Unbreakable Hope

by Kristin Billerbeck

  It was worse than he thought. She felt like a stranger to him now.

  Twelve

  Emily blinked several times. Someone was sitting on her small porch. A big someone who resembled Darin, but she knew better. Darin was with Angel now. Still, her stomach flip-flopped at the possibility. She’d hoped Darin would be different. That he would tell her the truth rather than let her find out the hard way. The way she’d found out her brother was gone. Hope sprang eternal, but Emily thought of her pastor’s words about mental illness: to do the same thing twice and expect a different result. What did three or four times make her? How she wished Kyle were still around to translate man-speak for her. Squaring her shoulders, she pledged that she was done playing the welcome mat and prayed for strength.

  I will not fall victim to my feelings. I will not fall victim to my feelings. I will be strong.

  It was high time Emily started spending more time with God, rather than constantly looking for a man. That was a wasted effort. If God wanted her to be married, He could just have the guy knock on her door and sweep her away. Since that wasn’t likely to happen, she unloaded her groceries from the trunk.

  “Hi,” Darin said, his voice tentative. He took the groceries from her. She nodded at him and unlocked her front door.

  “So it is you. How’s Angel?” she asked, unable to help herself.

  “She’s upset,” Darin said, as though Emily really cared. It was hard to be overly concerned for the other woman. No matter how godly one was.

  “Good, so am I. Thanks for asking.”

  “Emily.”

  She took the groceries back from him and put them down inside the foyer, then turned toward him. “Darin, I never asked to get involved with you. You were the one who kept asking me out. If you weren’t over Angel, you shouldn’t have strung me along.”

  With annoyance, she realized a tear had fallen. Darin wiped it away with his thumb.

  Clearly, he hadn’t expected her to stand up for herself. Doormat Emily never did, after all. He could just ask Mike Kingston if he didn’t believe it for himself. But those days were over. She was far too old to be every man’s buddy. If she ever hoped to be taken seriously as a woman, she needed to stop wasting her time with men who wanted a companion at baseball games. She needed to trust in God, not herself.

  “I wasn’t stringing you along.” Darin’s jaw set. “Angel lost out to the other women for cheerleader. She was upset.”

  “Well, then, that changes everything. Look, lest you think I’m jealous or envious or any of those things that bring out the green-eyed monster—maybe I am, but that’s not all I am. I’m just sick of being taken for granted by men. I thought we had something between us. At least enough where you would give me the common courtesy of letting me know if you were really with her. I know that’s what your family wants.”

  “Angel—”

  “Angel had nothing to do with why you didn’t call me all week when you said you would.”

  “No, she didn’t.”

  Emily felt the first sting of tears in her nose. For someone who never had a serious boyfriend, her batting average with men was horrible. She supposed dashed expectations were to blame. It served her right for having any. Relying on people would get you nowhere, that’s what her brother Kyle always said. Only God, Kyle used to say. That was an easy thing to say, but not easy to live. Relationships were a vital part of living.

  “Emily, are you willing to hear why I didn’t call you?”

  Was she?

  “I don’t know. Is it going to hurt me? Because if it is I think I’d rather remain blissfully ignorant for now.”

  He put his arm around her and led her to the sofa.“Do you remember Lonnie? The kid we took to San Francisco?”

  “Of course I do. Big as a house with a heart to match.” She grinned thinking about the boy.

  “That’s him. Did you read about the arson fire in EPA in the paper? That was his grandmother’s house. Lonnie’s cousin suffered smoke inhalation and has been in Stanford Children’s Hospital all week. I’ve been staying with Lonnie and his cousins, so his grandmother could be at the hospital. I wanted to call you, but every time I did someone needed me for something. And I figured that’s why God called me there, so that was my priority at the time.” He shook his head. “Looking at your face today, I don’t know that it was the right choice.”

  He touched her face with his palm, and she saw the honesty in his eyes.

  “How is Lonnie’s cousin?”

  “He’s fine now. It was touch and go for the first couple of days.” Darin shook his head again. “Emily, I’m terrible at this. I’m trying to court you, the way a good Christian man should court a woman, but I’m at a loss. You’re not like any of the women I’ve dated before.”

  “I’ve noticed.”

  “Angel doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s just that I can’t stand to abandon someone who is so obviously looking for faith.”

  “Is she looking for faith, Darin? If she is, that’s God’s job. Not yours.”

  Darin raked his fingers through his hair. “No, she’s not looking for faith. At least not yet. Pastor told me the same thing, that it was God’s job, not mine. But I admit I’m struggling with the idea. What if no one else comes along? What if her time comes and she doesn’t get it? As it is, she’s a death sentence waiting to happen.”

  It was a good question. What indeed? She wondered if God weren’t preparing a special ministry for her. Bringing women to God so her old boyfriends could marry them. Now there was a harsh thought. At the same time, the eternal life of a soul was so much more important than her pride. Or her marriage dreams.

  “I’ll talk with her. Do you want me to talk to her?” Emily asked.

  “I would if you don’t mind.” Darin got up from the sofa. “Let me help you put these groceries away.”

  Emily watched him stride toward the kitchen carrying the brown bags as if they were cotton balls. He embraced a humility she didn’t understand.

  He came back into the living room, and Emily’s heart clenched. He was so good-looking, inside and out, and her feelings toward him were like nothing she’d ever felt for any other man. There was an invisible attachment to him, a chain that held her heart and told her Darin was a gift from God. But how could he be? Everything about him was wrong. He lived in the ghetto. His parents hated her. Her parents would hate him! He wore an earring. Was it really worth going on? God didn’t want her to bring all these differences to a marriage. Marriage was hard enough, wasn’t it?

  “Are you going to help me with the groceries?” His eyebrows rose. “Or are you going to make me do it myself as penance?”

  Emily laughed. “I should make you do it. It’s quite attractive to watch a man work in the kitchen. Go ahead.”

  He walked toward her and picked her up as easily as one of the grocery bags. “I’ll give you working in the kitchen.” The two of them collapsed on the couch in a flurry of laughter. And then Emily’s smile died as Darin’s eyes met her own. “I’m through playing around, Emily. I took you for granted because I thought you knew my heart. I won’t make that mistake again. Grace read me the riot act.”

  His expression moved her heart. She loved this man. How could that be true so quickly? But she knew. “You haven’t even kissed me.”

  “I can change that.” Darin grasped her chin gently and pulled her toward him. They melted into a soft kiss, and Emily couldn’t imagine ever kissing another man.

  The doorbell broke the moment. They separated like two teenagers caught in a high school hallway.

  “The door,” Emily said.

  Darin broke into laughter. “It is the door.”

  “I’m stating the obvious.”

  “You are.” He pushed her up from the couch. “You should get the door.”

  She nodded and headed toward the door, but all she wanted to do was find her way back into Darin’s arms. She smiled at Darin, searching his green eyes and forgetting what she was doing. />
  “The door,” he reminded her.

  “Oh, right.” She opened the door, and her mouth dropped. “Mom! Dad!” Emily looked back at Darin, and all she could focus on was his shaved head. His earring.

  Nancy Jensen stepped into the duplex while Emily’s father waited on the stoop. “You’ve got a man here?”

  Emily exhaled, trying to contain her own emotions of guilt. “Mom, Dad, this is Darin.” Her dad, wearing his Sunday toupee, finally stepped into the foyer and stared at Darin—and his earring.

  “I warned you we might drop in for a surprise visit,” her mother said. “We didn’t see you at church today.”

  “I was teaching, Mother. You know I teach on the second and third Sundays of the month.”

  “Emily, may I see you in the kitchen a moment?” Her mother stalked into the kitchen, and her long nervous fingers began fiddling with the coffee pot.

  Emily ground some coffee beans, the whirring sound drowning out her mother’s admonitions. When she finished, she poured the grounds into the coffee pot.

  “Mom, before you say anything else, I like Darin. Please don’t ruin this.”

  “I don’t understand what you mean. Maybe this is your own guilt for having a man in your apartment. On a Sunday no less. Besides, is there something to ruin? I thought you weren’t seeing anyone.”

  “Mom, he’s my friend. I’ve known him a week, and we’re not getting married at this point. Okay?”

  “I heard he lives in the ghetto.”

  “As a lay minister, Mom.”

  “And that he’s a gardener.”

  “A landscape artist, I told you so myself,” Emily corrected. “He designs gardens.”

  “And a garbage man beautifies the neighborhood too. Emily, you’re a teacher. How do you expect to raise a family on a gardener’s salary?”

  “I guess the same way Jesus expected to find His food in the desert. I’m going to trust God that if Darin is the man for me, He will provide.”

  Silence. Ah, that beautiful sound when her mother was stopped cold in her harsh words.

  Something about her not even giving Darin a chance infuriated Emily. She could feel the flame in her cheeks. Emily clenched her teeth to speak.

  “Mom, Darin is a godly man. Please don’t ruin this for me.”

  “You keep saying that. What am I ruining if there’s nothing going on between you?”

  “When you dated Dad, were you willing to announce your engagement in the first week? Or did you want to get to know him a bit before that?”

  Her mother’s mouth pursed. “I don’t remember. I do know, however, that my parents approved.”

  “I am thirty-two years old! I’m old enough to approve my own boyfriends.”

  “I just heard from Lois that he brings all these hoodlums to church. That he wears an earring. And I see he doesn’t respect his hair, just as I thought.”

  Emily felt the first prick of tears. Is this what she would become? It was how she treated Grace when Mike first brought her to church, like a throwaway person because she didn’t act right, look right.

  “Kyle didn’t look right either, Mom, and I never met someone who loved the Lord like my brother.”

  “Your brother couldn’t play by the rules!” Nancy Jensen sniffed.

  “Whose rules?”

  The question hung between them as Darin entered the room. He smiled at her mother, and his natural charm forced a smile to Emily’s face.

  “Mrs. Jensen, it is so nice to meet you. You have raised a fabulous daughter. My compliments.” Darin helped fill the creamer with milk. He’d obviously seen Emily’s hands trembling, and when he was finished he stilled her tremor by holding her hands.

  “Where did you grow up, young man?”

  “Right here in town.”

  “I heard you’re a friend of Fireman Mike’s.” The small creases at her mother’s eyes deepened. She was like a hawk looking for prey.

  Emily felt her heart pound against her chest wall. Would Darin explain how he met Mike? Would her mother chase him away too?

  Thirteen

  Darin eyed Mrs. Jensen curiously. She was a strange woman, nothing like her daughter. Where Emily embraced fears and doubts, Mrs. Jensen appeared undaunted and on the offensive. Her eyes were fierce like a wolf’s, and she had a spindly frame. To watch mother and daughter side by side, there was no obvious connection, nothing to show a bond or apparent love. Maybe he’d envied Emily’s upbringing erroneously.

  He cast a glance toward Emily, who was wide-eyed with fear that he would tell his drunk-driving story or, worse yet, his gutter-surviving testimony. She needn’t have worried. If Darin had learned anything from his old life, it was when to staple his mouth. Too much information was sometimes the death knell in a conversation, and he had no desire to end this dialogue.

  “Yes, I’m a friend of Fireman Mike’s.” He lifted his voice with enthusiasm. After all, who couldn’t love Mike Kingston? “I met him on the job two years ago. And I owe him big thanks because I met your daughter at his wedding.” Darin winked at Emily, and her shoulders visibly relaxed.

  Mr. Jensen lumbered into the kitchen. Although large in stature, he kowtowed to his wife, but, mostly avoided her. Still, Darin could see that Mr. Jensen had limits.

  Emily’s dad embraced his daughter, squeezing her with a growl. “We’ve missed you. You’d hate it there. All it does is rain.” He pulled away and looked Darin straight in the eye. “What do you say we all go out to dinner?”

  “Only if you let me treat. It isn’t every day I get to meet my girlfriend’s parents when they live so far away.”

  “Girlfriend?” Mrs. Jensen tapped her toe against the worn linoleum. “Emily, is this true? I thought you were only friends.”

  Open mouth, insert foot.

  “No, Mother, we’re not just friends. He’s my boyfriend,” Emily said. “To put it in his terms, he’s courting me.”

  Darin stifled a smile at Emily’s enjoyment of standing up to her mother. It was obvious that people didn’t stand up to Nancy Jensen often. Most likely, it wasn’t worth the battle in most instances.

  “You’re dating a gardener then,” she said.

  Without thinking, Darin stepped back. There was something both comical and sad about Mrs. Jensen’s statement, all at once. Of the many things to disapprove of—his living in the ghetto, his drunk-driving history, even his earring—the vocation surprised him. Granted, he wasn’t a Stanford MBA like so many in the Valley, but he made a good living and he had time to enjoy life. The time to mentor troubled youths when most men couldn’t break free of their cell phones and constant meetings. As far as he was concerned, he led a pretty good life.

  “A gardener who’s in love with your daughter,” Darin said, almost surprising himself.

  Emily shook her head, silently urging him to avoid any confrontation.

  Mr. Jensen laughed heartily, his big belly jiggling. “Well, that’s the way to tell her. A gardener who’s in love with my daughter.” He nodded his head in approval. “How do you feel about that, Emily?”

  Emily’s eyes popped like two light bulbs. “Um. . .”

  Mr. Jensen laughed again. “He loves my daughter and he’s paying for dinner. Darin is my kind of man.” He slapped Darin on the back.

  Nancy Jensen remained stiff. The wall between mother and daughter stood firm. Darin wished he could take Emily into his arms and rescue her from such fear. Now he knew why she possessed it. Everything she did was under the studied gaze of Mrs. Jensen.

  “Let’s go, then,” he said loudly. “Mr. Jensen, since you’re our aficionado, you can choose the restaurant.”

  “Since you’re paying, I think we should do prime rib.”

  “Dad!” Emily squealed.

  “I’m kidding, Darling. Don’t worry. I won’t break his wallet before you do.” Mr. Jensen’s white hair highlighted his steely blue eyes. Every time the man opened his mouth, Darin wondered how he had remained so cheery after a lifetime of livi
ng with his wife. The woman emanated no joy at all, but she no doubt knew her Bible inside and out. The modern-day Pharisee, he thought.

  “McDonald’s is taking orders, Mr. Jensen. Do you want a Big Mac or a double cheeseburger?” Darin winked.

  “Is that all you can afford?” Mrs. Jensen asked.

  “Mom! He just told you he makes good money, and he lives in the ghetto, so costs are low.”

  “What? You think it’s comical that you live in the ghetto? I don’t understand you, young man. God would want you to be financially prepared before taking a wife.”

  Darin watched Emily’s countenance falter. They hadn’t discussed marriage—not even love. After all, they’d only known each other a week, but Darin felt this was how it must have been during WWII, when you found a bride and knew it. People today wasted too much time in his opinion. God had provided clarity.

  Darin hadn’t wanted to scare her off, of course, but he knew just as sure as he stood there that Emily was his wife-to-be. He knew the moment he laid eyes on her at Mike’s wedding.

  Mrs. Jensen was still mumbling something when Emily spoke again. “Mom, Darin is offering us dinner, not a lifetime.” She winked at him.

  He looked into her eyes and knew instinctively what her heart was saying, that she was apologizing for her mother. Emily wasn’t coldhearted like some people at their church believed. She was stifled. She longed to break free of the emotions that bound her. Darin could feel it.

  “I hate to be the voice of reason here,” Mrs. Jensen said. “But we’re a family, and I think our dinner should be reserved for family tonight. Mr. Black, should you hope to become family, I would expect you to respect our time. We’ve been traveling for two days now, and we’d like to have dinner with our daughter.”

  The linoleum was spinning. Darin would have respected Mrs. Jensen’s wishes if he could not see Mr. Jensen and Emily struggling to protest. It was obvious the two of them would rather leave her behind, not him. The thought forced a nervous chuckle. Would he respect his potential mother-in-law or show his masculinity by standing up to her? It felt a no-win situation. He prayed for God to show him the right direction.