Dead Paper Birds

by Megan McKinney

  I threw the blanket off of me, ignoring my body breaking out in goosebumps. I can’t just sit here. The last time I’d had an episode this bad I’d slept for three days. Who knows how long I’ve actually been sleeping. I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and let my feet dangle off of the side. Someone had taken off my shoes. I wiggled my toes that were still covered in my mismatching socks. One sock was electric blue while the other was black with multi-colored stars on it. I looked over the edge of the bed and found my shoes, standing side by side. I pulled them on, lacing them tightly before getting up. I didn’t need to step on a nail or a piece of glass.

  Standing up I felt slightly more in control, but I felt tender. I looked closer around me. The room was definitely not in its best shape. It looked like someone had gone through with a sledgehammer and was on a swinging spree. There were holes in the walls, exposing pipes and insulation. The door for the closet was smashed in and lying partially on the wall and the rest was lying on the floor. The carpet had debris strewn over it. But through the debris the carpet was full of dirt and in places was torn completely out. Behind me the bed sagged in the middle, with yellowed sheets still on it. I took a few steps away from the bed and a wave of lightheadedness hit me.

  After a few moments when I was sure that I wasn’t going to pass out, I stepped out of the room into a larger room that was distinctly warmer that held a couch and several cozy looking chairs. Even dirty and gross they looked comfortable. They were the kind of chairs that you could sink into and fall asleep thinking you were on a cloud. To the left of me there was a small kitchenette with a refrigerator and stove. There were dirty dishes and other trash strewn over the counters and in the sink. Dirt covered the counters that were visible under everything that had been dumped on it. To the right was two doors. One that I assumed led to the bathroom and the other out to the hallway. The rest of the furniture was broken down and stacked for what looked like firewood. There was a small fire burning in a fireplace and Dean was sitting in front of it, feeding it.

  Nervously I chewed on my cheek. I ran my tongue over the scar tissue that covered it. Instead of feeling angry, butterflies flew around my stomach. It was an alien feeling. But I’d never had someone outside of my family genuinely look out for me either. I’d never trusted Brody enough to give him the chance. On silent feet I stepped forward to stand behind Dean. He hadn’t noticed me yet. I ran my eyes over his broad shoulders and I felt the blush rise to my cheeks. Being held against him had been awfully exciting in ways that I had never had the time to think about and when they did rise, I always pushed them away. But he had brought them up again, even thru the pain. I could see the muscles flex in his arms and back through his shirt when he moved. He had been so warm and surprisingly gently. Being that close to him had made me want to suck up close to him to absorb all of his heat. Being a mere foot away was so tempting. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, to feel the power he had in his body. It was there. He could have crushed me instead of cradling me. I frowned down at him. Was I just grateful or was it something else? I reached out a hand to touch his shoulder. But before I could touch him, he turned around.

  I froze. What do I do? Thank him, I should say thank you. Instead I was too stunned to say anything. I stood there completely frozen, with my hand held out in front of me. Numbly I dropped my hand to my side.

  He grinned. It was an easy grin, one of those smiles that crinkled the corners of his eyes and left small dimples in his cheeks. I felt my whole face flush. He knows. Somehow, he knows what I was thinking. After a pause he stood up away from the fire. He put both hands on my shoulders, they were almost hot even through my clothing. His touch was almost electrifying. I wanted him to let me go but at the same time I didn’t. “I bet you’re starving. Sit down and I’ll grab you something.” He let go of me and I felt colder but more of myself.

  I sat down on the edge of the couch, gripping the edges with my hands. Why am I such an idiot? He helps me out and now I’m turning into some love-sick bird? Get a grip on yourself and tell him something, explain what happened even if it’s embarrassing and makes me look weak. I have to tell him, to rationalize it. I cleared my throat. “I know you don’t think much of me. I really didn’t mean to just black out on you.” I cleared my throat. I kept my eyes glued to the fire. “I call them episodes. And I should have been up front with you guys. I can’t stop them. I get these headaches, sometimes they aren’t that bad and sometimes they’re bad, like yesterday.” I stopped. This is hopeless. I sound like a petulant child. I dropped my face in my hands. I can’t be weak out here, to show weakness means death. Why they didn’t just leave me? I’m an ass and I deserved getting left behind. Maybe Dean’s just a good guy. Just got caught up with the wrong man giving him orders. I lifted my head to look at him.

  He paused in the middle of digging through his backpack to throw a glance at me. It wasn’t a pitying look either. He pulled out a can and with it a can opener. He opened the lid and set the can on the edge of the fireplace. He looked me in the eyes and I had to fight myself to not look away. “I got you some chili. That’ll be better than just a protein bar.” He sat down next to me. “Here. Drink some of this. You’re probably thirsty.”

  I drank long and deep from the water. “Thank you. And I’m sorry that you had to carry me. I tried to just stay awake, but it’s just easier to ride it instead of fighting it. How long have I been sleeping?”

  Dean rubbed his chin with his hand and scratched behind his ears, which were bright red. “That was no problem, you’re so light I could have carried you for miles. But we’re supposed to work together as a team. It’s not just you, so you’re not alone out here. I know you’re used to being on your own but it’s not just you now. You should have been upfront about them. At the same time though I can understand why you didn’t, but at the same time if we had known we could have been more prepared to handle it if it happened.” He walked over to stand next to the water. “You slept for nearly two days. This is our third day here. We both tried to wake you up but you were dead to the world.” He pulled the can gently off of the edge of the fire and handed it to me. It was warm under my hand. I cradled it to my chest, sucking in the warmth. “But anyways we found a building that was full of apartments that still had decent doors and didn’t look to be in too bad of condition.”

  I stared at him with wide eyes.

  He smiled, but there was a touch of sadness to it. “Honestly I thought you were going to die on us. But you didn’t. So yeah. Anyways its early afternoon and right now Richard is out scouting. Seeing if there’s a way to get into the sewers or something. ‘Sides, you needed the sleep. It’s been a lot to take in. I don’t even know how you did it with that guy. Just shooting him in the head like it was nothing. Just nothing at all.”

  I stirred the chili with a plastic spoon that Dean handed me and scooped it into my mouth. It was only luke-warm but I wasn’t going to complain, it tasted wonderful. It filled my stomach in a way that I hadn’t felt in a long time. When I actually enjoyed food that was, not just ate it for sustenance. I scooped another bite into my mouth and savored it. I felt eyes on me and I turned my eyes to look at Dean. He was staring at me. “What?”

  He shook his head. “You killed those three infected like it was no different than taking out the trash. It looked so natural.” He dropped down to the ground near the fire. “Where did you learn to do that?”

  I shrugged. “Mostly it was my dad. But a lot of it was self-reliance.”

  He nodded absentmindedly. But dropped the subject.

  After I finished eating, we sat there in silence. I stared at the fire, soaking in its warmth. I was just cold. Even with my coat and shoes on, I just couldn’t get enough heat into my body. Dean sat on the floor in front of it occasionally feeding it more wood. I thought of telling him to put it out because of the smoke but it was too late for that. If anyone was here, they would have seen it already and it just felt too good to put out. It was too cold to have nothing to
keep us warm.

  My eyes had started to get heavy again when the door burst open sending Dean and I to our feet. Richard came in and shut the door behind him. His eyes were wide, he was covered in sweat and blood. He stepped away from the door, and even watching him from behind I could see that his chest was heaving.

  Dean grabbed Richard’s shoulder from behind. Richard whirled around and socked him in the jaw. Dean let go of him and punched him back, almost as if it was a gut reaction. Richard stepped back, away from Dean. It was then I recognized the look in Richard’s eyes. Panic. Dean growled and followed Richard across the room. He picked the smaller man up by the front of his shirt. “What is your problem?” He asked from in-between clenched teeth.

  Richard whispered, “They’re coming. There’s like five or ten of them.”

  Calmly I stepped forward and tried to pull Richard’s shirt out of Dean’s grasp. That didn’t work so I grabbed Richards face instead and turned his face to look at me. “Who’s coming?” I felt a moment’s irritation when he didn’t answer right away but there was a threat. I could stay collected and focused when a threat loomed over me.

  He locked eyes with me. A thump came from the wall outside. He mouthed ‘infected’ and ripped his shirt out of Dean’s grasp and ran to the bedroom. More thumps joined the first. It sounded like a dozen of them were outside just banging on the door. Pressing themselves against the door and surrounding wall. The door wouldn’t hold for long. Calmly I grabbed the two backpacks that were beside the couch. I followed Dean into the bedroom, shutting the door quietly. The less noise we made the better. I threw Dean’s backpack at him and pulled mine on, I fastened the front strap that went across my chest. Tightening it as tight as I could get it. We were trapped in the bedroom. There was the single door and there was no way that we were going out through the main one anyways. There were the windows though. I opened one of the windows and looked out. We were several stories above the ground. Jumping wasn’t an option, not unless we wanted to break our legs. The ledge was just wide enough though. This is stupidity at its finest. But desperate times call for desperate measures. I pulled myself out through the window ignoring the two guy’s hissings. The wind blew my hair away from my face, I straightened slowly. It was exhilarating but terrifying. I held tightly to the frame until I could get accustomed to the wind blowing my body. I kept my back as close to the building as I could to avoid looking down more than I had to, I stared at the building directly across from me. I slowly edged myself along the building away from the window. After some hesitation they followed me. Richard’s head appeared first. He climbed out almost gracefully. He was taking slow deep breaths but he was keeping his cool. As soon as he moved far enough away Dean crawled out. Surprisingly Dean’s face was the color of ash, with a tinge of green. He clung to the side of the building and moved slower than a turtle.

  I moved slowly, still hugging the wall. I slid my feet along the rough surface. I didn’t dare to even lift my feet even an inch off of the surface. I didn’t want to be blown off. But Dean was afraid of heights. That was surprising. I thought for sure it would be Richard instead. But Richard was handling this almost better than me. I shot a glance at him. He was doing the same. No change in facial expression or color and he was moving steadily, no hiccup in his steps at all. As I came to another window I bent over just enough to see inside. It looked like a separate suite and it was devoid of movement. But we’d be too close to the infected still. I wanted to give us some breathing space. I kept inching myself along.

  A gust of breeze blew itself against me. I couldn’t help the gasp that escaped my mouth as I was pushed back against the wall. Richard fell against me. I grabbed onto the window ledge and held on thoroughly through desperation. As soon as the wind subsided, Richard righted himself. Now his face was pale. But it was time to get off of this ledge unless we really did want to die. At the next window I was going to try and get in.

  I moved myself directly in front of the window before I turned myself around so I was facing the wall and tried to pull the window up. It didn’t want to move. Crap. I moved my legs a little farther apart so I could get more leverage. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Richard reach out a hand to steady me. I felt his hand on my shoulder. A steady weight. I pulled on the window again and this time it came up in a series of jerks. I pulled it up as far as it would go and without hesitation, I slid my feet into the room first, pulling out my knife as I dropped to a crouched position. Nothing came out at me, nothing moved or snarled at me. Good sign so far. Hesitantly I tiptoed to the door where I put my ear to it to listen.

  It sounded like there was an infected in there. But I couldn’t tell where it was at or if it was up moving around. It was moaning softly to itself. The kind of moaning that I assumed they made to try and communicate with each other or to identify others like it. If there was more than one they would moan and grunt to each other almost as if they were communicating. This one wasn’t. It was just making soft moans like it was crying. Richard slid in first and Dean was right behind him. I held a finger up to my lip, cautioning them to be quiet. Dean reached for his gun and I shook my head violently no. He glared at me but I held my ground by shaking my head again. I held up my knife and pointed to his on his waist. Behind him Richard had pursed his lips and glared angrily at my knife. So, he was fine with running away from them and being afraid for his life but offer to kill them and all of a sudden they were the good guys? This guy made me want to bang my head against the wall in frustration. I shook my head. This is why I’m here. This is my expertise.

  I grasped the door handle and turned it slowly. I cracked the door open just enough for me to peek through. The infected was sitting in the middle of the floor rocking itself back and forth. I pulled the door open further and snuck into the room. I held the knife up ready to stab it. It stopped moaning and tilted its head as if listening. I stopped and held my breath. The infected started to stand up and I rushed it. I grabbed it around the throat, under its chin while it wrapped its hands around my arm. I shoved my knife into the back of its head cutting off its snarl. Its hands let go of my arm and I lowered the body to the floor as gently as I could.

  I motioned for them to follow me. No matter Richard’s protests with me killing the infected he always stopped and let me do it. I don’t understand it. It’s almost like he believes they could be saved still but at the same time if I didn’t kill them then they’d kill us. Richard skirted around the pool of blood that was starting to flow from the body while Dean stepped through it. I approached the door that should lead into the hallway. I wiped my hand on my pants to get rid of the sweat that was forming on my palm. I took a deep breath before I grasped the handle and again, I cracked the door to peak out. The hallway looked clear. I opened the door further so I could stick my head out. There only twenty feet away at the most was the group of infected that Richard had been running from. They were still huddled around the same door. Banging on it with their fists. I shut the door quickly and looked at them. “Well it looks like we might have a problem.”

  They looked grim. I started pacing, my mind racing of how to get out of this as easily as possible without blowing through all of our supplies. They were preoccupied with the door right now. Trying to get into the room that they thought Richard was in. We could wait for them to break through or we could try to kill them. If the hallway was a curved one, we could have tried to sneak away but seeing as it was a straight and narrow one at that we wouldn’t have that option. I started chewing on my lip. These doors weren’t very strong so how long should it take for them to break through? Or would they at all? Eventually it would break through. It had to.

  “So,” I whispered aloud. “They’re grouped at the end of the hallway. Basically, the way I see it we can either wait for them to break into the room that we were in and then get away or” I held up my pistol, “we can blow our way out.” I paced some more. “But if we blow our way out then we run the huge risk of bringing more infected down on us and
potentially raiders. The question is, is it worth the risk?”

  Dean grimaced and Richard stood there in silence. Dean whispered, “Do you really think it’s a good idea to go blowing off ammo when we can just wait for them to distract themselves?” He turned to look at Richard. “Richard go check to see if going out the window and heading further down is an option.”

  Richard turned on his heel and stalked out of the room.

  I bit harder down on my lip. “If we take care of them now, we won’t have to worry about them later. Besides what other option do we really have? Even if we go further down we’d still be just as stuck, unless you start climbing the wall.”

  “So, you’re ready to go blowing heads off?”

  “Yes. I am. If the situation calls for it. And I say this situation has called for it.”

  “What if we need that ammo later on?” He countered.

  “Fine, we can sit here like ducks. But don’t blame me-“

  Something ran against the door and made it shudder. I dropped into a crouched position and aimed my pistol at the door. Whatever it was ran against the door again and screamed in frustration. They know we’re here now. Another one joined the first at the door. Now we don’t have the element of surprise. I sent a glare to Dean who was still standing in the middle of the floor staring at the door as if he was in shock. I hissed at him to get down. As if in a dream he crouched down and ran behind the couch. At least he isn’t in the middle of the floor now, just me. I pulled in a breath and let it out slowly as the door cracked down the middle. Oh, so this door will give in easy but that one won’t. Of course, that’s how my luck runs.

  A pale arm pushed itself through the crack, waving back and forth. The door was ripped further apart when the upper torso of an infected pushed itself through with wood pieces gouging out its skin the further it pushed itself in. Blood ran down its face in rivulets. I sighted down the barrel and slowly pulled the trigger.