by JB Salsbury
I make the left into my apartment lot, find a spot, and shut off the car before turning to face her head on. She’s gazing up at me with questioning eyes, so I swallow and confess, “No.”
Her lips open but then slam closed. I hop from the Jeep, and when I hear her door shut, I hit the locks. Without looking back, I climb the stairs to my apartment, hyperaware of her presence at my back. I push inside, hit the lights on, and drop my keys in the bowl.
“Make yourself at home. Grab something to sleep in.” I head to the bathroom and shut and lock the door before bracing myself over the sink and staring at my reflection in the mirror.
I could’ve killed that guy. I’ve stuck up for Axelle in the past, gotten in fights to defend her, but I’ve never been afraid like I was tonight.
This shit between us has to stop. It’s built to a level I’m no longer able to control, and if we don’t clear the air between us, I could end up in prison.
My mind briefly flashes back to four years ago, the way Blake lost it on Stewart, nearly killing the guy and landing his ass behind bars. Back then I thought Blake was a psycho, totally out of control. Now I can relate.
And that thought alone is scary as shit.
I pull out my contacts and strip out of my clothes. The hot shower spray is punishing against my skin, but I welcome the burn.
I rehearse the speech I’m going to have to give when I exit this room, knowing that the next hour could change the last four years of friendship we’ve built. It’s terrifying and liberating, and by the time I’m out and dried off, I’m eager to get it over with.
With a towel around my waist, I push out and into the studio apartment. Axelle’s sitting cross-legged on my bed with a glass of water between her hands. She’s wearing my black UFL tee and a pair of red boxers, her long slender legs looking as smooth as silk against my comforter.
“I’m finished if you need to get ready for bed.”
Her eyes widen and slide down my chest to my abdomen and then lower to—dammit, fuck! My dick is half hard and more than obvious behind the thin white towel. I whirl around and give her my back.
“Thanks, I’ll, uh…” I look over my shoulder to see her flustered and fumbling with her water glass as it splashes over the lip and onto her legs. “Oh, shit!” She scrambles off the bed. “Do that.”
She scurries to the door, tripping once on her way, but I pretend not to notice and dig out some pajama pants to wear to bed. I hear the toilet flushing then the faucet running, and the door opens again just as I’m settling into a chair at my small kitchen table.
She looks between me and the bed. “Are you not tired?”
“We need to talk, and—no shit—I won’t be able to concentrate if we have this conversation on the bed.”
Her eyes widen, and she crosses to me with uneasy steps.
I nod to the seat in front of me. “Sit.”
She lowers herself and blinks up at me with makeup free eyes, and suddenly she’s sixteen again. That’s the face I fell in love with, the face I’m still in love with.
“Killian, listen, if this is about tonight—”
“Shh, please.” I close my eyes and pull together all my strength. “It’s not about tonight.”
She tilts her head. “Okay?”
“Axelle, I haven’t exactly been honest with you.”
Her eyebrows pinch and she leans away. “About what?”
I open my mouth then shut it then open it again and—
“Killian, whatever it is, just say it. You can tell me anything, you know that—”
“I’m in love with you.”
She blinks.
“I know it probably seems like this is coming out of nowhere, but for me it’s not. I’ve been in love with you since we were sixteen years old, and I keep thinking that what I feel for you will mellow and we can stay friends, but it hasn’t. It…fuck, Ax, it’s only gotten stronger.”
Her eyes shine, but I can’t tell if the tears are the happy or sad kind.
“Look. I don’t expect anything from you. I just can’t go on living like this. I can’t go another day watching you give these guys your time and your body, when they don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you. And I’m not saying I do, but if you gave me a chance, God, Axelle, if it were even in the realm of possibility that you’d give me a chance, I’d show you every second of every day exactly how you deserve to be treated.”
I sit back, rest my hands on my thighs, and wait as I watch her phase through a slew of emotions. My heart sinks with every second that passes and she says nothing until finally I sigh in defeat. I just poured my heart out, laid it at her feet, and she has nothing to say. Great.
“You’ve had a long night; you should get some sleep.” I attempt to push back the beginning stages of a headache.
The sound of her chair legs scraping the tile brings my eyes to hers. She closes the space between us, and when her knees hit mine, she pauses. Our eyes lock and my heart pounds in my chest.
And then she blows me away by lifting one leg over my thigh and climbing on to straddle my lap.
I hiss when the warmth between her legs covers my dick. My hands instinctively grip her waist and hold her there, absorbing her heat.
Is this really happening?
Her hands slide up my shoulders to lock behind my neck, and she presses her forehead against mine. My eyes slide closed at the feeling of holding her in a way that is far from friendly. Holding her like a lover.
“Killian, no one has ever loved me the way you do.” Her minty breath washes over my face, and my mouth waters to taste it. “You’ve always been there when I needed you.” She rocks her hips against me, and the way her breath hitches from the friction between our bodies makes me groan.
“I want you, so bad, in every possible way.” The words tumble from my lips in a plea.
“I want you too.” She angles her head and brushes her lips against mine.
So soft, so damn sweet. Better than anything I imagined.
Her tongue traces the seam of my mouth and I pull away.
“I’m sorry. Is this too much? Too fast?” She wiggles to back off my lap, but I grip her ass and pull her back flush to me.
“No, never too much and, after four years of waiting, it’s far from too fast.” I run my thumb along her closed lips. “But I’m not kissing you as long as you have that metal in your tongue that you got for another guy.”
Her cheeks turn the lightest shade of pink and she nods.
I press the tip of my thumb between her lips, nice and slow, mimicking the way I’ve dreamed of doing it with my fingers between her legs. Her breath catches, and her teeth part to welcome me in her mouth. She pulls my thumb deep with a suction that draws all the blood to the surface; the ball of her piercing toys with the pad.
“Fuuuck.” Blood powers through my body, making me throb.
She closes her eyes and continues to suck as I drag my thumb in and out with lazy strokes.
“You’re fuckin’ beautiful, baby.”
She flexes her hips, and the heat between her legs intensifies.
Unable to drag this out any longer, I slide my forefinger between her lips and grip the ball of her piercing. “Open.”
She slides her tongue out, and I unscrew the ball, pulling free the barbell and tossing it into the nearest trashcan. I expect her to protest, to make some remark about wanting the piercing back after we’re finished here, but instead her eyes flash with understanding and acceptance.
She squeals as I stand, locking her legs around my waist. I carry her to the bed.
Laying her back, I thrust long and hard against her. I might be a virgin, but it doesn’t take a genius to know how to move inside a woman.
“I’m gonna kiss you now, Axelle.”
“Please,” she moans.
“Everything changes after this; you sure you’re ready for that?”
Her hands fist into my hair, and her body undulates beneath me. I turn my head with a muttered
curse. This woman is going to kill me. And what a sweet fucking death it’ll be.
“Killian?”
How long have I waited to hear my name from her lips, heavy with hunger and longing?
“Yeah, baby?”
Her gaze tangles with mine and sparkles with desire. I hold my breath, so scared she’ll say something that’ll end what we’ve started. That she’ll come to her senses and realize I’m nerdy Killian McCreery from high school and be repulsed.
“I love you too.”
Fourteen
Killian
Axelle loves me.
The words strike my chest and knock the air from my lungs. I drop my forehead to her neck and fight bursting into tears. She holds me to her, comforting me as if she’s aware of the power of her confession. I whisper words of gratitude against her skin, silent praises to God for deeming me worthy of this woman and her love.
She loves me.
My lips move from praises to worshipful kisses, slowly skating up the side of her throat to her jaw. The mild hint of soap mixing with the subtle sweet scent I’ve come to recognize as hers alone ignites my blood. I pull the smooth skin with my lips as she pants heated breaths against my ear. Closer to her mouth, I pull away to gaze down at her. Tears shine in her eyes and burn behind mine.
With our eyes on one another, I lower my mouth to hers. The first touch of her lips is an explosion that races down my spine. I hum in satisfaction as she opens to me, my tongue delving in to glide against hers—testing then tasting and savoring.
She does the same, kissing me back with an unhurried passion, as if she’s committing every new sensation to memory. She tastes like mild honey and smells like wildflowers, and my hunger to gorge myself on her pulses beneath my skin.
With my knee between her legs, I shift to her side, giving my hand full access to explore her luscious body. Her breasts strain against the baggy T-shirt as she arches off the bed, an open invitation I’m not stupid enough to decline.
My fingers quake as I slide my hand up her shirt to her belly. The first caress of her skin is a tease and too decadent to experience by touch alone. I want her on my tongue. It takes the temptation of her skin to pull me from her lips, and she whimpers when she loses my mouth.
“Shh…” I grin at her while shifting down her body, pressing kisses to her clavicle and breastbone. “I’m not finished with you yet.”
She moans when my lips make contact with her belly button and I flick my tongue against it. How many times I’ve fantasized about this when she’s been in a bikini, running my mouth against the gentle slope of her belly, and now here she is, offering herself to me. It’s too good to be real.
Her long, slender fingers pull up her shirt, exposing her bare breasts, and I swear if I hadn’t looked away I would’ve come right then.
“Touch me, Kill.”
I smile against her skin. Hearing her call me by my nickname reminds me she knows exactly who’s touching her, she’s not in some fantasy pretending I’m someone else, and she’s begging.
Me.
I cup her breast and circle her nipple with my thumb. It hardens and my dick responds in kind. I do the same to the other breast until a trail of goose bumps skitters across each one.
“Gorgeous, baby.” I pluck gently at her nipples, and her legs shift restlessly on the bed. “So fucking beautiful.”
I dip down and pepper her breasts with kisses before sucking her nipple deep into my mouth. Her hips jack off the bed, and I hum against her in approval. I’m drunk on every whimper that falls from her lips as I continue to shower her with attention.
She writhes beneath me and rakes her fingernails across my shoulders and back. The sting of her impatience sends me to her lips, where I take her in a brutal kiss. Passion unleashes from within, and my restraint drowns in my desire for more.
She digs her heels into the bed and her knees fall open. I slide my hand between her legs, cupping her over my boxers. The thin cotton fabric is wet and my head nearly explodes.
I rub her into a frenzy, nice and slow then hard and fast, and when she’s on the brink of coming, I slip two fingers through the flap and—oh fuck. She’s silken heat and hungry. I’m never gonna make it.
“Yes, don’t stop. I’m close.” She grips my head and pulls my lips to hers, thrusting her tongue into my mouth and shattering my restraint.
“You’re so fucking hot, Ax. From the first day I met you, I’ve wanted to do this to you.” I share my darkest secrets against her lips between kisses. “I’ve imagined what it would be like to feel your mouth on mine: how many times we’ve been at the pool and I’ve wanted to pull your top aside and taste you.”
“Yes, don’t stop. Tell me more.” Her breath hitches.
“I’ve touched myself thinking about your lips.” I suck on her bottom lip, biting gently before soothing the ache with my tongue. “Fantasized about feeling them all over me.”
Her hips meet the demands of my thrust. She’s close. So damn close.
“I’ve wanted this for so long.” I slide my fingers from her body. “Can’t wait another second.”
I rip the boxers to her ankles and toss them to the floor. Without a hint of finesse, I position myself between her legs and wrench her thighs apart. I try to be gentle, but I’m too far gone and I devour her.
Her head slams back against the pillow while her fists tighten into the comforter. I lick and suck from her tender flesh, so desperate to drink her in, to take whatever she gives. Every new sound is a symphony of lusty responses I commit to memory. My mouth commands every whimper, every groan. She cries out my name, and the guttural sound raises goose bumps on my skin. When she comes down, she doesn’t push me away as I continue to tenderly kiss between her legs.
“You’re going to get so sick of hearing this, but you’re gorgeous. I always imagined what being with you like this would be like, and that…” I shake my head and press a kiss to her inner thigh. “That was unbelievable.”
She smiles shyly, her cheeks flushed, and holds her hands out to me. “Come here.”
I push up and her eyes widen at the rocket that’s punching through my sweatpants. I reach down and make an adjustment, resisting the urge to jack off when she bites her lip, staring at it. “If you keep that up I’m going to have to take matters into my own hands.”
She pushes up to her knees, my tee falling over her naked body, which only makes me hungry to strip her bare. She crawls to the end of the bed and pulls herself up against me.
Kissing my neck, she smiles. “As much as I’d love to see you take matters into your own hands? I’d rather take matters into mine.”
I suck in a shaky breath as she kisses down my throat to my chest, across my pecs, then lower to—“Axelle, baby…” I hook her chin and bring her face back to eye level. “I want that, you know I do, but on my long list of things I want to do with you, that’s not number one.”
She cocks a head and lifts a brow. “Oh yeah?”
I run her soft hair through my fingers. “Yeah.”
“I believe I heard part of your list earlier.”
I press a kiss to her lips. “Mm-hm.”
“So, what did I miss?” She’s grinning and playful, but her smile falls when I cup her face and look straight into her eyes.
“Let me make love to you.”
Her eyes widen and her lips part. “But you’re a virgin. I mean are you sure you want it to be me?”
Even after everything we’ve done, after all my confessions, my cheeks still heat with embarrassment. “Who do you think I’ve been saving it for?”
Her eyes fill with tears. “But you know I’m not a virgin, and you deserve—”
“It’s always been yours, Axelle. It’s just been hanging around waiting for you to take it. So, will you?”
A brilliant smile pulls her lips and she nods. “Yes, as long as you’re sure.”
“Never been surer of anything my entire life.”
~~~
I wish I coul
d say I went into losing my virginity like a champ. That I Rico-Suaved my way to bed, threw down my v-card with a “Bam!” and dropped the mic.
But as I stand there staring into the beautiful blue eyes of the only girl I’ve ever loved, only one thought powers through my thick skull.
Condoms.
I don’t have any damn condoms.
It’s like finding the Holy Grail then discovering it’s too heavy to carry. Or having someone hand you the formula to cure cancer, but it’s written in a dead language no one can understand. Or discovering you are motherfucking Superman at the same time you’re diagnosed with extreme acrophobia!
Axelle’s lips are on my neck and her hands dip beneath the waistband of my flannel pants.
I grip her wrists. “Whoa…hold on.”
My heart is racing and my blood pumping so furiously I might fucking pass out with excitement.
She pulls back and eyes me with concern. “Why are you stopping me?”
“I don’t have any condoms.” I run a hand through my hair and groan. “I’m sorry. I just never thought this would happen, at least, not so soon, and I’m totally unprepared.”
“No worries.” She shrugs. “I have some.”
Total. Fucking. Boner-kill.
I’m well aware of the men that Axelle has shared a bed with, more aware than I’d like to be, but that doesn’t mean the reminder of those men doesn’t make me want to punch something or someone, specifically one of the motherfuckers who she’s carrying around condoms in her purse for.
She hops off the bed, and I watch her long legs as she moves to her bag. “Should be in here somewhere,” she mumbles. “Ah-ha!” She whirls around and holds up a strip of gold-foiled condoms.
“Great.”
Her grin falls and she looks between me and the big-fat fuck-you she’s holding. “Hey…” She crosses to me and tosses the condoms on the bed before wrapping her arms around my waist. “It’s just us in this room, okay? Please, don’t let my mistakes change the way you feel about me right now. I…” She sighs and holds me tighter. “I have my own regrets. I’ve made so many mistakes. Don’t let someone like Clifford—”
