by Ali Parker
"Of course." I turned and walked to the kitchen, wiping at my eyes and trying to pull myself together. Something was terribly wrong, but I wasn't sure what. Cancer? Did she have cancer and she hadn't said anything? Surely not. What else would cause her hair to fall out?
I poured a quick glass of water and figured I would talk to my grandmother if nothing else. She wasn't exactly fond of me either, but at least we were still talking.
"Do you need anything else?" I handed her the water and had to help her take a drink due to her fingers not gripping the cup. She had little to no strength.
"No. You can go now. Thanks for the help." She closed her eyes and let out a sigh that sounded like death had already settled into her chest.
"Mom. I'm not-"
"I don't need your help. I called you when I did and you didn't come. Get out."
"That's not fair." Tears blurred my vision again. "I'm here now."
"And why are you here, Natasha? Come to watch me die? Is that why you're here? The word finally spread across the school that my tumor was malignant and they can't operate on it? Is everyone throwing a fucking party over it?" Her voice broke as she pulled the blanket up to hide her face. The sobs coming from her ripped my heart open in ways I didn't think possible.
"No, Mom. They're all praying for you. I figured-"
"Well, you figured wrong. Get out!"
I jolted backward at the anger in her voice. I was doing more harm than good standing there upsetting her.
"Call if you need me." I wiped at my tears as my own voice lost all strength.
"I won't. Don't worry."
I nodded and walked for the door, grateful I made it outside before the first sob left me. I couldn't remember being more scared in my entire life. My mother was going to die alone because of the choices I'd made in the past. She wouldn't let me near her.
I wasn't sure if the roles were reversed that I would have acted any different.
Chapter 9
Micah
"What's got your attention today? You're staring off into space like you didn't get a wink of sleep last night. What gives, dude?" Dillon tapped the table in front of me, pulling me from my thoughts.
"What? Oh, sorry man. I slept fine. I'm just worried about Tasha. She was upset last night at the pep rally and she got away before I could check on her." I shrugged and brushed my hand down my shirt as Jacob walked toward our table with a large pizza.
"You guys save some of this shit for me." He set it on the table and smiled. "I put extra pepperonis on it for you guys. Don't tell the old man."
I laughed. "You work here and you can't get lunch? What the hell?"
"I could, but I'm trying to appear grown up." He rolled his shoulders and glanced back toward the kitchen. "Save me a couple of pieces."
"Fuck that. Just get your own." I pushed at his chest and reached for a piece. My stomach screamed in protest as I lifted it to my lips and burnt the hell out of my mouth. I didn't let the pain stop me for a second.
"What? Really?" Jacob turned back toward us and smirked. "All right. I'll get you assholes back for not showing the love."
"You can have some of my half." Dillon gave Jacob a nod and turned back to me.
"Pussy," I mumbled around my pizza and groaned as the delicious flavors rolled over my tongue.
"I love pussy." Dillon leaned back in his seat and fanned the piece of pizza he had sitting on his plate.
"You and me both." Jacob grabbed Dillon's plate and put another piece on it before turning and walking back to the kitchen with it.
"Hey. I need a plate." Dillon huffed and got up to follow Jacob toward the kitchen.
Goofs. All of them. I pulled out my phone and checked it for the hundredth time, for what, I had no clue. I waved Emily over as she moved back from seating an older couple. How she and Jacob got anything done working at DeAngelos together was beyond me. They couldn't keep their hands off each other any other time, but it seemed like she had him on lock-down at work. I was impressed.
"Hey you." I nodded toward the pizza. "You want some?"
"No, I'm on the clock."
"So is your boyfriend, but he just took half the damn thing to the back with him."
Dillon slid into the booth across from me and grumbled, "Yeah, part of my half."
She laughed and glanced over her shoulder. "He'll do whatever you let him do. That's for sure."
"TMI." I took another bite of my pizza and sat back in my seat. "Have you heard from Tasha? You still staying with her at the Wayland Dorms?"
"I stay with her off and on, but I've been out at the house the last week or so. Jacob is struggling with his history class, and I aced it last semester."
"How is he taking a junior-level history class?" Dillon lifted his pizza toward his mouth and blew on it several times.
"That's going to be cold if you don't come on and eat it already." I smiled as he flipped me off and shoved half the piece of pizza into his mouth.
"Better?" he mumbled around it.
"Much." I turned my attention back to Em. "How is she? She was upset last night when she left the pep rally."
"She's okay. She's got a lot on her plate right now, and I'm sure you know this, but she's a really private person. She doesn't even share much with me." Emily picked up my soda glass and smiled. "Let me refill this for you. If she calls, I'll tell her to give you a call."
"No, that's all right. Just give me her number and I'll call her myself."
"I'll see if she's okay with that." She turned and walked toward the kitchen.
"Why is Tasha so withdrawn? Something happen to her when she was little?" Dillon folded his pizza in half and took another big bite.
"No clue. I wish I knew." I took the soda from Emily and tilted my head to the side. "It's me, by the way. You know I wouldn't do anything with her number but check on her."
"I know." She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and studied me as if trying to decide if I was really the guy she thought me to be.
"We've been friends for three years. Hello."
"Right. Okay. Give me your phone, but if she gets pissed-"
"It's all on me." I handed her my phone and glanced back across the table to Dillon.
"Come swimming with me. It's a great workout, and I think you'll love it." He finished his pizza and reached for a napkin as sauce dripped down the side of his face.
"I love to swim." Emily piped in and handed me the phone back. "Not sure Jacob would be good with me joining you guys, so have fun, and don't hurt my friend. Got it?"
She narrowed her eyes, and I didn't have the heart to tell her she was far more cute than intimidating.
"Yes, Ma'am. Never in a million years. I promise." I lifted my hand in the Boy Scout sign. "Scout’s honor."
"Were you a scout?" Dillon piped up.
"Nope." I winked at Emily as she huffed and walked off, mumbling something about all men being cut from the same cloth.
"Then it doesn't work. Duh, man." He rolled his eyes and picked up another piece. "I'm serious about you coming to the pool with me. It's a great work out."
"I appreciate the offer, but I'm not interested. Me and water don't get along too well." I shrugged and turned my attention up to the TV screen above my head. I was going to call and check on Tasha the minute I got rid of Dillon. I liked the guy, but something told me that the pretty girl who played through my thoughts all the time needed a friend.
I wanted to be that friend.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Dillon snorted. "You take showers and drink water, right? How do you and water not get along? That's lame, by the way."
"My sister drowned while I was watching her at home when she was seven. That's why I don't want anything to do with water. All right?"
His eyes grew wide, and I felt like a complete dick for using shock value to slap him in the face. It wasn't his fault that I was terrified of big bodies of water. Losing Lyndsay and having it be my fault had ruined a large part of my childhood a
nd still tried hard to pull me down into a depression I wasn't sure I could get out of. If my parents weren't involved much before my sister’s death, they sure as hell weren't involved now. It was a punishment of sorts for them to have to see me, or that's how it felt. I hadn't seen them since Christmas the previous year. Not a card or a phone call... nothing.
I reminded them too much of her.
"I am so sorry, Micah. I didn't mean to-"
"No. I'm sorry. I'm just worried about Tasha. I shouldn't have unleashed that shit on you."
"Were you lying? Like scout’s honor type shit or-"
"No, my little sister really drowned while I was supposed to be watching her." I glanced down at my plate and let out a long sigh. "I'd rather not talk about that shit though."
"Yeah, totally, dude. I'm sorry I even brought it up."
"It's all good." I took a few bites of my pizza, trying to swallow the sadness that always seemed to sit at the edge of my world, waiting for the opportunity to sweep in and pull me down.
"I'm not trying to shit on your parade seeing that I already messed up the mood, but I'm good friends with Sharon on the basketball team. I'm pretty sure Natasha isn't the dating type."
"You just got here. How the hell would you know that?" I smiled and pushed my plate away. My appetite was gone.
"Girls like to talk a lot, and Sharon is in my English class. She yaps like nobody’s business, and she mentioned that you and Natasha would be a cute couple, but that Tasha doesn't date. Like, ever." He shrugged and pointed to the pizza. "You good with me finishing that?"
"Yeah. Go for it." I rolled my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair. "Tasha might not date now, but that doesn't mean she's going to be that way forever."
"Right, but why waste your time on someone you know isn't interested in dating? That would suck."
"So who are you dating?" I leaned in a little, trying to get my point across.
"No one. I've only seen one girl on this whole fucking campus that leaves me aching for commitment, and she's an ice princess. A total bitch." He snorted and folded another piece of pizza in half.
"And who's that?" I glanced up at the TV as a live report took over the golf tournament that was showing. The coverage was over something at Providence, but I couldn't hear what.
"Clara Russell." He turned to look up at the TV too. "Shit... that's here."
"Yeah, go grab the channel changer from Emily and turn it up." I turned to get a better view of the TV. My stomach tightened as Coach Billows, the head athletic director, came on the screen, his complexion pale and his eyes downcast.
Had someone died?
Dillon walked toward me and turned toward the TV as he lifted the remote. The sound finally came in, the news disturbing and yet not nearly as bad as I'd expected it to be.
"We're not releasing too much information at this time, but we will begin investigating some of the allegations that were released to the press last night." Coach Billows nodded as if the interview was over.
The reporter, a perky blond woman with big blue eyes and fake tits smiled at the camera. "Right, and those allegations pointed to one of the beloved athletic coaches at Providence being wrapped up in a scandal related to misappropriation of school funds and scholarship dollars. The coach’s name is not being released yet until all investigations are concluded."
"Exactly. We would appreciate everyone's support during this time and ask if you have any additional information regarding Providence that you start with your coach, your dean or someone in administration." Coach Billows narrowed his eyes at the camera.
"Wow." I turned back toward Dillon as he dropped down in the seat across from me. "That's some shit right there. Who do you think it is?"
"No clue, but I would imagine as they’re investigating, we're going to figure it out pretty quickly." He lowered the volume on the TV and pushed his plate away. "While we're on the subject of assholes, I'm about ninety-nine percent sure that Darren is our guy. He picked a fight last night after you went to bed and was ranting and raving about Jacob running the house into the ground. Some of the guys were agreeing with him, but I got in his face and he shut the fuck up."
"Let's set his ass up."
"I like that idea, but we have to be careful. The rest of the house is going to be extremely leery of anyone who sets up another brother. Just don't let them know it's us and we'll be fine."
"You don't think the rest of the house would be happy to get the troublemaker out before they fucking close us down?"
"Maybe, but you know how people feel about snitches. Snitches get stitches, man."
I laughed. "That's fucking stupid, and I'm starting to think maybe you are too."
"Harsh." He reached for his pizza. "My appetite is back. You gonna drink any more of your soda?"
"Yeah. Get you a refill and stop mooching." I pulled out my phone and got out of the booth to walk toward the front door. "I'll be right back."
"All right. Don't leave me with the bill."
"You got this. I have faith in you." I walked out into the sunny Saturday afternoon and pressed my back to the brick wall behind me. Nerves tore up my insides and I felt like a fifteen-year-old kid again trying to talk to a girl. "Just text her, you idiot. Shit."
Chapter 10
Natasha
I'd wracked my brain all night long on how to handle the situation with my mother. Not getting involved wasn't an option, and yet she was going to push every button I had to make sure the outcome was in her favor. She didn't want me to see her when she was weak because I didn't like her when she was strong, but her being sick changed everything.
Where I wasn't looking for a miraculous transformation between us, I certainly wasn't living with the reality that I'd let her suffer alone. That wasn't a burden I was willing to bear. Not for her or anyone else. I had enough demons to fight again. That one would surely cause me to move far away from everyone and redefine what it meant to be a hermit.
I rolled my hands over my knees, massaging myself as I sat in the stands at the edge of the basketball court and tried to decide on my next course of action. Did my father know about Mom's illness? If so, why didn't he say anything to me? We didn't talk often, but that was because of his schedule, nothing else.
The silence around me was almost deafening. It left me with nothing but my thoughts, nothing but my memories. The image of her screaming in my face left me paralyzed where I sat.
"No! No. I refuse to accept this. What the fuck were you thinking? How could you?" Her beautiful face contorted in anger as her skin grew pink.
"Mom. Calm down. It's not that big of a-"
Her hand connecting with the side of my face left me in shock. Never in my life had I been struck in the face. Whooped? Yes, lots of times by her and my father when she let me go visit him, but never in the face.
I stumbled backward and lifted my hand to cover my cheek as hot tears blurred my vision. I knew she wasn't proud of my decisions in high school, but to leave me standing alone in the moment I needed her most? No, not to leave me alone... to strike me.
"It's a big damn deal. You ruined my life. And this... this is going to ruin yours." She pointed to my stomach and groaned loudly before turning her back on me. "Why would you do this? You know how much of a struggle it's been for us. Your piece of shit father promised that he loved me."
She spun around to face me and took three steps, closing the distance between us and leaned down to get into my face. Her pretty blond hair cascaded over her shoulder and the scent of cherries filled my nose. The one person I wanted to love me and there she stood, condemning me. I'd ruined her life. She'd finally said it. I couldn't help but wonder how many times she'd thought it while watching me grow up from her fucking high horse.
"Adam does love me," I spat at her and took a step backward. "I don't need your help. I don't need shit from you."
"You're right. You don't need anything but a trip to the doctor. You're not keeping it. That's final. I fucking refuse to watc
h your life dwindle away like mine did. It's not happening. You're the only legacy I have." She poked me in the chest and I swatted her hand away.
"You don't own me. This is my body and I'll do what I want with it."
"Like you already have. You're only sixteen. How dare you sleep around!" She threw her hands in the air and walked toward the kitchen. "I'm calling the clinic. You're not keeping that thing."
"It's not a thing," I screamed after her. "It's a baby."
The sob that racked my insides rolled off my tongue and into my hands as I let my pain consume me. I hated her for so many reasons, but that day stood out amongst the rest as the main one. I would never forgive her for turning her back on me. Never.
"Hey kiddo. What's going on?" Coach Murphy's voice pulled me from my devastation.
I sniffled and wiped at my eyes quickly. "Nothing. Just having a rough day."
She sat down beside me and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "Well, you know I'm here, right? I'll always be here for you."
"Thanks." I lifted my chin toward the ceiling and tried to force my tears back. "I'm so damn angry right now."
"Wanna talk about it?" She squeezed me and got up, picking up the ball beside her and tossing it to me. "Come on. Show this old lady what you still got inside of you. We'll work some of that emotion out."
"I don't really want to dredge up the stuff inside me, coach. I appreciate the offer, but my life has been-" I took a shaky breath and dribbled past her as she moved around me and stole the ball.
"For every point I get, you let something out, all right? You get a point, and you can hold it all in." She chucked the ball back at me.
I nodded. "All right."
My worst fear was sharing anything from my past and having someone look upon me the way my mother had that day, or every day after. I'd never give up a single word that might give someone the ability to judge me. Never.
I scored ten points and almost killed myself doing it. Coach didn't score once, though I could tell she was putting her all into it.
