Where Leads the Heart

by Colleen Coble

  When the laughter faded, Hannah looked at her brother and said softly, “You are taking Sarah, aren’t you?”

  Rand looked quickly at her expectant face. “No,” he said finally. “Not right now. I need some time to accept all that’s happened. I’ll keep in touch, and down the road, we’ll see if we can work things out.” He folded his arms across his chest. “And anyway, that area is no place for a woman. She’d soon get sick of being confined to the fort. You know how independent she is.”

  “Jacob is taking Amelia. It must not be too dangerous.”

  He saw the mutinous expression on Hannah’s face as she opened her mouth to argue further. “Don’t push me, Sis. I know you’re concerned, but I have to be sure in my own mind why she took up with Ben. She was mighty young when I left for the war—only sixteen. I need to be sure she knows her own mind.”

  Hannah sighed impatiently. “Why are men so thick-headed?” she asked, rolling her eyes in exasperation.

  Rand grinned and pushed away from the table. “It’s the only protection we have against you women.” He stood up and stretched. “Better get to the fields. I’ll help all I can while I’m here.”

  “What about your leg?” Hannah asked anxiously.

  “I feel fine, Sis. And I need to work at getting my strength back.” He pushed back his chair, grabbed his hat, and followed his brothers out the door.

  §

  Sarah sighed as she stared across the river. What could she do to change Rand’s mind? She hadn’t heard a word from him all day. Should she just swallow her pride and go find him? But he’d said to give him some time. Tears welled up in her eyes as she leaned down and picked up a flat rock. She skimmed it across the water, and it skipped three times. Not very good, she told herself. You’re losing your touch. She reached down for another rock.

  “The last time I saw you do that, it skipped six times.”

  She turned immediately and a bright smile lit her face when she saw Rand. It was almost as if her hopeless wishing had conjured him up. “Oh, Rand, I’m so glad you came,” she said as she scrabbled to her feet and hurried toward him. He held out his arms, and she rushed into them.

  She buried her face in his broad chest and clung until he lifted her chin and kissed her. As his lips touched hers, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back with all the love in her heart. His passionate response convinced her she hadn’t lost him after all.

  “I tried to stay away, Green Eyes, but I couldn’t,” he whispered. He loosed his grip on her with an effort.

  “I’m so sorry about Ben,” she began.

  “It’s not your fault,” he interrupted. “I realized it as soon as I cooled down enough to think. I can’t blame you for wanting to go on with your life.”

  “You are my life. Nothing seemed real with you gone. I knew I couldn’t be happy, so I thought if everyone else were happy, it would be enough. But I was already beginning to regret promising to marry him.”

  “Then you still want to marry me?”

  She smiled. Didn’t he know without asking? “More than anything in the world.” She stopped and looked up at him, her eyes sparkling with joy. “James Benson left on the wagon train last May and his cabin is still empty. We can live there until our place is built on our knoll.”

  Rand’s smile faded and he looked away. “I can’t stay, Sarah. I’m still in the cavalry. I’m heading out west in a couple of days.”

  Shock darkened her eyes. Not staying here? She stared at him as his words soaked in. “But we’ve always planned to build on the knoll and help Papa with the farm. He’s not well, Rand. I can’t go running off out west and leave him.”

  “Your pa will understand. He came here with your ma and settled just like I want to do. He wasn’t content to stay in Philadelphia.”

  “That was different. He was poor and had no prospects. You have land here, both mine and yours from your pa. I can’t believe your pa will let you do this. He was very upset about Jacob’s plans to leave.” Surely Rand wasn’t serious about this scheme. They’d made too many other plans.

  “It’s not different. Your pa wanted to build something on his own just like I do. I don’t want to take something another man built. There’s so much opportunity out west, Sarah. Land for the taking, gold, new businesses. It will be a great life. Besides, do you really think Wade and I could get along well enough to work together?”

  “I can’t go,” she said frantically. Couldn’t he see that? “I couldn’t leave Papa. You haven’t seen how ill he’s been. He seems to go downhill every day. It would kill him for me to leave.”

  “I know he would understand. Let’s go ask him.” He took her arm and started purposely toward the house, but she pulled away.

  “No! I don’t want to upset him. I just can’t go now. Can’t you wait a few years? Just until he doesn’t need me?”

  “Now is the time of opportunity, Sarah. Besides I have my orders and a letter to deliver for General Sherman. I have to go.”

  Sarah took a deep breath and stepped back from him. “And I have to stay.” Tears filled her eyes as she saw Rand’s face harden. She couldn’t leave Papa. Why couldn’t he understand that? He just didn’t seem to be the same man who’d left three years ago. He was harder, more unbending.

  “That’s your answer then? After all we’ve been through? After all your protests of how much you love me, that’s your answer? You’re not the woman I thought you were, Sarah. Not the woman at all.” He turned and left her standing on the path.

  She opened her mouth to call him back, but the words died in her throat. What was the use? She couldn’t go and he wouldn’t stay. It was as simple as that. He didn’t really love her or he wouldn’t ask her to leave Papa. Not as sick as Papa was. Couldn’t Rand see that? She choked back the tears in her throat and rubbed at her dry eyes. Her life was in shambles, and there seemed to be no solution.

  seven

  The train shrieked and puffed out a billow of soot as Rand, Jake, and Shane climbed down from the buckboard. Leaving his mother and father had been rough. Ma had cried, then pressed his grandma’s Bible into his hand before hurrying away, and Pa wouldn’t even come out of the barn to say good-bye. Shane snuffled, and Rand ruffled his hair, then hugged him. “I’m counting on you to take care of the family, Squirt.”

  Shane bit his quivering lip and nodded, straightening his shoulders. He trotted around behind the buckboard, and heaving the saddle over one shoulder, led Ranger to the waiting train. Rand’s horse would accompany him west.

  Rand hefted the haversack over his right shoulder and picked up the hamper of food and his satchel. He hesitated, suddenly indecisive. Why not stay for a while longer? General Sherman had told him to take more time to get back on his feet if he needed to. The letter would wait a few days. Maybe he should go see Sarah just once more and see if things could be worked out.

  “All aboard!”

  The conductor’s shout broke his mood, and Rand shook himself mentally. Of course, he was going. This was what he wanted. With one last look at his brothers, he raced toward the slowly moving train and jumped up the steep steps. He caught one last glimpse of Jacob, standing alone with one arm upraised, his arm around his younger brother. Rand waved until the buckboard with the two figures beside it was no longer in view, then took a deep breath and made his way to a vacant seat. His great adventure was about to begin.

  He sat next to a man, obviously a pig farmer from the odor that hung about him, who talked incessantly. Rand would just be dozing off into a fitful sleep and the man would ask him a question. By the time the long, thirty-six-hour trip was over, his eyes were scratchy, his throat was sore, and his chest hurt from coughing the black soot the small potbellied stove belched out. His leg ached from being in the narrow, cramped seat, and he limped heavily as he made his way to the door and out into the fresh air.

  Kansas City was a sprawling assortment of wooden shops and storefronts. The streets teemed with horses and cattle, buggies and
buckboards. And people. Everywhere people hurried across the muddy streets and crowded the uneven boardwalks. Rand felt invigorated by the hustle and bustle, despite the smell of manure and the distant lowing of cattle from the stockyards. Someday I’ll bring my own cattle to Kansas City or a cow town like it, he thought with a thrill.

  Across from the depot was the Holladay stagecoach station, and he walked across the street and stood in line behind another soldier. “Heading to Fort Leavenworth, too?” he asked him.

  The other man turned with a friendly grin on his open, friendly face. “Sure am. Been on leave and kinda hate to go back. You new?”

  “Captain Rand Campbell.” He thrust out a soot-streaked hand. “But I’ll just be there a few months. Until the snows pass. Then on to Fort Laramie—at least I think so.”

  “If that don’t beat all. So am I! Lieutenant Isaac Liddle.” He shook Rand’s proffered hand, and taking off his wide-brimmed hat, wiped his forehead with a bandanna. “What unit you with?”

  “H Troop, Third Cavalry. You?”

  “Third Battalion. You’re going to like Old Bedlam. You heard of it?”

  Rand shook his head, liking the looks of his companion. Isaac reminded him in some way of Jacob. Auburn hair and a dusting of freckles but the same muscular build and quiet but friendly manner as Jacob. Strong, capable hands. A man you could depend on. And from what he’d heard of the Indian Wars, you wanted that kind of man around.

  Isaac grinned. “It’s what we call the single officers’ quarters. It came by its name legitimate. A lot of loud shenanigans goes on at all hours. At least I assume that’s where you’ll be quartered. I don’t see a pretty lady with you. You’re not married?”

  A shadow darkened Rand’s eyes. “No,” he said shortly, pushing away an image of Sarah’s heart-shaped face and dancing green eyes.

  “I was hopin’. Fort Laramie doesn’t have many women right now.” Isaac was a perceptive man, and he saw the animation drain from Rand’s face. He put his hat back on and changed the subject. “Where you from?”

  “Wabash, Indiana. Born and raised on a farm about two miles out of town.” Rand was grateful for the change in topic. “Where you hail from?”

  “El Paso, Texas.” He held one hand out in front of him hastily when he saw Rand’s eyebrows raise. “But I fought for the Union.”

  That explained his accent, Rand thought. The line moved forward, and they followed. “What brought you so far from home?” Rand asked.

  “Always hankered to see the West for myself. Figured joining the army was going to be the only way to do it. I’m the youngest in a family of seven boys, so I knew I’d never have anything for myself back home. I’ve asked the good Lord to help me find a place to settle down and raise racehorses.”

  “I aim to have cattle and stock horses someday. But I like the army for now. It’s a good way to see the frontier.” Rand continued to become acquainted with his new companion as the line moved slowly forward, until finally they had their tickets. Rand only had to pay for his luggage since he was riding Ranger instead of traveling on the stage.

  Isaac crowded in with eight other soldiers, with three more squeezed outside on top. When Rand saw the bouncing, lurching ride, he was thankful to be riding his bay gelding.

  Every ten miles or so they stopped at a way station for a break. Each one was the same. A small adobe building, a hut really, where they drew water to wash away a little of the dust and bolted down a nearly inedible meal of beans and hard, moldy bread. He was glad to see the small encampment of Fort Leavenworth by the day’s end.

  §

  Rand had been at Fort Leavenworth only two weeks when he and Isaac were unexpectedly ordered to proceed on to Fort Kearny and then to Fort Laramie. The weather had been unseasonably balmy, and the army wanted some reinforcements at Fort Laramie as soon as possible. He was a little sorry to leave the jolly little community behind, but he couldn’t still a thrill of excitement as he fell into place behind the long column of men and supplies plodding toward the west.

  By the time they arrived at Fort Laramie, Rand felt like he’d known his comrades all his life. He settled into Old Bedlam happily. The officers were a congenial group who loved a good time. Most evenings they gathered in the game room for cards or checkers. His days were full and his duties varied. He was sure he had made the right decision.

  He’d been at Fort Laramie a week when he was ordered to lead a detachment to meet a column from Fort Kearny. Major DuBois and his retinue were expected to be in the column, so Rand wore his dress uniform. His brass buttons and buckles glimmered in the sunshine and Ranger’s sleek coat shone. He and his detachment met the major about three miles out from the fort. There was no mistaking the major. He sat on his black horse with stiff, military bearing, and his uniform was precisely brushed and neat.

  Rand saluted. “Good morning, sir. I’m Lieutenant Campbell and I’m pleased to escort you to Fort Laramie.”

  The major saluted smartly. “At ease, Lieutenant.” He dismounted and motioned for Rand to do the same. “How’s the situation with the Indians? Any trouble brewing?”

  “Nothing I can put my finger on, sir. But I have an uneasy feeling that something’s going on we can’t see right now. There have been grumblings about the miners tramping through the Sioux hunting grounds on the Bozeman Trail. Red Cloud hasn’t come in for rations and some of our tame Oglala say he’s calling for a fight to the knife. I don’t trust him.”

  The major waved his hand dismissively. “We’ll deal with him if he steps out of line.”

  The flap to the ambulance behind them opened and a young woman stepped through the opening. “Good morning, Daddy. Why have we stopped? Are we there?”

  The major smiled indulgently. “Lieutenant, I’d like you to meet my daughter, Jessica. And my wife, Mrs. DuBois. Jessica, Letty, this is Lieutenant Rand Campbell. He has come to escort us into the fort.”

  “Call me Letty, dear,” the older woman, a softer, plumper version of the daughter murmured as she placed her round hand in Rand’s.

  Rand gripped it briefly and muttered some response, but his gaze was on the major’s daughter. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Her fiery red hair was arranged in a mass of curls that framed her delicate face in a halo of color. She smiled at him as though he was the first man she’d ever seen.

  “I’m very pleased to meet you,” she said softly. Her soft hand lingered on his.

  Rand was aware he was staring, but he couldn’t seem to stop. She really was the most amazing looking woman, he thought as he helped her back up into the ambulance. He told the private driving the ambulance to take Ranger and he would drive the ladies into the fort. All the while he was conscious of Jessica’s blue eyes fastened on him. Wait until Isaac saw her, he thought as she settled down beside him on the seat.

  §

  Sarah sat by the gurgling water with the autumn sun warm on her arms. In spite of the mild temperature, Sarah couldn’t seem to feel anything but a cold deadness inside. She threw stale bread to the ducks along the riverbank as she stared across the water. Why had God allowed this to happen to her? Did He really not love her as she’d told Pastor Stevens? She slid to the ground and lay back in the grass. Gazing into the sky always filled her with a sense of God’s power. Tears leaked from her eyes as she thought about the mess her life was in. “Are You there, God?” she whispered. Taking her life into her own hands had certainly left it a mess.

  Pastor Stevens’s sermon from that morning echoed in her head. Come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. She rolled over onto her stomach and didn’t try to stop the tears from flowing. She wanted rest so badly. “Forgive me, Lord,” she sobbed. “I’ve been so pig-headed and willful. I know You want only what’s best for me. Help me to always see Your hand in my life. Restore me and give me Your peace. I know I fail You so many times, but I want to serve You. Wipe away my sins and let me start fresh and anew with You again.”

 
; As she prayed she felt His gentle touch in her heart. The lethargy and deadness fell away, and for the first time in two weeks, she felt hope. God was in control. Whatever He wanted was for her own good.

  She sat up and wiped her eyes. She should have swallowed her pride and turned to the Lord months ago. She smiled and lifted her heavy hair from her neck for the cool breeze to caress before settling herself on the large rock again.

  She sat there in quiet joy for some time before she realized she was being watched. “Papa, you startled me.” She looked at him with new eyes, seeing his frailty and the yellow pallor of his skin. He’s aged so much, she thought suddenly.

  William was wheezing by the time he reached her. “Room for two?” he asked.

  She moved over and he dropped down beside her. They sat in silence for a while, then he took her hand. “Is that a smile I see on your face, Sweetheart? I don’t think I’ve seen you smile since Rand left.”

  Sarah kissed him on the cheek. “I’ve just taken Pastor Stevens’s advice to heart,” she said. “I’ve been blaming God for everything that goes wrong, and I finally saw how wrong I was. God’s forgiven me, though.”

  Her father hugged her. “I knew you’d been bitter, but I left it for God to deal with you. That pride of yours always trips you up. You should have gone with Rand, you know. I love you, Sweetheart, but you must ask God to channel that stubbornness of yours.”

  Sarah looked at him in shock. “I couldn’t leave you!”

  “You’re not a little girl anymore. And there comes a time in every person’s life when he has to step out and stand on his own feet. Rand was ready, and I think you are, too. We both know I won’t be around much longer.”

  “No, Papa—!”

  He held up a hand at her protest. “You just don’t want to admit it, my dear girl. I would rest easier if I knew you were settled and happy. I never expected you to give up without a fight! You had to fight to get him in the first place. Remember all the tears until I let you put your hair up and wear your mother’s green satin dress for Christmas dinner with the Campbells the year you turned sixteen?”