“Yes, that’s what I’m saying.” I looked down at my hands in my lap and grimaced. “Collin and I can’t do this song together. Maybe, it’s better if I just drop out.”
The heavy silence that followed forced me to look up and see Mrs. Banks’ disapproving eyes.
“Audrey, you begged me for this opportunity. I almost had to take out a restraining order, you asked me so many times about it. I chose you. And Collin. And that’s what I expect to see at the centennial performance.”
“B-but I can’t.” I felt like a child arguing with her mother. I might as well have been stomping my feet and throwing myself on the ground. “We had a falling out. It’s not going to happen.”
“A falling out?” Mrs. Banks raised her eyebrows. “What about?”
My cheeks heated and I turned away. I couldn’t say it aloud. Then, it would be real.
Collin didn’t want me.
The pain and embarrassment of that encounter had stayed with me, even when I pretended to be sick under the covers all day Monday. But as dark as that misery had been, I couldn’t avoid school forever. Not if I wanted to graduate this spring and get out of this town.
Fully expecting to run into Collin in the hallways of Rock Valley High, I’d been relieved to find out that he’d skipped the first day of school this week, too. And the second. Now, it was Wednesday and he was still nowhere in sight. He’d given me just enough time to bow out from the performance and never have to face him alone again.
“Audrey, I’m not sure what happened between you two,” Mrs. Banks continued with a frown, “but unless it’s something criminal, I expect you to work it out. This is your dream. You have to learn how to behave like a professional.” I opened my mouth to argue, but she stopped me. “I’ve put all of my trust in you two. This performance will showcase what the Rock Valley High music department can do. I reject your resignation.”
I swallowed down my disappointment and nodded sullenly. So much for the easy way out. Now, I’d have to face Collin again and try to manage it without bursting into tears or smashing his guitar. Either outcome was very probable at this point.
But as I left Mrs. Banks’ office and wandered toward cheerleading practice, I couldn’t get her words out of my head. This performance really had been my dream. The kicking off point for my music career. I’d told myself over the summer that if I could nail this, I would be a star.
A real music star didn’t let something like a little rejection stand in her way. So, we’d established that Collin and I weren’t meant to be. Did that mean I should let my dreams and aspirations crumble around me?
“A real star doesn’t let anything get in her way,” I mumbled to myself.
My hands curled into tight fists at my side and I gritted my teeth. No matter how much it hurt, I could be strong. I could do this. Collin wasn’t going to hold me back.
So instead of getting changed for practice, I grabbed a bus to take me across town and ended up in front of the large Victorian house that had become like a second home to me. I looked up at the paint peeling off the siding, my heart thundering like I’d just run the fifteen miles to get here. If Collin was still playing hooky, I’d just have to go to him. Let him know we still had a job to do.
And then after — only after — we could part ways. Forever.
I didn’t bother knocking at the front door, but instead walked around to the basement entrance. Inhaling a deep breath through my nose, I marched through the door and into the living space. There was Collin’s door. Closed, just like the last time I’d surprised him with a visit. The day he’d kissed me and then rejected me.
The memory burned bright in my mind, making my chest hurt. Still, I brushed it off as I walked up to the door and knocked so hard, I thought my knuckles would bruise.
“Collin? Are you there? We need to talk.”
Only silence answered me.
“Come on, Collin.” I exhaled loudly, annoyed with this little game. “Just open up.”
“Audrey?” Ally walked down the hallway toward me, her eyes crinkled as if she’d just woken up from a nap. A second later, her yawn confirmed it. “What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to Collin,” I said, setting my jaw. “He’s been avoiding me, but we still have work to do.”
“Avoiding you?” She ruffled the top of her hair and shot me a puzzled look. “Didn’t he tell you the news? I mean, I thought that’s why you ran out of here the other night so upset.”
I had no idea what she was talking about. “What news?”
She frowned and leaned against the wall. “He moved out to live with his dad.”
My lungs felt as if someone had forced dry ice down my throat. I tried to breathe, but couldn’t get any air.
“W-what do you mean? How is that even possible?”
She offered me a half smile, her eyes full of sympathy. “When a foster kid turns eighteen they’re officially on their own. They get to make their own decisions. And Sunday was Collin’s eighteenth birthday. Believe me, Tripp and Gina weren’t happy, but there’s nothing they could do.”
I pressed a hand to my abdomen. He’d never mentioned his birthday was coming up. Never mentioned that he would be moving away.
“Do you know when he’ll be back at school?” I asked, biting my lower lip. “He hasn’t been at school since last week and we have to discuss our performance.”
“His dad wanted him to come work at the garage immediately. He dropped out of school.” Ally tilted her head to the other side. “Are you saying he didn’t tell you any of this?”
As the last of my courage crumbled, I thought back to Friday when Collin had texted me, wanting to talk. I’d been naive to think he’d wanted to talk about us. He’d had dinner with his dad on Thursday and that must’ve been when he made up his mind to leave. He was going to break the news Friday night. His concussion on the field had thrown everything out of whack.
“No, he didn’t.” I glared furiously at Collin’s door, knowing that he wasn’t inside. “We had an argument and that was it. He didn’t say anything else.”
That wasn’t quite true. He’d said a lot. Just nothing about his dad or leaving Rock Valley High. The whole thing made me nauseous.
“I need to know exactly what happened.” Ally pulled me toward a ragged couch in the living room and practically pushed me onto it. “Girl, spill. Tell me everything.”
I hesitated. There was a lot to unpack from the last two months. A lot of secrets and things that I hadn’t even mentioned to my best friends. But I needed to talk to someone. Get someone’s outside perspective. And right now, the best person to give that to me was sitting right next to me on the couch.
I started at the beginning, telling her about the beach house and the party. I told her about our kiss arrangement and the song. It was surprisingly easy to talk to Ally. She sat silently, her eyes wide, but not a trace of judgment in her expressions. And when I got to the part about him talking about his mom and how he couldn’t fall in love, I started to break down, my voice becoming ragged.
“And then he said he was sorry and I ran away,” I finished, wiping away a tear. “That’s it.”
Ally had a look of awe on her face as she leaned back into the couch cushions. Her gaze darted around the room for a few seconds until it settled back on me and she made a face.
“That stupid, no good, dirty rotten boy. I swear, I’m going to kill him. The moment I get my hands on him, I’m going to slap some sense into him.”
I chuckled through the tears and shook my head. “I don’t want to hurt him, I just want to finish this song so that I never have to talk to him again.”
“Audrey, don’t you get it?” She leaned toward me, grasping both of my knees with her iron grip. “That boy loves you. I know it. Just like I know Prince William and Kate Middleton were meant to be. He’s just a stupid, idiotic boy who thought that pushing you away would be easier than saying goodbye.”
My head shook back and forth so hard I thou
ght I heard something crack. “No. He was very clear that he wasn’t falling for me. He basically made it sound like he was kissing me because he was bored.”
“Audrey...”
“Ally, boys like that don’t go for girls like me.” I put my feet on the couch cushion and wrapped my arms tightly around my knees, making myself as small as possible. “That’s just the way it is. But I’ve accepted that.”
She exhaled loudly, and I could feel her watching me. It was nice of her to try and make me feel better. Take away the rejection that still stung so badly. But the truth was that one way or another, Collin and I weren’t meant to be. That was just the way it was.
Suddenly, Ally stood from the couch and walked toward Collin’s door. She paused in front of it with her arms crossed and glared at me. It was quite a frightening sight coming from a person who was always so ridiculously cheerful. Like someone had turned off the sun.
“Listen, Audrey, I’m not going to argue with you. Believe it or not, I know that Collin has feelings for you and I know that scares him. He might never admit it, but as someone who knows what it’s like to deal with a cruddy past, sometimes we lose the ability to look to the future. He’s running away when he should be running forward. He needs to be reminded that you’re still here for him. His dad only lives an hour away. I could take you there, now.”
I shook my head again. Everything she was saying, all of these excuses for why Collin had pushed me away didn’t matter. Ally had to see that. Crossing the room, I went straight to Collin’s door and turned the knob. The door swung open to reveal an immaculately made bed and Collin’s furniture. Gone were any little remnants of him. His guitar. His clothes. Nothing left to hold onto.
“Even if I believed you,” I said, turning toward her with pain leaking into my voice. “He’s gone. Nothing is going to change that.”
She grimaced. “But what if you two could talk—”
“He didn’t even say good-bye, Ally. He doesn’t want to talk to me. He’s going to live with his dad and work at a garage. And I’ll be here. Alone. That’s just the way it is and you have to accept that.”
I wasn’t sure if that last part was for her or me, but my blood pressure had skyrocketed so high I saw spots in the corner of my eyes. Ally could spin things as much as she wanted. Tell me the sky was pink and sparkly and made of bubble gum. But all the cheerful excuses in the world couldn’t make up for the fact that Collin had left. Without a goodbye. And I was left picking up the pieces.
“I’m sorry, Audrey.” Ally blinked back tears and pulled me into a tight hug. The scent of her vanilla perfume filled my head. “I’m so sorry.”
“I know.” I untangled myself from her arms and gave her a sad smile. “It’s not your fault. But hey, if you ever see Collin again, don’t forget you offered to slap some sense into him for me.”
She gave me a half-hearted smile. “I won’t forget. Promise.”
I started the long trek back to the bus station and to my apartment, all the while thinking about Collin’s sad and empty room. He really had left me to deal with all the damage. No explanation, no note. And now, I had no choice but to do the final performance without him.
It was what I’d wanted in the beginning. A solo in front of the entire town. Except now, it felt all wrong. My entire life felt wrong.
I still wasn’t speaking to my dad. Savannah had me under her hateful thumb on the cheerleading team. And Collin was gone.
I didn’t know how I was going to handle this alone.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Rock Valley High was losing. Bad. It was like someone had replaced the entire football teams’ cleats with greased up tennis shoes and swapped our linemen for cardboard cutouts.
I watched from the sideline as Roosevelt High scored another touchdown on us. It was 21 to 6 in the second half and the crowd was groaning. Apparently, the loss of Collin had impacted more than just me. Our boys were acting as if they’d never won a game before.
The Rock Valley Biz Instagram account was going nuts with rumors about Collin and why he’d dropped out of school. Some said he’d run away to Mexico. Some said he’d died and the school was covering it up. All the stories were as crazy as the next and all just as wrong. It didn’t matter why. The truth was that our school was hurting.
“Come on,” I growled as the second string QB was sacked for the third time.
I’d had enough. It was one thing to stand here cheering when Collin was playing and my mom was watching in the stands, but Collin was gone. Mom was out of town for a work event. Even my dad had better things to do tonight. There was no reason to be killing myself in this suit. With a short wave at the rest of the squad, I marched off toward the back of the bleachers, tearing the mascot head off as soon as I was out of sight from the crowds.
I was just about to sit down and tear into a bottle of water, when I saw Savannah marching angrily in my direction. It was a cold night, so the whole team had paired their short pleated skirts with heavy white flannel leggings. Still, despite the chilly breeze, Savannah had insisted on leaving the belly buttons bare. I could only imagine how frost bite felt on a belly button ring.
“Audrey! You get back here this instant. The game isn’t over yet,” she growled.
I sighed and turned away. I wasn’t in the mood to argue with her tonight. This whole week, I felt like I’d been wading through an emotional haze. I didn’t have enough energy to deal with her. Not today.
“Audrey? Are you listening to me?” She stopped right in front of me and tapped her brilliant white tennis shoe expectantly. “You can’t ignore me. I’m the captain.”
“Yeah, and after we graduate you’ll be nothing,” I said under my breath.
“What was that?” She placed her hands on her narrow hips and scowled. “Do I need to remind you that with one snap of my fingers, you could be off this team? One snap. That’s all it takes. Don’t push me.”
I wasn’t sure if it was just a combination of my emotional state that night or the fact that Savannah had been hounding on me for years, but I couldn’t take it anymore. I jumped to my feet and shoved the mascot head into her hands so hard it made her stumble backwards.
“Here. Take it. I don’t want it.”
Fury burned in her brown eyes. She threw the head back at me, hitting me hard in the gut. “No, way. You committed to this team. The centennial performance is next week and you need to be there for our performance. Principal Styles is counting on it.”
Savannah had been ragging on us for weeks about performing at the centennial performance, as if we were cheering at the Super Bowl. Frankly, I’d had enough with the entire centennial performance. It was all starting to sound ridiculous to me.
“Well, I didn’t commit to being abused by you,” I yelled, throwing the mascot head to the ground. “You know, all I wanted was to be on your stupid little squad so my mom would be happy after the divorce. But you had to make that impossible, didn’t you? You had to torture me, humiliate me. For what? To prove you’re better than me?”
Savannah’s eyes snapped with anger and she gave me a smirk. “I don’t have to prove anything. I am better than you.”
I looked up at the bottom of the stands, tears smarting in my eyes. “Dang it, Savannah. I don’t want to fight with you all the time. Can you just leave me alone? I’m not here to make your life miserable.”
“Well that’s too bad, because you already do.”
She sniffed, drawing my gaze back to her face. I was surprised to see her eyes redden, as if she were holding back angry tears. The sight didn’t create any sympathy for her. I’d had enough of this back and forth. If she was going to hate me so much, I wanted a reason. A reason why my cousin had chosen to become my worst enemy.
“Tell me why, Savannah.” I took a step toward her, looking straight into her eyes. It was like staring down a dangerous viper. “Why do you hate me?”
She glanced away, her cheeks turning pink. “I don’t have to tell you anything.”
“Is it something that happened at Grandma Ivy’s? Why did everything change between us when she died?”
Her jaw hardened and she crossed her arms.
“Why?” I pressed. She wasn’t getting away from this conversation. We needed to clear the air between us. “At least give me something.”
“Because she loved you more than she loved me,” Savannah shouted, her face turning red and the blue vessels in her forehead bulging.
I took an involuntary step back, slightly frightened of her reaction. I hadn’t expected my pushing to work. If anything, I figured she’d slap me across the face with her pom poms. But this was unexpected. And totally false.
“What do you mean?” I asked, my voice low. “Grandma Ivy loved us both.”
“No, she clearly loved you more.” Her lower lip trembled and she took a shuddering breath. “When she got sick, I asked her for one thing. Only one thing. It was a strand of pearls from her jewelry box. She used to wear them out to her ladies evenings. My mom wore them on her wedding day. I remember how they used to shine. I loved those things. Grandma Ivy would let me wear them once in a while. They made me feel like a princess. It was the only thing I wanted to remember her by.”
My jaw fell open at Savannah’s confession. I’d never known she was so fond of Grandma Ivy’s pearls. To me, they’d just been a memento of the grandparent I’d loved and lost. Nothing more.
“I wanted those pearls and she told me I could have them,” Savannah continued, her voice tightening, “but in the end, she gave them to you. That was how I knew she loved you more.”
My head buzzed with anger. That was the reason? All this time, it was about some stupid necklace?
“You know that I didn’t have any control over any of that, right? I didn’t ask Grandma Ivy for the pearls.”
“That’s what my mom said.” She closed her eyes. “But that just made it worse. Every time I looked at you, I would think about it.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. She was right, Grandma Ivy had left her pearls to me. We’d known because of a scrawled message left inside her jewelry box. But Grandma Ivy had been sick the last few months of her life. The heart disease had messed with her memory. Maybe she hadn’t meant to leave the pearls to me after all.
Dare You to Kiss the Quarterback (Rock Valley High Book 1) Page 15
