by JB Salsbury
“Please, don’t say his name.”
“—ruin this for us.”
“You’re right.” I rub her back and hold her close. “I’m being a little bitch.”
She giggles and tilts her head back. “You said it, not me.”
I grin, but it’s slight, desire to pick up where we left off dissolving any hint of humor. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for you.”
“I’m sorry it took me so long.” She pushes up on her tiptoes and kisses me with all the passion of a woman in love.
I fist my hands in her hair, and she slides her hands down the back of my pants, her nails dragging along my ass as she pushes the flannel to my ankles. I step out of them while walking her backwards to the bed. When her legs hit the mattress, I reach down and pull her tee off. Her dark hair falls in panels down her chest and over her breasts.
A small voice inside keeps reminding me this is Axelle, the girl I’ve dreamed about for all those years, the only girl who’s starred in every single fantasy I’ve had since I was sixteen years old. And now she’s here, in the flesh, and putting every fantasy I’ve ever had to shame.
We kiss until we’re breathless, hands roaming each other’s bodies, not leaving a single inch undiscovered. She grows heavier in my arms as her legs weaken. I scoop her from her feet and lay her down on the bed, her long strong body laid out before me in wanting.
I kiss her breasts, her stomach, her thighs, the backs of her knees, worshipping her with gratitude for all she’s giving me.
Crawling up her body, I fork my fingers in her hair and kiss her as if this will be the last time. Her hand travels down my ribs, leaving goose bumps in its wake, and then she touches me. She grabs my dick in her tight fist, and I groan as the tingling sensation shoots up my spine. Her hand moves back and forth, priming me unnecessarily. I’ve been ready for this for years. I bite her lip and she gasps, releasing me.
I reach for the condoms and rip one off with my teeth.
A sultry grin pulls at her puffy lips, and she takes the condom. “Allow me.”
I bury my face in her neck, kissing her while she goes to work. My hips jerk when her fingers brush against me, sheathing me in latex.
Her legs open wide, cradling my hips between them, and her heat is right there. “Killian, promise me you won’t regret this. I’ve never been anyone’s first, and I’m so afraid you’ll end up hating me for it.”
With my elbows bracing my weight, I run my thumbs along her jawline. “You’re wrong, Ax. You say you’ve never been anyone’s first.” I lean down and drag my lips against hers. “But you’re mine.” She moans as I rock my hips, rubbing against her. “You’ve always been mine.”
I push tentatively forward, sinking into the heat of her body and grinding my teeth against the gripping pressure as it engulfs me. Inch-by-inch I slide forward until we’re fully connected. Tingles spread from my spine to coil between my legs, and the sensation is pure ecstasy.
She bites her bottom lip and arches her back. “You feel so good like we were made to fit together.”
“We were, baby.” I kiss her gently and move with deliberate strokes. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
Her legs lock behind my thighs, pulling me deeper. “I love you.”
“Fuck.” I drop my lips to her neck. “I love you too, so much.”
“This is really happening? Us, I mean?” Her voice is so soft, almost scared, as it tickles my ear.
“It’s happening. You and me? This is as real as it gets.”
Her breathy moans and writhing make it impossible to continue at this lazy pace. I push up on my hands and look down her flat belly to watch the beauty of our bodies connected.
This isn’t fucking or even making love. This is something altogether different—bigger and more intense than anything I could’ve ever imagined. My control wavers and baser instincts roar to claim, to mark, and to possess.
I rear back and slam myself forward.
Her nails grip into my shoulders, and I moan as the pleasure-pain rips through my body. “That’s it. Hold on.”
I continue my heated and hurried pace, watching as every response plays seductively across her face. Her eyelids are low, lips parted, and she fists my hair as if she’ll rip it from its roots. “Don’t stop.”
“Never.” I rock into her again and again, setting an unstoppable rhythm. Tension builds, climbing higher. I grit my teeth and hold it back.
Her legs wrap around my waist. “Kill…” she cries out her release. I dip down and take her mouth as her body pulses around me, tossing me into an orgasm that makes me see stars. She whimpers and swallows my answering growl as we coax each other back from the aftermath of total combustion.
Her body turns to jelly beneath me, and I allow myself to drop my weight on top of her for a few seconds. When I move to roll off of her, she shocks me by wrapping me up in her legs and arms. Even her head comes off the pillow to nuzzle my neck.
“I knew it would be beautiful with you,” I whisper against her hair. “Had no idea it would be that beautiful though.”
She drops back to the bed with a sated smile that I feel in my chest. “If I had any idea things would be this good between us, I would’ve told you how I felt about you sooner.”
I blink and roll to her side. “Wait. You’ve had feelings for me? Since when?”
“Since I asked you to the Valentine’s Day Dance.” She covers her face with a hand. “Why is this embarrassing?”
I pull her hand away. “I thought you asked me because we were friends.”
“That too, but I guess I was hoping for more.”
A flicker of annoyance dowses my post-orgasm haze. “Why didn’t you tell me?” To think how much time we wasted, how many assholes I had to stand by and watch work their way through her.
“After that night, Stewart showing up and”—she sucks in a shuttering breath and then lets it out—“all that, I wasn’t in the best place emotionally. By the time I finally got around to considering dating, I realized you treated me differently. You were, I don’t know, more friendly, almost parental.”
I wrinkle my nose at the imagery. From friend to parent. No wonder nothing has ever happened between us.
“I assumed you saw me the way I see myself: broken, messed up, desperate. You’re so together, Killian. You deserve someone more…like you.”
I study the wall across the room for a second then look down at her. “Stewart is an unforgivable asshole. What you went through… I wanted to protect you from ever having to go through that again. I guess in looking out for you I may have lost focus when it came to dating you. But I never saw you, and still don’t see you, as the person you’re describing.”
She plays with the hair at my nape. “Don’t get me wrong. I know you cared about me, but after that night, it’s like something died between us.”
“What do you think that was?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “Hope maybe?”
“You gotta know that was one-sided, Ax. I never gave up hope in us. I’ll take responsibility for backing off you a bit, but after that night, you were so weak. I would’ve been an asshole to pursue more than friendship with you. I should’ve spoken up sooner, but I’m still not sure you’re ready for what I want with you. I’m so afraid that, now that my feelings are on the table, you’ll find your piece of this life, grab on with two hands, and have no need for me. I knew that if I wanted a chance with you, if I really wanted a shot at making you happy, I’d have to time it perfectly.”
“So I guess Valentine’s Day exactly four years later was the perfect time.”
“Is it?” I dip down and kiss her. “I want this night to be the start of making new memories, replacing the old. But only if you’re ready.”
Her dark brows pinch together. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
My muscles tense. “Up until a few hours ago, you were with someone else, Ax.”
Her body tenses. “I don’t love him. I never
did love him. With you, it’s different.”
How I hope she’s right.
“Mmm.” I breathe in the scent of her skin while kissing her collarbone.
She yawns long and hard then snuggles deep into my chest. “This is going to be great, okay? Us? We’re going to be amazing.”
I squeeze her close. “Or die trying.” I drop a kiss on the top of her head, thinking that nothing has ever felt more right than holding her naked against me while she finds rest. “Go to bed, baby.”
She yawns. “I love you, Kill.”
I grin into the dark, so big and wide it hurts my cheeks. “Love you too, Ax.”
Fifteen
Axelle
The sun reaches through the window, stirring me awake. I’m warm and sunk deeply into the biggest comforter ever when I hear the sound of breathing at my back.
I roll over to find Killian, completely naked, and flat on his back. He managed to push the covers down so they only come up to mid-thigh. I grin and greedily take in his muscled frame, wide shoulders, thick arms, and a powerful chest that tapers to his six-pack abdomen and narrow hips. My eyes widen when I study what’s between those hips. I blink, amazed at how gorgeous he is and marveling at what happened between us.
He loves me.
This intelligent, kind, and gorgeous man loves me.
I suppose I should’ve seen it sooner. He’s been on the front lines of every major event in my life, which is exactly why I thought he’d never be interested in me. I’ve broken down and shown him my ugly side more times than I can count. He’s let me cry and curse him to hell and back, accepting the punishment for all the people who’ve truly deserved it.
My stomach sinks with guilt, and for a moment, it feels wrong being in his arms. Like I’m taking so much more than I deserve.
I turn away from him and bite my lip to keep from crying. Great, Axelle. In case you haven’t already proved it, drive home your psycho by crying in his bed.
He shifts behind me, like he’s stretching, and then freezes for a second. I hold my breath, terrified of what he might be thinking and how he’ll respond now that all our confessions lie bare in the light of day.
Then he moves.
The heat of his body pushes up flush to my back, and his arm snakes around my waist. He presses kisses as soft as butterfly wings to my jaw and whispers, “So it wasn’t a dream.”
My chest cramps at the awe in his voice. I squeeze my eyes closed.
He drops his head back to the pillow and makes a sound of contentment. “Where are you at?”
I cover his hand that’s splayed over my belly with my own. “I’m right here; thought that was pretty obvious.”
He kisses the top of my head. “That’s not what I meant. Where are you at with us?”
I roll over to face him, tangling my bare legs with his. His eyes shine with wonder and curiosity. Framed with thick black lashes, the view practically stops my heart. “I’m right here, Kill. I’m not going anywhere.”
His lips twitch as if he’s fighting a smile, and soon he loses the battle and flashes his brilliant white teeth. “Yeah?”
I laugh and bury my face into his chest. “Yeah, it’s crazy, right? It’s like this is where we’re supposed to be.” However unworthy I feel.
His arms come around me and pull me flush to him. His hard-on wedges between my thighs, but he doesn’t make a move to do more than simply hold me. “I wish I could lie like this with you all day. Shut out the world and keep you as my naked hostage.”
“Mmm, that sounds nice.”
“How about this weekend? We could rent movies and stay in bed all day.”
I peer up at him and imagine spending two whole days naked with Killian and nod frantically.
He laughs low and throaty, the vibration of it against my skin awakening my desire. “Good. Now, I have an econ quiz in an hour and fifteen minutes, so as much as I’d love to move this morning along slowly, I’m afraid I can’t.”
I sigh and press my cheek to his chest. “I have to get my car and get home too. I have a ten-thirty class.”
His hands run up and down my back in lazy strokes. “I’ll hop in the shower; you get dressed. I’ll drop you at your car on my way to class.”
I run my lips along his pec, the feel like velvet over steel against my mouth. “Deal.”
“We break on three. One…” He squeezes me tighter. “Two…” He kisses my head. “Three!” He slaps my ass, and I yelp as he jumps out of bed and dashes to the bathroom.
It suddenly hits me that I’m going to be seeing him between classes today, and the excitement of being seen together makes my stomach flip. I roll to my back and press my palm to my belly. “Calm down, Axelle,” I whisper to myself. “This is nothing to make yourself sick over.”
The shower turns on, and I contemplate heading in there to offer Killian some assistance, but decide that would only make us both late for class. As seriously as he takes his studies, it would be bitchy of me to interfere with his perfect GPA.
So I drag my ass out of bed and pull on the UFL shirt of Kill’s I wore last night before he stripped it off me. I bite my lip as memories flood in, his big body moving above me, within me, consuming me. A ripple of need flip-flops in my belly, and the thought that I was his first makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
I tug on my pants from last night, pull a ponytail holder from my purse, and finger-comb my hair into a messy bun. When the shower turns off, I’m making the bed, and when Killian strolls out wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, my mouth goes dry.
He seems totally oblivious to my gawking as he digs through his closet, pulling out clothes and tossing them to the bed. Droplets of water hang to the ends of his chocolate brown hair, some falling loose and gliding down his muscled back. His skin is tan from hours in the sun, unblemished and soft to the touch.
I cross to him and sneak up from behind, wrapping my arms around him and gripping the towel at his waist. “Can I help?”
He sucks in a breath and drops his head forward. “Whatever you want.”
I know we’re pressed for time, so I can’t do whatever I want, but I can satisfy some of my craving for him.
I pull the towel from his hips and toss it to the floor. His breathing speeds up. His skin is hot and smells like spicy man soap. I run my nose along his back, inhaling deep, and he shivers. I allow my hands to explore his rippled abdomen, which flexes under my touch. As much as I want to go lower, I know that will put us right back in bed, so I hold him to me, pressing my chest to his back. His hands come to mine in a silent acceptance, and for a moment, we just stand there until our breath is synchronized.
Reluctantly, I let go and step around him, my gaze drawn to the powerful erection standing proudly between his legs. I swallow hard and walk him back to the bed. He drops to sit, a mix of interest and excitement on his face.
“Don’t worry. I know we have to get going.” I reach for the clean boxer briefs he tossed to the bed and kneel between his feet then slide the soft cotton up his legs to his thighs. Sexual tension strings tightly between us as I reach for his shorts and do the same, the simple act of dressing him somehow just as erotic as undressing him. Finally, I grab his shirt and slide it over his head. He closes his eyes as if he’s absorbing the tenderness of being taken care of.
“Stand up.” I’m surprised how much my voice shakes, giving away my nerves. It’s just…this is Killian, my Killian.
He complies and I pull his boxer briefs and shorts up, blushing when I struggle to tuck all that is him behind his clothes. I drag his zipper up slowly, and when he’s finally dressed, he pulls me into a hug so tight it takes my breath away.
“Thank you. Never thought having you put my clothes on would be that hot.”
“I was thinking the same thing.” My cheeks heat, and I’m glad he can’t see my face as I’m sure it’s embarrassingly red. “You take such good care of me; you deserve to be taken care of too.”
He rubs my
back reassuringly. “I appreciate that, Ax, but I do that because I want to. Don’t feel like you owe me shit.”
But I do. I owe him more than I could repay in a lifetime. “We better get going.” I pull away and read what’s written on his shirt. “What’s The Overlook Hotel?”
He plucks at it with his long thick fingers, looking down at it, then swings an amused gaze back to me. “Seriously? You don’t know?”
“If I knew, why would I ask?”
“The Shining?”
“The movie?”
He rolls his eyes and steps close, tugging my messy bun back so my mouth lifts to his. He kisses me softly, his peppermint breath ghosting against my lips. “No, baby, not the movie. The book. Stephen King?” Another kiss and he whispers, “I’ll read it to you if you want.”
My stomach clenches. “Is it scary like the movie?”
“Scarier.” He smiles and it’s lazy and crooked and so damn sexy. “Now stop being so sweet so I can drop you off and go ace my quiz, alright?”
“Okay.” I pull away and grab my things, already missing Killian, even though I’ll be seeing him in a couple of hours.
~~~
My stomach is in knots as I sit in the quad, waiting for Killian’s class to let out. I’ve picked the last of my black nail polish off and pulled a loose thread from my sweater, which I’m now wrapping and unwrapping obsessively around my forefinger.
I mentally shake myself for the nerves. This is Killian, my best friend, who I’m totally in love with and deflowered twelve hours ago. I lick my lips, trying and failing to hold back a ridiculously wide grin. I can’t believe this is happening, and more importantly, I can’t believe how excited I am that this is happening.
“Ugh.” Mindy drops down hard beside me at the table, her backpack falling unceremoniously to the concrete and her face lifting to the sky. “Why am I here? I’m so hung over.”
“A wise woman once told me that some of the best nights are followed by the worst days.” Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail, but I can tell it’s still sporting the curls and hairspray from last night. “Maybe a shower would’ve helped.”
