Home on the Range

by Susan Fox

  Ann glanced at her watch. “Breakfast time.”

  He went inside to pull on socks and boots, then headed for the lodge. If he phoned the hospital, would they tell him how Robin was doing? Likely not, because he wasn’t family. Jess would let him know if there was a problem, though. Wouldn’t she?

  When he made his apologies for the previous night, the others were polite enough not to pry. No one mentioned Robin and he figured Jess must not want them to know as it might cast a pall on their last day. Certainly everyone was in high spirits.

  Evan mostly kept quiet. There was so much on his mind. He had a daughter—and he’d promised to stay out of her life. Jess had said she loved him—and he’d hurt her.

  Yesterday his mother had said she loved him. Two women in two days. And he’d never thought of himself as lovable.

  After breakfast, Kathy said, “We’ve got treats for you to take to the horses.” She brandished a big bowl heaped with dark-colored balls.

  “I remember these,” Thérèse said. “What are they made of again?”

  “Oatmeal, molasses, carrot, and apple, with a little flour and oil to hold them together. They’re good for the horses, and they love them.”

  Each guest stuffed a few in a baggie, then headed back to their cabins to prepare for the morning ride.

  When Evan walked into the barnyard along with the group, and saw Jess all rigged out in fancy Western gear and sexy red boots, his heart rolled painfully in his chest.

  She greeted them with a bright smile. “It’s your last day, and I want to congratulate you. You’ve come a long way.”

  The others began the now-familiar process of matching tack to horses, but Evan went over to Jess. Up close, he saw that her eyes were a little red and puffy. “How’s Robin?”

  “Doing great.”

  “And how are you, Jess?”

  “Fine,” she said with a quick, forced smile. Then her face softened, and the smile became real. “Honestly? I’m tired and a little depressed. But I’m okay.”

  He wanted to hug her, but the yard was filled with guests. “It was a special night. Thank you. I’ll never forget it.”

  She nodded.

  He couldn’t let it go at that. “Regrets?” he asked.

  She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them and shook her head. “No, I don’t regret anything I did.”

  Odd phrasing. Did she mean she regretted something he’d done, or not done?

  “Oh, Evan,” she said on a sigh. She reached up to touch his cheek, then turned and headed for the barn. A couple of feet away from him, she stopped and turned back. “Evan?”

  “Yes?”

  “Don’t tell the other guests about Rob, okay? Madisun knows, but this is private.”

  He nodded, then got on with the routine that by now felt like second nature.

  It was the oddest morning. Despite his tiredness, his senses were heightened—maybe because it was the last day, the last time he’d be doing these things.

  He was aware of how lightly he sprang into the saddle, of the warm roughness of Rusty’s neck under his hand. Of the dappled patterns of light and shade as he rode through the woods, and the chitter of squirrels and squawk of birds.

  And when he and the others in Jess’s group galloped across rolling hills, he knew he would hold this memory, like last night’s, in his heart forever. Poignant, yet joyful.

  He gave a whoop and caught up with Jess. She turned to laugh at him, tossing back her head, letting her hat bang against her back, reaching up her free hand to untie the cord that bound her ponytail. She was wild, she was beautiful, and last night she’d been his.

  Every time he looked at her, he thought, This woman loves me. She offered to spend her life with me. He couldn’t take it in, any more than he could cope with the idea of having a daughter.

  The ride took the group past lakes they’d visited before and rolling range land where cattle grazed. They stopped to pick wild strawberries and bury their faces in rosy pink blossoms. Then Jess led them up a twisting wooded path to another rocky viewpoint, where they gazed in awe at the landscape spread beneath them.

  The awe soon gave way to hunger, as enticing smells drifted their way. Kathy, Will, and Marty had gone all out, with a brunch that offered a bit of everything, from pancakes to barbecued ribs.

  There were pitchers of mimosas, made with nonalcoholic champagne and fresh-squeezed orange juice, and real crystal flutes to drink from. They drank rounds of toasts—to their hosts; to TJ, Madisun, and Marty; to the guests themselves; and to the horses.

  From time to time, people wandered off to check on their horses. Kathy said, “Don’t tell TJ, but horses like pancakes.” So of course they all started feeding their horses pancakes. Sandy picked yellow and orange wildflowers and threaded them into her gray horse’s dark mane, and the other women followed her example.

  Evan stood beside Rusty, tearing a pancake into pieces and feeding them to the horse. “Girl stuff, huh, big fella?”

  All the same, he plucked a wild rose and held it to his face, memorizing the scent, then offered it to Rusty. The horse studied it for a moment, then opened his mouth and took it between his teeth. He crunched, looking absurd as a pink petal hung outside his huge dark lips.

  Evan laughed and slapped the horse’s neck. He stood contentedly, stroking Rusty and watching others as they stroked their horses, too.

  He’d barely spoken to Jess today. There was something different about her. She must have been physically and emotionally exhausted after a week that had included Petula’s death, Robin’s critical accident, and his own . . . he didn’t want to call it rejection, but what other word applied?

  And yet Jess seemed serene. More confident? Proud, almost. Like she’d gone through hell and come out the other side, even stronger. It made his heart ache to think he’d been part of her hell.

  When everyone was ready to go, the picnic packed away, cinches tightened again, Jess said, “Madisun, will you lead us home?”

  The girl beamed. “Sure will!” She urged her horse to the head of the line.

  Evan hung back, pulling into line just before Jess. There was no opportunity to talk for the first half hour, as they rode down a switchback mountain trail. Then the group came out on a country road where they could ride two abreast. He held Rusty back until Jess brought Knight up beside him.

  “Madisun likes being trail boss,” he said. “It’s nice of you to let her.”

  “She deserves it. She really pulls her weight around here. I’ll miss her when she goes off to school.”

  “We made a good team, talking to her parents.”

  “Yes, Evan. We make a good team.”

  He glanced over but she was looking straight ahead, not at him. After that, it seemed neither of them had anything to say.

  When the group returned to the barnyard, Jess hurried to find a private corner and, for the fourth time that day, called the hospital. Just as she got a reassuring answer, the batteries to Dave’s cell died. She’d borrowed his phone last night at the hospital and this morning had forgotten to retrieve her own, which was still plugged into the charger at Bly Ranch.

  When she walked back into the barnyard, she noted how the guests went about their tasks in slow motion. “Last-day syndrome,” as she and Madisun called it. Everyone was reluctant to leave, to end the holiday. To say good-bye to their horses, new friends, and, perhaps most of all, the people they’d become at the Crazy Horse.

  She collected good-bye hugs and handshakes.

  Evan said, “Feel like having dinner tonight?”

  She shook her head. In her heart, she’d already said good-bye to him. “I want to be with Rob for as long as they’ll let me stay. And you can’t miss Kathy and Will’s farewell dinner. I’m so beat, when visiting hours end I’ll just go home to bed.”

  “I understand.”

  She couldn’t tell whether he was relieved or sad. She just knew she couldn’t contemplate another night with him. Last night had bee
n special; she’d leave it to stand on its own. Finally, ten years late, she had the memory she’d longed for.

  And yes, it was a poignant one. Not because Evan didn’t love her, but because she honestly believed he did. He was just too stuck in the past to let himself realize it.

  A person had to change, to grow. That was the lesson Kathy and Will tried to teach here at the Crazy Horse, and she’d only just applied it to herself.

  And so, while the guests milled around in the barnyard, reluctant to leave, she headed up to the lodge to use the office phone.

  After closing the office door behind her, she pulled her hair back into a neat ponytail and set a pad of paper and pencil in front of her on the desk. Then she took a deep breath and dialed a number she had memorized but never used.

  After a few rings, a male voice said, “Vitale.”

  She gulped. “Gianni? This is TJ Cousins, from the Crazy Horse.”

  “TJ! It’s good to hear your voice. Brings back good memories. How are you?”

  “I’m fine. And you?”

  “Trying to remember there’s more to life than work. Elena keeps reminding me.”

  “Please say hello to her.” She swallowed. “I know Evan Kincaid will be talking to you, but I wanted to speak to you directly. He says you’re still interested in the no-frills boot camp?”

  “Yes, but I understand you’re not so far ahead with the planning as I’d hoped.”

  She winced, then straightened her shoulders. “That’s correct. I admit I’ve never done anything like this before. Though I have run a ranch, as well as the very successful riding program at the Crazy Horse.”

  “Evan said he would provide you with guidelines for what we need.”

  “He told me that. I appreciate it. I’ve already enlisted the help of one of our most successful local businessmen, and I hope to have something to you shortly. Let me ask, though, what do you think of the idea of a charitable foundation that would provide scholarships to deserving people who can’t afford to go but would really benefit?”

  “Evan ran that by me, and I think it has a lot of potential. I talked to Elena, and she loves the idea.”

  “That’s great. I didn’t realize Evan had talked to you about it.”

  “He wanted to, because of the potential for a conflict of interest. You being an old friend and all. But I said I trusted his judgment.”

  A conflict of interest. She’d never thought of that, and clearly had a lot to learn. “I trust his judgment, too,” she said.

  “Then what do you think of this idea, TJ? How about we start treating this as a team project, and figuring out how we can make it work? Elena wanted to do that from the beginning, and she was right, but old habits die hard. That’s partly why I need you, and the horses. To keep reminding me.”

  Her heart leaped. “Really?” She wanted to sing and dance with joy, but struggled to keep her focus. “Gianni, I promise I’ll be totally businesslike and professional. I have resources here to draw on, and I welcome your and Elena’s input. And Evan’s, of course.” She could work with Evan. Things would get easier with time. “He’s the expert.”

  “About some things.” He chuckled. “Tell me, TJ, how did Evan make out on horseback? He’s one of the most uptight guys I’ve ever met, though he’s top notch at his job.”

  “He loosened up surprisingly well. I think he’ll bring a new perspective back to his work. He’ll have you to thank for that.”

  “You, too, I imagine.”

  She laughed. “And a horse named Rusty.”

  He laughed, too. “Horses are the best teachers, aren’t they?”

  It seemed to take forever for the other guests and Madisun to say their good-byes and head on their way, but Evan waited patiently.

  Jess had gone up to the lodge for a few minutes, and since she’d returned he had sensed a barely contained excitement. She must be looking forward to spending the rest of the day with her daughter.

  When finally it was just the two of them, he said, “I’ll walk you to your truck.”

  She grabbed his hands, gripping tight. Voice bubbly, she said, “Ev, I phoned Gianni.”

  “You did? When?”

  “Just now. Oh my God, I can’t believe it! He wants to make a go of it, all of us working together as a team. With him and Elena in from the ground floor, so that they’re part of putting the charitable foundation or business or whatever together.”

  His mouth fell open. “Seriously?”

  “He sounds serious. And excited.” She wriggled like a puppy, excitement rippling through her own body. “He says it’ll be a team project. All of us, and especially you. He trusts you and so do I.”

  His heart warmed. “You’re saying you want me to help?” Jess trusted him to help her achieve her dream.

  She gave a little grin. “If you and Dave can figure out how to get along.”

  He’d made that offer and he’d follow through on it, no matter how awkward it might be.

  “He’s a good guy,” she said.

  Evan sighed. “Yeah, I know he is. He always was. I was the jerk.” Okay, so Dave was a better man than he was. He could at least try to stop being a jerk about it.

  “Yup, you were. But you’ve grown up some.”

  His heart lifted, for he knew it was true. He gave her a playful sock on the shoulder. “Thanks for that. You, too.”

  She nodded. “I know. It’s about time.”

  Then her expression sobered and she gazed down at the ground. “Well, I should get going.”

  “I know you’re anxious to see Robin.” He was almost tempted to ask if he could come along, but what point would it serve? Before, he’d been curious to meet Jess’s daughter. Now that he knew Robin was his, things had changed. Because, of course, she wasn’t his; she was Dave’s. They all agreed it was in Robin’s best interests.

  If he met her, talked to her, there’d be more to miss.

  There was one thing, though, that he needed. “Will you send me a photograph?”

  Her head jerked up and she studied his face for a long moment, then walked over to the truck, unlocked it, and reached inside. She came back to him holding a slim, battered wallet. From it she extracted something and handed it over.

  It was a snapshot of Robin, bareback on her horse, a big smile on her face. “Thanks.”

  “Let me know if you want more. Or . . . anything.”

  “Will I see you again before I go?”

  She dropped her head. “I don’t think so. We’ve said everything, haven’t we?”

  “I suppose so.”

  He knew she wanted to get to the hospital. Even more than that, he figured she needed to get away from him. Her eyes were swimming and he wasn’t far from tears himself.

  She leaned forward and touched her lips to his. Briefly, so very briefly. “Bye for now, Ev.”

  “I love you, Jess.” The words came out of his mouth before he realized he was going to say them.

  Her face went still, and he wondered what he’d done. Then she just nodded calmly. “I love you, too.” She cleared her throat. “Now get out of here before I cry.”

  He gazed at her, memorizing every inch of her lovely face. Then he backed slowly away. The tears were beginning to slip down her cheeks. He wanted to hold her tight, comfort her, but nothing he could say would ease her pain. Or his own.

  He wrenched himself away and strode up to his cabin without a single glance over his shoulder. He slammed the door and turned to lean against it, resting his forearms on the rough wood and his forehead against his hands. Hands that were tanned and calloused. A country legacy he would carry back to New York.

  Along with cowboy boots, a Resistol hat, a tenuous relationship with his mother, and a horde of memories.

  Jess gunned the truck down the road, trusting the tires to find the gravel tracks. She blinked against tears, but they refused to quit, so, before pulling onto the highway, she stopped the truck and let herself have a good cry. When she was done she drove to th
e hospital, where she hurried to a ladies’ room and bathed her face with cold water.

  “Pull yourself together, girl,” she muttered to her reflection. She’d definitely had better days. She was thrilled about Gianni and her boot camp, yet even that couldn’t override her sorrow that Evan was going home. As she’d always known he would.

  He’d said he loved her. Spontaneously. That was a bit of a shocker, even though she knew he didn’t mean the word love the way she wanted him to.

  They were going to be friends forever. She smiled at her face in the mirror and saw the lines of strain ease.

  He was going to work with her and Dave, and Gianni and Elena, and “Riders Boot Camp” was going to be a reality. At long last, her dream was coming true. One dream out of two wasn’t bad at all.

  Best of all, she was a new woman. A stronger, braver one. She freed her hair from its tail, gave it a toss, and strode in her sassy red boots to Robin’s room.

  The scene inside was balm to her battered soul. Her parents and Dave sat around Rob’s bed, talking in soft voices. Her daughter saw her first. “Mom, you’re here!”

  Jess went over to hug her carefully. “It’s good to see you, sweetie.”

  “I want to go home now.”

  “How did I know you were going to say that?”

  Dave was watching them, a troubled expression on his face. She smiled reassuringly. “Well, that’s good-bye to another batch of Crazy Horse guests.”

  “What about our old classmate?” His voice had an edge.

  “He had a good time, but he’ll be glad to get home. There’s nothing here for him.” He won’t come between you and Robin, she tried to tell him with her words and her eyes.

  Dave’s face cleared and he smiled. It was almost the old sunny smile of the Dave she’d known before Anita’s illness.

  She was tempted to tell them all about her phone call with Gianni but guessed the excitement would be too much for Robin right now. The news could wait.

  Shortly after Jess arrived, her parents headed home for dinner, and it was just she, Dave, and a worn-out Rob. Despite her protests over having to stay in the hospital, it was clear the girl was in pain and exhausted.