The Recipe Box

by Sandra Lee

  Grace was too stunned to cry, but she let out a low moan. “Oh, Jonathan.” All her questions were in those two words.

  How could this happen?

  How could we let this happen?

  Was Leeza in pain?

  Were you with her, who was with her?

  Where was the doctor?

  Why didn’t you call me sooner?

  What can I do?

  Jonathan heard them all. “She was doing great when you were here, Gracie. I think she pulled it together for your visit, but this morning she was so tired, she couldn’t even get out of bed.”

  “That wasn’t so abnormal,” thought Grace; Leeza had understandably been very tired these past few months. She was only just back from the hospital.

  “I called Dr. Palmerston,” Jonathan continued. “He came right over. We talked about taking her to the hospital. He did some tests and said her liver was shutting down. You know, she signed those papers, not to do anything, if it was the end. And Dr. Palmerston said…” Jonathan started to sob again. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” He took a breath so he could continue. “Dr. Palmerston said it wouldn’t matter. She hadn’t wanted me—us—to know. Her organs had been failing for the past few weeks.”

  “But I thought she was getting better.”

  “That’s what she told you, and me. And that’s what she wanted all of us to believe. But she wasn’t getting better. She was dying, and she wanted to do it her own way, here at home, with Sara and her garden. She didn’t want Sara to remember her with a bunch of tubes and needles. She knew it was only a matter of weeks, or even days. She’d come home to die, Grace.”

  “Oh, Leeza,” Grace whispered.

  “You know how she was, Grace, always thinking about others, and when she got something in her head…”

  “And I didn’t see that,” Grace thought. She’d missed the cue from Leeza.

  “She went to bed early. Sara and I sat on the bed with her. She seemed to be having trouble breathing, so we had the oxygen tank, just in case, but she just had no strength left.”

  Just hearing this was more than Grace could bear. Tears started to run down her cheeks, but she needed to let Jonathan continue.

  “Before I put Sara to bed, Leeza kissed her good night. Then, a little while later, Leeza slid into a coma, and Dr. Palmerston said it was just a matter of hours. And, so…”

  If Jonathan could pull it together to make this call, Grace decided, she could handle it the way Leeza would have wanted. She could hear Leeza saying, “Grace, Snoopy can’t handle it. You’ve got to step up!” So she tried.

  “Jonathan, I am so sorry. This is the worst thing in the world. I will be there as soon as Emma and I can get on a plane.” Grace was already moving toward the bathroom. She felt like throwing up. She hadn’t even unpacked her suitcase. She’d just throw in a black dress and book a flight. One thing Leeza would have laughed about—one thing they knew for sure was that Emma had a black dress. It was the only color she would wear anymore.

  “And Ken? Do you think he’ll be able to come?”

  “Of course.” In the next few minutes, Grace learned the funeral would be at the New London cemetery where Leeza’s parents were buried. Jonathan wasn’t ready to think further, but he didn’t really have to. Leeza had left all her wishes in a letter, he told Grace.

  “She spent the last three weeks sitting in the garden, writing letters,” Jonathan said. That was just like Leeza. She had never been much of an e-mailer. Leeza wrote letters for birthdays, anniversaries, and any occasion that mattered, like spotting a cardinal in a fruit tree in her garden. She’d even written a letter to the cardinal about the beauty of “his” garden, and had sent it to Claire, since she’d designed the garden. And this, after all the mean-girl things that Claire had done to Leeza and Grace back in high school. Leeza didn’t hold grudges, but you had to earn her love. And when you did, it was beyond boundaries. Grace wished now that she had kept every single letter.

  “I have to go,” said Jonathan. “The people from the funeral home just arrived. I have to talk to them so we can take care of Leeza before Sara wakes up.”

  “Go, of course, we love you and Sara, and we love Leeza so much.” Grace’s voice caught sharply as she tried not to sob into the phone. She couldn’t bring herself to speak of Leeza in the past tense. “We’ll be there as soon as we can.”

  How do you tell a child that someone they love has died? Grace forced herself to put one foot in front of the other as she walked barefoot across the wood floor to Emma’s bedroom, knowing that this would be the end of innocence for her daughter. She gently shook Emma awake and told her the terrible news, and for a few minutes, mother and daughter clung to each other, Emma’s head on her mother’s shoulder, their tears mingling on each other’s cheeks.

  You have to be strong, she could hear Leeza saying, and so she tried.

  “We’re leaving for the airport as soon as we’re packed,” Grace said, patting Emma’s back.

  For the rest of the morning, Emma was silent. Only Halo chattered up a storm.

  “Seriously!!! God Bless America!!” the bird squawked as Emma scrambled eggs to share with him.

  Thank God for Ken, Grace thought, as she made the requisite call to the school. He was as shattered as Grace, but, being Ken, had responded by springing into action. Of course he was going to New London. He’d pick them up and they’d all go together to the airport. He’d arrange for Roberto to take Halo. Grace was relieved to have someone else make the decisions.

  “I don’t think I can take it,” Grace said to Ken when he called on his way over. She folded her one good black dress, traded out her dirty laundry for a few clean things, and stuffed it all into her bag. She would buy a toy for Sara at the airport. Not that a toy was any consolation to a child who had just lost her mother. “But what are our options? None.” Grace just wished she had time and space to mourn, but they needed to get to Wisconsin.

  “I’m not sure what I can say to Sara.” Ken’s voice sounded hoarse. Grace could tell he’d been crying. Ken always put his emotions right out there. He might be dramatic and sometimes totally over the top, but he was the most real person on the planet.

  Ken and Emma sat together on the flight to Chicago. Emma slapped on her earphones and buried herself in Ken’s playlist until she fell asleep on his shoulder. Grace had made this trip so often in the past few months that the flight attendant recognized her. Thank God Ken and Emma were with her this time.

  To save time, Ken had splurged and chartered a small private jet out of O’Hare that cost a fortune but shaved precious hours off the trip. “This is not the time for a road trip,” he had announced. “Anyhow, I’m sure I have business to conduct in New London. It’s a write-off.”

  Emma remained silent. Grace tried to hold Emma’s hand to comfort her, but after just a second, Emma let go and went back to her headphones. It was nearly sunset when they arrived in New London, and the small airplane taxied to a stop. Normally Grace would call Leeza to let her know she’d landed, but Leeza wasn’t there to call this time. A deep sadness filled Grace, and she decided to call Leeza anyhow, so after Ken and Emma left the plane Grace took out her phone. “I’m insane,” she thought as she dialed the familiar number just to hear Leeza’s voice. “Hi, this is Leeza. Leave a message.” She knew her call was pointless and sad, but she’d leave a message. Why the hell not? “Hi, Leez. It’s me. I miss you. We all miss you. But Ken and Emma and I are all here, we’ll be here for Snoopy and Sara. You know that. We love you.” Grace knew she would never hear anything back from her dear friend again. Tears burned her eyes.

  “Miss?” The pilot had come into the cabin.

  There was no further avoiding getting off the plane.

  Their few small bags had been unloaded right onto the tarmac, and as she walked down the stairs from the jet, Grace could see Ken and Emma picking them up a few yards ahead. They were talking to a man. As she got closer, Ken waved. “Look who came to pick you up�
�after sixteen years!”

  The man turned around. It was Von Vasser.

  The yellow-blond corn silk hair that in high school had fallen to his shoulders was now cut short, but otherwise he was still the six-foot-three, fit, well-dressed guy from high school who’d made Grace’s heart beat a little faster. Von and Ken shared a quick hug, then he turned to Grace, his blue eyes filled with warmth.

  “Grace. I am so sorry. I came as soon as Jonathan e-mailed that Leeza asked for me. I had no idea… We were making an acquisition in Germany and…” Von embraced Grace. She closed her eyes and put her head on his broad shoulders. For an instant she felt seventeen again, and in his arms under the fairy lights at their high school prom. Grace could feel his warm chest and his breath in her hair, and it seemed like all would be OK. She was surprised that after all these years, there was still such an attraction. An airport vehicle honked, and Grace came to her senses. They weren’t alone or in high school anymore. She took a step back and pulled Emma forward. “Where are my manners? Von, this is my Emma.”

  Emma shot her a look that said she was nobody’s anything, but she politely shook Von’s hand. “H’llo. Nice to meet you.”

  Von also took a step back, shaking his head slowly. “Such a gorgeous girl,” he said, looking past her gel-spiked hair and smeared black eyeliner. “Like her mother. Your mother is very beautiful, you know, Emma.”

  Grace could almost hear her daughter’s unspoken comment to that: Eeeeeww.

  “Please come with me,” Von said. “I have a car to drop us off.” He pointed to a sleek, black Escalade, and a uniformed driver leaped out to open the doors.

  Ken leaned over and whispered, “Nice touch.” Grace wondered when the last time was that New London had seen a chauffeur. Von must have booked the service through Green Bay. He always did know how to make the grand gesture. Like when he’d brought her three dozen pink roses to match her rose-colored chiffon prom dress. And then there was the crowning touch, a small box of fresh strawberries dipped in his family’s legendary Vasser chocolate. She could still practically taste the berries, ripe and sweet, with the contrast of the bittersweet dark chocolate.

  “Chocolate was originally a treat for kings and queens,” Von had told her just before he gave her a kiss.

  “I have a rental car to pick up, but I could use a ride over to Enterprise, if that’s OK?” Ken asked, then added, “How is your mother? Is she here?”

  Vanessa Vasser, Von’s headstrong American mother, was Leeza’s aunt, her late mother’s sister who had met Von’s father, from a wealthy Swiss chocolate-industry family, on a post-graduate vacation in Zurich. Vanessa was never far from her son’s side. She even managed to make the huge trip from Switzerland to New London for almost every one of Von’s choir performances. She came more often than many local parents, in fact, sometimes taking the entire choir out for pizza. Leeza had explained that her aunt Vanessa had lost her only daughter, Von’s older sister, and so she had become ultraprotective of her son, as well as her niece, Leeza.

  “Yes, a ride, of course, not a problem. And yes, my mother is here. She flew over with me,” Von said. “She is devastated, of course. We all are.” He picked up Grace’s bag and placed his hand on the small of her back, gently leading her toward the car. He added, “I can imagine you are all devastated as well.”

  Von helped Grace and Emma into the car while the driver got the other side for Ken.

  “How is Sara?” Emma asked.

  “Of course, she’s not really aware of what’s happened.” Von shook his head. “Only two! Imagine growing up without her mother. Poor angel.”

  “I have to be with her,” Emma announced. “She’s just a baby. She needs me.” Grace noticed tears welling in Emma’s ice-blue eyes, even though she tried to blink them back.

  “Emma is Sara’s godmother,” Grace explained.

  “She’s truly beautiful,” said Von, his blue eyes falling on Grace. “You and Brian must be very proud.” Von touched Grace’s shoulder. “It’s sad I wasn’t able to see you before now. Once I was back in Zurich, the business took over my life, and now so much time has passed.”

  DARK CHOCOLATE DIPPED STRAWBERRIES

  Makes 20 to 24

  8 ounces semisweet chocolate

  4 ounces milk chocolate

  20 to 24 medium to large strawberries with stems

  Pearlized sugar

  Wash the strawberries and make sure they are very dry.

  Add the chocolate to a glass bowl and melt it over a double boiler. Let the chocolate cool a bit before dipping strawberries.

  Dip the strawberries in the chocolate and place them onto a wax paper–lined baking sheet. Immediately sprinkle with the pearlized sugar before the chocolate starts to set. Refrigerate for 5 to 10 minutes for the chocolate to completely set. Store in the refrigerator and use within 24 hours.

  NOTE:

  • Milk chocolate was added to the dark chocolate to sweeten it a bit.

  • Any sanding sugar would work as well.

  Grace had heard this from Leeza, but never from Von himself. She knew that Von’s father had suffered a stroke right after Von went back to Switzerland, and Von had been forced to take over the family business.

  “I had hoped to attend our graduation, then go to university,” Von continued. “But life had other plans. Well, at any rate, now we’ve actually purchased two of our competitors and we’re expanding. Things are going well. But still, things happen. I will never forgive myself that I wasn’t able to come immediately when Leeza asked.”

  “When did she ask you to come?” Grace asked as the car pulled out of the parking lot.

  “This week, but I had no idea it was so serious. Leeza never let on.” Von wrung his hands and twisted at a gold ring that glinted even in the fading light. Grace recognized it right away—it was Von’s family crest, the brand insignia that was on all the chocolate products Vasser Master Chocolatiers produced. Back in high school Von had let Grace try the ring on, and Grace had found it all very exciting—none of the Wisconsin boys she knew had a family crest.

  On the short drive to Enterprise, Von explained that the funeral, followed by a reception at the home, had been arranged for the following day. Grace’s mother, Lorraine, had volunteered to take care of the food. They dropped Ken at the rental car office and told him they would see him after he checked into his bed-and-breakfast. Then they made the short drive to Leeza’s home.

  Leeza’s house sat on six acres across the beautiful Wolf River, which wound its way through all of New London. Grace sighed as they crossed over the Wolf. She never got tired of seeing the river that defined her childhood hometown, its peaceful blue water and tree-lined banks.

  “The driver can take your bags to your mother’s house now, if you’d like, and then drive you there later,” said Von. “I’m afraid my mother has taken over the guest room at Jonathan and Leeza’s. Or, I’m sure you’d be welcome to the pull-out couch, of course. I know you often stay with Leeza when you visit.”

  Grace hadn’t thought of that. Naturally, all of Leeza’s relatives would be arriving, and Jonathan would want to put them up at their house. “The couch will be great for tonight. Emma and I can share.”

  “I’m sleeping with Sara,” Emma announced, throwing open the car door and leaping out.

  Grace followed her daughter up the drive to the house she’d left just two days before, which now seemed so long ago.

  When did he arrive? Grace wondered. It had to be just the previous night. Von had said Leeza had asked him to come, but he’d been delayed. That meant Leeza had asked Von to come when Grace was still there visiting and she’d asked Grace to stay an extra day. Leeza’s request of Von was not about Leeza, Grace suddenly realized. It was about Grace. As one of her last wishes, and without telling either of them, Leeza clearly wanted to bring Grace and Von together. As it turned out, she’d done it—just not the way she’d planned.

  As she and Von stepped onto the porch, they greeted Jona
than’s brother and law partner, David Ericksson, who was now mayor of New London and married to her high school nemesis, Claire. The house buzzed with activity. Everyone loved Leeza, and it seemed as though the whole town were scattered among the living, kitchen, and family rooms. People were even spilling out onto the wraparound porch, chatting in small clusters or sitting quietly with their plates of food. In the kitchen, the large, marble-topped island that had been Leeza’s command center was piled high with food containers from concerned friends. Claire Ericksson moved through the crowd carrying a platter of sandwiches, taking her role as Leeza’s sister-in-law very seriously. Grace spotted Von’s mother, Vanessa Vasser, across the room, her unmistakable flaming red hair and dramatic hand movements accentuating whatever she was talking about. They could wait. She needed to find Jonathan first.

  At last she found him, going through the motions of welcoming and comforting family and friends, but he was clearly struggling. Emma said hello and then ran off to help by putting Sara to bed. Grace gave Jonathan a hug and, although she tried her best, she could no longer hold back her tears. Jonathan and Sara were all she had left of Leeza, and she wept on his shoulder. Suddenly, Grace felt a hand touching her own shoulder, and her mother, Lorraine, was there. As always, her mother looked beautiful. She had the carriage of an aristocrat, the kind of looks that shone even in the simplest clothes, no makeup, and a low ponytail pulled back from her face with a scarf.

  “Jonathan, Grace, dear, this is all so awful, I’m so sorry.”

  Jonathan added Lorraine to the hug, and they stood quietly for a minute. Then Lorraine spoke.

  “Emma looks exhausted. I can take her home with me now.”

  Of course Emma was exhausted. They were all exhausted and heartbroken, but leave it to Lorraine, Grace thought, to find a way to pass judgment on her parenting skills at a time like this. “We are staying here, Mother,” Grace answered, not noticing the flicker of disappointment that crossed Lorraine’s face.