I groaned. “Yes, William, I haven’t sat on his cock, alright?”
Sharply focused, he scrutinised me. “Will Aaron be there?”
My heart stilled, and it required all my strength to seem unaffected. “No.”
He narrowed his eyes for a beat, suspicious. “Well, I’ve got poker night. We can make it an early dinner.”
Groaning, I reached for my own cup of coffee. “No,” I replied after a sip. “Besides, do you really think I’m in any shape to have dinner with you today? You’re more exhausting than a bloody marathon, Will.”
He chuckled, and so did Jason. “How about tomorrow, then? If you last the entire dinner, I’ll make sure to give you both a medal and a reward.”
I lost my patience. “William, I said I’d consider it! It was absolutely not a ‘yes’. What you’re asking of me is considerable! I need time to think it through. I won’t make this decision lightly, or on an emotional whim. Dating you could cause irreparable injury to my career. I need to be certain that I can bear the consequences of the worst-case scenario – that if things don’t work out, or if my career is somehow jeopardised, I won’t look back and regret my decision.”
Caught by my anger, he leaned back and frowned. “I’m not going to get in the way of your dreams and ambitions, Cara. All I want is to be by your side while you chase them – cheer you on and help you out whenever you need it.”
“So you’ve said, Will, but you can’t control the outcome of this. I wish you’d understand that.”
Jason cleared his throat. “Should I leave you alone?”
“No,” I replied with a shake of my head. Returning my attention to William, I said, “Give me a week to make up my mind, yeah?”
His nods started slowly before they picked up the pace. “Okay, yeah. A week. I can do that.”
“Thank you,” I said with relief.
25
NAIL IN THE COFFIN
At five o’clock, William and Jason were about to head out to shop for groceries and spirits for poker night, which Stephen would be hosting this time around. However, just before they left, Jason stalked into my room where I was lying on my bed, listening to music. As I observed the urgency of his movements and how carefully he shut the door, apprehension unfolded in my veins, so I took my headset off at once and watched him approach my bed.
“You lied to him,” he whispered accusingly.
I gulped. “Where is he?” I whispered back.
“In the bathroom.”
“Jason, I’m not his girlfriend,” I replied defensively. “He hasn’t got a right to know, and he would probably lose his head. It’s just unnecessary to tell him.”
“Cara, I can’t stand this.” He was visibly upset. “Please, you need to make up your mind.”
Caught by his misery, I inhaled deeply. “Jason, I don’t know what to do. Please, don’t make it any harder for me. I’m not going to cancel my plans with Aaron last minute for a man I’m not even sure I want to date, and it’s really none of William’s concern whether I see him or not. We’re not exclusive, and Tyler is my friend, too!”
This aggressive whispering was really challenging my throat.
His jaw clenched while his brows drew together with worry. “This isn’t going to end well. I can feel it.”
“Just don’t say anything.”
“But this secrecy. Doesn’t it tell you something? That it’s immoral, for instance?”
“But it’s not immoral!” I replied, flustered. “How is it immoral, Jason? I’ve told your brother a million times that I’m not ready for that sort of commitment, and last night, I agreed to consider going on a date with him. The only reason you think it’s immoral is because you know he’d be upset at the truth, but just because his feelings would get hurt, it doesn’t mean I’ve no right to take such actions. I’m still single, Jason, and I’m honestly looking forward to seeing Aaron and Tyler. In fact, I need to see Aaron to make up my mind! Just don’t tell Will, and you’ll save us all any trouble.”
“I hate this,” he declared.
“How do you think I feel? It’s ridiculous that I should feel bad for wanting to see my best friend when I’m not even in a committed relationship with your brother. It’s emotional manipulation, Jason. I owe him no further consideration at this point.”
He glanced away.
“Jase?” William called from outside, puzzled.
“Yeah, I’ll be right out. Just having a word with Cara.”
“Have fun at Stephen’s,” I murmured, and I was no longer whispering. “Tell him I said hi.”
Jason pointed at me. “If you don’t come clean about this now, promise me you will if you start seeing him. Immediately.”
“I promise,” I said, and I meant it.
“Good.” He turned for the door.
“Jason?”
“Yes?” He paused to face me.
“I really am sorry. I love you. Please don’t think I don’t, because you really are the most precious thing in my world.”
He blew his cheeks out and gripped his hips. “I love you too, Cara. Always. I know what you’re like, so I get that this is inconvenient, to say the least. One way or another, we’re both in it now, but at least we’ve got each other.”
His empathic character really was remarkable, and it wasn’t something I took for granted. “Thank you. There’s no one I’d rather be stuck with.”
His smile was tender. “I know, Cara. You and me both.”
“Have fun tonight.”
“You too.”
A few seconds after he’d opened the door, William popped his head in. “I’ll see you on Monday, Cara.”
Looking into his eyes, it felt like my heart was being ripped in different directions. I really had no idea whatsoever of how to proceed, and it was driving me mad. This had to end sometime, or I would surely lose the plot once and for all.
“Yeah. Have fun tonight.”
“You too. Call me if you need anything.”
I frowned. “Like what?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know – like if you get plastered again, for instance.”
“I’d rather die than do that again anytime soon.”
His nose wrinkled somewhat. “I’d prefer it if you got plastered rather than died.”
Despite my anxiety, I managed a chuckle. “Alright, I’ll call you if I am considering dying.”
“Good. Thanks.” With that, he closed the door between us and left with Jason.
§ § §
Earlier that day, I had been suffering a tremendous hangover, which William’s presence had amplified. I hadn’t thought anything would be capable of plastering a genuine smile onto my face today, but somehow, Aaron managed it. Tyler’s birthday had been a great success, and I’d appreciated the few moments of forgetfulness regarding my troubled heart and how to proceed with William.
Holding hands, Aaron and I strolled along the pavement towards my flat. It was nearly two o’clock, so it wasn’t very late taking English party hours into account, but I was exhausted after going out two days in a row and after facing all the drama with William. Aaron had noticed when my enthusiasm over shuffleboard had diminished.
Though by a slim margin, Tyler’s girlfriend and I had beat Tyler and Aaron. After the match, Aaron had proposed to take me home. I’d expressed concern about ruining his night, but he had convinced me that I wouldn’t. “I’ve never been much of a party-person,” he’d reminded me.
Aaron was a peaceful man. Around him, I felt calm and serene, and sometimes even static. Letting go of my hand, he wrapped his arm around shoulders and tugged me closer to his side, and the sensation made me smile up at him. He felt so familiar. I truly adored his embrace because it soothed me the same way Jason’s did. In a moment of weakness, I compared it to William’s. Unlike Aaron’s, William’s embrace
didn’t soothe me in the slightest. On the contrary, it made me tense, because it triggered such extreme emotion, which ultimately exhausted me.
The three years I’d spent with Aaron had always been so placid, although I would never mistake them for boring. Since William, I’d savoured his calming effect on me more than ever. However, with his arm wrapped around my shoulders, I couldn’t help but remember that I still had a choice to make. I’d hoped that spending time with Aaron tonight would aid me out of my confusion, but it had only exacerbated it. I was more confused now than I’d been earlier, because I loved my lifestyle as it was, and Aaron’s presence was a firm reminder of that.
I didn’t know any other way of life. In Aaron’s arms, I felt like myself. In William’s, I felt like I was turning into a person I couldn’t recognise, and it frightened me. The unknown frightened me, and it did because I feared it would take away my happiness and my freedom.
So, there we walked, embodying idyllic joy while remaining completely oblivious to the drunk Londoners we passed on our way.
“You’ve been rather quiet tonight,” Aaron remarked when we neared the building. “Something wrong?”
“I’m just drained. I had such a rough night last night.”
“I can’t believe you got that drunk. So unlike you.”
“I know.”
“Work stressing you out?”
“You could say that.”
I sensed his eyes on my profile. “You know I’m here if you’d like to talk to someone, right?”
Wrapping my arm around his waist, I hugged him tightly. “I know. I’ll be fine, though.”
§ § §
I had just unlocked the front door when I heard music coming from the living room. Since I hadn’t expected it, I paused in the doorway, confused. Was Jason home already?
“Hello?” I called and stepped aside to let Aaron in. That was when I noticed five pairs of shoes on the floor that did not belong to Jason or myself, and one pair looked particularly familiar. They were formal brown leather shoes, and if I had to guess, precisely the size he wore. An alarm went off in my head.
“Home already?” Jason yelled back.
“Hi, Cara!” I heard Stephen greet.
My heart faltered. Immobile, I stood next to Aaron while he kicked off his shoes. Panic swallowed me whole as I feared the worst: had their plans changed? Had poker night been moved to our flat instead? The likelihood made me gulp in horror. I had Aaron with me, and if poker night was being hosted here, it would mean William was here as well.
I looked back at the brown leather shoes. They had to be his. Shit!
Colour drained from my face as I turned my head to see Aaron tuck his hands into his pockets. When he was about to move forward, my hand acted of its own accord and reached out to stop him.
What was I supposed to do now? I couldn’t just kick him out. I’d invited him, for crying out loud, and he would certainly gauge that there was something off if I suddenly told him to leave. However, I didn’t want to enlighten him about my past with William, either.
First of all, William was my boss, and that was surely not going to impress Aaron. On the contrary, he’d probably judge me for it. Secondly, we weren’t supposed to tell each other about people we had slept with on the side.
To top it all, there was William to consider. In light of last night, how would he react to this, especially when actually facing the man?
Fuck, I thought to myself. Another clusterfuck. I wanted to hide in my room and never come out.
“What’s the matter?” Aaron inquired, puzzled.
Within me, my heart sprinted. How would I handle this?
“I…” I couldn’t bring myself to say anything coherent. I was too shocked. Why hadn’t Jason informed me? Had he thought I’d be home later than this?
“Cara, you’re acting strange.”
“Sorry. I’m only surprised. I didn’t think we’d have company. Jason wasn’t supposed to be here.” My voice sounded anxious even to my own ears.
Aaron’s eyebrows furrowed. “So what if he is?” he replied, bewildered, and jerked his arm out of my hold to approach the living room.
Oh no. This was not going to end well. I could feel it in my bones. Acting out of pure desperation to avoid any chaos, I rushed after him and grabbed his arm again to stall him.
“Actually, could we grab a bite somewhere first? I’m starved, and I’d love a kebab.” I hoped to the god I didn’t believe in that he’d agree. If he did, I could buy myself more time to think out a solution to prevent them from meeting. The few seconds he considered my plea I spent conjuring a plan. When out on the street, I would phone Jason and tell him to read my texts, in which I would order him to throw his guests out before I returned.
“Honestly, Cara, I’d rather not. Can’t we get something delivered instead? My treat.”
I nearly surrendered to despair, but quickly lied, “The place I had in mind doesn’t offer delivery.”
I could see he was on the fence when he pressed his lips together and stared at me for a few breaths. Just when he was about to share his verdict, my worst nightmare came to life. Exiting the bathroom, a tall figure entered my peripheral vision, and I vaguely saw it pause after only a single stride. Slowly, I turned my head to acknowledge the person.
Halfway out the door stood William, and with eyes wide, he stared disbelievingly at Aaron.
I could barely hear the music above my own heartbeat anymore. This was real intimidation.
I wanted to cry. William was not going to handle this well, possessive as he was, and Aaron would be completely blindsided. And, in all honesty, I didn’t want to hurt William like this. He didn’t deserve it.
While I hadn’t decided whether to continue my arrangement with Aaron, there was no need to rub it in William’s face. However, I hadn’t meant for this, and that was the sole reason I didn’t immediately seek shelter in my room. I was desperate to defend my actions against William’s wrath.
“Hi,” Aaron greeted with a faint nod.
It took William several seconds to break out of his thoughts and nod back, but not a word escaped his lips. When his eyes suddenly flickered in my direction, my heart skipped a beat. With haste, I fixed my gaze on the floor. The alcohol in my blood made it particularly difficult to think clearly, so I hadn’t the faintest idea of how to proceed from here.
Since William failed to respond, Aaron continued, “Been a while since last time, but it’s Will, right?”
I sensed William’s subsequent glare upon my figure before I saw it. Thoroughly intimidated, I barely managed to steal a glimpse at him, and from the way his jaw clenched, I could tell he was fuming.
“Cara, a word,” his powerful voice demanded.
I’d never been so close to pissing myself as a grown woman. Unsure of how to respond, I peeked up at Aaron. His kind brown eyes stared back at me, full of confusion.
After swallowing the lump in my throat, I tried to say without revealing too much, “Aaron, could you excuse us for a sec?”
Evidently suspicious, his eyes narrowed when he glanced at William again. Without a word, he merely nodded and headed down the corridor, past William’s rigid figure. Just as they overlapped, I saw them exchange a vigilant glare.
William watched him the entire time it took him to round the corner and reach the living area, and only after he was out of sight did he turn his head to acknowledge me again. After five strides, he stopped in front of me. With a slight bow of his head, he glowered down at me while I stared nervously into his chest. Meanwhile, the stench of alcohol filled my nose. He was just as drunk, if not drunker, than I was.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he demanded. He nearly spat every word.
“I wasn’t aware you’d be here,” I excused myself. “Had I known, I wouldn’t have invited him.”
He was silent for such a long time that I dared to glance at him again, and I found him watching me in wounded disbelief. “You lied to me.”
I searched frantically for air, but my lungs weren’t receptive. “Because I knew you’d react like this.”
“Of course I’d fucking react like this!”
Extremely intimidated, I retreated a step and continued to avoid his eyes. “Will, I said I’d consider it. Until I make up my mind, I’m free to do whatever I want,” I reminded him, distraught.
Livid, he stepped after me. “Are you trying to say that you intend to keep fucking him until you have? Despite what happened between us last night?”
I had no idea what to say. My thoughts collided with my feelings, and the result was chaos of an incredible scale. Trying to buy some time, I looked anywhere but at him until he gripped my jaw and forced me to meet his gaze. In his eyes resided a thick layer of resentment, but it was the unmistakable vulnerability shining through that made my heart ache. He looked completely shattered.
Calmly, I said, “Take your hand off me, Will.”
Swallowing, he released my jaw at once, and he had the decency to look ashamed of himself.
After a deep breath, I said, “What I’m saying is that, until I’ve decided whether or not to date you, I have no obligation to you. Besides, I was going to tell you after I’d met him.” Retreating another step, I folded my arms and evaded his eyes, as if I could hide from the blatant plea in them.
“You are unbelievable,” he claimed. “Have some fucking respect.”
Spreading my arms apart, I waved them in frustration. “Respect?” I echoed. “You’re one to talk. You haven’t respected my boundaries at all.”
“I have respected them plenty, Cara. Meanwhile, you’ve contradicted yourself and acted like you don’t want me to anymore,” he argued and stepped closer again. Retreating another step, my back collided with the wall behind me. Now trapped between his body and the wall, I froze in panic.
“For fuck’s sake, Cara. Have you even changed your bedding? Or have you already forgotten that you spent last night sleeping in my arms after begging me to have sex with you?” he reminded me harshly.
Skin of the Night: Book One of The Night series Page 38
