
Every time she heard something new, she took a step back mentally. If he wasn’t so much like Kyle, she probably wouldn’t be interested. But Kyle had been the same way. Gallant, good-looking, and fearless. It was hard for Emily to ignore what kind of heart lurked beneath Darin’s history, and her own heart beat rapidly at the sight of him.
“It’s not as shocking as it seems, Emily.” Darin explained about the arrest. “That was a long time ago. I was young and stupid.”
“Oh yeah, he’s a church boy now I hear. Not doing any of those crazy stunts anymore,” Rich said.
Emily looked outside at the pink twilight sky. It was too late for her to walk home alone, but she felt the immediate desire to leave. It wasn’t the jail stint, it was just that the more Emily learned about Darin’s life, the more certain she knew she could never be a part of it. She wasn’t a fun person by nature, and she didn’t want Darin to know that the last chance she took was trying a new lesson plan. Kyle had found their mother’s home too stifling. Would Darin find her the same way? If so, it was better to know now.
Suddenly she longed to get home, have a cup of chamomile tea, and go to bed. Sunday night outings were just reckless. If she furthered anything with Darin it seemed her whole life would be that way. Out of control—irresponsible and frightening.
“Rich, I’d sure like it if you’d come to church with me one day. Jumping into faith was more exhilarating than any base jump I ever did.” Darin started an easy sell job to Rich. It wasn’t forced.
Rich put up a palm. “Not me, Buddy. I ain’t the church-going type.”
“And I am?” Darin asked.
“Point taken.” Rich laughed. “I’ll tell you what. You come with me to Burning Man, and I’ll come with you to church.”
Emily watched Darin carefully. How far was he willing to go for this guy? Burning Man was a get-together of life’s weirdos in the middle of the Nevada desert. From what Emily heard there was a lot of nudity and strange art and then at the end they ignited a man-shaped structure and screamed at it.
“No, I’ll tell you what. You come to church with me first, and I’ll go to Burning Man with you. How’s that?”
Rich shook his head. “Always the negotiator. You’re too fast for my blood, D.”
Rich patted him on the back and Darin sat back down. “Let’s get together one of these days. Don’t be a stranger. Emily, it was nice to meet you. You’re too good for this guy.” He winked and walked away with his helmet and gloves.
Emily swallowed hard. “Would you go to that event? Burning Man, I mean.”
“Not in a million years.” Darin rubbed his chin. “Unless God called me to it to preach there. Think about how many lost people are there looking for answers. Thinking they’re going to find it in some invisible spiritual vortex like in a science fiction movie. It makes my stomach sick to think about it. I’ve been too close to death to think the afterlife is something to mess with.”
Emily felt trapped in her chair, wondering how she came to be with such a divergent man. Right now, he seemed like a different specie entirely. “You know, I’d really like to go home.”
Darin ignored her plea. “Do you know what the life verse I’ve picked out for myself is?”
“Do I want to?” she asked.
He cleared his throat and continued. “When David danced before the Lord, he humiliated himself in front of people. His wife Michal was mortified and told him so. David replied, ‘I will become even more undignified than this.’ That’s my life’s verse. If God is calling me to something, I’m not going to worry about what society thinks, Emily. I’m going to listen and be undignified if necessary.”
Emily could hear her own heart thundering in her ears. “But what about church society? If your life isn’t held up in esteem, how do you earn respect? Being undignified is hardly godly behavior.”
“There’s a difference between being undignified and being undignified to praise the Lord. Are you afraid I’d embarrass you?”
She looked him straight in the eye and almost lied, but the truth came tumbling out. “Yes, I am.”
He winced, and Emily felt her harshness to the core. Poor Kyle. Now she knew what he must have felt like when Mom couldn’t accept him for who he was.
“I’m sorry. David cried out to the Lord so many times when he was humiliated, when he was downtrodden and beaten. What makes you call on the Lord?”
This date. “Just because I haven’t had all these wild experiences doesn’t mean I don’t know what it is to need the Lord. I have endured tragedy multiple times, and I’m still standing.” Emily scooted her seat back. “I think we should go.”
Darin reached for her sweater on the back of the chair, but she grabbed it first. “Emily, are you afraid of me?”
She let the question fall unanswered.
Five
Once home, Emily dropped her purse and ran to answer the phone. “Hello,” she said breathlessly. She was thankful for the ringing phone so that she and Darin didn’t have an awkward good-bye at the door. He had just waved at her as she clumsily ran for the phone.
“Emily, where have you been? It’s Sunday evening. Shouldn’t you be doing your lesson plans?”
She sighed. “Mom, I was out with a friend.” What am I thinking? Why don’t I just announce I had a date!
“A friend? Where?”
“We just went for coffee. It was no big deal. It’s eight-forty-five and I’m home, okay? It’s no later than I might have been home from Sunday night service. I just went out for a little fellowship.”
“Are you dating someone?” Her voice rose with anticipation.
“No, Mom. It’s just a friend that I met at Mike’s wedding.”
Nancy Jensen clicked her tongue in disgust. “Oh, that wedding. Why on earth did you go to that? Isn’t it humiliating enough that he married someone else? You have to go and announce to all my friends that he married someone else?”
“I like Mike, Mom, and I like Grace too. It would have been unkind for me to stay home. I want to support their marriage. Besides, everyone at church knows the story. It’s not like I’m keeping any secrets. What kind of lesson would it have been for little Josh if I didn’t go?”
Her mother clicked her tongue again, followed by a long exhale of breath. “Emily, you are never going to get married being everyone’s buddy. Men need to think of you as a woman, not as a companion they’d take to the ball game. I wish your brother was still around. He’d find you a wonderful man to marry. You do know you’re my only chance at grandchildren.”
Unbreakable Hope Page 4
