Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

by Mark Twain

  CHAPTER XXII.

  THEY swarmed up towards Sherburn's house, a-whooping and raging likeInjuns, and everything had to clear the way or get run over and trompedto mush, and it was awful to see. ?Children was heeling it ahead of themob, screaming and trying to get out of the way; and every window alongthe road was full of women's heads, and there was nigger boys in everytree, and bucks and wenches looking over every fence; and as soon as themob would get nearly to them they would break and skaddle back out ofreach. ?Lots of the women and girls was crying and taking on, scaredmost to death.

  They swarmed up in front of Sherburn's palings as thick as they couldjam together, and you couldn't hear yourself think for the noise. ?Itwas a little twenty-foot yard. ?Some sung out "Tear down the fence! teardown the fence!" ?Then there was a racket of ripping and tearing andsmashing, and down she goes, and the front wall of the crowd begins toroll in like a wave.

  Just then Sherburn steps out on to the roof of his little front porch,with a double-barrel gun in his hand, and takes his stand, perfectlyca'm and deliberate, not saying a word. ?The racket stopped, and thewave sucked back.

  Sherburn never said a word--just stood there, looking down. ?Thestillness was awful creepy and uncomfortable. ?Sherburn run his eye slowalong the crowd; and wherever it struck the people tried a little toout-gaze him, but they couldn't; they dropped their eyes and lookedsneaky. Then pretty soon Sherburn sort of laughed; not the pleasantkind, but the kind that makes you feel like when you are eating breadthat's got sand in it.

  Then he says, slow and scornful:

  "The idea of _you_ lynching anybody! ?It's amusing. ?The idea of youthinking you had pluck enough to lynch a _man_! ?Because you're braveenough to tar and feather poor friendless cast-out women that come alonghere, did that make you think you had grit enough to lay your hands on a_man_? ?Why, a _man's_ safe in the hands of ten thousand of your kind--aslong as it's daytime and you're not behind him.

  "Do I know you? ?I know you clear through. I was born and raised in theSouth, and I've lived in the North; so I know the average all around.The average man's a coward. ?In the North he lets anybody walk over himthat wants to, and goes home and prays for a humble spirit to bear it.In the South one man all by himself, has stopped a stage full of menin the daytime, and robbed the lot. ?Your newspapers call you abrave people so much that you think you are braver than any otherpeople--whereas you're just _as_ brave, and no braver. ?Why don't yourjuries hang murderers? ?Because they're afraid the man's friends willshoot them in the back, in the dark--and it's just what they _would_ do.

  "So they always acquit; and then a _man_ goes in the night, with ahundred masked cowards at his back and lynches the rascal. ?Your mistakeis, that you didn't bring a man with you; that's one mistake, and theother is that you didn't come in the dark and fetch your masks. ?Youbrought _part_ of a man--Buck Harkness, there--and if you hadn't had himto start you, you'd a taken it out in blowing.

  "You didn't want to come. ?The average man don't like trouble anddanger. _You_ don't like trouble and danger. ?But if only _half_ aman--like Buck Harkness, there--shouts 'Lynch him! lynch him!' you'reafraid to back down--afraid you'll be found out to be what youare--_cowards_--and so you raise a yell, and hang yourselves on to thathalf-a-man's coat-tail, and come raging up here, swearing what bigthings you're going to do. The pitifulest thing out is a mob; that'swhat an army is--a mob; they don't fight with courage that's born inthem, but with courage that's borrowed from their mass, and from theirofficers. ?But a mob without any _man_ at the head of it is _beneath_pitifulness. ?Now the thing for _you_ to do is to droop your tails andgo home and crawl in a hole. ?If any real lynching's going to be done itwill be done in the dark, Southern fashion; and when they come they'llbring their masks, and fetch a _man_ along. ?Now _leave_--and take yourhalf-a-man with you"--tossing his gun up across his left arm and cockingit when he says this.

  The crowd washed back sudden, and then broke all apart, and went tearingoff every which way, and Buck Harkness he heeled it after them, lookingtolerable cheap. ?I could a stayed if I wanted to, but I didn't want to.

  I went to the circus and loafed around the back side till the watchmanwent by, and then dived in under the tent. ?I had my twenty-dollar goldpiece and some other money, but I reckoned I better save it, becausethere ain't no telling how soon you are going to need it, away fromhome and amongst strangers that way. ?You can't be too careful. ?I ain'topposed to spending money on circuses when there ain't no other way, butthere ain't no use in _wasting_ it on them.

  It was a real bully circus. ?It was the splendidest sight that ever waswhen they all come riding in, two and two, a gentleman and lady, sideby side, the men just in their drawers and undershirts, and no shoesnor stirrups, and resting their hands on their thighs easy andcomfortable--there must a been twenty of them--and every lady with alovely complexion, and perfectly beautiful, and looking just like a gangof real sure-enough queens, and dressed in clothes that cost millions ofdollars, and just littered with diamonds. ?It was a powerful fine sight;I never see anything so lovely. ?And then one by one they got upand stood, and went a-weaving around the ring so gentle and wavy andgraceful, the men looking ever so tall and airy and straight, with theirheads bobbing and skimming along, away up there under the tent-roof, andevery lady's rose-leafy dress flapping soft and silky around her hips,and she looking like the most loveliest parasol.

  And then faster and faster they went, all of them dancing, first onefoot out in the air and then the other, the horses leaning more andmore, and the ringmaster going round and round the center-pole, crackinghis whip and shouting "Hi!--hi!" and the clown cracking jokes behindhim; and by and by all hands dropped the reins, and every lady put herknuckles on her hips and every gentleman folded his arms, and then howthe horses did lean over and hump themselves! ?And so one after theother they all skipped off into the ring, and made the sweetest bow Iever see, and then scampered out, and everybody clapped their hands andwent just about wild.

  Well, all through the circus they done the most astonishing things; andall the time that clown carried on so it most killed the people. ?Theringmaster couldn't ever say a word to him but he was back at him quickas a wink with the funniest things a body ever said; and how he ever_could_ think of so many of them, and so sudden and so pat, was what Icouldn't noway understand. Why, I couldn't a thought of them in a year.And by and by a drunk man tried to get into the ring--said he wanted toride; said he could ride as well as anybody that ever was. ?They arguedand tried to keep him out, but he wouldn't listen, and the whole showcome to a standstill. ?Then the people begun to holler at him and makefun of him, and that made him mad, and he begun to rip and tear; so thatstirred up the people, and a lot of men begun to pile down off of thebenches and swarm towards the ring, saying, "Knock him down! throw himout!" and one or two women begun to scream. ?So, then, the ringmasterhe made a little speech, and said he hoped there wouldn't be nodisturbance, and if the man would promise he wouldn't make no moretrouble he would let him ride if he thought he could stay on the horse.?So everybody laughed and said all right, and the man got on. The minutehe was on, the horse begun to rip and tear and jump and cavort around,with two circus men hanging on to his bridle trying to hold him, and thedrunk man hanging on to his neck, and his heels flying in the air everyjump, and the whole crowd of people standing up shouting and laughingtill tears rolled down. ?And at last, sure enough, all the circus mencould do, the horse broke loose, and away he went like the very nation,round and round the ring, with that sot laying down on him and hangingto his neck, with first one leg hanging most to the ground on one side,and then t'other one on t'other side, and the people just crazy. ?Itwarn't funny to me, though; I was all of a tremble to see his danger.?But pretty soon he struggled up astraddle and grabbed the bridle,a-reeling this way and that; and the next minute he sprung up anddropped the bridle and stood! and the horse a-going like a house afiretoo. ?He just stood up there, a-sailing around as easy and comfortableas if he warn't ever drunk in his li
fe--and then he begun to pull off hisclothes and sling them. ?He shed them so thick they kind of clogged upthe air, and altogether he shed seventeen suits. And, then, there hewas, slim and handsome, and dressed the gaudiest and prettiest youever saw, and he lit into that horse with his whip and made him fairlyhum--and finally skipped off, and made his bow and danced off tothe dressing-room, and everybody just a-howling with pleasure andastonishment.

  Then the ringmaster he see how he had been fooled, and he _was_ thesickest ringmaster you ever see, I reckon. ?Why, it was one of his ownmen! ?He had got up that joke all out of his own head, and never let onto nobody. Well, I felt sheepish enough to be took in so, but I wouldn'ta been in that ringmaster's place, not for a thousand dollars. ?I don'tknow; there may be bullier circuses than what that one was, but Inever struck them yet. Anyways, it was plenty good enough for _me_; andwherever I run across it, it can have all of _my_ custom every time.

  Well, that night we had _our_ show; but there warn't only about twelvepeople there--just enough to pay expenses. ?And they laughed all thetime, and that made the duke mad; and everybody left, anyway, beforethe show was over, but one boy which was asleep. ?So the duke said theseArkansaw lunkheads couldn't come up to Shakespeare; what they wantedwas low comedy--and maybe something ruther worse than low comedy, hereckoned. ?He said he could size their style. ?So next morning he gotsome big sheets of wrapping paper and some black paint, and drawed offsome handbills, and stuck them up all over the village. ?The bills said: