Dead Paper Birds

by Megan McKinney

  “Twenty. Twenty maybe thirty. I-I-I don’t know!” He howled.

  I pulled him closer to me by grasping his shirt. “Is your group armed?”

  He shook his head back and forth.

  I smacked him across the face again. “Is. Your. Group. Armed.” I asked through gritted teeth.

  “We do patrols… and there’s more than enough weapons for everyone. Please just let me go.” He trailed off crying again.

  I guess that this was going to have to be good enough. I let go of his shirt, as soon as he realized I’d let go he curled up into a ball, sobbing. How pathetic. He knew the risks of attacking another group. Unless we’re the first ones that have been able to fight back. Then this makes a little more sense, not enough to justify his behavior though.

  I stood up slowly. I didn’t want to fall over right on top of him. The ground was still weaving but not as bad. I ran a hand through my hair, pulling my hair out of my face. Even pulling on my hair made my head ache. Time to get through this. I raised my left arm, lifting the barrel of my gun towards his head. Killing someone who was alive was always harder than killing an infected, not by much but it still was. I couldn’t think about it or I wouldn’t be able to do it. I forced my mind to go blank, purposely not thinking about what I had to do. I swore to myself that I would never enjoy killing someone, so far, I’d been able to keep that promise to myself. I pulled the trigger.

  His sobbing immediately ceased. Before my mind could take in the scene, I turned away from it. Rick was looking at me with a mixture of pride and sadness, Dean was looking at me like I was the monster. Maybe I am. But it’s a fate that I’ve chosen to accept. I tried to step around Dean but he blocked my path. “You told him, you’d let him go.”

  I snorted. “Yeah I did. But I didn’t tell him how I’d let him go.” I saw the look of utter disbelief run over his features. After a moment he stepped to the side and let me pass. His eyes boring a hole into me the entire time. I stopped. “What are you so pissed about Dean? There was no other logical choice.”

  “There’s always another choice.”

  I turned back around. “Yeah, and what. Let him go so he can try to get back to warn all of his buddies that we’re coming! No, I don’t think so. Or he would have tried to kill us as soon as he had a chance. Oh, and then you’re probably thinking, we should have kept him prisoner. Say we’d done that. Who would have been put on guard duty, you? Or Richard?”

  Richard shook his head.

  “See. What about you Rick? Would you have guarded our little prisoner?”

  Rick shook his head. “Hell no. I would have done the exact same thing you did.”

  “Besides Dean, Rick had screwed his face up enough that he would have been miserable. Broken teeth mean not being able to properly eat and personally unless it’s a person I care for a whole lot I’m not cutting their food up for them. He was dead as soon as he attacked us. They all are.”

  I turned on my heel and walked away. I started pulling arrows out of the infected that were still laying on the ground. I heard footsteps coming up behind me. I yanked an arrow out with a squelch to see Rick standing a few feet away. “Just grabbing my arrows then we should be off. We should try to get your truck back as soon as possible, unless you want to count it as a loss and just try to find a new one.”

  “Nah, I ain’t letting them keep it. But Richard told me how you couldn’t walk on your own. He also told me about that fainting spell or whatever it was. How do I know you’re up to this? We can’t expect to get it back if you can’t even walk on your own.”

  “I’m fine now.” It wasn’t entirely a lie but I wasn’t as dizzy as I was. It was slowly passing. “Caught off guard and smacked my head against the wall when I fell off the ladder, cause some jerk tried to shoot me. But I’m fine.”

  He pursed his lips together and cocked his head. “Don’t lie to me, kid.” He rubbed his hand across his mouth and turned away. “Don’t ever lie to me.”

  I continued picking up my arrows, fighting waves of despair and anger. I tried to hold myself steady but I could still feel every bit of my body start shaking. I started shaking hard enough that I thought maybe I might fall apart. It might be nice. Maybe if I fell entirely apart then I wouldn’t have to go through this hell any more. I don’t know why I get these headaches, I don’t know why I get so dizzy. If I could control them I would. Don’t they see that? It’s not my fault, and they can’t treat me different just because of them. I can handle myself. I can! First Richard passed by me, without saying anything. Dean stopped and put a hand on my shoulder.

  “I don’t agree with what you did but,” he hesitated, “it had to be done. I forget that we’re not home. I forget that there’s different rules out here.” He pulled his hand off and followed Richard.

  Instead of following them, I wanted to run in the opposite direction and just never see them again. To just run and leave every bit of this behind me. To just forget who I am and just become someone else, to just be nobody. I don’t want to keep going. This right here was only the tip of the iceberg, and I’m going to hit it and sink. I’ll sink right to the bottom of this place and die. Homesickness rolled over me like a wave. I wanted my mom. I wanted to be wrapped in her arms, and listen to her tell me it was going to be alright. Lies but comforting lies all the same. I wanted to see Lily, I wanted to hear her laughing again. She was what kept me from sliding into the dark, without having her and the rest of the family depending on me, I felt like an abyss was threatening to swallow me whole. An abyss full of rage and depression. I just wanted to go home. Through teary eyes I stared up through the trees, towards home. Instead with heavy feet I followed Rick even further away from home.

  Chapter sixteen… This was a massive mistake

  My shirt clung to me in every uncomfortable way possible. Sweat ran down my back and sides in a never-ending torrent. Night had fallen hours ago with the temperature in the low forties, but the hike to get to this vantage point had kept me warm, at least until now. The breeze felt great against my sweaty face. My feet were the only parts of my body that were freezing cold but seeing as how they were constantly in contact with the cold ground it wasn’t that surprising. It was a steep climb, I’d used my arms as much as my legs to keep my balance and to move quietly through the foliage. At the top of the ridge I paused, just behind a tree that let me overlook the small town. Once I stop moving, it would only be a matter of time before I cool off and the rest of me catches up to my feet. As if to drive that thought home the breeze picked up. I turned my face into the wind and smelled the air, it smelt like more rain was on the way. Just what I needed. More rain.

  I kept myself hidden in the tree line, a few feet away from me Dean did the same. All four of us were scattered to different points to try and get in the camp to locate Rick’s truck. Whoever finds it was to take it to the rendezvous point. We’d found it while on the way to this camp. It was an isolated camping spot that didn’t look like it had been used since before. Once the truck was out, whoever was left would sneak out of the camp and meet them their as soon as we possibly could. I snorted. Yeah there was only one hundred and ten things that could go wrong with this plan. But since I couldn’t think of a better one we all agreed to go with Rick’s plan. Sneak in, find it and get out. I wish it was as simple as it sounded.

  I watched two guards stroll past my hiding spot, once they turned the corner of the next building I ran inside the perimeter. I crouched down by an old trailer which blocked me from view, unless someone looked directly down the side of it. I pulled my hood up around my face and cinched it. I sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Anything to try and calm my nerves. This wasn’t a game, one screw up and I’m dead. I can’t be seen or heard. Any mistake, any at all and I can kiss home goodbye.

  I kept my ears open as I crouch-walked along the side of the trailer. Running one hand against the side of it to keep me steady. Under my feet pieces of glass crunched. It looked like someone had come out here and u
sed this spot to dump all their glass bottles they didn’t want. The pieces reflected the light coming from lanterns that were hanging in various places. Instead of lifting my feet off the ground what I did was slide them along, trying to keep from making as much noise as possible. I stopped near the end of the trailer, there was a lantern that was hanging from the back of it. I lingered just out of the line of light. I peered out from around the trailer to see as much as I could.

  Across the street slightly to the right of me was another dark alley. There was another one further down. I ran my teeth across my bottom lip. The chances of me making it to the far one was too chancy, I mean just running across the street to get to the closer alley was a risk. What if someone came around the corner? What if someone was walking up the street? I dropped my head down onto my chest for a moment, trying to get myself under control. I pulled my breath in and let it out before poking my head out to look. I started to move but I hesitated. In that split second that I hesitated two guards slouched around the corner of the street. In that moment before I pulled myself back into the shadows I saw that they were both armed and only one of them had a flashlight, and it had a lense or something covering it, dimming the light.

  I pushed myself under the trailer. Trying to ignore the pieces of glass that were trying to push themselves into my skin. One of them coughed. I froze in place. I didn’t dare move, I’d make too much noise with all the glass on the ground. Four pairs of feet entered my vision and I watched them continue walking past me without so much as stuttering. As soon as they passed I blew out a small breath of air in relief. I waited a few minutes before I crawled back out from my hiding spot. I dusted as much glass of me as I could before peering back out into the street. The two guards retreating backs were little more than halfway down the street.

  “Now or never.” I murmured.

  I glanced the other way just to double check that it was clear. Keeping my head low I sprinted across the street. Once inside the alley I hid behind a trash can. Obsessively I brushed my hair back, repeatedly. “I’m fine.” I whispered over and over to myself.

  Above my head a window opened. I froze. I even stopped breathing. I don’t know how long I sat like that. It must have been several minutes before I could find the courage to move my head to look up. I was expecting to see someone staring down at me, wide mouthed. Or to see the barrel of a gun. But it was none of those things. In fact, no one was there. Just the open window. Soft voices filtered out through it. They were soft and calm. They weren’t the voices of people who had discovered a stranger sitting underneath their window. They were the oblivious voices, that don’t know how close danger actually is. It sounded like women and children’s voices that were floating out on the night air. Deciding it was worth the risk I peeked into the window.

  The light was situated near the door where it illuminated the faces of three women that were talking softly. One of them had a rifle slung over her shoulder while the other two had knifes strapped to their legs. The room was set up like an old classroom. Up near the top half of the wall the alphabet was laid out with an animal dedicated to each letter. Bright colors stood out against the wall in various shapes. In the middle of the floor there were maybe a handful of kids in total, lying in sleeping bags. They were giggling and talking only like kids could. Innocent laughter, the kind that only kids could produce was rampant in the room.

  I slid my eyes over them, just watching them. The faces that I could see were sunken in. They all looked small and underfed. With winter on its way, there was a good chance that not all of them would make it. I jerked myself away from the window and moved away. I tried to force their small faces from my mind. I couldn’t think of them with what I had to do. I had my own family to think about. We were just taking our stuff back, that’s all. There’s not even enough in there to guarantee their survival. For us it could be the difference between life and death. Besides I couldn’t condemn my family to death just because I wanted to help strangers out. No, my family would come first. Would always come first. These people here are not my responsibility, therefore should not sit on my conscience.

  I stayed in the shadows, moving slowly down the street. I used any crevice to dip into. I was just trying to look for any place that might be holding Rick’s truck. The tricky part was just finding it. They could have stuck it anywhere in here. If I didn’t find something that looked promising I’d have to pull out, I didn’t want to stay in here any longer than I had to. I darted across the street, going in even deeper. I entered a small alley. This one was smaller than the others I’d been in and while the others had been somewhat clean this one was not. It smelt like a sewer as soon as I’d stepped into it. It looked relatively short and I didn’t want to stay on the street much longer. I was pushing my luck too much. I moved carefully but quickly. It was disgusting in here. It was just rank. Honestly it smells like someone’s toilet. Why does this one smell so dang bad? I’d no sooner finished my thought before right in front of me a door slammed open. It was thrown open hard enough that the door smacked the wall behind it and started to close again. I froze in place. My hand still pressed across my nose. A man stepped heavily down the three steps and stopped in the middle of the alley. I wanted to tear my eyes off of him. I mean what if he felt me staring at him? He didn’t even so much as look around before he unzipped his pants. Moments later he let out a sigh of relief as he urinated right there in the middle of the alley. At least he answered my question in the most disgusting way. But what if when he finished, turns around and sees me standing here? This was bad. Very bad. I had the advantage right now. He had no idea that I was here. The problem was that I was too frozen to do anything about it. Staying frozen was my only option. There was nothing else down here that I could hide behind. Almost like he was whispering in my ear, Rick’s voice floated through my brain. “Movement catches the eye. You’re less likely to be seen if you stay still.”

  Yeah, yeah, I know that Rick. Why do you think I haven’t started tap dancing yet? I held in my breath as he started zipping up his pants. Here it comes, he’s either going to see me or not. The man grumbled something to himself before turning around, not even glancing my way while climbing the steps. He pulled the door shut behind him.

  My breath came out in a rush. I had the mad urge to giggle. I stifled it by shoving my fist in my mouth. I gave myself a moment to collect myself before pushing myself on. Being absolutely careful to avoid stepping in the puddle of urine.

  …

  At this point I wasn’t sure how long I’d been meandering through their base. I still haven’t found anything that would even point me in the right direction. There was one last place I was going to look before giving up. I breathed into my hands trying to warm them up. All my sweat was now dry and I was a shivering mess. My teeth were chattering and I couldn’t stop myself from shaking. I’d be warmer if I didn’t have to keep stopping. But with the amount of people wandering around at night made it almost impossible for me to keep moving. It was constant stop and go. At this point I was hiding in the corner of a fence and a building overlooking a single-story building. It looked like it used to be a garage. When I’d circled around it I’d noticed in the front there was two large rollup doors that could fit a bus through them. The whole building was long and low. It had one of those flat roofs that snow would have to be shoveled off of if it snowed too much. There were four guards hanging out near the front so I circled around to the back where I was now. Back here there were only two guards but they were standing close enough together that if I wanted to take them out, I’d have to take them out together. This was the most heavily guarded building I’d seen all night. This was probably exactly where Rick’s truck was.

  There was movement near to the left of me. Within a moment both guards fell to the ground. Two shadows went sprinting to the back of the building. They ignored the two bodies lying on the ground, instead climbing straight through a window. I leaned forward on the balls of my feet. Debating with myself if I should
join them or just wait. A minute slipped by and another. I was positioning myself to sprint over to the building when I heard the shouting. People started running towards the building from different points. I was too far away to make out everything that they were saying but they weren’t happy about it.

  A moment later Rick’s truck came crashing through one of the steel doors. The truck dragged the door for several feet, bright sparks flying from the metal coming in contact with the pavement. From the sound of it, any of the guards who had been standing in front of it didn’t make it. I grinned to myself watching the car slid across the road before orienting itself. Silently I wished them good luck. It was time for me to make an exit. I scurried down through the street I was on. Speed and silence were my best options but it seemed like every single light was being turned on. My chances of getting out unnoticed were dramatically lowering by every minute that passed. All around me there was the sound of pounding feet and voices. People were running out of buildings into the streets, waving guns and other weapons. From in front of me came the unmistakable sound of pounding footsteps. Damn. Praying that it was dark enough that I wouldn’t be seen I sprinted to the nearest door, wrenched it open. I threw myself into the dark; praying the room was empty.

  Inside was dark, cold and empty. I shut the door behind me with a snap. I twisted the deadbolt and the lock. Maybe if my luck’s still holding out, they would just assume that it was always locked and wouldn’t think twice about it. I ran my hands through my hair, twisting it in my fists. I pulled on it till it hurt. I scurried to the other side to look out the window. I crouched down under the window, ripping my hands out of my hair. I raised my head high enough so that only my eyes were peeking out. There was plenty of light, it could almost be early morning. People were rushing everywhere. If I was being truly honest with myself there was no way I was going to make it out of here and not get spotted. There was just too much activity going one. I turned around and slid down the wall till my butt was on the ground.