Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

by Mark Twain

  CHAPTER XXIX.

  THEY was fetching a very nice-looking old gentleman along, and anice-looking younger one, with his right arm in a sling. ?And, my souls,how the people yelled and laughed, and kept it up. ?But I didn't see nojoke about it, and I judged it would strain the duke and the king someto see any. ?I reckoned they'd turn pale. ?But no, nary a pale did_they_ turn. The duke he never let on he suspicioned what was up, butjust went a goo-gooing around, happy and satisfied, like a jug that'sgoogling out buttermilk; and as for the king, he just gazed and gazeddown sorrowful on them new-comers like it give him the stomach-ache inhis very heart to think there could be such frauds and rascals in theworld. ?Oh, he done it admirable. ?Lots of the principal peoplegethered around the king, to let him see they was on his side. ?That oldgentleman that had just come looked all puzzled to death. ?Prettysoon he begun to speak, and I see straight off he pronounced _like_ anEnglishman--not the king's way, though the king's _was_ pretty good foran imitation. ?I can't give the old gent's words, nor I can't imitatehim; but he turned around to the crowd, and says, about like this:

  "This is a surprise to me which I wasn't looking for; and I'llacknowledge, candid and frank, I ain't very well fixed to meet it andanswer it; for my brother and me has had misfortunes; he's broke hisarm, and our baggage got put off at a town above here last night in thenight by a mistake. ?I am Peter Wilks' brother Harvey, and this is hisbrother William, which can't hear nor speak--and can't even make signs toamount to much, now't he's only got one hand to work them with. ?We arewho we say we are; and in a day or two, when I get the baggage, I canprove it. But up till then I won't say nothing more, but go to the hoteland wait."

  So him and the new dummy started off; and the king he laughs, andblethers out:

  "Broke his arm--_very_ likely, _ain't_ it?--and very convenient, too,for a fraud that's got to make signs, and ain't learnt how. ?Losttheir baggage! That's _mighty_ good!--and mighty ingenious--under the_circumstances_!"

  So he laughed again; and so did everybody else, except three or four,or maybe half a dozen. ?One of these was that doctor; another one wasa sharp-looking gentleman, with a carpet-bag of the old-fashioned kindmade out of carpet-stuff, that had just come off of the steamboat andwas talking to him in a low voice, and glancing towards the king now andthen and nodding their heads--it was Levi Bell, the lawyer that was goneup to Louisville; and another one was a big rough husky that come alongand listened to all the old gentleman said, and was listening to theking now. And when the king got done this husky up and says:

  "Say, looky here; if you are Harvey Wilks, when'd you come to thistown?"

  "The day before the funeral, friend," says the king.

  "But what time o' day?"

  "In the evenin'--'bout an hour er two before sundown."

  "_How'd_ you come?"

  "I come down on the Susan Powell from Cincinnati."

  "Well, then, how'd you come to be up at the Pint in the _mornin_'--in acanoe?"

  "I warn't up at the Pint in the mornin'."

  "It's a lie."

  Several of them jumped for him and begged him not to talk that way to anold man and a preacher.

  "Preacher be hanged, he's a fraud and a liar. ?He was up at the Pintthat mornin'. ?I live up there, don't I? ?Well, I was up there, andhe was up there. ?I see him there. ?He come in a canoe, along with TimCollins and a boy."

  The doctor he up and says:

  "Would you know the boy again if you was to see him, Hines?"

  "I reckon I would, but I don't know. ?Why, yonder he is, now. ?I knowhim perfectly easy."

  It was me he pointed at. ?The doctor says:

  "Neighbors, I don't know whether the new couple is frauds or not; but if_these_ two ain't frauds, I am an idiot, that's all. ?I think it's ourduty to see that they don't get away from here till we've looked intothis thing. Come along, Hines; come along, the rest of you. ?We'll takethese fellows to the tavern and affront them with t'other couple, and Ireckon we'll find out _something_ before we get through."

  It was nuts for the crowd, though maybe not for the king's friends; sowe all started. ?It was about sundown. ?The doctor he led me along bythe hand, and was plenty kind enough, but he never let go my hand.

  We all got in a big room in the hotel, and lit up some candles, andfetched in the new couple. ?First, the doctor says:

  "I don't wish to be too hard on these two men, but I think they'refrauds, and they may have complices that we don't know nothing about.?If they have, won't the complices get away with that bag of gold PeterWilks left? ?It ain't unlikely. ?If these men ain't frauds, they won'tobject to sending for that money and letting us keep it till they provethey're all right--ain't that so?"

  Everybody agreed to that. ?So I judged they had our gang in a prettytight place right at the outstart. ?But the king he only lookedsorrowful, and says:

  "Gentlemen, I wish the money was there, for I ain't got no dispositionto throw anything in the way of a fair, open, out-and-out investigationo' this misable business; but, alas, the money ain't there; you k'n sendand see, if you want to."

  "Where is it, then?"

  "Well, when my niece give it to me to keep for her I took and hid itinside o' the straw tick o' my bed, not wishin' to bank it for the fewdays we'd be here, and considerin' the bed a safe place, we not bein'used to niggers, and suppos'n' 'em honest, like servants in England.?The niggers stole it the very next mornin' after I had went downstairs; and when I sold 'em I hadn't missed the money yit, so they gotclean away with it. ?My servant here k'n tell you 'bout it, gentlemen."

  The doctor and several said "Shucks!" and I see nobody didn't altogetherbelieve him. ?One man asked me if I see the niggers steal it. ?I saidno, but I see them sneaking out of the room and hustling away, and Inever thought nothing, only I reckoned they was afraid they had waked upmy master and was trying to get away before he made trouble with them.?That was all they asked me. ?Then the doctor whirls on me and says:

  "Are _you_ English, too?"

  I says yes; and him and some others laughed, and said, "Stuff!"

  Well, then they sailed in on the general investigation, and there we hadit, up and down, hour in, hour out, and nobody never said a word aboutsupper, nor ever seemed to think about it--and so they kept it up, andkept it up; and it _was_ the worst mixed-up thing you ever see. ?Theymade the king tell his yarn, and they made the old gentleman tell his'n;and anybody but a lot of prejudiced chuckleheads would a _seen_ that theold gentleman was spinning truth and t'other one lies. ?And by and bythey had me up to tell what I knowed. ?The king he give me a left-handedlook out of the corner of his eye, and so I knowed enough to talk on theright side. ?I begun to tell about Sheffield, and how we lived there,and all about the English Wilkses, and so on; but I didn't get prettyfur till the doctor begun to laugh; and Levi Bell, the lawyer, says:

  "Set down, my boy; I wouldn't strain myself if I was you. ?I reckonyou ain't used to lying, it don't seem to come handy; what you want ispractice. ?You do it pretty awkward."

  I didn't care nothing for the compliment, but I was glad to be let off,anyway.

  The doctor he started to say something, and turns and says:

  "If you'd been in town at first, Levi Bell--" The king broke in andreached out his hand, and says:

  "Why, is this my poor dead brother's old friend that he's wrote so oftenabout?"

  The lawyer and him shook hands, and the lawyer smiled and lookedpleased, and they talked right along awhile, and then got to one sideand talked low; and at last the lawyer speaks up and says:

  "That 'll fix it. ?I'll take the order and send it, along with yourbrother's, and then they'll know it's all right."

  So they got some paper and a pen, and the king he set down and twistedhis head to one side, and chawed his tongue, and scrawled off something;and then they give the pen to the duke--and then for the first time theduke looked sick. ?But he took the pen and wrote. ?So then the lawyerturns to the new old gentleman and says:

  "You and your broth
er please write a line or two and sign your names."

  The old gentleman wrote, but nobody couldn't read it. ?The lawyer lookedpowerful astonished, and says:

  "Well, it beats _me_"--and snaked a lot of old letters out of his pocket,and examined them, and then examined the old man's writing, and then_them_ again; and then says: ?"These old letters is from Harvey Wilks;and here's _these_ two handwritings, and anybody can see they didn'twrite them" (the king and the duke looked sold and foolish, I tellyou, to see how the lawyer had took them in), "and here's _this_ oldgentleman's hand writing, and anybody can tell, easy enough, _he_ didn'twrite them--fact is, the scratches he makes ain't properly _writing_ atall. ?Now, here's some letters from--"

  The new old gentleman says:

  "If you please, let me explain. ?Nobody can read my hand but my brotherthere--so he copies for me. ?It's _his_ hand you've got there, not mine."

  "_Well_!" says the lawyer, "this _is_ a state of things. ?I've got someof William's letters, too; so if you'll get him to write a line or so wecan com--"

  "He _can't_ write with his left hand," says the old gentleman. ?"If hecould use his right hand, you would see that he wrote his own lettersand mine too. ?Look at both, please--they're by the same hand."

  The lawyer done it, and says:

  "I believe it's so--and if it ain't so, there's a heap strongerresemblance than I'd noticed before, anyway. ?Well, well, well! ?Ithought we was right on the track of a solution, but it's gone to grass,partly. ?But anyway, one thing is proved--_these_ two ain't either of 'emWilkses"--and he wagged his head towards the king and the duke.

  Well, what do you think? ?That muleheaded old fool wouldn't give in_then_! Indeed he wouldn't. ?Said it warn't no fair test. ?Said hisbrother William was the cussedest joker in the world, and hadn't triedto write--_he_ see William was going to play one of his jokes the minutehe put the pen to paper. ?And so he warmed up and went warbling andwarbling right along till he was actuly beginning to believe what he wassaying _himself_; but pretty soon the new gentleman broke in, and says:

  "I've thought of something. ?Is there anybody here that helped to layout my br--helped to lay out the late Peter Wilks for burying?"

  "Yes," says somebody, "me and Ab Turner done it. ?We're both here."

  Then the old man turns towards the king, and says:

  "Perhaps this gentleman can tell me what was tattooed on his breast?"

  Blamed if the king didn't have to brace up mighty quick, or he'd asqushed down like a bluff bank that the river has cut under, it tookhim so sudden; and, mind you, it was a thing that was calculated to makemost _anybody_ sqush to get fetched such a solid one as that without anynotice, because how was _he_ going to know what was tattooed on the man??He whitened a little; he couldn't help it; and it was mighty still inthere, and everybody bending a little forwards and gazing at him. ?SaysI to myself, _now_ he'll throw up the sponge--there ain't no more use.?Well, did he? ?A body can't hardly believe it, but he didn't. ?I reckonhe thought he'd keep the thing up till he tired them people out, sothey'd thin out, and him and the duke could break loose and get away.?Anyway, he set there, and pretty soon he begun to smile, and says:

  "Mf! ?It's a _very_ tough question, _ain't_ it! ?_yes_, sir, I k'ntell you what's tattooed on his breast. ?It's jest a small, thin, bluearrow--that's what it is; and if you don't look clost, you can't see it.?_now_ what do you say--hey?"

  Well, I never see anything like that old blister for clean out-and-outcheek.

  The new old gentleman turns brisk towards Ab Turner and his pard, andhis eye lights up like he judged he'd got the king _this_ time, andsays:

  "There--you've heard what he said! ?Was there any such mark on PeterWilks' breast?"

  Both of them spoke up and says:

  "We didn't see no such mark."

  "Good!" says the old gentleman. ?"Now, what you _did_ see on his breastwas a small dim P, and a B (which is an initial he dropped when he wasyoung), and a W, with dashes between them, so: ?P--B--W"--and he markedthem that way on a piece of paper. ?"Come, ain't that what you saw?"

  Both of them spoke up again, and says:

  "No, we _didn't_. ?We never seen any marks at all."

  Well, everybody _was_ in a state of mind now, and they sings out:

  "The whole _bilin_' of 'm 's frauds! ?Le's duck 'em! le's drown 'em!le's ride 'em on a rail!" and everybody was whooping at once, and therewas a rattling powwow. ?But the lawyer he jumps on the table and yells,and says:

  "Gentlemen--gentle_men!_ ?Hear me just a word--just a _single_ word--if you_please_! ?There's one way yet--let's go and dig up the corpse and look."

  That took them.

  "Hooray!" they all shouted, and was starting right off; but the lawyerand the doctor sung out:

  "Hold on, hold on! ?Collar all these four men and the boy, and fetch_them_ along, too!"

  "We'll do it!" they all shouted; "and if we don't find them marks we'lllynch the whole gang!"

  I _was_ scared, now, I tell you. ?But there warn't no getting away, youknow. They gripped us all, and marched us right along, straight for thegraveyard, which was a mile and a half down the river, and the wholetown at our heels, for we made noise enough, and it was only nine in theevening.

  As we went by our house I wished I hadn't sent Mary Jane out of town;because now if I could tip her the wink she'd light out and save me, andblow on our dead-beats.

  Well, we swarmed along down the river road, just carrying on likewildcats; and to make it more scary the sky was darking up, and thelightning beginning to wink and flitter, and the wind to shiver amongstthe leaves. This was the most awful trouble and most dangersome I everwas in; and I was kinder stunned; everything was going so different fromwhat I had allowed for; stead of being fixed so I could take my own timeif I wanted to, and see all the fun, and have Mary Jane at my back tosave me and set me free when the close-fit come, here was nothing in theworld betwixt me and sudden death but just them tattoo-marks. ?If theydidn't find them--

  I couldn't bear to think about it; and yet, somehow, I couldn't thinkabout nothing else. ?It got darker and darker, and it was a beautifultime to give the crowd the slip; but that big husky had me by thewrist--Hines--and a body might as well try to give Goliar the slip. ?Hedragged me right along, he was so excited, and I had to run to keep up.

  When they got there they swarmed into the graveyard and washed over itlike an overflow. ?And when they got to the grave they found they hadabout a hundred times as many shovels as they wanted, but nobody hadn'tthought to fetch a lantern. ?But they sailed into digging anyway by theflicker of the lightning, and sent a man to the nearest house, a half amile off, to borrow one.

  So they dug and dug like everything; and it got awful dark, and the rainstarted, and the wind swished and swushed along, and the lightning comebrisker and brisker, and the thunder boomed; but them people never tookno notice of it, they was so full of this business; and one minuteyou could see everything and every face in that big crowd, and theshovelfuls of dirt sailing up out of the grave, and the next second thedark wiped it all out, and you couldn't see nothing at all.

  At last they got out the coffin and begun to unscrew the lid, and thensuch another crowding and shouldering and shoving as there was, toscrouge in and get a sight, you never see; and in the dark, that way, itwas awful. ?Hines he hurt my wrist dreadful pulling and tugging so,and I reckon he clean forgot I was in the world, he was so excited andpanting.

  All of a sudden the lightning let go a perfect sluice of white glare,and somebody sings out:

  "By the living jingo, here's the bag of gold on his breast!"

  Hines let out a whoop, like everybody else, and dropped my wrist andgive a big surge to bust his way in and get a look, and the way I litout and shinned for the road in the dark there ain't nobody can tell.

  I had the road all to myself, and I fairly flew--leastways, I had it allto myself except the solid dark, and the now-and-then glares, and thebuzzing of the rain, and the thrashing of the wind, and the split
ting ofthe thunder; and sure as you are born I did clip it along!

  When I struck the town I see there warn't nobody out in the storm, soI never hunted for no back streets, but humped it straight through themain one; and when I begun to get towards our house I aimed my eye andset it. No light there; the house all dark--which made me feel sorry anddisappointed, I didn't know why. ?But at last, just as I was sailing by,_flash_ comes the light in Mary Jane's window! and my heart swelled upsudden, like to bust; and the same second the house and all was behindme in the dark, and wasn't ever going to be before me no more in thisworld. She _was_ the best girl I ever see, and had the most sand.

  The minute I was far enough above the town to see I could make thetowhead, I begun to look sharp for a boat to borrow, and the firsttime the lightning showed me one that wasn't chained I snatched it andshoved. It was a canoe, and warn't fastened with nothing but a rope.?The towhead was a rattling big distance off, away out there in themiddle of the river, but I didn't lose no time; and when I struck theraft at last I was so fagged I would a just laid down to blow and gaspif I could afforded it. ?But I didn't. ?As I sprung aboard I sung out:

  "Out with you, Jim, and set her loose! ?Glory be to goodness, we're shutof them!"

  Jim lit out, and was a-coming for me with both arms spread, he was sofull of joy; but when I glimpsed him in the lightning my heart shot upin my mouth and I went overboard backwards; for I forgot he was old KingLear and a drownded A-rab all in one, and it most scared the livers andlights out of me. ?But Jim fished me out, and was going to hug me andbless me, and so on, he was so glad I was back and we was shut of theking and the duke, but I says:

  "Not now; have it for breakfast, have it for breakfast! ?Cut loose andlet her slide!"

  So in two seconds away we went a-sliding down the river, and it _did_seem so good to be free again and all by ourselves on the big river, andnobody to bother us. ?I had to skip around a bit, and jump up and crackmy heels a few times--I couldn't help it; but about the third crackI noticed a sound that I knowed mighty well, and held my breath andlistened and waited; and sure enough, when the next flash busted outover the water, here they come!--and just a-laying to their oars andmaking their skiff hum! ?It was the king and the duke.

  So I wilted right down on to the planks then, and give up; and it wasall I could do to keep from crying.