My Tattered Bonds

by Courtney Cole

  As we turned the corner, I glanced back. Cadmus looked shattered. His broad shoulders were slumped and he hung his head. He looked up and met my gaze and I could have drowned in the pain that I found in his eyes. But it didn’t change what he had done.

  As a goddess who had always been surrounded by the politics and back-stabbing of Olympus, I needed to know that I could trust my husband to always tell me the truth, to always be on my side. I suddenly felt more alone than I had ever been.

  * * *

  It was dark when I opened my eyes. I glanced around quickly. I was in a lavish bedchamber in the middle of a sea of silken bedclothes. Dark curtains had been drawn, blocking out the light. I took a minute to adjust to the darkness. My eyes were puffy since I had cried myself to sleep and I rubbed impatiently at them.

  “You’re awake.”

  A quiet voice came from the corner and I strained to see.

  Hades was sitting in a chair, watching me.

  “I brought you flowers from the gardens,” he said quietly. “You seemed to enjoy them earlier. I thought you might like some in your room.”

  I glanced at the vase on the bed stand. The orange and pink blossoms filled the room with their rich fragrance.

  “Thank you.”

  He nodded. “Of course. It is a small thing, but I thought it might make you happy.”

  “How long have I been sleeping?”

  “Not long. A few hours. You needed to rest. And here in my home, you can replenish your energy. Have I mentioned how extraordinary you are? Simply being around you makes me feel peaceful.”

  “Well, I am the goddess of peace. Maybe that has something to do with it,” I replied ruefully. “Is that why you were watching me sleep? You enjoy tranquility?”

  He examined me for a moment, his dark gaze thoughtful.

  “I enjoy peace at times,” he answered slowly. “There is a time and place for everything.”

  He stood and approached the bed, sitting on the edge near me. “Harmonia, I am not what most people think that I am.”

  I raised an eyebrow as I tried to inconspicuously move away from him.

  “Oh, really?”

  He nodded.

  “Really. It’s true. Think about it, Harmonia. Are you what everyone thinks that you are? You are the Chosen One. Everyone thinks that you have a plan, that you have the knowledge and the power to put Zeus back into his rightful place. That you are confident and assured that every move you make is the right one. Is that the case?”

  He studied me again. “Because I think it is not. I think you are a beautiful woman who has been forced into a position that she hates. So much pressure has been placed upon you and you have never asked for it. You don’t know exactly what to do especially now that everyone around you has betrayed you.” He picked up my hand. “Am I right?”

  I swallowed hard. He had long fingers and they were curled around my own. And he was not wrong. I hated my position because I had no idea what to do.

  “I thought so,” he said with satisfaction. “So, see, lovely one? People are not what others sometimes think they are.”

  “If you are not the dark lord that people believe,” I started tentatively. “Then, what are you?”

  I couldn’t help but study his face as he spoke. He was handsome in a very exquisite way. I knew I should be running as far away as I could from him, but I ached to be closer and that scared me. I dropped his hand and scooted across the bed.

  He chuckled, but remained where he was.

  “I know you feel it, too,” he murmured. “But I’m patient. So I will wait. What am I, you ask?” He pondered that for a moment, running his long fingers up and down the length of the bed next to him idly as he thought.

  “That is a very complex question. But here is a truth. There is no one person, god or mortal, who is all goodness and light or all darkness and shadows. Each of us is comprised of varying shades of gray.”

  “And what shade are you?” I asked tremulously. I felt my lower lip shake as I spoke. “Are you lighter shades or do you fall more toward black?”

  He smiled. “I’m not a color wheel, Harmonia. Like anyone else, I’m comprised of a little bit of everything. I’m not a monster, I assure you. I’m just a man and I do what I need to do.”

  I snorted. “Just a man? You’re a god. The god of the Underworld, no less. And the things that you ‘need’ to do are sometimes heinous, horrible things.”

  His dark eyes glittered and I felt as though he was impaling me with them. I felt like I couldn’t move away from the pillows that I was propped upon.

  “What about my brother?” he asked quietly. “Do you feel that Zeus is kind and gentle? He is not. He forced you into thousands of years of misery- simply to ensure that you would save him at a later date. He was willing to sacrifice you for himself.”

  “Not just for himself,” I protested. “I don’t like what he did, but I do understand that it was for the good of everyone in the Spiritlands. And I haven’t been sacrificed. I’m not dead. I’m still here, alive and well.”

  Hades shook his head slowly, as if he was lamenting the fact that I was an innocent child.

  “Are you well? You’re cowering in one of my guest chambers in the dark and your beautiful eyes are red from crying. Harmonia, you don’t always need to be so good and kind. Just once, you can curse him for doing this to you. It’s alright. No one will hear you but me.”

  I met his gaze and lifted my chin.

  “Yes, sometimes I feel like cursing and screaming. But it won’t do any good. This situation is what it is. And I don’t actually understand it, to tell you the truth. What is your part in this? Why are you still so interested in me?”

  “What a strange question, Chosen One.” He moved closer to me and ran his fingers along my forearm, lightly circling my birthmark. “You are exquisite and kind and beautiful. And something about you is so very vulnerable. I have this unexplainable urge to protect you.”

  His black gaze caught mine and he moved his fingers to my face, rubbing his thumb lightly along my bottom lip. “Let me protect you, Harmonia. Please. You wouldn’t have to fight anymore or carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. I would fight for you.”

  Breath exhaled from my lips in a rush. Until he uttered those words, I didn’t even realize how weary I was of all the pressure that had been placed upon me. It was truly exhausting. And I ached to simply hand it to Hades. He made it sound so easy. But a truth that I knew was that when something sounded so easy, it was never the right thing to do.

  “I can’t,” I answered simply. “You’re asking me to switch sides… to change from good to bad. I cannot do it.”

  He threw his head back and laughed a mirthless laugh. “From good to bad? Have you not listened to me at all? Zeus is not good and I am not bad. We are simply what we are… comprised of both good and bad. Both of us… we each simply have a different agenda. That is all.”

  “His agenda is better for me,” I replied coolly. “His plan includes my husband, while yours is simply keeping me here in the Underworld with you. And speaking of my husband, where is he?”

  His expression changed to one of neutral innocence, something that made me wary.

  “He is here,” he answered. “I’m keeping him from you for the time being, as you requested. You wanted some time alone to think and you shall have it. Don’t forget that they all lied to you, darling.”

  “As if I could,” I muttered. “Are they safe?”

  His face clouded over for a minute, but he quickly masked his displeasure. “Of course. They are guests in my palace. No one shall get to them.”

  His answer made me uneasy. But why in the world wouldn’t it? I was secluded in a darkened bedchamber with the god of the Underworld trying to seduce me while I was at odds with my husband. I’d be crazy not to be worried.

  Chapter Seven

  Snip.

  I pictured a frayed ribbon connecting me with my mother, my father and my husband. It was old a
nd tattered and coming apart, but was still woven between and around us all, tying us together with a unified bond.

  Snip. An imaginary pair of scissors cut through it, the shiny blades separating my tattered bonds with the people I had loved the most.

  Snip. The blades flashed once more and the ragged ribbons fell to pieces in the wind.

  I shook my head, trying to shake away the disturbing thoughts. I still loved my family. Of course I did. It was just so incredibly hard to get past the lies. When I thought about all of the mortal lives we had lived together, all of the pain, all of the heartache… it killed me that they had all knowingly cast me into that without telling me.

  It pierced my heart and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. They were everything to me. But they weren’t who I thought. The people that I thought I knew were always honest with me, because they loved me.

  They loved me. That thought kept plaguing me despite my pain. And I knew they loved me still. Just as I loved them. I knew that Cadmus was probably beside himself, worrying about me, wondering what I was thinking or feeling. I gulped. What a hideous, distorted mess.

  But there was still one bond that was undisturbed, still as pure as it ever was.

  Raquel.

  A vision of her sweet face filled my head. Her dark hair and jade green eyes, so like my own. I hadn’t really even had a chance to get to know her, because the Fates had hid her from me for so long. But my heart knew her. And I wanted her back.

  I dipped my hand into the Fountain of Truth, watching as the water poured through my fingers. I sat on the marble steps leading up to it, leaning against the cool stone. True to his promise, Hades had allowed me privacy for the last couple of days. He had prevented everyone from coming to see me, allowing me the utmost of quiet and solitude. He’d allowed me to simply linger in my rooms alone. No one bothered me.

  My mind felt numb, like I couldn’t really grasp the hurtful things that I had recently learned. I was well aware that it was my body’s defense mechanism. Shock always did that to a person… enveloped them in a cocoon of decreased sensitivity to allow them to process their hurt. I was still trying and it wasn’t coming easily. So today, I thought I would venture out to the Fountain to see if I could discover where in the Underworld Raquel was being kept.

  I focused on her, on her sweet little face, as I dipped the cup into the bubbling water and drew it to my lips to drink. The cold water slipped fluidly down my throat and I took another drink, patiently waiting to see visions of my daughter.

  But that is not what I saw.

  Instead, I saw an intimate moment with Hecate and her lover, Mormo. I almost blushed as I realized what I was watching. They were entwined in twisted sheets, their arms wrapped around each other.

  The story of Mormo and Hecate was an old one and certainly not one that I had ever given much thought to, since it wasn’t my business. He had been her consort for a long time. Or I guess I should say, it had been her consort.

  Mormo was androgynous in the way that only an immortal could be. He could morph from female to male at his will, although he typically chose the male form. He was a vampire-like spirit who had wandered time for ages and ages. For a reason that no one knew, he had been cursed by Zeus to drink the blood of mortal children in order to remain immortal. Hecate had fallen wildly in love with him and no one knew if he had managed to bewitch her of if she had truly just fallen for his charms.

  He didn’t remain consistently by her side, in fact, he only visited