Soulmates

by Holly Bourne

  Not here. Not again. Please.

  I staggered a little and bumped into Frank.

  “Woah, Poppy, you okay?” he asked, putting his hands on my shoulders to steady me. I embarrassingly found myself clutching at his shirt in an attempt to keep balanced.

  “I’m fine. Just a bit dizzy.”

  I felt a different, firmer grip on my shoulders. Lizzie was steering me towards her.

  “She’s fine,” she barked at Frank. She turned and gave me a subtle but sharp slap across the face. “Snap out of it.”

  I was about to get in a mood and slap Lizzie back, when I realized I could breathe again. Her tough love had worked. I was okay. I took another gulp of air to check. Still fine. Thank God.

  Disaster narrowly averted, we turned our attention back to the band. Ryan, the lead singer I’d talked to in the Lock and Key, was yelling into the microphone and stirring up the crowd as the band tuned up. His offstage shyness had vanished. I took another deep breath and let myself look at Noah. And there he was, looking as ludicrously good as I’d remembered. He was ignoring the baying crowd and concentrating on tuning his electric guitar. His dark hair flopped into his eyes. He wore dark jeans and a light-green checked shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Yeah, okay, he looked amazing.

  Lizzie interrupted my illicit thoughts. “I can’t see the others anywhere.”

  “I think we’re going to have to wait until afterwards before we find them,” I replied, my eyes still on Noah.

  “Well at least we’ve got him for company.” She pointed towards Frank, who was standing with us instead of his jock friends. Frank’s attitude had changed. His green eyes were narrowed. He was alternately staring at Noah, and then studying the hordes of screaming girls flinging themselves against the stage in a desperate bid to get his attention. Frank’s chest puffed out involuntarily and I saw him flex his large rugby biceps. I giggled. Frank obviously wasn’t used to such competition.

  Without any introduction, the band launched into their first song and everyone went crazy. The crowd started jumping and yelling along. They were even better than last time, more polished and tight. And their sound was infectious. I’m usually one of those girls who refuse to dance. I much prefer standing at the side, nodding my head in a hopefully nonchalant cool-looking way. But tonight my body was moving to the beat of its own accord. I looked at Lizzie. She was the same.

  I finally managed to spot Ruth over everyone’s heads. She was right near the stage, in front of Will, dancing seductively and far too slowly to the music. It was practically a striptease. She shimmied down to the floor, gyrating her crotch upwards and exposing almost all of her flesh. Will’s eyes were wide as he tried to concentrate on his bass playing. I nudged Lizzie and pointed out the spectacle. Her eyes went from Ruth to Will and she dissolved into laughter.

  As the band went straight into their second song, I turned to Frank, who, to my surprise, was also dancing along.

  “Do my eyes deceive me?” I asked him, bringing my face close so he could hear me. “Or are you actually enjoying yourself?”

  “They’re not bad,” he shouted back. “Though that guitarist looks like a right idiot. How full of it is he?”

  We both looked at Noah. His eyes were half-closed as his fingers trembled up and down the neck of his guitar. A group of girls were screaming at him, Beatlemania-style, but he remained aloof. A resolute-looking blonde girl wasn’t screaming however. She stood right beneath him, her hands clutching the sides of the stage. She was one of those girls that made you feel sick she was so unnervingly beautiful. I caught a glimpse of the side of her through a gap in the crowd as she peered up at Noah through her butter-blonde hair and slowly nodded her gorgeous head to the music, looking how I always tried and failed to look. For one brief moment she caught Noah’s eye and his face broke into a broad grin, displaying his beautiful white teeth. My stomach flip-flopped and I turned away, not wanting to see any more.

  “See, he’s a right idiot,” Frank continued. “Why is he doing that eyes half-closed thing? Who does he think he is? You’re not in Kasabian, mate.”

  To my surprise I found myself laughing. “You’re just jealous because you haven’t got any groupies.”

  Frank puffed out his chest again. “What the hell? Yes I do. You should see the girls who come and watch me play rugby.”

  “No thank you.”

  “There’s loads of them. They all cheer for me from the sidelines.”

  I grimaced. “Let me guess. None of them wear coats even though it’s freezing. They all wear a face-load of make-up even though they’re only standing in a field. And afterwards they corner you in the pub, wearing oversized rugby shirts as minidresses, and try and impress you with their knowledge of the game.”

  Frank looked confused. “How did you know?”

  I rolled my eyes. “What happened to you, Frank? I thought we bonded over our mutual hatred of people like that?”

  “Hey. I know they’re silly, Poppy. I don’t actually like them.”

  “You don’t?”

  “No. But come on! It makes me feel pretty good about myself. Even if they do have a combined IQ of about minus 208.”

  “That’s better.”

  He finished the last of his beer and threw the cup on the ground before grabbing both my hands. “Come on, let’s dance.”

  I don’t normally dance in public but, with Frank, I didn’t feel embarrassed. He twirled me around and kept turning me upside down. Even Lizzie began to thaw to him. At one moment he grabbed her and spun her round like a dad trying to make his daughter dizzy in the park. She screamed but you could tell she was loving it. Then Frank started ballroom-dancing me round the back of the club.

  “You know, don’t say ‘I told you so’ but I think I actually like this music,” he said, twirling me under his arm.

  “I told you so.”

  “Shut up. Maybe it’s just the beer.”

  He dipped me, and I threw my head back, laughing.

  “People are going to think we’re crazy,” I protested. “We must look nuts.”

  He shook his head. “Nah. We just look like we’re having fun.”

  And he was right. I couldn’t help but notice I was getting quite a few jealous looks from other girls. That was the thing with Frank. His looks and cheeky charm allowed him to get away with the most cringey of activities – even stupid dancing.

  Frank spun and dipped me again. As I looked back, I could see the stage upside down. And I saw Noah’s face. Our eyes met instantly and Noah hit a bum note on his guitar. He looked furious. Frank pulled me back upright and I strained my neck to look at Noah once more. Our eyes met again and I could see hatred burning in his. He continued to play but gave me the most disgusted look before returning his attention towards his groupies.

  I immediately stopped having fun.

  “Let’s stop dancing. I feel stupid,” I told Frank.

  He shrugged his shoulders. “Fair enough. I should probably go and find my mates anyway.”

  Shamefaced, I returned to Lizzie.

  “Your mate Frank is actually pretty funny.”

  “He’s alright.”

  “I think he likes you.”

  I shook my head. “Nah. It’s not like that.”

  And we watched the rest of the set in silence.

  Amanda found us just as the band was finishing. She excitedly made her way through the crowd, clutching Johnno’s hand.

  “There you are,” she squealed, her black hair damp with sweat. “We’ve been looking for you for ages.”

  We both gave her a hug and nodded at Johnno.

  “It’s Poppy’s fault,” Lizzie said. “She made us late.”

  “Again?”

  “Hey. I’m not always late.”

  Amanda pushed her hair back from her forehead and turned towards the band, who were raking in the applause.

  “They were amazing, weren’t they? I reckon they could really go places.”

  Lizzie and I nodd
ed in unison.

  “Really good,” I agreed.

  “Ruth’s around here somewhere. We were chatting to her before the set started.”

  We turned and saw Ruth still in her spot at the front. Will was sitting at the side of the stage with Ruth clamped between his legs. They were kissing, their hands all over each other.

  Lizzie wrinkled her nose. “Eww.”

  I nodded. “Double eww.”

  As the crowd continued to clap and cheer, I watched Noah. He was smiling again, surveying the crowd contentedly. My heart started to thump but I took a deep breath and managed to regain control.

  Then, for the tiniest second, so quickly I could easily have missed it, I saw him look at me. He grimaced slightly. Then he held out his hand to the beautiful blonde girl in the front row.

  Time went into slow motion as Noah plucked her from the crowd. Everyone stared as she took his hand and clambered gracefully onto the stage to join him. Then my heart sank as Noah wrapped his arms around her waist, pulled her gently to him, and kissed her.

  My eyes stung as I watched, unable to tear them away. The crowd, re-energized by the grand gesture, cheered them on and they kissed for about thirty seconds before breaking apart. Noah then took her hand and raised it into the air. Everyone screamed and clapped.

  I felt sick.

  “Who’s that girl with Noah?” Lizzie asked, her gossip-hungry eyes on the new couple.

  “Her name’s Portia,” Amanda said. “The band introduced us earlier. I think she’s been seeing Noah the past week or so.”

  People had begun to leave. They were trickling past, bumping into us every few seconds as they exited into the cold night air.

  Noah and Portia sat onstage next to Ruth and Will and started kissing again. The burning behind my eyes intensified and I focused on the sticky wooden floor.

  “Is she nice?” Lizzie asked.

  Johnno answered. “She went to my primary school,” he said. “She was alright. Her family are minted though. She lives on Park Drive and goes to the grammar school. I think her dad invented Listerine mouthwash or something.”

  Park Drive? I could have been looking into her house earlier tonight.

  “Listerine? Wow. I use that,” said Lizzie.

  I listened to my friends discussing what they would spend all their money on if they were a mouthwash heiress, while I focused on breathing and holding in tears.

  By the time they’d finished, all agreeing a swimming pool would be the first purchase, the club was mostly empty.

  I made myself look up again and saw that Ruth and Will had managed to disentangle themselves and were coming over.

  “You came,” she said, nodding towards me and Lizzie. “We thought you hadn’t bothered.”

  “We just got here late,” Lizzie said. “Couldn’t find you before the gig started.” She turned to Will. “Great set by the way.”

  Will looked like he’d won the lottery. He had his arm around Ruth proudly, like she was the top prize in a raffle. “Cheers,” he said. “Well, I had Ruth to spur me on.”

  I remembered Ruth’s stripper dancing and it lightened me a little. I tried not to smirk.

  Lizzie was obviously remembering the same thing. “Yep, you definitely did.”

  “So what are you guys up to?” Ruth asked. “I think the band are heading to a late bar if you fancy joining?” She turned back to Noah and Portia, who were STILL kissing. “Well,” she said. “If we can yank those two apart.”

  Ryan bounded over to join in the conversation. “Alright?” he said. “How did we do then?”

  I tried to gulp down the enormous lump in my throat and act normal. “You did good.” I said. “Very good.”

  His eyes lit up. “You think so?”

  I nodded.

  “Wow, thanks.”

  “Where you heading now?” I asked him. I figured distracting myself from Noah’s new conquest was the only way I’d be able to get through the next ten minutes.

  “Going for a few celebratory pints if you fancy joining?”

  I shook my head. “I’ve got to get home,” I lied.

  His face dropped. “That’s a shame. A whole load of us are going after we pack up.”

  “Who’s that then?” Lizzie asked.

  “Erm. Just me and the rest of the band. I think Noah’s bringing that Portia girl he’s with.”

  Well, I definitely wasn’t going to go now, was I?

  Lizzie looked at me. “Sounds fun. You in?”

  I fake-yawned. “Sorry. I’m knackered. Ruth’s going though, isn’t she?”

  Lizzie wanted to stay out with the others but Amanda and Johnno wanted to get home, so I decided to go with them. Any excuse to get out of the place. We said our goodbyes and started towards the door. For some stupid reason I made myself look back at the stage and saw Noah and Portia had stopped kissing. She was leaning towards his ear, whispering something suggestive, no doubt. But he was staring at me. He caught my eye and I saw him smirk, in an annoying self-satisfied way. It was too much. The tears I’d been holding back began to spill down my face.

  I cried silently on the way home next to an oblivious Amanda and Johnno, grateful the dark was hiding my embarrassment.

  The next day I felt different.

  Maybe it was the healing power of crying-induced sleep. Maybe the logical part of my brain was finally winning over. Or maybe enough was enough and I just wanted to be Poppy again. Either way, when I woke up, I had only one thought. Get over it.

  I’d cried too much over Noah. It was suddenly clear. I’d wasted tears and hours of anxiety on what? A boy. A stupid boy. That wasn’t who I was. I remembered that day on the common when I’d promised myself not to get involved and was annoyed at my lack of resolve. I hadn’t shut him out. And now, as predicted, I felt terrible. It served me right really.

  When I remembered him kissing Portia my body responded unfavourably to the memory. My chest tightened and tears welled up. But I took a deep breath, exhaled and let the emotion leave my body.

  “I will not let that boy make me feel crap ever again,” I said aloud. And I believed myself. Finally, after all these weeks, I had gained some perspective and felt strong. I was sure if I were to see him again, my body wouldn’t respond as it had before. It had only taken weeks of torment and constant crying. Not great. But I’d got there in the end.

  Feeling better than I’d done in ages, I skipped downstairs to greet Mum and Dad for breakfast. Mum was stirring something on the hob and Dad was already buried in the weekend paper.

  “Mmm, something smells good,” I said, announcing my arrival.

  “Eggs in five minutes,” Mum replied.

  “Yum. Thank you.”

  I got out some of the posh orange juice we’re only allowed on weekends and poured myself a generous glass, before sitting next to Dad.

  “So what’s going on in the world?” I asked, taking a large gulp.

  “You know. The usual. Complete misery.” His stock answer.

  “Wars and bombs?”

  “Nope, not today. More politicians ruining everything.”

  “Same old then.”

  “What are you up to today?” He turned over a page of his paper.

  I thought about it. “I might go for a walk. It looks pretty nice outside. Then I’ve got some Psychology coursework.” I made a face.

  “Learning anything interesting?”

  “Not really. Psychology sounds a lot more interesting than it actually is.”

  Dad looked at me over the paper. “I’m afraid that’s the same with most things in life.”

  Mum arrived at our sides, brandishing plates piled high with luscious yellow scrambled eggs.

  “Oi,” she said, putting a plate down in front of my father. “It’s far too early in the morning to be so pessimistic.”

  “But it’s true!” I said, taking a bite of toast.

  “That’s no excuse. You’re supposed to be happy and positive when you’re young, then learn from ou
r mistakes and not make them again.”

  “That’s not how it works. We just relive your mistakes, try and ensure our children don’t do the same, but they end up like us anyway.”

  Mum turned to Dad, frowning. “It’s your fault she’s so cynical,” she snapped. “Where else would she get this from?”

  He just took a mouthful of egg and retreated back inside the paper.

  It was a nice breakfast. Not just the food, but the vibe. I felt good after my Noah epiphany and Mum seemed to sense I’d come out of whatever “phase” I’d been going through. She didn’t even mention Dr. Ashley and, for once, things were how they were supposed to be. After I’d helped clear the dishes, I ran upstairs to chuck some clothes on.

  The house phone rang and I picked it up on my way out.

  “Hello?”

  “Poppy, how are you? I’ve not seen you in ages.”

  It was my sister, Louise. Just hearing her voice made me smile.

  “I’m good. Same old exciting Middletown.”

  “Ahh, it’s not that bad.”

  “It’s alright for you, you’ve escaped.”

  She laughed. Louise met her husband at uni and they got married straight after graduation. Maybe that’s romantic. I wasn’t sure. Sometimes I wondered about what would have happened if she went to a different uni, would she have met and married someone else? Or would she have bumped into Dave, her husband, another way?

  “Is Mum in? I need to discuss Christmas with her.”

  “Already?”

  “Already. Dave’s mum is getting itchy about what sized turkey to buy and wants to know if we’re going to hers or ours.”

  “Ergh, come here! Anyway, I’ll just go get her.”

  “Call me soon for a proper chat.”

  “Will do.”

  I yelled for Mum, waited for her to pick up the other phone, and then called out I was leaving.

  You could tell autumn had arrived by the air. I sat on my favourite bench, at the top of the common, and felt the slight chill in the breeze. I had the place to myself again. I stretched out on my back, closed my eyes, and let calmness overtake me. The sun was just about warm enough and I listened to the birdsong as I lay with my eyes shut. I smiled as I felt my body delve into half-awake-half-asleep mode.